- #1
pjmarshall
- 10
- 2
I'm a 3rd year student studying physics, and my only friends have kicked me out of their group. I take a few of the same classes that they do, but most of my other classes are physics classes, while they are engineers. I've been getting good grades in them, with the exception of 2 semesters ago, where I fell behind in my engineering classes and they "beat" me (I didn't feel like there was a victory or defeat, until just now, which I'll point out later).
I have only cared about getting good grades for graduate school, and I love talking about physics with other people. However, I've learned last week that all of my friends have been secretly hating me for the past few YEARS, and have never told me about it. The main problem stems from how they think I'm trying to beat them and that I don't care about how they do.
They attacked my social ineptness and how self-centered I am. I pointed out how every single time I have given them my exact grade, but no matter what I say, they claim that I am this disgusting, arrogant jerk who wants to destroy them. I felt extremely terrible, because I have never felt this way towards them. Another point they made was how I sucked at helping them. I have never known about this because they never pointed it out, and if they had said "please be clearer" I would have understood. Instead, they chose to exclude me from most study sessions they had (I didn't know this).
I feel like I was honest 100% of the time with my grades. I told them what grades I had, even when they were bad, but when they were bad I was sort of hesitant about it (because who likes to talk about that?) Whenever I got really good grades, which wasn't even all that often, I wouldn't bring it up until they asked me, and I have never, definitely never, bragged about them because it's not in my personality to do so. They claim that i have always hidden my bad grades (this part is untrue).
And one of the things I've realized, when I look back, is how some of them called me 'smart'. I am not a genius- I believe all success comes from hard work, and that my friends and I are all around the same, except they never took that in and I even remember a short instance when one of them said they wanted to be better than I am, which I never thought of as a vehement gesture.
Now I'm all alone, and I don't know what I could have done to avoid it. I would have been fine if I really was arrogant and thrived on beating them, but I never felt that way; yes, I felt proud when I got high grades, I just never showed them off (if I did, this would be a lot worse). There's a feeling of imprisonment. I don't know how I'm ever going to make friends who don't get these deceitful thoughts and never tell me about them. I am damn frustrated with how they treated me as a villain, and how they were stubbornly righteous in throwing me out into the dirt. I know I was wrong in my social ineptness (simply put: talking about the wrong things at the wrong time) but I don't like how they can't accept how I said I was never trying to harm them, and also how they place all the blame on my selfishness.
tl;dr I really, really hate people who make a big deal about status or whatever. I want to find friends who don't care about this bullcrap, and most importantly, who will not be snakelike in trying to 'beat' me. But wherever I go, there's all these people who want to try to deceive me to get promoted or whatever. Where can I find people who just like to talk about physics? How can I get over this feeling of humiliation, about being labeled as a terrible, selfish person when I wasn't (though I know my faults, they just are not what they claim), and move on?
EDIT: Also, I forgot to mention that I have switched majors many times. I started out with them as engineers, then went to math, and then to physics, so I took a variety of classes. Would this shifting in majors have caused me to drift apart from them?
I have only cared about getting good grades for graduate school, and I love talking about physics with other people. However, I've learned last week that all of my friends have been secretly hating me for the past few YEARS, and have never told me about it. The main problem stems from how they think I'm trying to beat them and that I don't care about how they do.
They attacked my social ineptness and how self-centered I am. I pointed out how every single time I have given them my exact grade, but no matter what I say, they claim that I am this disgusting, arrogant jerk who wants to destroy them. I felt extremely terrible, because I have never felt this way towards them. Another point they made was how I sucked at helping them. I have never known about this because they never pointed it out, and if they had said "please be clearer" I would have understood. Instead, they chose to exclude me from most study sessions they had (I didn't know this).
I feel like I was honest 100% of the time with my grades. I told them what grades I had, even when they were bad, but when they were bad I was sort of hesitant about it (because who likes to talk about that?) Whenever I got really good grades, which wasn't even all that often, I wouldn't bring it up until they asked me, and I have never, definitely never, bragged about them because it's not in my personality to do so. They claim that i have always hidden my bad grades (this part is untrue).
And one of the things I've realized, when I look back, is how some of them called me 'smart'. I am not a genius- I believe all success comes from hard work, and that my friends and I are all around the same, except they never took that in and I even remember a short instance when one of them said they wanted to be better than I am, which I never thought of as a vehement gesture.
Now I'm all alone, and I don't know what I could have done to avoid it. I would have been fine if I really was arrogant and thrived on beating them, but I never felt that way; yes, I felt proud when I got high grades, I just never showed them off (if I did, this would be a lot worse). There's a feeling of imprisonment. I don't know how I'm ever going to make friends who don't get these deceitful thoughts and never tell me about them. I am damn frustrated with how they treated me as a villain, and how they were stubbornly righteous in throwing me out into the dirt. I know I was wrong in my social ineptness (simply put: talking about the wrong things at the wrong time) but I don't like how they can't accept how I said I was never trying to harm them, and also how they place all the blame on my selfishness.
tl;dr I really, really hate people who make a big deal about status or whatever. I want to find friends who don't care about this bullcrap, and most importantly, who will not be snakelike in trying to 'beat' me. But wherever I go, there's all these people who want to try to deceive me to get promoted or whatever. Where can I find people who just like to talk about physics? How can I get over this feeling of humiliation, about being labeled as a terrible, selfish person when I wasn't (though I know my faults, they just are not what they claim), and move on?
EDIT: Also, I forgot to mention that I have switched majors many times. I started out with them as engineers, then went to math, and then to physics, so I took a variety of classes. Would this shifting in majors have caused me to drift apart from them?
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