Advice Needed: Dealing with a "Rock and a Hard Place

[Kazza_765]

I need some advice. About a year ago I found out that my girlfriend had cheated on me. Two weeks ago we broke up, and I won't go into details suffice to say that we are still friends. Now a close friend of mine is having a party to celebrate his 21st this weekend and both my ex and the guy she cheated on me with will be there. I was intending on just not going, as I'm kind of worried that I will do something stupid and I don't want to screw up the night. But I know that my friend will be extremely dissapointed if I don't and it is a special night for him. So I've been thinking this through and I still don't know whether or not to go. I'm wondering, has anyone else been in a situation similar to this? How did you handle it and what do you think I should do.

 

[JasonRox]

Well, your ex should know better than to do things with other guys in front of you. It's called common sense.

If she doesn't respect your feelings for her, then she is definitely not a friend... or atleast not a good one.

I say go.

 

[Kazza_765]

Mmm. I wasn't so much worried about her doing things with other people. More worried about how I will respond to seeing this guy. Don't get me wrong, I'm usually not a confrontational person, but I've never been put in a situation like this before.

 

[zoobyshoe]

Mmm. I wasn't so much worried about her doing things with other people. More worried about how I will respond to seeing this guy. Don't get me wrong, I'm usually not a confrontational person, but I've never been put in a situation like this before.

A touchy situation. Does your friend who is giving the party know about the history of you and this other guy? I would think if he did he might understand you not wanting to attend.

 

[Kazza_765]

Yeah, he does know about it, and I'm pretty sure he would understand if I didn't go, but nevertheless I would still feel pretty bad if I didn't go.

 

[FredGarvin]

"Living well is the best revenge."

Have fun and ignore her. Stay on opposite sides of the party and make sure she sees you having fun from a distance. Icing on the cake would be if any of your other buddies has a hot sister, do what you can to get her to go with you as arm candy. Damn this sounds like it would be fun.

Then again, that's just my opinion.

BTW...if she cheated on you with another guy, why would you want to be friends with her still? That doesn't sound to me like a very good friend. That sounds like her talking. Drop her and move on. That's free advice considering it's not even worth my quoted 2 cents.

 

[zoobyshoe]

"Living well is the best revenge."
Have fun and ignore her. Stay on opposite sides of the party and make sure she sees you having fun from a distance.

Fred, you skimmed his story too quickly.

 

[FredGarvin]

Fred, you skimmed his story too quickly.

No. I read it. I just meant that he should go and have fun. Don't let either of the other two to get to him. Ignore both of them and have fun. Why let either one of them have that kind of power over you? I assume that if he stays away from her, he will stay away from the other guy.

Did I miss something else?

 

[Moonbear]

These situations are always tough ones. If you and an ex have common friends, it's inevitable you'll wind up at some of the same parties, and she's going to bring along whoever she's currently dating. She's already moved on, it's time for you to do the same. That means don't let her presence drive a wedge between you and your other friends. Besides, these things always feel worse thinking about it beforehand than they do when you're actually there, at least that's my experience. It'll probably feel a bit awkward when you first see her, but just talk to other people and keep in mind she's the one who cheated on you, so she's the one who should feel awkward about having her new boyfriend there (and he's probably just as jittery about being in the same room with the guy she dumped for him...never a comfortable scenario). So, the important thing though is to make sure you just don't let any of those feelings escalate into more than that. If there's alcohol (being a 21st birthday, there will probably be plenty), you might want to avoid drinking it so you keep a cool head. Be the designated driver for people, or the designated sober person to help watch over everyone who's drinking and keep them from getting hurt. And if it gets to be too hard to keep your cool, make an excuse and leave early. That way at least you were there for your friend's birthday, but don't have to spend too long if it turns out to be too uncomfortable.

 

[brewnog]

Been in the situation too many times!

Force yourself to go to the party, don't get hammered, make sure you've got some good friends there, and pull some fit 16 year olds.

All sorted!

 

[DaveC426913]

(You broke up only two weeks ago and she's bringing the guy she had an affair with to a gathering where you are? That's the height of indecency. What kind of a friend is she?)

Anyway, you should go to the party.

 

[Kazza_765]

Heh, I think I didn't explain too well. She's not bringing that guy, he is a friend of the guy who is having the 21st. She hasn't spoken to him since it happened over a year ago, so it will be the first time she sees him again as well. But I do like the advice, I think I will go, stay sober, and that way I can just hop in the car and leave if things get too awkward.

Brewnog, since I'm 21 too, I think hooking up with some fit 16 year olds, while fun, would be frowned upon by the law. lol. But nice idea.

 

[Smurf]

18 then...

 

[Kazza_765]

18 then...

Sounds good. Anyone have a hot sister that lives in Melbourne and isn't busy this saturday night?

 

[FredGarvin]

Sounds good. Anyone have a hot sister that lives in Melbourne and isn't busy this saturday night?

Now you're talking! Go get 'em!