Funny, Great, Unusual, and Tragic Stories

[Ivan Seeking]

For lack of a better name... how about your best stories about those precious moments in life that we could really all live without.

There was a question in engineering about a riding mower that reminded me of a little incident worthy of mention. While living in the Portland area, since we had a heck of a lot of yard to mow, I worked out a deal with the neighbor to use his riding mower. One sunny summer's day I was mowing and extending the boundaries of the cut lawn into an area previously not maintained, and the tall grass obscured the hornet's nest in my path. Only after passing over the nest - when the black swarm began to emerge -did I happen to look back and see what was coming. And just in time! I knew right away that this was a really bad situation - life threatening beyond a doubt. After leaping off the mower I did the 100 yard dash for the house and never looked back until reaching the garage door. Only then did I realize that the kill switch under the seat had failed to stop the engine. By then the mower was half way across the field and heading for the neighbor's house. So here I am running after a renegade mower, with about a thousand really pissed off hornets flying around.

 

[zoobyshoe]

I hate it when people end a hornet story before explaining whether ot not the hero is killed or escapes.

 

[arildno]

I hate it when people end a hornet story before explaining whether ot not the hero is killed or escapes.

Which hero?
IvanSeeking, the hornet or the lawn-mower?

 

[DocToxyn]

So here I am running after a renegade mower, with about a thousand really pissed off hornets flying around.

Tune in next week for the exciting conclusion to "Ivan Seeking...or Shrieking".

 

[Moonbear]

Which hero?
IvanSeeking, the hornet or the lawn-mower?

I was kind of wondering if he made it to the mower before it hit the neighbor's house.

With all the stories Ivan has, I start to wonder how he's managed to live so long! No wonder Tsu had to get into the healthcare field; someone needs to be around to keep patching him up.

 

[mapper]

One time in my younger days (19ish) i met these three girls at a bar. They took me back to their place and... oh, wait this is a very very good story.

 

[Ivan Seeking]

Wow, I didn't realize that I had left anyone in suspense.

I caught the mower and never got stung; while running waaaaaay around the area of the nest in order to get the mower.

Moonbear, I guess my life has been more exciting than I realized? I rarely talk about the really good stuff.

 

[Ivan Seeking]

But come now, everyone has been a clown at least once. No more stories?

 

[Danger]

No more stories?

You're doing fine on your own. Please, Grampa, tell us another.

 

[Ivan Seeking]

Sorry Junior. By the look on your face I'd say you've had enough for one day.

Someday I'll tell you about the time I was kidnapped and held at gunpoint for three hours. Hmmm, I guess my life has been exciting!

 

[Huckleberry]

The ship I was stationed on had just left Mardi Gras in New Orleans in 96 I believe. We were rounding the coast near Florida one night/ early morning and suddenly we were called to general quarters and told that this was not a drill. Of course people went a little bit crazy getting dressed and putting their boots on and rushing off to their stations. One guy went off a ladder so fast he went nose first into the wall on the lower floor. That was messy.

So I went down to the magazine and the intercom says that two american planes have been shot down by Cuba. We were the only ship in the area at the time and would have to respond immediately. Those are the only details we got. You should of seen the fear on people's faces. There is something funny about sitting in a magazine with a few hundred tons of explosives and being told your under attack by Cuba.

 

[wolram]

The ship I was stationed on had just left Mardi Gras in New Orleans in 96 I believe. We were rounding the coast near Florida one night/ early morning and suddenly we were called to general quarters and told that this was not a drill. Of course people went a little bit crazy getting dressed and putting their boots on and rushing off to their stations. One guy went off a ladder so fast he went nose first into the wall on the lower floor. That was messy.

So I went down to the magazine and the intercom says that two american planes have been shot down by Cuba. We were the only ship in the area at the time and would have to respond immediately. Those are the only details we got. You should of seen the fear on people's faces. There is something funny about sitting in a magazine with a few hundred tons of explosives and being told your under attack by Cuba.

Thats not funny it is tradgic please god no more wars

 

[Huckleberry]

It's a true story actually.

 

[JamesU]

It's a true story actually.

_____

 

[Huckleberry]

No, really, it is true.

We all made the assumption that the planes were military aircraft. They weren't. Cuba shot down two old propellor planes that were attempting to fly over the country and drop leaflets convincing Cubans to flee to the US. The pilots were Cuban Americans. We picked up the pilots, waited in the area a while and then continued on.

I thought it was interesting how people assumed the worst. That's why I didn't finish the story. I was curious what people here had to say. Not a whole lot, but Oh well.

 

[Gale]

Well...
One time, in middle school... i went over to my friend's house. Her relatives were visiting. her *****y aunt and uncle. They had a little daughter, i think about 8ish at the time. a really pretty little blonde. one of those trendy little kids... wore lots of pink, and i think she liked britney spears. she went to a britney concert a little after this story took place... she was a bit spoiled i guess. I've still never been to any concerts, unless you include when the police band came to our school and played a few songs. I used to get excited about that, because i rarely ever heard a live band play. i sometimes listened to my mum or dad play guitar, and that was always alright. i learned to play guitar in high school though, and I'm much better than they were. i realize that now. everyone's always pretty surprised when i say i haven't been to a concert. most of my friends have promised at one time or an other that they'd take me sometime. no one has. its depressing. i was jealous that katie-rose got to go to one so young. That was her name, katie-rose. she also had a nice pretty name... lucky girl...

At any rate, we're at my friends, and her relatives had come up in a trailor. They were doing the campground thing all summer, so they decided to swing by my friend jamie's house. i think everyone else was gone for the day, left to somewhere or something... so jamie and i had the place to ourself. we decided to hang out in the trailor, they had said we could. we probably would've anyways though. its always fun to hang some place new you know. so we were in the trailor. we started playing cards... rummy i think, we always play rummy. we learned canasta that summer i think. that was fun for a while, but you need four people to play i think... and two decks of cards... i really don't remember how to play anymore. so we played cards for a bit, and i think we listened to the new eminem cd. she loves rap... i don't mind it too bad... plus, i didn't really own cds, so it was cool to listen to one. its not like the radio... one song right after the other, and they all sort of sound the same since its the same artist. its a totally different experience. plus, this was the unsensored version. i don't think i really ever listened to anything unsensored before that.

so after that, we went in decided to go to the back to play nintendo. probably mario-cart. though, we really liked this game Harvest Moon. i always played harvest moon. it was a sort of lame game, but i really liked it. you were this guy, on a farm. and you had to grow vegetables and fruits and flowers and you had chickens and a horse and cows. then eventually you had to get a girlfriend and make her your wife. so you could plant flowers and give them to her, and take her on dates. and once a year, there'd be a big harvest festival that was lots of fun. oh, and there was horse races too, and you had a dog and there was a dog race. at the end, you're father would come and evaluate your life. it sucked, for some reason you had to collect recipies... i never had enough to please my dad...

So anyway, eventually we stopped playing, we just layed there on the beds. we talked for a while. about lots of things. eventually though, i got bored and i started playing around with the nintendo wires. i took one, and i pressed it against my lips and felt a small buzz. i jumped. jamie laughed. i did it again. i sat there and just kept pressing the end of the wire against my lips and felt the little buzz. sometimes, i would hold it there a little longer and feel my face tingle. jamie stared at me for a while, and then i convinced her to try it. so then, the two of us, sat there, and pressed this wire against our lips over and over again. i s'pose that eventually we got bored, and stopped.

 

[Huckleberry]

There was another time We were in the Mediteranean and heading towards Greece and suddenly we were told we had to go to the Adriatic off the coast of Albania. This was in January of 97.

I was hanging out on the catwalk talking to one of my gunner's mate friends while he was on watch at his machine gun station. I was playing with his night vision scope and say what looked like a light in the distance. We thought it was a buoy or something. It didn't appear to be moving at first. A few minutes later we noticed the light was closer. Another look through the goggles showed us it was a little fishing boat crowded with about a dozen people hanging all over it. They were coming directly for the ship.

He reported the situation and in about a minute there were people all over the place. The fishing boat was coming for our location because there was some rigging there that was hanging down were we lowered the boats. A few men grabbed the rigging and tried to climb up. They didn't seem to understand English and weren't listening to our attempts to communicate to them to stay on their boat. We attached some fire hoses and started shooting water at them. They got back on their boat and clung to the rigging.

They were Albanian refugees fleeing the country for their lives. There were dozens of these little boats all trying to cross the Adriatic in the middle of winter. We sent out the boats and the LCU's to round up as many as we could. We gave them some medical care, for hypothermia mostly, a good meal, dry clothes. (I never seen so many brand new coveralls. Those were like gold to us sailors. Had to have connections to get anything new.) They got a cot and a blankey and there were dozens of them hanging out in the hangar bay for the night. The next day we dumped them off in Itally and the news stations showed them all running around in navy coveralls.

We hung out around Albania for about a month. Then we were called again about a situation in Africa. We were told we had to evacuate the embassy of Zaire. So we went south around the coast. Crossed the equator at the 0'0'. Had our little shellback ceremony. And the next day we offloaded a bunch of marines onto shore. I don't know how long they were there, but for the next several nights I remember going up on deck at night and watching tracer fire and small explosions about 2 miles away on shore. Bye bye Zaire.

That was the end of our cruise. We had been underway for a consecutive 61, maybe 62 days. I had almost forgotten what land felt like.

 

[SOS2008]

I've already told the "festive holiday" story, and it didn't seem to have much impact (though is sure as heck did on me ). There is another story, but...no...it's just not appropriate.

 

[Ivan Seeking]

I've already told the "festive holiday" story, and it didn't seem to have much impact (though is sure as heck did on me ). There is another story, but...no...it's just not appropriate.

Too late. Once you mention it you have to tell. Its the law.

 

[Mk]

https://www.physicsforums.com/showthread.php?t=77816
https://www.physicsforums.com/showthread.php?t=74519&highlight=Me?
https://www.physicsforums.com/showpost.php?p=557464&postcount=52

Funny stuff...

 

[whozum]

This one time at band camp..

 

[Mk]

Get this: So I'm sitting around listening to Sister Hazel, drinking an empty can of coke, wishing I had a soda. Suddenly, Superman flies up through the disposal, exclaiming "Hark! Thou evil shall get you no tang!" My mother ran in with a fly swatter but Superman's laser's came out of his chest and he totally pwnd her. I got disgruntled and threw my iPod at Superman, and he caught it and started listening to Sister Hazel too! He gave me a soda and we chilled out and sang songs while we swappd stories about growing up on a foreign planet. We ate Hazelnuts. I started to get tired when he turned into Clark Kent. It was kinda of awkward, you know, since it's his alter-ego. I killed him right there with a spork and tossed him into my pigpen, where the pigs devored everything and exploded like little kernels of popcorn. After dear dear little Timmy fell down a well, Lassie jumped into save him and a flash flood drowned both of them, faster than a souflee would implode that's being cooked at the Titanic's boiler room!

Oh and another day, BATMAN! walked in through the window.

This is sort of strange if you analyze the situation carefully - you can't walk in though a window because its bottom is above the floor, and I live on the 4th floor in my apartment. I didn't have a spork at the time, so I didn't kill Batman. Instead, we surfed the net and found this great story, one of the funniest stories I've ever seen. After that, we bought and moved to one of the British Virgin Islands, drank Piña Coladas, and made love at sunset on the beach... good times, good times... then we went to McDonald's (™), I found a spork, and killed him instantly.

http://www.snopes.com/humor/jokes/jerks.htm
Yes, it is certainly teh funniest story ever.

After reviewing this, I have noticed that some of you may ask if I have a superhero fetish.

 

[Dr.Brain]

I was once cooking something, for that I had to first boil the water to 100 degrees, so I was waiting for water to do that, while I was watching the fire closely , it was somewhat bluishly-greeny-yellowish-orange, yes i think that's where I thought something's cheeky . Ok it was getting hot , because the water was boiling and the vapours were melting my face...I started wondering who was being cooked , me or the water?... And those were the greatest unsolved mysteries of my life...I wondered..

 

[JamesU]

This one time at band camp..

uh, oh...

 

[zoobyshoe]

Once, when I was meandering around a Native American Indian Reservation, somewhere in the great Southwest, I came upon a wizened old shaman seated in the shade of a large rock outcropping. He seemed to be lost to his surroundings as he sat there, his eyes staring far off into the distance at nothing I could disern. I suspected he must be in the throes of a "peak experience", that wonderful unity with the cosmos and all nature that comes to the diligent meditator. Indeed, laid out in front of him, on a colorful, geometrically patterened, hand woven wool blanket were some simple stones, a gourd fashioned into a bowl, and a ceremonial feather, indicating he'd been hard at prayer here for many hours. Thinking it best not to disturb him, I began to turn to walk away, but suddenly noticed him beckoning me toward him with his arthritic old hand. Intrigued and curious, I stepped over the gravelly desert floor toward him, skirting bushes and pit vipers, and when I had come within earshot of his whispery, dry voice, he said, "I'm so bored. Got any band camp stories?"

 

[Moonbear]

For lack of a better name... how about your best stories about those precious moments in life that we could really all live without.

Hmm...I interpreted this to mean moments in life we could really all live without, yet from some of the stories here, it seems others have interpreted it as stories we could all live without.

I think I've told the best of the worst of my stories already: falling off the roof and being pinned against a wall by a billy goat. When I used to go horseback riding, I never even fell off, even though the one horse sure tried to knock me off (to heck with the reins and saddle, I got a good fist full of mane and wrapped my legs around tight until the horse figured out it wasn't working and settled down again). I've been banged up and bruised a lot, but not from anything that makes a good story. I suspect I might just be a carrier; I've had to help patch up folks a few times, usually my parents when they did something stupid.

 

[Evo]

Well, there was that time I witnessed a murder. Oh, this is funny and great stories...never mind.

 

[Ivan Seeking]

Well, there was that time I witnessed a murder. Oh, this is funny and great stories...never mind.

Okay, add amazing or unusual stories.

You saw a murder? I've imagined Tsu thrusting the knife into my chest many times, many, many times..over and over...Tsu laughing madly...oh...but I have never actually seen it happen.

 

[Evo]

I was 14 and my best friend (she was 16 and could drive) and I had gone to see a band play down in a rather seedy part of Houston, TX.

We had just left the club and to our left was the intersection. The street was deserted except for a man walking along the front of the building across the street. An old chevrolet filled with people went through the intersection (they did not turn into our street) and I noticed a guy hanging out of the rear right passenger window holding a stick. I heard a backfire. I noticed the man across the street was staggering wildly and my girlfriend and I commented to each other how drunk he must be. We crossed the street and the man had by then fallen face down on the sidewalk. We went to step around him (thinking he was passed out) and noticed a pool of dark liquid was forming next to his side. Just as we realized it was blood, a couple came out of a bar right next to us and the woman started screaming.

It was then I realized that the guy leaning out of the car window had been holding a shotgun, the backfire was the gun going off. I can still see it to this day.

It was when the TV news crew showed up and asked if there were any witnesses that my girlfriend and I realized that we needed to get out of there (she had "borrowed" her dad's car without him knowing it, her parents had gone to a party).

 

[Evo]

My saddest story is the unsolved murder of my beloved co-worker years ago.

He was the greatest guy. He was young and handsome and smart. I had a secret crush on him. I looked forward to going to work everyday because I would get to talk to him. He was so funny. The last time I saw him, he had asked me if he could borrow a nickle to buy a coke out of the vending machine (he was short a nickle). I guess I must have made a strange face because he said "it's not like you'll never see me again"...I never saw him again.

We worked odd schedules and I always looked for his car when I got to work. I was sure he was working the next morning when I pulled into the company parking lot, but his car wasn't there. He was not the type to miss work. He wasn't there. He didn't show up, he didn't call in.

That night as I was watching the news, a story came on about a young man found dead in his car with a single bullet through the head, they said his name.

 

[Evo]

Then when I was sixteen years old, there was the guy that thought he loved me and commited suicide because I didn't feel the same way about him. His family and friends all blamed me. I had no clue what was going on in his mind. Maybe I'll write more about that later.

 

[Ivan Seeking]

Then when I was sixteen years old, there was the guy that thought he loved me and commited suicide because I didn't feel the same way about him. His family and friends all blamed me. I had no clue what was going on in his mind. Maybe I'll write more about that later.

Talk about a guilt trip! Something like this can really scar a person for life.

I had a friend named Rick who killed a person through no fault of his own. The person jumped in front of Rick's car; it was suicide. This not only haunted Rick for years but I don't think he ever got over it. To be blunt, the last time that I saw him, as near as I could tell he was quite insane. And I have always believed that was because of the guilt he felt. Fifteen years after it happened he would still completely break down if he tried to talk about it.

Since we have gone this direction with the thread... There was a story in the news recently about a man in Texas who was killed by lightning while visiting his son's grave. Can you imagine?

When I was a kid, a thirteen year old boy from our church and school was killed at a neighborhood store during an armed robbery. Then, as if the community wasn't already sad enough, his best friend died from a brain hemorrhage while at the funeral. I remember everyone just sitting there... completely stunned. No body could believe what had happened. Then, not long after that, a very close friend of the family came home one day to find her seventeen year old son dead - the victim of a murder. They were very close... At that point, I started to expect that everyone that I knew was going to die. It took some years before I managed to get past it all.

 

[Dr.Brain]

I was 13 and i had a crush on a girl (wow...how unusual)..I left the place...never saw her again..

 

[Mk]

That's a sad story

 

[Evo]

The little boy that lived around the corner from my parent's house was the first victim unearthed in what turned out to be the mass murder of 27 boys by Dean Corll.

He was 12 and there was a bowling alley that all of us kids would ride our bikes to. His mom got a phone call from him saying that he was at the bowling alley and had met a new "friend" and was never coming home. This was completely out of character, he was happy, no fights with his parents, nothing that would explain the weird call, so they immediately called the police, of course the police figured he was a run away. All of us knew it wasn't possible, it was not in his nature.

A few weeks later I noticed tons of cars parked everywhere, I asked my mom what was going on and she said that he had been identified as one of the victims of the serial killer that had been on the news. The police didn't make the connection right away because the lime that had been poured on him had turned his hair red, so they couldn't see how the missing 12 year old blond boy could be this 12 year old redheaded boy. He had been abducted from the bowling alley, sodomized, tortured and dismembered.