The harmonic oscillator is an approximation. And you can in principle model a molecule as a balls on sticks that oscillate like a spring, but it's usually not sufficient for quantum mechanical calculations. Molecular dynamics force fields often model bonds with Hooke's law.
Then break-in would be obvious and an investigation would begin immediately. Chemical cabinets are messy and many containers look similar despite containing different chemicals. But inventory accounting would quickly reveal what's missing, unlike simply walking into a lab after hours and stealing.
Hard to say. But if a teaspoon in someone's coffee could certainly kill them, I think the compound should be stored in a locked cabinet where only approved laboratory workers have access.
I think it should stay in the labs, and I also wish labs were a tiny bit better at differentiating between "dangerous" and "super ultra deadly". Our lab has potassium hydroxide and potassium cyanide in the same cabinet. 'Best' thing is, the laboratory isn't even locked after work hours! I could...
I know a few too many chemists who clearly regret not studying physics; they haven't touched a beaker in years and spend all their time doing quantum calculations on molecules! So physics is also accessible.
Read Blackman's Chemistry (last chapters can be skipped). Get extremely comfortable with general lab calculations. Atkin's Physical Chemistry (Quanta, Matter and Change). Read Clayden's Organic Chemistry. Read Housecroft and Sharpe's Inorganic Chemistry. Read If you read and understand these...
You can't safely do any meaningful chemistry without a fumehood (or something with a similar functionality), and sourcing chemicals legally requires a license. Safety is also something which must be taught and reinforced by more experienced chemists. Those are the main problems od self-teaching...