Is It Appropriate to Date a Coworker from HR?

[Physics_UG]

So the HR girl at my work came by to tell me my phone was ready and told me to go pick it up from the IT department. We walked together to pick the phone up. It was about a 10 minute walk I really like her and I think she likes me as she was acting all giddy like girls do when they like you. Well, she works a level below me and right under me. The building is huge but our desks are close together. I just don't think I will cross paths with her again. She left me her email, desk phone number and cell phone number and told me to call if I had any problems. Should I call her on her cell phone and ask her out? Or is that not appropriate since we work in the same building? It's a huge building though but I am afraid if she declines and I run into her again it will be awkward.

What should I do?

 

[Evo]

So the HR girl at my work came by to tell me my phone was ready and told me to go pick it up from the IT department. We walked together to pick the phone up. It was about a 10 minute walk I really like her and I think she likes me as she was acting all giddy like girls do when they like you. Well, she works a level below me and right under me. The building is huge but our desks are close together. I just don't think I will cross paths with her again. She left me her email, desk phone number and cell phone number and told me to call if I had any problems. Should I call her on her cell phone and ask her out? Or is that not appropriate since we work in the same building? It's a huge building though but I am afraid if she declines and I run into her again it will be awkward.

What should I do?

What is your company's policy on dating other employees?

 

[Physics_UG]

What is your company's policy on dating other employees?

Don't know.

 

[Evo]

Don't know.

Find out. My daughter's company forbids it.

If your company doesn't have rules against it, ask her out.

 

[Physics_UG]

Find out. My daughter's company forbids it.

If your company doesn't have rules against it, ask her out.

But it's soooo awkward asking girls out. I have never been afraid of rejection as most guys are. I just think it's awkward.

 

[turbo]

But it's soooo awkward asking girls out. I have never been afraid of rejection as most guys are. I just think it's awkward.

Just BE NICE! You don't have to come on to her, just be nice.

 

[DaveC426913]

But it's soooo awkward asking girls out. I have never been afraid of rejection as most guys are. I just think it's awkward.

Fake a problem with your phone to go see her (how do I change the password?) Chat her up. If she's still smiling, ask her if she wants to grab a coffee. "It's not a date, it's just coffee."

But yeah, check your company policy.

 

[PAllen]

I'm going to make the case that, barring policy against it, you should test this out. Along with the more common scenarios of meeting via common activities and school, I have a few personal experiences of dating coworkers - most importantly my wife of decades now. Over the years in business, I have also seen a good number of work romances, some leading to marriage. Along the way, I have experienced sticky situations from those that didn't work, and observed it in others. My take is that the horror stories get excessive play. None of the breakups I observed or experienced over these many years led to any catastrophe, nor more than a few months discomfort. I don't believe anyone felt the need to change jobs precipitously. A lot depends on people acting like adults. I even had the experience of later working for a woman who had broken up with me several months earlier [at the same company; then a re-org occurred]. Hard as it may be to believe, we had a brief discussion of whether we thought this was workable or would have to tell higher ups of the situation. We decided the opportunity was mutually beneficial, were willing to give it a go, and within a few months, everything felt pretty normal.

 

[DaveC426913]

I note, BTW that you say you think you would likely not cross paths with her again.

I'd say that mitigates the lion's share of common concerns about office romances, namely the awkwardness of having to work with someone that you have ceased to get along with.

 

[Physics_UG]

Well, she's not the right person to talk to for phone support anyways. I saw her going down the escalator from afar on Friday. Maybe I will run into her again since her desk if right below mine.

 

[arildno]

What is your company's policy on drilling a hole in your office floor, so that you can see her once again?

 

[Physics_UG]

What is your company's policy on drilling a hole in your office floor, so that you can see her once again?

actually she is two floors below me. I could just hang around at her door in her cubicle area and wait for her.

 

[DaveC426913]

I could just hang around at her door in her cubicle area and wait for her.

Stalking her. Only a smidge less creepy than spying on her from above. A smidge.

 

[turbo]

Just BE NICE! This isn't rocket surgery. Nice guys might finish last, but they finish. People who are polite and respectful get extra looks and consideration from the opposite sex.

 

[arildno]

Stalking her. Only a smidge less creepy than spying on her from above. A smidge.

Spying from above is much less creepy than spying from below, so I don't see your point.

 

[Astronuc]

So the HR girl at my work came by to tell me my phone was ready and told me to go pick it up from the IT department. We walked together to pick the phone up. It was about a 10 minute walk I really like her and I think she likes me as she was acting all giddy like girls do when they like you. Well, she works a level below me and right under me. The building is huge but our desks are close together. I just don't think I will cross paths with her again. She left me her email, desk phone number and cell phone number and told me to call if I had any problems. Should I call her on her cell phone and ask her out? Or is that not appropriate since we work in the same building? It's a huge building though but I am afraid if she declines and I run into her again it will be awkward.

What should I do?

It's interesting that she gave one her cell phone number - personal I presume - when all that one needed was her email and desk phone.

One should determine the company's policy on dating of coworkers. Some forbid it, some discourage it, others have certain restrictions. Since she's in HR, one could ask her about the policy.

If permissible, then one could ask her to lunch. Just keep it friendly - since one doesn't know the other.

One could perhaps find a reason to visit HR again.

 

[DaveC426913]

...spying from below...

spying from below?

 

[arildno]

spying from below?

You are such an innocent..that's very charming in you.

 

[Physics_UG]

It's interesting that she gave one her cell phone number - personal I presume - when all that one needed was her email and desk phone.

One should determine the company's policy on dating of coworkers. Some forbid it, some discourage it, others have certain restrictions. Since she's in HR, one could ask her about the policy.

If permissible, then one could ask her to lunch. Just keep it friendly - since one doesn't know the other.

One could perhaps find a reason to visit HR again.

Everyone at this company includes their cell phone number in their contact info. She just told me to see her signature for contact info. I don't think she meant anything by it.

 

[DaveC426913]

You are such an innocent..that's very charming in you.

Seriously. I don't know what that means in this context.

(If I had to guess I'd say - it involves shoes and mirrors? And that is was a facetious, rather than serious remark?)

 

[DaveC426913]

Everyone at this company includes their cell phone number in their contact info. She just told me to see her signature for contact info. I don't think she meant anything by it.

Just ask her for coffee awreddy.

Why do people think it's only guys who are shy about first contact?

 

[Physics_UG]

Just ask her for coffee awreddy.

Why do people think it's only guys who are shy about first contact?

well, if I run into her again in this giant building I will ask her.

 

[Skrew]

Never ask a girl out on a date that you have to see often. When she says no or breaks up with you, you will see her often and it will be awkward.

 

[dipole]

What's this nonsense about company policy?

Just ask her out, don't let a company tell you how to live your personal life. You don't have to let other people at work know.

 

[DaveC426913]

What's this nonsense about company policy?

Just ask her out, don't let a company tell you how to live your personal life. You don't have to let other people at work know.

Yes you do.

At least, if it's company policy you do. At companies where this is policy, employees will have signed an agreement upon hire that they agree to abide by company policy. Violating it is often a firing offense.

 

[Physics_UG]

I doubt I will even run into her again. :(

Also, I went to the gym today after 2 yrs of neglecting it. I could barely run a mile. I also gained a lot of weight. I need to either work out more or find a cute but non-picky girl.

 

[Physics_UG]

Never ask a girl out on a date that you have to see often. When she says no or breaks up with you, you will see her often and it will be awkward.

indeed. but I will probably never run into her unless I deliberately try to "run into her", but that's creepy.

 

[DaveC426913]

I doubt I will even run into her again. :(

Also, I went to the gym today after 2 yrs of neglecting it. I could barely run a mile. I also gained a lot of weight. I need to either work out more or find a cute but non-picky girl.

Bah. You're just trying to rationalize your way out of it.

indeed. but I will probably never run into her unless I deliberately try to "run into her", but that's creepy.

No it's not. That's what asking someone out that you like is about.

There's a comfortable gap between deliberately running into someone you work with anyway, and stalking someone by hanging around where you shouldn't be hanging around.

 

[Physics_UG]

There's a comfortable gap between deliberately running into someone you work with anyway, and stalking someone by hanging around where you shouldn't be hanging around.

The only thing I can devise is to stand around her office area and wait for her to come out. Then pounce on her.

 

[Monique]

One should determine the company's policy on dating of coworkers. [..] Since she's in HR, one could ask her about the policy.

 

[zoobyshoe]

Also, I went to the gym today after 2 yrs of neglecting it. I could barely run a mile. I also gained a lot of weight. I need to either work out more or find a cute but non-picky girl.

Work out more. You'll like yourself better.

 

[Physics_UG]

Well, I saw her in the parking lot a couple days ago. We said hi to each other but that's about it. She was getting into a car with one of the other HR guys. Don't know if they are dating or not.

 

[r4z0r84]

Might be her brother, Uncle, Friends Boyfriend, you don't know. I have met someone through work, i did nothing and hated myself for it. All i can suggest is trust your gut instinct, if she makes you go all gaga like a baby inside and she smiles when ever she seen you, go for it! Come to think of it, there are two girls at my current workplace that i like, but i do not love them or have the same feeling as i did towards the other girl, just make sure you like them for the right reasons.

The right reasons, Personality, Eyes and how they make you feel. All other visual things can be deceiving, i once knew a girl that i thought was the most stunning girl i had ever met, i talked with her and she turned out to be a complete snob and was flirty with all the other guys.

I think base line you should find out if she is single first, talk about guys you see her with, this way you get to find out if she is already taken and sometimes find out how she likes to be treated, from this you can suggest meeting up for a coffee or a hot chocolate depending on what she drinks to continue your conversation.

Don't worry about what you will say while your drinking your hot chocolate/coffee, just don't drink it so fast that you burn yourself or make it seem as if your rushing to get away, relax n blabber on about anything (dont talk about ex girlfriends) if you feel the urge to talk about one of your ex's refer to them as a friends current girlfriend and tell her that your friend is stupid for being with her, this ensures you are a decent guy and are looking for the same sort of relationship as she is.

Dont come on too strong! i have screwed a lot of relationships up by thinking THEY ARE THE ONE AND ONLY, blasting my way into trying to start a relationship, this causes so many problems its just not worth it. go with the flow.

I am not happily married but i guess i have had my fair share of girlfriends to know what love is and what lust is.

Your eyes can sometimes decieve you, don't fall for someone until you get to know what they are really like.

Hmm i think i have definately said too much, i do wish you all the best in bumping into her again and if you do just openly talk about how you felt when you first seen her, trust me it will either end in happyness or resolution, either way you are able to either can her from your prospective so you can move on with your life, or open a gateway to a whole new world of plus one.

Good luck!

 

[turbo]

If you think she like you, It means something going on her mind. If you show some courage and told her your own feeling. Make sure good result come in.

You don't have to be aggressive or forward. Just be nice. That will serve you well in the long run.

 

[chente12]

Don’t tell her your feelings or any of that other stuff. Seriously, you don’t know this girl well enough to get into that kind of stuff. Just look for her and when you find her say “hey want to grab some coffee/lunch?” or something to that degree. She’ll either say yes or no and if not will most likely make some sort of excuse so you don’t feel bad. If you guys hit it off then ask her some other time to do lunch again. You want to make her feel comfortable around you and figure out if she likes you. Who knows maybe she didn’t like you but she does now after getting to know you. If you don’t hit it off then at least you tried. It’s a fairly old post so I don’t know what has happened since then. Also, feel free to take or leave this advice, after all I pretty much just like rambling like I’m some sort of expert (which I assure you I’m not :) )