Evo said:You are the only one that can decide that. Do what feels right for *you*. I personally don't hold grudges, but that doesn't mean I will ever let that person back into my life. If a person has done something that to me doesn't make them worthy of my friendship, they are not getting a second chance, I get rid of them and don't look back.
LightbulbSun said:My year and a half relationship was abruptly ended last winter, and I was left an emotional and mental wreck for quite some time. However, last night I talked to my ex again and decided to let all of that baggage go and become friends with her. I've felt better about a lot of things because of it, but do you think I was too forgiving towards her after the damage she caused me?
Greg Bernhardt said:If you are truly healed from the breakup then friendship is great, but if not, it is dangerous.
JasonRox said:Depends on what happened, basically what Evo is saying implicitly.
If she just broke up with you because the feelings she had for you came to an end, that's normal and you shouldn't hold it against her at all. Being friends here is legit.
I think the only thing that came stop me from being friends with an ex would be with someone who manipulated me or tried to.
Note: So someone can "cheat" on me, and I won't care.
Evo said:Different strokes for different folks. I have to question if you really aren't feeling that you are making some kind of concession in doing this, otherwise, why would you be posting this? What makes you uncomfortable about this decision?
LightbulbSun said:I just don't want this forgiveness to signify that I'm vulnerable. I'm honestly over it now, I have my closure. I just don't want to be viewed as someone who easily forgives, no matter what happens.
LightbulbSun said:I just don't want this forgiveness to signify that I'm vulnerable. I'm honestly over it now, I have my closure. I just don't want to be viewed as someone who easily forgives, no matter what happens.
I'm sorry now but that is creepy!LightbulbSun said:Well I don't want to go into too much detail about it since its personal, but as far back as 2-3 months before our relationship ended, she was deeply interested in this other guy. Then when she broke up with me to date him, they essentially jumped right in and started having sex with each other, not even two weeks after me and her broke up. And our relationship wasn't some flimsy thing either. We went through a lot in that year and a half span. It was almost like being married. So that kind of struck a huge blow to me. But what really struck me good was she evaded from telling me why she broke up with me for quite some time. It took me to make up a screen name and pretend to be someone else to finally get answers out of her. All of which were fabrications, that even if they were true she never communicated to me or attempted to fix while we were dating.
Those two things are what brought a lot of damage to me, but as I've said knowing the reasons, whether they're fabrications or not, at least provides me some closure on this whole thing.
LightbulbSun said:Then when she broke up with me to date him, they essentially jumped right in and started having sex with each other, not even two weeks after me
Moonbear said:Forgiveness doesn't imply vulnerability, and I'm not sure why you think it's a negative thing to forgive? Like Evo, I tend to think that if you're asking the question, something still isn't feeling right to you and you're hoping someone will validate your worries. Maybe you aren't quite over the break-up yet, or maybe you still have lingering feelings, or maybe you're sensing that she's using you or manipulating you in some way.
It's not like this is an irreversible decision. You can always decide later that it's not feeling right trying to be friends, and walk away again.
Forgiveness in a relationship refers to the act of letting go of negative feelings towards your partner for something they have done or said. It involves accepting their mistakes and moving forward without holding onto resentment or anger.
If you find yourself continuously forgiving your partner for the same behavior or constantly making excuses for their actions, it may be a sign that you are being too forgiving. Additionally, if your partner shows no remorse or effort to change their behavior, it may be a sign that you are being taken advantage of.
Yes, being too forgiving in a relationship can lead to a toxic dynamic. If your partner knows that you will always forgive them no matter what, they may continue to engage in harmful behavior without any consequences. This can create a cycle of toxicity and can be damaging to both individuals in the relationship.
Yes, it is possible to reconcile after being too forgiving in a relationship. However, it is important to address the underlying issues and establish boundaries to prevent the same behavior from happening again. Both partners must be willing to work on the relationship and make necessary changes for reconciliation to be successful.
Finding a balance between forgiveness and standing up for yourself in a relationship is essential. It starts with setting clear boundaries and communicating your needs to your partner. It is also important to assess whether your partner is genuinely sorry and willing to make changes. If the behavior continues despite your efforts, it may be time to re-evaluate the relationship.