Did My Mom's Heart Attack Change Our Plans?

[rhody]

rhody, for what it's worth, I have watched my parents, esp mom, suffer terribly [unbelievably at times] for the last five years. The day your mom died, my dad was in emergency surgery for a massive bleed in the brain. We don't know if he's still in there or not yet. He has had four major surgeries this year. All of the cutting and wacking on his body reminds one of something from a Frankenstein movie. He's 77.

I don't know what all you've been through, and I certainly don't mean to minimize the signficance of the death of a love one. It is some of the worst that we ever have to endure in life. But I have come to the conclusion that there are certainly things worse than death.

Ivan,

I totally agree, prior to loosing Mom I watched as my Dad succumbed slowly to Alzeheimer's, before that my wife's Dad slowly over two years from cancer, at the same time her Mom developed dementia, so I understand your sentiment. After these two events my wife developed breast cancer six months after loosing her Dad, and after chemo and mastectomy we are approaching 4 years she has been cancer free. I never used to believe prolonged stress can allow cancer to develop, but after speaking with six other women who went through prolonged severe stress, more than six months worth, in each case they developed some form of breast cancer.

I try to keep a balanced perspective on life, and balance every part as much as possible to not allow stress to become a lingereing part of it. PF is good for my mind, there are a lot of interesting knowledgeable folks here who are a pleasure to interact with. At the end of the day, I feel lucky to have my wits and general good health. That's all that really matters anyway.

Thanks again...

Rhody...

 

[rhody]

Wow, I just got a call from my Mom's twin brother's son Steven in Philidelphia. My Uncle Ernie passed away in his sleep last night. Less than a month after my Mom passed, and they were pretty close. How sad, I will miss him he was a good guy, has seven children and lots of grandchildren, close family. Just like in my Mom's case, his son spoke to him on the phone last night before bed and he seemed fine, but unlike Mom, he died in his sleep.

This just sucks... It really does. We spoke last weekend and were planning to go see everyone this fall. He had started on dialysis for kidney failure this Monday. I have heard that those machines cause problems with your blood, the shape of the hemoglobin changes because of the artifical way the blood is cleaned, may have contributed to his heart failing from a blockage. It doesn't matter now though.

Rhody...

 

[lisab]

Wow, I just got a call from my Mom's twin brother's son Steven in Philidelphia. My Uncle Ernie passed away in his sleep last night. Less than a month after my Mom passed, and they were pretty close. How sad, I will miss him he was a good guy, has seven children and lots of grandchildren, close family. Just like in my Mom's case, his son spoke to him on the phone last night before bed and he seemed fine, but unlike Mom, he died in his sleep.

This just sucks... It really does. We spoke last weekend and were planning to go see everyone this fall. He had started on dialysis for kidney failure this Monday. I have heard that those machines cause problems with your blood, the shape of the hemoglobin changes because of the artifical way the blood is cleaned, may have contributed to his heart failing from a blockage. It doesn't matter now though.

Rhody...

So sorry to hear about this, Rhody. Sometimes when it rains it pours. Hang in there - my thoughts are with you.

 

[Evo]

Oh Rhody, I am so very sorry.

 

[arildno]

Just like in my Mom's case, his son spoke to him on the phone last night before bed and he seemed fine, but unlike Mom, he died in his sleep.

It can happen really quick.
My Dad had oesophagal cancer (in early/mid-stages), and insisted that my mother should take a few days' vacation.

The morning he died, they spoke on telephone, her last words to him was: "I love you".
Then, a few hours later, he was rolled into the surgery room for some tumor removal, he did not wake up again.

Invasive treatment DOES increase the risk of the patient dying, and we should not be too hasty trying to displace our grief by blaming the health personnel.

 

[rhody]

It can happen really quick.
My Dad had oesophagal cancer (in early/mid-stages), and insisted that my mother should take a few days' vacation.

The morning he died, they spoke on telephone, her last words to him was: "I love you".
Then, a few hours later, he was rolled into the surgery room for some tumor removal, he did not wake up again.

Invasive treatment DOES increase the risk of the patient dying, and we should not be too hasty trying to displace our grief by blaming the health personnel.

arildno,

No I don't blame the dialysis or hospital staff at all, it was his time I guess, thanks Evo, Lisa for the kind words as well.

Rhody...

 

[arildno]

arildno,

No I don't blame the dialysis or hospital staff at all, it was his time I guess,

That's how I thought about my Dad's passing as well.
Sometimes, a person is much weaker than he appears, and it is important for those of us left behind to understand that the moment was ripe anyhow.

My condolences to you all.

 

[Loren Booda]

Do husband and wife often pass away soon after the other? In any case, it makes a good practice to say "I love you," as arildno offered.

 

[rhody]

Do husband and wife often pass away soon after the other? In any case, it makes a good practice to say "I love you," as arildno offered.

Loren,

I have heard of many cases of husband and wife, but in this case it was my Mom and her twin brother Ernest, who were fairly close. They died about 28 days apart, Mom July 7, and Ernest yesterday August 2nd. May they rest in peace.

Rhody...

 

[medgar]

Loren,

I have heard of many cases of husband and wife, but in this case it was my Mom and her twin brother Ernest, who were fairly close. They died about 28 days apart, Mom July 7, and Ernest yesterday August 2nd. May they rest in peace.

Rhody...

Sorry Rhody to read of your losses. I know how it is to lose a mom, mine went suddenly less than a year after my pa. My condolences...

 

[Astronuc]

rhody, my condolences to you and your family again.

Do husband and wife often pass away soon after the other? In any case, it makes a good practice to say "I love you," as arildno offered.

I believe that the surviving spouse may pass away soon after the other as they get older.

My grandfathers survived their wives by ~10 and ~20 years. On the other hand, the parents of an associate died within 24 hrs of each other (they were in their 90's), and I know another couple who died withing a year of each other (both in their 60's and each died of a different form of cancer).

 

[rhody]

Well this time, within 2 hours of learning of my Uncle's passing I started getting a feeling in my chest (left side) of pressure, no numbness, just pressure and a bit of a small stabbing sensation. No other symptoms. Saw primary Dr yesterday, and everything (heart, etc...) checked out fine. I told the Doc that I would focus my attention on when the sensation starts, take a deep breath and remind myself it is an autonomic stress reaction, and no more. So far this seems to be working, it happens less and less, and when it does and breathing and a reminder to calm myself works, rather amazing to say the least.

Can anyone following this thread who knows of the exact brain response break it down for me. I plan to research it on my own as well. Isn't it funny what stress can do to you ? I never fail to be less than amazed by it.

Rhody...

 

[Greg Bernhardt]

I would like to add my late condolences as well!

My grandparents, early 90s, died within a week of each other. The stress it too much at that age I suppose.

 

[turbo]

So sad, Rhody. Condolences yet again.

My wife's aunts and uncles have been dropping off fairly regularly, which is sad, but her mother is in relatively good physical health, though she suffers from dementia and sometimes doesn't recognize her own kids. She used to be a sharp lady, involved in local politics and in management of the affairs of the town, so it's sad to see her lose all that. Healthy at 93, but needing 24/7 supervision. I really hope that doesn't happen to my father. He's 84 and he walks at least 2-3 miles every day. He's even got an ~80 y.o. female companion that meets up with him every morning for the walks.

 

[rhody]

So sad, Rhody. Condolences yet again.

I really hope that doesn't happen to my father. He's 84 and he walks at least 2-3 miles every day. He's even got an ~80 y.o. female companion that meets up with him every morning for the walks.

Turbo,

He stays active physically and I bet he has a healthy outlook on life, that helps, stimulating the body and the mind are all necessary to keep from getting caught in a rut. Thanks for your kind words, a second time.

Rhody...

 

[rhody]

Thanks Greg, I appreciate your kind thoughts.

On the subject of timing, it was really odd but my Uncle Ernie was buried on August 7th around noon, and my Mom has her heart attack July 7th around the same time one month before almost to the hour.

Lastly, before he went to bed the night he had the heart attack, he left his laptop up with every account open that had a password. His children found it that was the next day, and he called me on Sunday the day before to make sure I was OK, lastly he said about three weeks before that he wanted to pass on exactly the way things did, suddenly, and without being a burden on his family and on all kinds of machines. He had four days of dialysis before his attack, and I am sure that didn't help.

I will miss him, great sense of humor and a really nice man.

Rhody...

 

[fuzzyfelt]

I'm so sorry to hear of your further loss, rhody. My condolences to you and your family.

 

[rhody]

Postscript,

Every fall sometime late September, early October, I take a ride on my motorcycle, 400+ miles round trip to see my parent's graves, and pay my respects and to have a little chat, say a prayer or too, you get the idea. On this trip, for some strange reason I went on a row one level higher than where they were. I did this twice, and was a bit upset at myself for not picking out their stone, it is small, but next to another relative whose is very large and stands out.

Too make a long story short. I got off the bike and meandered down the hill to where I knew my Dad and now Mom are buried next to one another. I was about 1/4 of the way down and out of the corner of my eye I noticed a familiar name. My dad's best friend's last name, I go around front and there he is. He passed almost 30 years before my Dad did, but they were close. Anyway I made my way down the hill and found their site and went about my business.

I found it odd to say the least. I can not say for sure, but maybe his friend wanted to be recognized through my visit for some strange reason or other.
I have no explanation for why it happened the way it did, and wasn't creeped out
or frightened by it.

Anyway that's my story and I am sticking to it. BTW, the foliage was not in full rut yet but will be in a few weeks. The rest of the trip was uneventful, but long, got stuck in traffic on the superslab, and sprinkled on for good measure to add to my fatigue.

Rhody...

P.S. I won't fill you guys in on the fast pace up the side of a mountain, but it was fun, traffic and weather permitting. Every year I manage it just a bit quicker than the year before, all things being equal, traffic, leaves, weather, etc...

 

[jowjowman]

My condolences, Rhody

 

[Ivan Seeking]

Sorry to hear, Rhody.

It is very strange and sad to lose those with whom we've been the closest.

 

[rhody]

Postscript,

Every fall sometime late September, early October, I take a ride on my motorcycle, 400+ miles round trip to see my parent's graves, and pay my respects and to have a little chat, say a prayer or too, you get the idea. On this trip, for some strange reason I went on a row one level higher than where they were. I did this twice, and was a bit upset at myself for not picking out their stone, it is small, but next to another relative whose is very large and stands out.

Too make a long story short. I got off the bike and meandered down the hill to where I knew my Dad and now Mom are buried next to one another. I was about 1/4 of the way down and out of the corner of my eye I noticed a familiar name. My dad's best friend's last name, I go around front and there he is. He passed almost 30 years before my Dad did, but they were close. Anyway I made my way down the hill and found their site and went about my business.

I found it odd to say the least. I can not say for sure, but maybe his friend wanted to be recognized through my visit for some strange reason or other.
I have no explanation for why it happened the way it did, and wasn't creeped out
or frightened by it.

Anyway that's my story and I am sticking to it. BTW, the foliage was not in full rut yet but will be in a few weeks. The rest of the trip was uneventful, but long, got stuck in traffic on the superslab, and sprinkled on for good measure to add to my fatigue.

Rhody...

P.S. I won't fill you guys in on the fast pace up the side of a mountain, but it was fun, traffic and weather permitting. Every year I manage it just a bit quicker than the year before, all things being equal, traffic, leaves, weather, etc...

It is hard to believe that it has been a year since my Mom passed and twenty eight days later her twin brother. I sent her best friend and Mom's realtor an e-mail with a link to the https://www.physicsforums.com/showpost.php?p=3328764&postcount=227" in the runway thread, they sent me back kind words and memories of Mom. Today is going to be an emotional day, needless to say. I am going to drive out to their graves and pay my respects. It is a beautiful ride too, so that is a plus.

I miss you Mom...

Rhody...

 

[lisab]

It is hard to believe that it has been a year since my Mom passed and twenty eight days later her twin brother. I sent her best friend and Mom's realtor an e-mail with a link to the https://www.physicsforums.com/showpost.php?p=3328764&postcount=227" in the runway thread, they sent me back kind words and memories of Mom. Today is going to be an emotional day, needless to say. I am going to drive out to their graves and pay my respects. It is a beautiful ride too, so that is a plus.

I miss you Mom...

Rhody...

So sorry, Rhody! I'll be thinking of you...

 

[Jimmy Snyder]

If you recall, my mother died at about the same time as yours. We had an unveiling at the anniversary. There was nothing traditional about it, I just went early to the gravesite and covered the headstone with a cloth. When everyone had gathered I uncovered it and said a few words to remind us of what she meant to us. Because of the gap between the funeral and the placing of the stone, many family members had never seen it before. Afterwards we went to a deli and had lunch together. With mom gone we don't have as many reasons to get together as we used to. Also, it gave us a chance to clean up the weeds and plant some flowers. If you haven't already done so, I recommend it.

 

[rhody]

If you recall, my mother died at about the same time as yours. We had an unveiling at the anniversary. There was nothing traditional about it, I just went early to the gravesite and covered the headstone with a cloth. When everyone had gathered I uncovered it and said a few words to remind us of what she meant to us. Because of the gap between the funeral and the placing of the stone, many family members had never seen it before. Afterwards we went to a deli and had lunch together. With mom gone we don't have as many reasons to get together as we used to. Also, it gave us a chance to clean up the weeds and plant some flowers. If you haven't already done so, I recommend it.

Jimmy,

I am sorry that you lost your Mom so close to mine. Nice that you had a moment to gather with family to unveil your Mom's headstone for the first time. Our family is not large and there are no immediate family members close by so it will just be me. I tidy up the area around their stone, leave a momento or two, then sit and reflect for awhile.

Rhody...

 

[Ryan_m_b]

I'm truly sorry for your loss, my deepest condolences to you and your family.

 

[ViewsofMars]

Our family is not large and there are no immediate family members close by so it will just be me. I tidy up the area around their stone, leave a momento or two, then sit and reflect for awhile.

Rhody...

Hope you are doing ok. I lost my father when I was 5 years old and my mother shortly after I turned 28. I had two half siblings that were 30 years older than me that have both both have passed on. I've become fond of gravesites, especially my mothers since it is close to me, enjoying putting fresh flowers on it that were picked from my garden. I always treasured the two things that my mom used to do that I too like to do. Garden and hang clothes on the line. Everytime I do it I think fondly of her. It makes me feel good.

 

[rhody]

Hope you are doing ok. I lost my father when I was 5 years old and my mother shortly after I turned 28. I had two half siblings that were 30 years older than me that have both both have passed on. I've become fond of gravesites, especially my mothers since it is close to me, enjoying putting fresh flowers on it that were picked from my garden. I always treasured the two things that my mom used to do that I too like to do. Garden and hang clothes on the line. Everytime I do it I think fondly of her. It makes me feel good.

VoM,

I am glad gardening and hanging clothes bring back fond memories, that way a little bit of your Mom is always with you.

Rhody...

 

[ViewsofMars]

Without love there is no joy. Thanks for your kind thoughts Rhody.

Later today, I have to personally thank Andy.

 

[turbo]

Without love there is no joy. Thanks for your kind thoughts Rhody.

Later today, I have to personally thank Andy.

I think of my mother whenever I am doing the things that we used to do together, like picking wild berries, picking and cleaning fiddleheads (ostrich ferns) for freezing, tending the vegetable garden, canning or freezing food for the winter, making pickles, etc. I am so happy to have learned the value of such work at a young age, though I have no children to pass them on to. Someone should start a school teaching such basic skills, because I fear that they are disappearing.