Being a physicist + difficult life?

[YoungAndStupid]

Ok so.. I have always been interested in natural sciences so I'll probably keep on browsing the forum.. but I'm off age when I needed to choose what to study (21) and I enrolled in physics. I can still change that.. Last year I studied Chemistry but Physics was one of the few classes I passed (easily), so I have *some* idea of what university Phys is like.. Right now I'm 'on long vacation' with plenty free time.

I used to have many mental problems which kept me from living a normal, balanced life. I resolved them, at least in theory, but I still struggle with heavy drug abuse (I'm strung out). At this point, anyone reading this, if there is someone on this forum who is also a user AND successful in life/studies, I'd be grateful if you referred him to this post/my inbox.

I know phys is very logic heavy and requires hard work and memory and I'm unsure if I posess these qualities (anymore). I'm not even sure I'm really as interested in it, but this could be merely my non-ambitious substance abuse ridden environment I live in speaking.

I have nothing more to say for now, I am opened to questions/advice.

 

[Loststudent22]

I don't know what you question is but I would work on getting clean before anything else. That should be your only priority.

 

[YoungAndStupid]

I am clean at the moment (2 weeks). It doesn't sound like much but it's hard work. I'm starting to think clearer but I'm not coming to any different conclusions..

My 'question' is whether there's anyone with this sort of experience on this forum.. So far I've seen more of the black-white extremes.. And I don't know if it's doable, to merge the two.. or even proceed from here on

 

[jbrussell93]

I don't know if it's doable, to merge the two..

I'm not sure what you mean here. Do you mean merging your physics studies with heavy drug abuse? I can't imagine that would work out too well for anyone who seriously wants to study physics. I think if you are serious about pursuing physics you should start by removing drugs from your life. You said that you have been clean for 2 weeks, but you are still talking as if you are still planning to do drugs.

I think the answer to your question is simple -- If you are spending the majority of your time mentally impaired, then no, I don't think you will succeed in learning physics. However, if you stop abusing drugs, then I don't see why you wouldn't be capable of doing physics.

 

[YoungAndStupid]

You said that you have been clean for 2 weeks, but you are still talking as if you are still planning to do drugs.

Given my situation it would be delusional to think I will never use anything again, futile even, but I'm dissatisfied leading solely a drug life. I will probably never have a family, but at least I want to pursue some of my interests. I am passionate for knowledge, ideas fuel me much more than anything else does (again, cause my parents are addicts and I understood very early that this itself is NOT enough, nor pleasant).

If you are spending the majority of your time mentally impaired, then no, I don't think you will succeed in learning physics.

This, thanks. I'm already impaired to the point where I don't know what I want or need, nor know how to communicate it (or socialize with other people). But I'm still fast at some types of learning (music, logic) and still interested in it. Last year I was always out of it, but managed to produce some results, so I'm thinking if I limit my use to summer + holidays, I might just make it.

I can't imagine nor want a 100% sober life, I don't mean to insult anyone here but it's just what life turned out to be.

 

[Loststudent22]

I don't know if your trolling or not but you should really get some professional help if your post is serious.

 

[YoungAndStupid]

What? No I'm not trolling. Why?

I went to see a psychiatrist but he sent me home after I refused to take antidepressants and downers. Told me he had no time to resolve things talking

 

[Mark44]

Last year I was always out of it, but managed to produce some results, so I'm thinking if I limit my use to summer + holidays, I might just make it.

I think you're deluding yourself if you believe that you can be a part-time addict.

I can't imagine nor want a 100% sober life, I don't mean to insult anyone here but it's just what life turned out to be.

IMO, your goal of becoming a physicist is unobtainable, given your circumstances.

You mentioned going to a psychiatrist, who wanted to prescribe drugs. Maybe you could look for a different psychiatrist. Narcotics Anonymous might be a good recourse.

 

[Greg Bernhardt]

Your professional life is not possible with heavy drug use. It's really that simple. Get clean, seek mental health help, take their advice and then study your butt off. I have a family member that is a heroin addicted bi-polar schizophrenic. So trust me, I sympathize, but there are steps and responsibility you can take. First thing is getting clean. There is no other way.

 

[paisiello2]

You might be able to have marginal success at any career you choose and also be a part-time addict. I'm sure that there are people who manage to do this.

The problem is how can you be sure that the addiction won't grow and begin interrupting your professional life at some point in the future? Or more importantly interrupt your physical/mental health?

 

[Vanadium 50]

In addition to the point made that your professional plans are incompatible with your personal plan to be a part-time addict, there is also the Drug-Free Workplace Act of 1988. This is a condition of receiving any funds from any grant, so you will be tested at various points in your career.

 

[YoungAndStupid]

Hmm.. about the part-time addict thing.. There's couple months a year when nothing particular's going on and I made them the months I'm sober annually (since 15/16). I kick whatever I'm on and take a look at my life and plan ahead, rest. I will be able to switch to being a recluse during the year and out in the summer (for various reasons).

Some people say I torture myself but after so many years I am beginning to understand withdrawal was my natural state and lots of it went away (again for various reasons). These extremes and going 'against' the flow make me unwanted company at best but I've come to terms with a lonely life. In fact I'm fine being sober around people who are drinking or smoking.

I'm not from the USA, they don't test as rigorously and if they did, well, that's what the sober periods are for, to see if I can do it. Delusional or not, I have to work with what is. I might get professional opinion but nothing's going to change my starting point and all that happened in between. If all fails, I can always go back to the way I was. Picking up a difficult pursuit is in a way redirecting me from an environment that places gradient drug abuse as standard to people who have different values. Sharing those values is just as hard/easy? as it were before.

I wish I didn't have to post this on an internet forum but there's no one I can talk to, no one is sober so the answer I get is 'get high instead'.

 

[Vanadium 50]

It doesn't sound like you are asking for advice. It sounds like you are trying to validate a decision you have already made. And that's a terrible decision - as everyone has said, in one way or another, your professional plans are incompatible with your personal plan to be a part-time addict

 

[YoungAndStupid]

If I understand well (with no offense to anyone) what you're saying is that physicists/STEM professionals are all sober people?

 

[Loststudent22]

It doesn't sound like you are asking for advice. It sounds like you are trying to validate a decision you have already made. And that's a terrible decision - as everyone has said, in one way or another, your professional plans are incompatible with your personal plan to be a part-time addict

This. Mods close thread. OP get some help.

 

[Mark44]

If I understand well (with no offense to anyone) what you're saying is that physicists/STEM professionals are all sober people?

That's not what Vanadium was saying. To become a physicist is going to require a lot more than being straight a couple of months a year, and if you manage to get the education you need and land a job, it's likely you'll be drug-tested in many companies.

 

[Mark44]

Thread closed. Question has been asked and answered, and any advice given is not likely to be taken by the OP.