Dilemma: How to Reject a Partner Offer without Offending

[student007]

I'm in a class where we have to do assignments in partners, and when i found this out, i looked around class and saw that everyone was paired off. Panicking, after class, i encountered the first person i could find wihtout a partner, introduced myself, and asked if we could be partners. he said yes, and we agreed to share phone numbers next class. That evening, I received an email from a girl in this class (a pretty hot one, mind you), who asked if we could be partners. I hadn't asked her before because i thought she had paired off, but i guess i was wrong. I know this person fairly well, and can work with her well also. Hearing this, i first emailed her saying i couldn't be her partner because i had made other arrangements. however, after contemplating vigourously, i decided to accept her offer. i did this mainly because i know i can work well with her. i don't even know the other guy, so for all i know he could be a freeloader. know I'm in a dilemma. after having accepted her invitation, what can i say to this other guy without offending him? I don't want to make an enemy here, but I know that i probably won't be able to switch back to being his partner.

Here's my problem - what do you think i should do? (I'm completely in the dark on this one, so any suggestions would be hugely appreciated)

 

[berkeman]

Can you partner with both? It's a little more work, but I'm sure your prof would understand if your name shows up on two different projects. IMO, you need to work extra for this one...

 

[scorpa]

Well, to be honest I would have just stayed with your first partner to avoid the whole unpleasant situation. Maybe there is a way you could do the project as a group of three? Failing that I really don't know what you could tell the guy.

 

[zoobyshoe]

Just tell the guy the truth: you got invited to work with a totally hot girl. If he doesn't understand that then he's a jerk and you don't want to know him anyway.

 

[fourier jr]

Maybe there is a way you could do the project as a group of three? Failing that I really don't know what you could tell the guy.

that's what i was thinking. if there's an odd # of people in the class there would have to be a group of 3.

 

[Astronuc]

It would not be very nice to dump you first partner without some justification, e.g. that he is a free loader, just because you got invited to pair up with a 'pretty hot' second partner. I second scorpa's advice, as implied by berkeman. Perhaps the girl is the only one unpaired so it seems reasonable for the three of you to triple up.

Put yourself in the other guy's spot for a moment - how would you feel if the situation were reversed and the other guy dumped you because the 'pretty hot' girl asked him? I imagine you'd be hurt.

 

[BobG]

I agree with Zoobyshoe.

Dump the guy and go with the hot girl. Being a guy, himself, how could the first partner not understand: men are pigs!

If you have any sensitivity at all, you should at least monitor the first partner for increased consumption of chocolate, though.

 

[Moonbear]

I'm afraid the damage is done now. You should have asked us sooner. Then I'd have told you to tell the woman you know that you already asked someone else to be your partner, but you're not sure if it's confirmed yet, so will call and check. Then, you could call the person you spoke to in class (it's not fair to leave him hanging thinking he has a partner and then wait until nobody's left to tell him you've ditched him) and find out if he had anyone else he could work with. If not, you're stuck with him. If he did have someone else in mind, you're off the hook.

About the only possible solution at this point is if there does turn out to be an odd number of people in the class and there has to be one group of three. But, I think you're going to have to tell the woman who asked you that you've already agreed to partner with someone else, and let her know that if she still doesn't have a partner by the next class, you'll be glad to ask the instructor if you can work in a group of three. Then again, maybe the other guy will be relieved you're not his partner if you're going to flake out on him over a "hot" classmate.

 

[Smasherman]

I would have done exactly what Moonbear said. Oddly, this happens to me quite a lot. I've always refused the offer by the hot girl, though, because my original partner wasn't cool with the exchange (I got to stop partnering with emo kids).

 

[moose]

If this happened to me (if I were the guy you don't know) and you came to me saying you found out that your friend wanted to be partners, I wouldn't care. If you really want to be nice though, find the kid a partner.