Do you tolerate smartphones at the dinner table?

[gravenewworld]

So I was at the restaurant last night, and noticed that at every single table with parents that had kids that looked like they were in college/high school/ or even preteen, all of the kids were on their smart phones for almost the entire dinner. The one table looked like there were 2 or 3 families together and every single teen at the table was on their smart phone, which was 8 of them. Quite pathetic. Why do parents let their kids do whatever they want? Technology does not belong at the dinner table. No TV, no computers, no smart phones. How pathetic of a society have we become where people can no longer eat together for just 1 or 2 hours and talk face to face? A lot can be learned about a group of people not only through the food they eat, but also how they eat together.

 

[Office_Shredder]

Do you enjoy feeling morally superior to other people by belittling their eating habits?

 

[Maui]

Traditions were formed in different environments by different mindsets.

 

[Pengwuino]

So I was at the restaurant last night, and noticed that at every single table with parents that had kids that looked like they were in college/high school/ or even preteen, all of the kids were on their smart phones for almost the entire dinner. The one table looked like there were 2 or 3 families together and every single teen at the table was on their smart phone, which was 8 of them. Quite pathetic. Why do parents let their kids do whatever they want? Technology does not belong at the dinner table. No TV, no computers, no smart phones. How pathetic of a society have we become where people can no longer eat together for just 1 or 2 hours and talk face to face? A lot can be learned about a group of people not only through the food they eat, but also how they eat together.

Seriously?

When families get together for dinner, it's almost always because the adults want to get together and talk and what have you. The kids must tag along and adults typically don't make any effort to engage the kids in the conversation (why should they? Kids don't want to talk about adult things and adults don't go to dinners to talk with kids). If I had a kid, I'd rather have them sit and play on their phone than have them staring at the wall or making a racket while I'm trying to talk to my friends.

If the kids are in their college years, that's a bit silly, but if they aren't independent adults then you can't blame the kids for not wanting to sit around for 3 hours staring at the walls.

 

[Jack21222]

So I was at the restaurant last night, and noticed that at every single table with parents that had kids that looked like they were in college/high school/ or even preteen, all of the kids were on their smart phones for almost the entire dinner. The one table looked like there were 2 or 3 families together and every single teen at the table was on their smart phone, which was 8 of them. Quite pathetic. Why do parents let their kids do whatever they want? Technology does not belong at the dinner table. No TV, no computers, no smart phones. How pathetic of a society have we become where people can no longer eat together for just 1 or 2 hours and talk face to face? A lot can be learned about a group of people not only through the food they eat, but also how they eat together.

 

[leroyjenkens]

Well, they're with their parents, so I don't blame them too much. And they're kids.
I have a problem when it's adults who do it when in a social situation with people who are actually right there with them, yet they choose the person on the phone over the people in real life.

 

[Ryan_m_b]

I know a middle aged couple who take books with them to restaurants sometimes and sit there and read. They've been married for over 30 years and are completely comfortable being together and not constantly engaging in conversation. On a related note I'm curious as to how you would feel if these children were reading books or drawing pictures rather than playing with smartphones? In my opinion many people object to behaviours simply because of the objects used in said behaviour rather than the behaviour themselves.

I do think that at occasions like family dinners as the kids get older they should be bought more into the conversation but as others have pointed out young kids have no interest and no input in adult conversations and vice versa. That's not to say that kids should be ignored at all! But at some point the adults will chat to each other and it's ok to leave the kids playing by themselves.

 

[AlephZero]

If you want a kid-free restaurant, choose one that doesn't charge them reduced prices or have a "kids food" section on the menu.

But your OP said "the restaurant" (singular) so maybe you don't have any choice...

 

[lisab]

So I was at the restaurant last night, and noticed that at every single table with parents that had kids that looked like they were in college/high school/ or even preteen, all of the kids were on their smart phones for almost the entire dinner. The one table looked like there were 2 or 3 families together and every single teen at the table was on their smart phone, which was 8 of them. Quite pathetic. Why do parents let their kids do whatever they want? Technology does not belong at the dinner table. No TV, no computers, no smart phones. How pathetic of a society have we become where people can no longer eat together for just 1 or 2 hours and talk face to face? A lot can be learned about a group of people not only through the food they eat, but also how they eat together.

I agree with you, gnw. At least the families were together physically.

I guess I'm old-fashioned - raising my daughter, we had dinner together nearly every night, at the table - not on the couch in front of the TV. This was a foreign concept to most of her friends who came over for dinner!

There were no smart phones back then but they would have been forbidden at the table, for sure. We...gasp...actually talked to each other.

Allowing kids to recede into their own worlds is a mistake, I think. Yes, it's hard to find common ground for conversation with kids -- so work at it, you're an adult, for crying out loud! You have to stretch yourself into their world a bit, and they learn to stretch into the adult world, too.

 

[BobG]

I agree, also. You're going out to enjoy some function together where there will actually be some family interaction (as opposed to something like a movie, where there is no real interaction during the movie).

It's not too much to ask for everyone in the family to be present mentally as well as physically. (As opposed to, say, a classroom? Where surely very few people would argue that the students should be texting their friends, playing games on their phones, etc.)

I think every family should have a BlendTec blender dedicated solely to dealing with those situations where the kids abuse the luxury of owning any kind of cell phone - let alone a smartphone.

 

[256bits]

Give a kid ( or an adult ) a smartphone and soon it becomes an appendage to their body.

 

[wukunlin]

Give a kid ( or an adult ) a smartphone and soon it becomes an appendage to their body.

someone give me a smartphone and i swear it won't happen

 

[Evo]

When my girls were growing up, usually the only time we ate together was at a restaurant.

We mainly talked when we weren't eating.

 

[Danger]

Well, to start with, the kids probably weren't there voluntarily.

When I was growing up, and not on a school day, my parents and I would usually have our mid-day meal at the dining room table. There was a limited amount of small-talk sometimes, but usually not. (Well, my mother never stopped talking from the day that she learned how until the day that she died, but my father shut off his hearing aid and I early learned to ignore her.) Our supper every night was in our individual seats in the living room with TV trays watching anything from Star Trek to Hockey Night in Canada. Tommy Hunter and Ed Sullivan and Jackie Gleason and Don Messer's Jubilee were absolutes.
I think that enforced "family time" leads to the phenomenon of dysfunctional families. Members of my father's congregation originally pestered him about why I didn't attend church functions such as socials or suppers or even church itself. He gently pointed out to them that I would cause mayhem, destruction, and more than a modicum of physical harm to those around me if forced into such a situation. He was my hero.

 

[jtbell]

Our supper every night was in our individual seats in the living room with TV trays watching anything from Star Trek to Hockey Night in Canada.

We set up a card table and folding seats in the "TV room" so we could eat supper while watching the news during the 6-7 PM hour. (Our living room was for entertaining guests; otherwise we always hung out in the TV room.) By the time Gilligan's Island or Star Trek or whatever came on, the table and seats were folded up and stored for the next evening, and we were in our usual spots on the sofa or reclining chair. No TV trays for us!

 

[Scintillation]

Hey, I'm a "young adult" and I absolutely hate the habit of using phones/texting at the tables.

When family comes over to eat, we usually have things to play (e.g. Settlers of Catan) and things to talk about. Rarely is anyone on the phone.

I put my phone away when others are around. This makes me cherish the people that are actually in front of me.

 

[SecularSanity]

"We expect more from technology and less from each other."

Sherry Turkle, a clinical psychologist, and professor of the social studies of science and technology at the MIT, feels that those little devices in our pockets are so psychologically powerful that they not only change what we do, but they can also change who we are.

I agree with her. She’s right. People do want to customize their lives and it does give us control over where we focus our attention. Does anyone disagree with her?

 

[Ryan_m_b]

"We expect more from technology and less from each other."

Sherry Turkle, a clinical psychologist, and professor of the social studies of science and technology at the MIT, feels that those little devices in our pockets are so psychologically powerful that they not only change what we do, but they can also change who we are.

I agree with her. She’s right. People do want to customize their lives and it does give us control over where we focus our attention. Does anyone disagree with her?

Not really but I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing. It's also not a novel thing, new technologies have changed our personal behaviour and society's culture for thousands of years.

 

[nitsuj]

Not really but I think it's necessarily a bad thing. It's also not a novel thing, new technologies have changed our personal behaviour and society's culture for thousands of years.

I think that's is suppposed to read, "it's [not] necessarily a bad thing".

Why do you feel the cell phone is not a novel advancement within the context of technologies that have changed peoples behaviour?

Oh and yea I'd tolorate them at the table, some communication is critical (as in more important than me), but I would hope the person properly (<-my subjective opinion) weighs what is more important than paying attention to me. lol sounds narcistic doesn't it? I see no other way to cut this, but as hurt egos.

 

[Office_Shredder]

Can you imagine after the printing press? Oh all the kids these days just read books all day instead of getting quality entertainment from this hoop and stick!

 

[Ryan_m_b]

I think that's is suppposed to read, "it's [not] necessarily a bad thing".

It is indeed, fixed.

Why do you feel the cell phone is not a novel advancement within the context of technologies that have changed peoples behaviour?

I didn't say it wasn't (and on top of that smartphone development is a qualitatively different technology that will change behaviour in a qualitatively different way to what mobile phones originally did). My point is that technology always causes change but that change is not necessarily bad.

Can you imagine after the printing press? Oh all the kids these days just read books all day instead of getting quality entertainment from this hoop and stick!

Exactly

 

[BobG]

Can you imagine after the printing press? Oh all the kids these days just read books all day instead of getting quality entertainment from this hoop and stick!

At least that was a fairly harmless invention. Even if they were reading while driving, the horse pulling the buggy was smart enough to avoid running into a creek and probably even knew the way home.

Or does that mean we just haven't gone far enough? We need cars that drive themselves so we can focus on the more important things in life, such as texting our friends.

 

[Ryan_m_b]

At least that was a fairly harmless invention. Even if they were reading while driving, the horse pulling the buggy was smart enough to avoid running into a creek and probably even knew the way home.

Or does that mean we just haven't gone far enough? We need cars that drive themselves so we can focus on the more important things in life, such as texting our friends.

Or we could just make using the phone whilst driving illegal as it currently is in the UK at least. Though I am eagerly awaiting for a day where cars can drive themselves, so long as the idea isn't corrupted e.g. all cars replaces with self driving taxis that play tailored advertisement to you whilst you wait...

 

[turbo]

A friend of mine (whom I see very infrequently due to his business) was visiting us with his wife a year or so ago. We were sitting out on the back deck talking, and he pulled his cell phone out of his pocket and looked at it. I looked at him, and he began apologizing profusely, explaining that he was not checking for messages, but checking the time because he had to be at his son's place for dinner in the Boston area. He got out of the habit of wearing wristwatches when his wife started contracting clothing manufacturers in India to make light jackets out of old saris. Most of his business was in Nepal with jewelry-makers/silversmiths, which was no problem, but apparently he had to be more careful in India.

As for family meals, when I was a kid my father used to work ungodly hours using the overtime pay to pay off the mortgage on the house. Often, he'd come home for supper, then go back to work for a few more hours. We'd usually eat in the living room using "TV trays", while watching Maverick, Cheyenne, Sugarfoot, etc. Plenty of time to chat, but a chance for him to unwind, too. TV (especially shows you have seen over and over) is not a really demanding medium, and it's not as if we all had separate texts/conversations/Angry Birds things going on.

 

[Ryan_m_b]

A friend of mine (whom I see very infrequently due to his business) was visiting us with his wife a year or so ago. We were sitting out on the back deck talking, and he pulled his cell phone out of his pocket and looked at it. I looked at him, and he began apologizing profusely, explaining that he was not checking for messages, but checking the time

I do wonder sometimes whether or not the writing is on the wall for watches. In the developed world everyone under the age of about 25 grew up (i.e. during their adolescence) with a phone that has a prominent clock on the screen. I have many nice watches but I never wear them because there is no point. If google or some other company comes out with specs to replace phones there's even less reason.

 

[turbo]

I do wonder sometimes whether or not the writing is on the wall for watches. In the developed world everyone under the age of about 25 grew up (i.e. during their adolescence) with a phone that has a prominent clock on the screen. I have many nice watches but I never wear them because there is no point. If google or some other company comes out with specs to replace phones there's even less reason.

I wear a Traser military-spec watch simply because it has tritium markers on the hands and the dial so when I wake up at night, I know what time it is. During the day there are so many clocks around that it is unnecessary. Time displays on cell, computer, gas range, microwave, etc. I won't buy a claw-hammer that needs to tell me the time of day, but everything a bit more complex seems to have that functionality.

 

[nitsuj]

Oh fun watches,

I bought a mechanical watch because I like the idea of it. I wear it as a "time keeping piece".

Not merely a clock, but clock that fits on my wrist, keeps time fairly well and doesn't need winding. the tiny little gearing, the tension of the spring, all of it clicking together..tick tock, tick tock, hopefully for decades.

it's all neatly packed into a stainless steel & saphire display. Art of engineering. (pre computers)

polar to the disposable technology of telephones.

 

[Danger]

Oh fun watches

I wear a Tokyo Flash "Negative", which is a discontinued model. It's cool because it is massive (reminds me of Spidey's web-shooters) and almost impossible for anyone else to read. If you don't know the trick to it, the display is gibberish. It weirds people out, which is my main purpose in life.

I just saw on Daily Planet a few days ago that someone is marketing a watch-band that holds an i-Phone or similar device. With the display programmed to show the time, it looks just like a somewhat large wristwatch, but still has all the functionality of a smart device.

 

[rhody]

graven,

Hah, consider this, at our kitchen table each family member has a Laptop, and during dinner there have been instances where we have IM'd or chatted with one another on the laptop only. This with three grown adults mind you, not kids. Yes, I agree, the more immersed we become with technology and gadget fascination, the more we sacrifice true communication with each another on emotional and personal levels. You can control what you type, hold back, edit or control your response any way you wish. When it is face to face conversation, you can't, you are exposed, therefore imperfect and vulnerable. I will end by saying we don't all do it often, but it does happen.

Rhody...

 

[nitsuj]

I just noticed the joke, omg that's too funny! So true, but we all need to "yell at the clouds" sometimes. Cell phones, err teenagers in general are a popular target.

 

[Dembadon]

There are a couple different cases that affect my feelings about distractions at the dinner table:

Case 1: The child is so young that it can't follow an adult conversation. If this is the case, finding something to keep them occupied while waiting for the food to come is fine. I used to color or read a book; now it's probably more common to see kids with smartphones.

Case 2: The person is old enough to participate but is using the phone/device to avoid interaction with guests/hosts. This is what I find to be rude. It's just the way I was raised. The belief was pretty much, "I know you're feeling anti-social, but suck-it-up for an hour and visit with our guests."

 

[Danger]

The belief was pretty much, "I know you're feeling anti-social, but suck-it-up for an hour and visit with our guests."

But that shouldn't apply to someone who doesn't want to be there in the first place. When I was specifically invited to someone's home for whatever, along with my parents, I went gladly and was polite to the hosts or declined politely with a legitimate reason. If my parents were invited and dragged me along, I made it clear to the hosts that it wasn't my wish to be there. I wasn't rude to them, but pointed out that I had no interest in whatever was going on and would rather be elsewhere.
My rule about distractions at the table is that if you get between my food and me, you do so at your peril.

 

[Pythagorean]

Smart phones at the dinner table are annoying; it's much easier to type one-handed with a full size keyboard so I just bring my laptop.

 

[Hobin]

Smart phones at the dinner table are annoying; it's much easier to type one-handed with a full size keyboard so I just bring my laptop.

*winces at the thought of spilling a drink over his shiny laptop*

 

[Pythagorean]

My wife makes me use a sippy cup :(