I'm a Medical Physicist. I have nothing to do. I'm going insane!

[Mulz]

Hi,

I graduated one year ago and I'm currently a certified medical physicist in Europe. I have since a year ago been working in diagnostic X-ray physics at a smaller hospital. My work can be summed up in the following list, although not covered to a very detailed extent:

• Personell och patient radiation measurements
• Radiation protection measurements
• QC of equipment
• Revision of various methods and documents
• MRI "safety inspector" (implants)
• Role in the implementation of a dose registration system
• Currently working on acquiring material for radiation safety lectures
• … (some things might have been forgotten)

In general, there is a substantial amount of "dead time" at work. Time where I spend hours upon hours staring at a computer screen, fading in and out of consciousness. An inactivity so severe I can almost feel my brain cells dying. I can go whole weeks where nothing ever happens. Weeks where I feel completely useless. To some people, this might sound absurd, perhaps it might even sound appealing to be paid while not having to do anything. No responsibilities. In reality, I would say that this is the same thing as rotting in prison. I've had periods of being borderline burned out and I honestly prefer that.

I have no friends. No girlfriend. No social life of any form. I live in a city away from family. I have recently started developing thoughts of ending myself because I can't handle going to work and doing nothing. I know that a large part of this is my responsibility, but I do the work I'm given quite quickly. Beyond that, there simply is not much to do. I can form the work the way I want, but with very little input from my coworkers and with very little motivation. Most of the work feel pointless. Who cares about optimizing the settings of a certain modality if it only results in 5 uGy instead of 10 uGy per image? Sure, it's a substantial statistical improvement, but unlikely to be of a clinical significance? It's not the same as radiation therapy or nuclear medicine where it feels like the job has a weight to it. Saving lives.

I don't know if the issues I'm experiencing at work are due to me having no life outside of work (no hobbies, no friends, no girlfriend, no family, no purpose to life) or if it's because I simply have very little to do and few incentives to form my own work. Even the job contract was ambiguous in the traits that were desirable. Nothing was even mentioned about the type of work that would be performed. I feel like my existence at this point is a waste.

Sitting and doing nothing has gotten to the point where I literally feel depressed. So much so that even when I do get the occasional assignment, I lack energy to bother (I still do the work). I have a clinical depression and autism, I don't know how much of the problems at work are caused by this fact.

TLDR: I'm very very bored at work. I have nothing to do 80% of my time. I'm forced to sit for the remaining time while feeling my brain cells committing apoptosis.

 

[Drakkith]

Hi Mulz. I think you would benefit from a mental health professional. Loneliness is a terrible thing to experience and affects every aspect of your life (I know from experience) and I think a psychologist or psychiatrist could be of great benefit to you. Especially since you know you suffer from depression, autism, and you have started to contemplate suicide.

You might also look around for a different job. I don't know much about you, but being single with no kids is prime time to job hunt for something you like instead of being forced into something you hate out of necessity and responsibility.

Since PF isn't a support forum and simply isn't equipped to deal with mental health issues I'm afraid I will have to lock this thread. Please feel free to contact myself or another mentor if you have any question, comments, or concerns.

P.S. Here is a page that contains suicide hotlines for just about every country. Please seek help sooner rather than later: https://blog.opencounseling.com/suicide-hotlines/

 

[jedishrfu]

Why not imagine yourself to be an inventor of medical equipment? You are surrounded by all sorts of equipment at work. How can you make things better, faster, smaller, smarter, cheaper ...?

As I read your post, I felt you've been given a great gift with all the free time you have and you're getting paid to do it. Its time to develop something cool with your skills. It could be software, hardware or both that benefits the medical community.

Recall it was the boredom of the patent office that Einstein used to develop his ground breaking theories in physics.

You could also begin self-study of some other interesting fields expanding your knowledge like history or literature or learning a new language. You could explore some new hobbies like flyfishing, martial arts, or music, ie things you never had time for before.