Eloping - Telling Everyone & Avoiding Costly Weddings

[gravenewworld]

If so, how did you go about telling everyone that you got married? I'm thinking about taking the sig other and eloping since there's not a snowball's chance in hell we could afford a wedding bash on a grad. student budget. We'd be eloping just to avoid the cost of a wedding, not to hide from families that don't approve. Should you expect gifts after this? I really wouldn't care if we didn't get anything though.

 

[turbo]

My wife and I got married in our apartment. Our best friends were our witnesses. The only person who was dressed up was the JP. She wore a skirt/jacket business suit. We told our families after the fact, some of whom were feeling more than a little left out. They rented a local hall and put on a reception for us.

 

[Evo]

I eloped. We got married during lunch at the local Justice of the Peace's office, then went back to work. The office staff were witnesses.

Our familes and friends knew we were getting married and that we wanted it cheap, simple and private.

 

[NewtonianAlch]

I don't think "eloped" really applies in the modern day, at least not in the western countries. Just because your parents don't approve doesn't mean you've eloped. It's a bit stronger than that.

The best e.g. would be Romeo and Juliet, of course, they didn't marry, but if your families and friends knew you were getting married, and you went and got married at lunchtime, that's not eloping.

 

[turbo]

Eloping is what my wife and I did. We never informed our families, and we invited my best friend and her best friend to be witnesses and got the JP (another friend) to officiate. Except for the JP, we were all in jeans and T-shirts. We couldn't afford a formal wedding, and didn't want to foist that expense on our families, so we got hitched on the cheap.

Our (large) families got a bit miffed at being left out and they put on a reception for us. We got quite a few useful gifts and a chafing dish with a silver-plated stand that never ever was used, AFAIK (crazy great-aunt!). Still, the thought and the sentiment was there, and we had a good time.

 

[Topher925]

Eloping is what my wife and I did. We never...

Turbo, you do realize you've responded to the OP twice now right?


I say just get eloped now and a few years from now when you are both rich and have the time you can have a real wedding if you want.

 

[Danger]

I don't know. Does abducting the object of your affection and retreating to the wilderness count as "eloping"?

 

[turbo]

Turbo, you do realize you've responded to the OP twice now right?

Yes, but the poster previous to me (Newtonian) seemed to have no appreciation for what the word "elope" means in the modern era, so I clarified.

 

[turbo]

I don't know. Does abducting the object of your affection and retreating to the wilderness count as "eloping"?

Kidnapping?

 

[Danger]

Kidnapping?

Potato, patoto...

 

[lisab]

I seriously wanted to elope - I hate weddings. My mother was fully aware of this and she promised that she would do all the planning, if I would agree to have the wedding at her house.

I thought about it and decided that OK, if she agrees that I make *no* decisions about the wedding, then we could do it at her house. (She absolutely loves weddings, and planning things!)

All I did was show up and say 'I do'. The whole time I was thinking, oh look at my wedding flowers, they're beautiful! And look, my wedding color is blue! Ah my wedding feast is salmon - very nice, I love salmon! Cool, I get a bouquet to throw! (The funniest one, I think, "I wonder who all these people are?", because my mom invited *all* her friends - well it was her plan, she could invite anyone she wanted...and they all bought me wedding gifts, for crying out loud! My mom has such nice friends !)

gnw, weddings are a pita as far as I'm concerned but I'm glad I did it the way I did. If you opt to have a ceremony, you won't regret it - just keep it simple.

 

[Pengwuino]

I know a couple of grad students who eloped by simply having a nice BBQ with all their friends and close family. Nothing formal or fancy. I was out of town at the time and couldn't attend but it sounded like it was great.

 

[lisab]

My boyfriend's brother showed up one year at a family picnic with his long-time girlfriend. Suddenly they announced to the family that the preacher was going to be there in about an hour - they were getting married!

A surprise wedding would be a nice alternative to eloping.

 

[Danger]

My boyfriend's brother

Does your husband know about your boyfriend?

edit: By the bye... who's stupid idea was it that the bride and her family dictate the rules? Lisa, did your husband have no say in the matter? If so, why did he marry you? (And no, I'm not asking for details about your sexual prowess.)

 

[Jimmy Snyder]

If you never plan to have a party for the rest of your life, then by all means don't have a party for your wedding day. I married a woman from Taiwan whose eldest brother is a minor politician. We got married at city hall in the morning with about 30 or so of her relatives and then again at her brother's house at noon with about 60 or more people. Then in the evening there was a reception with about 300 guests. He covered all expenses. Most of these people were his political connections. An American friend of mine that I met in Japan was our best man and I flew my mother into represent our side.The most important piece of advice I can give you is to make sure the date of the wedding is feng shui'd, unless the woman you marry isn't Chinese.

 

[Monique]

You can make a wedding as expensive as you like, right? Have people come to the ceremony and then have a pot-lock party at someone's house. Two of my friends had their marriages only with the direct family members, they informed the other people by changing the facebook relationship status from "in a relationship" to "married" It was clear they weren't the bourgeois-type and were doing it in their own way.

Other friends have already been engaged and saving for a wedding for over 10 years, two kids later I really don't know what they're waiting for.

 

[Danger]

So, Monique... will you marry me?I'm not heroically endowed, but I can build more toys than you can handle.

 

[Monique]

I'm already engaged to be engaged with a wonderful man

 

[lisab]

Does your husband know about your boyfriend?

I'm not married anymore.

edit: By the bye... who's stupid idea was it that the bride and her family dictate the rules? Lisa, did your husband have no say in the matter? If so, why did he marry you? (And no, I'm not asking for details about your sexual prowess.)

Umm...I was, erm, in the family way . And it's not that he didn't have any opinion, but neither of us were the kind to follow a tradition simply because that's they way things have always been done. So he was OK with it.

The bride's family traditionally pays for the wedding, which is why they get to make all the decisions. At least that's the tradition in the US.

 

[Danger]

I'm already engaged to be engaged with a wonderful man

Damn!

Lisa, now that you've answered, it would seem that my inquiry was somewhat insensitive. Sorry about that. Somehow, your previous posts have suggested to me that you were in a stable domestic relationship.

I don't know how long ago you were married. Here in Canada, the bride's family paying for everything pretty much bought the biscuit 30 or 40 years back. I've attended more than 100 weddings, and was the best man for 3 of them. In every instance, the couple was solely responsible for the cost. (In a couple of cases, the bride's mother tried to assert herself, but she (they) got sorted out in short order.)