Did You Hear About the Stupidest Criminal Award?

[matt81]

Nothing is funnier than a stupid criminal, right?

There was a case where a burglar fell asleep on the bed, in the house, with the couple whose house he was robbing. It sounds crazy, but it's a true story. The folks at The Smoking Gun are having a funny award for this year's "Stupidest Criminal", so I thought to start a thread here to see if there were any good stories out there that we can submit to their editors (long-shot but hey, you never know!) In case you want to check it out the show (it's called The Smoking Gun Year End Special), it's going to air next Thursday night, I believe at 10pm. These guys can be pretty hilarious so it's worth taping in case you aren't going to be home.

 

[Moonbear]

They had one on the news recently. Some criminal must have thought he could be Santa, because he tried getting into a house through the chimney! Of course he got stuck and had to be rescued. They showed him being pulled out of the chimney and then getting carted away in handcuffs. The expression on his face was priceless!

 

[Astronuc]

http://www.wftv.com/news/3971517/detail.html

Police: Dealers Report Stolen Marijuana To Authorities
POSTED: 10:45 am EST December 4, 2004
UPDATED: 10:58 am EST December 5, 2004

CALLAWAY, Fla. -- Help, police, someone stole my pot!

A Panhandle couple is under arrest after notifying police Thursday that their quarter-pound stash of marijuana was stolen and that they needed the weed back, because they were going to later sell it.

"They're America's dumbest criminals," said Lt. Ricky Ramie, head of the Bay County Sheriff's Office narcotics task force.

Deputies arrested 18-year-old John Douglas Sheetz and 17-year-old Misty Ann Holmes and charged the duo with possession of marijuana with intent to deliver and possession of drug paraphernalia.

According to the police report, the couple returned to the home they share and found the home broken into and a quarter-pound of marijuana missing. They immediately called authorities to report the break-in and theft.

Police said the couple told them they were going to resell the marijuana and allowed the detectives to search the apartment. Investigators discovered several marijuana stems among other drug paraphernalia during the search, The News Herald in Panama City reported for Saturday editions.

They were taken to the Bay County Jail and are each being held on $17,500 bond.

 

[Smurf]

I recall hearing something about two or three guys who robbed a store without masks. Guess what the store sold? Serveillance Cameras!

 

[franznietzsche]

A man steals a womans purse. The police catch him a few blocks away, and bring him to the woman for a positive Id. He says: "Yes officers that's the woman i stole the purse from..."

Don't remember where i heard that,itwas somewhere.

 

[plover]

Several years back I stumbled on a show while channel flipping that was actually called "America's Stupidest Criminals" or some such. They had a wonderful surveillance camera video of someone robbing a convenience store (I think I remember this right):

The clerk is mopping the floor when a guy comes in and makes some stupid remark about how the clerk should watch out he doesn't slip. After a minute the guy brings something up to the register. When the clerk gets behind the counter, the guy pulls out something the size of a pocket Swiss Army knife and tells the clerk to open the cash register. The clerk isn't completely sure how seriously to take this—there would be no easy way for the guy to attack him over the counter with this tiny knife. I don't remember exactly what happens next, but after a few moments the guy gets pissed off, grabs the cash register, and starts running out of the store. But the electrical cord from the cash register catches on the counter, and well, the floor is wet, right? Ergo, guy goes down with cash register on top of him. He gets up, tries to pick up the cash register, goes down again. Finally, he gets the cash register out the door and runs off. Apparently the police found him in a vacant lot two doors away trying to bash the register open with a rock.
​

 

[Moonbear]

Several years back I stumbled on a show while channel flipping that was actually called "America's Stupidest Criminals" or some such.

I used to watch that show on ocassion. It was a riot! There was one where they showed surveillance video of would-be robbers pushing on a door, kicking it, banging it, trying to get into the store to rob it. They gave up. The clerk was laughing because the door had been unlocked the whole time, but the criminals were too stupid to pull the door open. I think there was another along the same lines with criminals that had just robbed a store trying to get out and couldn't get the door open, were screaming to unlock the door, but it wasn't locked, they were just pulling instead of pushing or vice versa. The cops showed them which way the door opened when they arrived to arrest them.

 

[mattmns]

Yeah I remember that one.

Here is one from the tonight show.

Police arrested Naperville resident Nick Lahanis, 18, on charges of possession of drug paraphernalia and cocaine after he allegedly used a crack pipe to point out his blown front tire to a police officer who approached him at the Mobil gas station lot at 949 S. Harlem Ave on Feb. 18. After recognizing Lahanis' tubular pointer as a crack pipe, the officer arrested him and began a search on his car, which allegedly turn up a bag containing a white substance that tested positive for the presence of cocaine...

Here is a somewhat reverse one, from the same source. This is a case of smart criminals, but stupid prison guards

The last straw for the problem-plagued Fulton County Jail came when an inmated slipped away from a maximum-security wing while guards were being used as extras in the filmining of a rap music video.

 

[matthyaouw]

I saw a good one a while back. A man tries to rob somewhere (i forget where) by storming into the place with a shot gun, and makes his demands. The people at the till give him a funny look, and say to him: "We're behind 3 inches of bullet proof glass. What in the hell do you plan to do?" This angers the man somewhat, so he screams some threats, at which point they start laughing histerically at him. More threats, more laughing, repeat a few times until he eventually gives up and wanders off.

Another time, a man used a condom as a mask to rob a shop, but neglected to put in airholes and passed out.

 

[BlackPhoenix]

Oy...

http://www.wftv.com/news/3971517/detail.html

Police: Dealers Report Stolen Marijuana To Authorities
POSTED: 10:45 am EST December 4, 2004
UPDATED: 10:58 am EST December 5, 2004

CALLAWAY, Fla. -- Help, police, someone stole my pot!

A Panhandle couple is under arrest after notifying police Thursday that their quarter-pound stash of marijuana was stolen and that they needed the weed back, because they were going to later sell it.

"They're America's dumbest criminals," said Lt. Ricky Ramie, head of the Bay County Sheriff's Office narcotics task force.

Deputies arrested 18-year-old John Douglas Sheetz and 17-year-old Misty Ann Holmes and charged the duo with possession of marijuana with intent to deliver and possession of drug paraphernalia.

According to the police report, the couple returned to the home they share and found the home broken into and a quarter-pound of marijuana missing. They immediately called authorities to report the break-in and theft.

Police said the couple told them they were going to resell the marijuana and allowed the detectives to search the apartment. Investigators discovered several marijuana stems among other drug paraphernalia during the search, The News Herald in Panama City reported for Saturday editions.

They were taken to the Bay County Jail and are each being held on $17,500 bond.

Though I can easily see by time stamps this is a very old thread... I felt the urge to comment... I used to live with those two, prior to this happening. When I heard about it, I couldn't stop laughing.

 

[G01]

This is a youtube video a couple of friends of mine found a while back. This burglar is definitely up there for stupidest criminal:

http://youtube.com/watch?v=c3aYZQJZ1SQ&mode=related&search=

 

[BobG]

I saw a good one a while back. A man tries to rob somewhere (i forget where) by storming into the place with a shot gun, and makes his demands. The people at the till give him a funny look, and say to him: "We're behind 3 inches of bullet proof glass. What in the hell do you plan to do?" This angers the man somewhat, so he screams some threats, at which point they start laughing histerically at him. More threats, more laughing, repeat a few times until he eventually gives up and wanders off.

Another time, a man used a condom as a mask to rob a shop, but neglected to put in airholes and passed out.

Forget the air holes. Raising Arizona should be required viewing for all aspiring convenience store robbers. I'm pretty sure it was, "Son, you got a panty hose on your head."

Panty hose has been a time honored tradition since way back before Nair was invented.

 

[mgb_phys]

"Hats off to Juanita Marie Jones from the US state of Georgia, who came up with the wonderful idea of calling the police to complain that she'd been sold bad crack cocaine. Shortly after she put in the call, in the hope that that the police would help her to 'get her money back', 53-year-old Jones was arrested, bringing a promising criminal career to a temporary end."
http://www.metro.co.uk/weird/article.html?in_article_id=61555&in_page_id=2

Can't find the link but a crook stole a truck load of emergency locator beacons and managed to activate one of them!

And the winner, was a guy who tried to rob a gun store - in Texas where concealed weapons are allowed and generally carried - while two armed police officers were in the store, with a fake gun!