Is Confidence Just Arrogance in Disguise?

[Edin_Dzeko]

So I listened to a motivational speaker the other time and wow! I felt like I could do anything walking out of there. (religious views aside) I respect other people so I won't bring that into this. So that led me to this thread.

He said attitude was key. And that we could achieve more than we think.

In ALL aspects of life attitude most definitely IS key. Ex, in sports if you're going to face the opposition with the attitude that "we're going to lose" without a doubt you're going to get it handed to ya. Lol. But I mean, wouldn't confidence and a positive attitude somewhat be like arrogance?? Ex, "I can do anything!" "I can get any girl I want" isn't that "cocky" and arrogant?? You get rejected by someone and you go "well it's their loss not mine". Isn't that somewhat of a jerk?? Lol. what do you guys think? Lol.

 

[cronxeh]

Having confidence and being confident is the same thing. At first its arrogance, but as your success rate keeps improving and eventually transforms you from inside out, you are confident. No matter what you look like, within reasonable limits, if you are dressed the part, smell the part, look the part, and are confident to go along with it and not acting like a douchebag to the girls (i.e being rude/abrasive/outright insulting) then the mind plays tricks on you, it makes you look 'interesting'. Its like you seeing a blah, but it.. doesn't feel like a blah.. it doesn't even act like a blah, something is wrong with my blah radar. Next thing you know you are taking a genuine interest in ths person and an attraction is established.

Of course the flip side to this is that if you are really intelligent your super-ego will inform your ego to let the id play, but beware that its a fake.

 

[Ken Natton]

It doesn’t necessarily follow that arrogance is bad. Would anyone doubt the fact that Mohammed Ali was arrogant? But it was justified – he really was the greatest. The problem comes when your arrogance leads you to believe in your right to privileged treatment at the expense of others. I suppose it could be said, that is where to draw the line. Confidence, even extreme confidence of the type Mohammed Ali displayed, is about belief in yourself. Arrogance is about an unwarranted expectation of deference from others.

 

[Ivan Seeking]

So I listened to a motivational speaker the other time and wow! I felt like I could do anything walking out of there. (religious views aside) I respect other people so I won't bring that into this. So that led me to this thread.

He said attitude was key. And that we could achieve more than we think.

In ALL aspects of life attitude most definitely IS key. Ex, in sports if you're going to face the opposition with the attitude that "we're going to lose" without a doubt you're going to get it handed to ya. Lol. But I mean, wouldn't confidence and a positive attitude somewhat be like arrogance?? Ex, "I can do anything!" "I can get any girl I want" isn't that "cocky" and arrogant?? You get rejected by someone and you go "well it's their loss not mine". Isn't that somewhat of a jerk?? Lol. what do you guys think? Lol.

What you can first conceive, and then believe, you can achieve - Amway

Obviously that's a load of bull as we all have real limits. But we don't really know our limits. I don't think it is about arrogance as much as not setting artificial limits for ourselves. No matter how confident I might be, I cannot high-jump a ten-foot fence. But if I set a realistic goal, I am far more likely to reach that goal if failure is not considered an option.

I got started in my business in part by making promises that I had no idea how to keep. If someone asked me if I could do something, the answer was always yes. This was often followed by several weeks of panic as I frantically seached for ways to pull it off. Often, I had to give myself a crash course in some aspect of electrical or mechanical engineering, or I had to learn some proprietary code on the fly, but in the end, I was almost always successful. I knew that by not allowing myself an out, I was more likely to pull it off - I had no choice! And I had the faith in myself that I would do whatever it took to be successful. If it meant that I didn't sleep much for a month or two, so be it. So it wasn't arrogance on my part so much as a willingness to push myself as hard as needed. In my experience, this is one of the keys to success. I see it in whatever success that I've had in life, as well as in people who are highly successful.

 

[jackmell]

I got started in my business in part by making promises that I had no idea how to keep. If someone asked me if I could do something, the answer was always yes.

Yeah, know what you mean, "oh, yeah, of course, done that plenty times" to the customer. Never done it before, but if I told them that, they wouldn't hire me. "not gonna' let this fella work on my wiring if he ain't never did that before." Yeah, sounds dangerous I know but I'm good at it. Smart too helps. Jesus, was that just arrogance?

 

[Ivan Seeking]

Yeah, know what you mean, "oh, yeah, of course, done that plenty times" to the customer. Never done it before, but if I told them that, they wouldn't hire me. "not gonna' let this fella work on my wiring if he ain't never did that before." Yeah, sounds dangerous I know but I'm good at it. Smart too helps. Jesus, was that just arrogance?

Heh, I never lied, but I wasn't about to let the customer know that I had no idea how to pull it off.

The great thing about a physics degree [plus my background] is that one can honestly claim a little exposure to just about everything. And the truth be told, even with just a BS in physics, one has the basic tools needed to handle most challenges. I can open a book just like any grad student.

 

[D H]

In ALL aspects of life attitude most definitely IS key. Ex, in sports if you're going to face the opposition with the attitude that "we're going to lose" without a doubt you're going to get it handed to ya.

Suppose you and your weekend warrior buds form a football team, enter some local amateur C-league, and win the season. Doing that took some amount of confidence and skill. BUT ... it's an amateur C league that you won. All the confidence in the world won't help you beat the Saints or Chelsea (depending on what you mean by "football").

As Ivan said, you also need to be aware of your limits, sometimes confidently aware of your limits. Asking a customer in which millennium they want the results of some requested study takes some amount of cockiness. Telling them what they can forego and still get meaningful results, and get those results in short order takes knowledge and skill, not confidence. Confidence without any skill to back it up is false confidence, and it is false confidence that Amway reps and motivational speakers typically sell. True confidence is knowing what you can do well and being (somewhat) proud of it. That kind of confidence is important. Without it you almost certainly will be invisible in life.

The flip side of confidence is diffidence, or self-doubt. True diffidence is knowing your limits. You cannot drive well half an hour after downing six shots in quick succession. Thinking you can is false confidence. Knowing that you cannot is knowing your limits. False diffidence is what you need to watch out for. Another name for this is fear of failure, and perhaps that is what this motivational speaker was truly talking about.

 

[Greg Bernhardt]

Confidence with a girl is simply about being in control of yourself/situation and showing you are attentive (but you are not desperate). You must be able to move the conversation easily with humor, genuine interest and proper body language. Arrogance is when you start bragging about your car, job or hair and thinking she actually cares while you hang over her in a half unbuttoned shirt.

 

[DaveC426913]

...wouldn't confidence and a positive attitude somewhat be like arrogance??...

An arrogant person requires that other people know he can do anything.
A confident person requires only one person to know he can do anything.

 

[D H]

An arrogant person requires that other people know he can do anything.
A confident person requires only one person to know he can do anything.

Nicely said, but ... success in this competitive world requires some amount of blowing one's own horn. Suppose a job position opens up in your company. It probably won't be yours if you don't let others know you are interested in it. Flip side, suppose things go very bad in your company and, though no fault of yours, you find yourself out on the street. A new and better job is somewhere out there for your taking, but it will not be handed to you. You have to go look for it and, once you find it, present your case as to why that employer should hire you rather than someone else.

 

[Ivan Seeking]

Nicely said, but ... success in this competitive world requires some amount of blowing one's own horn.

Absolutely! It is a fine line between tooting and bragging, but humility will get you nowhere. You won't get noticed.

 

[Greg Bernhardt]

Absolutely! It is a fine line between tooting and bragging, but humility will get you nowhere.

Unless you are a Zen master :D

 

[Ivan Seeking]

Unless you are a Zen master :D

And I can tell you with the highest confidence that I have never encountered a Zen master who was serious professional competition!

 

[DaveC426913]

And I can tell you with the highest confidence that I have never encountered a Zen master who was serious professional competition!

That's because you're never competed for the role of Zen master.

"We are currently hiring for the position of Zen master! Make your career dreams come true with us! Great benefits, dynamic corporate culture, quarterly transendence reviews."

 

[Ivan Seeking]

That's because you're never competed for the role of Zen master.

"We are currently hiring for the position of Zen master! Make your career dreams come true with us! Great benefits, dynamic corporate culture, quarterly transendence reviews."

Funny, as a kid I considered the priesthood. Priests take vows of poverty, humility, and celibacy. By about age twelve, I realized this was not much of a sales pitch!

 

[brainstorm]

Arrogance in business works because business always operates on two levels. 1) people want to seduce you into playing against them and 2) people want to win against the people they seduce into putting resources on the table. So when you encounter someone arrogant in business, you are attracted to them because they represent the potential of someone who'll put their money where their mouth is and allow you to exploit them as a result. To be humble and still win, you have to already have an established position in the game you're playing.

Priest is a less vulnerable profession than business. Poverty, humility, and celibacy may not win you any profit, but they insulate you against loss. It is the wealth, arrogance, and libido of the businessperson that makes them more susceptible to loss when someone else more savvy comes along and exploits them instead of the reverse.

 

[GeorginaS]

An arrogant person requires that other people know he can do anything.
A confident person requires only one person to know he can do anything.

Okay, you're not living up to your nickname, here.

 

[DaveC426913]

Okay, you're not living up to your nickname, here.

A discussion about confidence is a bad place to start cracking jokes.

Remember the M*A*S*H episode where BJ was grilling Hawkeye with a questionnaire about insecurity?
Q1: <something innocuous>
A1: Hawkeye's usual wisecrackery.
Q2: <something innocuous>
A2: Hawkeye's usual wisecrackery.
Q3: "Do you have a constant need to crack jokes?"
A3. (deadpan) "No."

 

[GeorginaS]

A discussion about confidence is a bad place to start cracking jokes.

Remember the M*A*S*H episode where BJ was grilling Hawkeye with a questionnaire about insecurity?
Q1: <something innocuous>
A1: Hawkeye's usual wisecrackery.
Q2: <something innocuous>
A2: Hawkeye's usual wisecrackery.
Q3: "Do you have a constant need to crack jokes?"
A3. (deadpan) "No."

I had something funny to say, here, but I wouldn't want to unhitch your confidence, so I'll keep it to myself.

And now back to the topic at hand.

 

[MathConfusion]

There's a difference between confidence and arrogance... EVERYONE should be confident. Wear it every day, it's a very sexy look ;)
But really- confidence is knowing that you can do whatever it is you're set out to do. Arrogance is boasting to people that you can do whatever it is that you're set out to do. Arrogance is really all about boasting about yourself and not being humble. Confidence is really important, it gets you a lot of place, however, arrogance doesn't always get you places, especially with women/men.

 

[Physics-Learner]

i think several people have said the same thing, in which i am in agreement.

confidence is the inner knowing of who you are, what you can do, etc.

arrogance is the need for others to know that, in order to boost your usually low self esteem.

one is not arrogant to let a prospective boss know that you can do something well. arrogance is to let everyone around you know that you can do something well. the former is done to accomplish the acquiring of a job. the latter is done to accomplish the acquiring of oohs and aahs.

i played a lot of sports. my toughest opponent mentally was the mirror image of myself. someone who went about his business, never gave up, and never gave in. because you knew you were never going to get an easy point, never going to get him to cave in, etc. that opponent was truly the one with confidence. people in life who have the need to brag, usually don't have what it takes, when the going gets tough.

in other words, you had to continue playing your hardest until the fat lady sang.

btw, a lot of that ali stuff was intentionally to boost fan attention, and the following MONEY that came with it.

 

[DaveC426913]

btw, a lot of that ali stuff was intentionally to boost fan attention, and the following MONEY that came with it.

What?

 

[Physics-Learner]

earlier in the thread there was a comment about mohammed ali being arrogant - i was just saying that a lot of it was marketing strategy.

 

[DaveC426913]

Ah.[10 chars]

 

[Siv]

I think a lot depends on the innate nature of the person - we can't wish away genes after all, howmuchever we may want to.
Some people are naturally timid and self-effasive. To them confidence can rarely turn into arrogance.
But others have a tendency to go overboard and think that they are the world's answer to everything. These are people who need to tone down their confidence a little bit.

A one-size-fits-all motivational strategy is ********, if you ask me. Different people are different.