Is me being selfish that bad if it helps people?

[kittyfish]

So, I was telling my mom about how I wanted to be a psychologist to so I can make myself feel like a better person and have a purpose in life. She said it was a selfish/self-centered reason and that I should do it because I want to help people. I do want to help people but to make myself feel good in the long run. I was wondering if it was really a bad thing for the reason to want to help other to be selfish if it does good. I need to hear someone else's opinion.

 

[phinds]

I need to hear someone else's opinion.

Why would anyone else's opinion have any bearing on YOU? How I feel about it is irrelevant to you. You need to make up your own mind. You are the one who has to look in the mirror in the mornings.

 

[russ_watters]

Why would anyone else's opinion have any bearing on YOU? How I feel about it is irrelevant to you. You need to make up your own mind. You are the one who has to look in the mirror in the mornings.

I feel like you inadvertently answered the question.

 

[kittyfish]

Why would anyone else's opinion have any bearing on YOU? How I feel about it is irrelevant to you. You need to make up your own mind. You are the one who has to look in the mirror in the mornings.

I need to know if I would be viewed as a bad person. I don't want anyone to dislike me.

 

[berkeman]

So, I was telling my mom about how I wanted to be a psychologist to so I can make myself feel like a better person and have a purpose in life. She said it was a selfish/self-centered reason and that I should do it because I want to help people. I do want to help people but to make myself feel good in the long run.

Having a purpose and goals in life is a good thing. Please keep thinking along those lines, even though your purpose and goals may evolve over time as you get more schooling under your belt.

Have you been able to take any Psychology classes yet? That is a good way to start to get a feel for whether you enjoy the field and to help in your decisions on your goals in the next few years. When I give advice to folks who are interested in going into Medicine or EMS, one of my main points is that they should try to find some volunteer or other work where they can start to get some "patient contacts" to see if they enjoy those contacts with people. It would make no sense to have a goal of going to medical school to become a doctor, when you finally start seeing patients and discover you don't like it. For myself, I had plenty of exposure with basic patient contacts as a volunteer in high school and in my early engineering jobs (on my company Emergency Response Teams, etc.). When I started working part-time in EMS, I found I really enjoyed working with my patients, even ones who were badly injured or very ill. I like being able to use my skills to make a positive difference in their lives and well-being.

So similarly I would recommend you look into finding ways you can volunteer with different counseling services (assuming you are old enough to do that volunteer work), so you can start to see what kind of "patient contacts" a Psychologist routinely has. My daughter-in-law is a practicing Psychologist, and she is very caring and amazing. The work can be stressful at times, but I know that her work is important to her and she cares a lot about her patients.

Keep setting those goals, and try to get practical experience as you pursue them.

 

[BillTre]

I need to know if I would be viewed as a bad person. I don't want anyone to dislike me.

There will always be someone who will view you as a bad person.
Mother Teresa probably had some haters.

 

[phinds]

I don't want anyone to dislike me.

HA. Good luck with that.

 

[DennisN]

so I can make myself feel like a better person and have a purpose in life

Good reasons, I'd say.

I do want to help people but to make myself feel good in the long run.

That sounds quite fine, I think. I see no problem here, it's a win-win.
And of course you are allowed to think about your own wellbeing.
In fact, I'd say it is a necessity.

 

[DennisN]

I don't want anyone to dislike me.

Well, that will most likely happen no matter what you do .

There is a saying I've picked up from a wise person (in this case it was a youtuber), it went something like this: 10% will like you, 10% will dislike you and the other 80% will be lukewarm/neutral. Focus your energy on the 10% that like you, accept that many may be lukewarm/neutral and ignore the 10% that dislikes you.

- Edit start -

Edit: I want to add that the saying about 10%/80%/10% (maybe the numbers were 20/60/20, I don't remember) was about visitors/commentors on a youtube channel, and it may not be applicable to all situations. For instance, if you have customers/clients/patients it may not be possible to just focus your energy on only 10% of them, of course.

I mentioned it as a possibly helpful guideline in private life; the idea is to, over time, to become acquainted with the 10-20% which like you (and vice versa), and accept that most people will be rather neutral, and that some people will dislike you for one reason or another.

- Edit end -

Also, there is a quote by Winston Churchill that I very much enjoy:

 

[jrmichler]

I don't want anyone to dislike me.

This is a recipe for failure. Search people pleaser to learn more about this, why taking it too far is harmful to you, and what you can do about it.

A psychologist working as a counselor needs be able to guide their clients to face up to unpleasant facts. One such client described a recent counseling session as tough, useful, and pointedly did not describe the counselor as nice.

 

[berkeman]

This is a recipe for failure. Search people pleaser to learn more about this, why taking it too far is harmful to you, and what you can do about it.

Which they will learn more about in their upcoming Psychology classes.

 

[BillTre]

This attitude of "don't expect all people to like you" might be useful as a protective social filter for some people.

 

[Vanadium 50]

Why would anyone else's opinion have any bearing on YOU

Amd why does our opinion matter? Ypu posted that the same minuiite your joined - why does the opinion of a bunch of strangers matter?

 

[DaveC426913]

This is what stood out to me. Just want to get clarification.

I wanted to be a psychologist to so I can make myself feel like a better person

How does the latter follow from the former in your view?

A cynical person might read that as you hope to meet troubled people and, by contrast, view yourself as better than them. Is this what you meant?

 

[Averagesupernova]

When it comes down to it everything we do is driven by a selfish need. No one intentionally chooses a career that makes them feel unfulfilled. That is not a good feeling. I may choose a technical career that in the end makes people happy because it allows them to view crap on TV or whatever. But meanwhile I realize I really don't like most people and couldn't care less that they are happy but I enjoy telecommunications, so that's what I do. Hypothetical situation. Other such scenarios can apply.
-
If you like helping people, and choose a career that does that, you are simply feeding your own need. The fact that you are helping people is a byproduct. Don't feel guilty about it or let anyone try to put you down for it. Chances are they are no better than you.

 

[Tom.G]

Each person has 'needs', 'wants', capabilities, and preferences.
And of course those over time they change somewhat.

With over 8 billion people presently alive, there is great opportunity for a synergy between them; thus matching the capabilities and preferences of one to the needs and wants of another seems to be the ideal.

Pick your preference and persue it!

If it is not useful/comfortable, there will not be many buyers. At some point there will be a match between 'needs'/'wants' and capabilities/preferences. That is the point when both sides are improved.

Go for it and see if you (and others) like it.

Enjoy!
Tom

 

[Rive]

I wanted to be a psychologist to so I can make myself feel like a better person ...

Well, extensive self-analysis without external reference is just a straight way down to madness.
Psychologists are still expected to consult a psychologist if they have psychological problems. So if your expectation is to be able to tweak with your own psyche, then - nope.

... have a purpose in life.

If you feel psychology meaningful and you feel like you want to do psychology for the rest of your life (or at least: for long enough) in itself, then it's fine. Feel free to do that.
But I think you should ask yourself first - do you really want to do it? Even without that supposed 'all pink' button?

 

[Klystron]

Psychologists are still expected to consult a psychologist if they have psychological problems

Depending on your psychological training and orientation, many health professionals also attend counseling throughout their careers as part of ongoing self-realization, familiarization and continuing study. Sigmund Freud famously supported Carl Jung in both career and theories.

 

[kittyfish]

Having a purpose and goals in life is a good thing. Please keep thinking along those lines, even though your purpose and goals may evolve over time as you get more schooling under your belt.

Have you been able to take any Psychology classes yet? That is a good way to start to get a feel for whether you enjoy the field and to help in your decisions on your goals in the next few years. When I give advice to folks who are interested in going into Medicine or EMS, one of my main points is that they should try to find some volunteer or other work where they can start to get some "patient contacts" to see if they enjoy those contacts with people. It would make no sense to have a goal of going to medical school to become a doctor, when you finally start seeing patients and discover you don't like it. For myself, I had plenty of exposure with basic patient contacts as a volunteer in high school and in my early engineering jobs (on my company Emergency Response Teams, etc.). When I started working part-time in EMS, I found I really enjoyed working with my patients, even ones who were badly injured or very ill. I like being able to use my skills to make a positive difference in their lives and well-being.

So similarly I would recommend you look into finding ways you can volunteer with different counseling services (assuming you are old enough to do that volunteer work), so you can start to see what kind of "patient contacts" a Psychologist routinely has. My daughter-in-law is a practicing Psychologist, and she is very caring and amazing. The work can be stressful at times, but I know that her work is important to her and she cares a lot about her patients.

Keep setting those goals, and try to get practical experience as you pursue them.

Do you know if they'd allow middle schoolers to volunteer?

 

[kittyfish]

This is what stood out to me. Just want to get clarification.

How does the latter follow from the former in your view?

A cynical person might read that as you hope to meet troubled people and, by contrast, view yourself as better than them. Is this what you meant?

No, I want to help people so that I feel like the good I've done outweighs the bad. It's like wanting to make a positive impact on the world or something.

 

[kittyfish]

Well, extensive self-analysis without external reference is just a straight way down to madness.
Psychologists are still expected to consult a psychologist if they have psychological problems. So if your expectation is to be able to tweak with your own psyche, then - nope.


If you feel psychology meaningful and you feel like you want to do psychology for the rest of your life (or at least: for long enough) in itself, then it's fine. Feel free to do that.
But I think you should ask yourself first - do you really want to do it? Even without that supposed 'all pink' button?

What does the pink button part mean? But, yeah, I wanna do it. At first I wanted to do therapy but then I looked into the differences and decided that psychology is so much cooler. Something cool and helpful is like the best thing I could think of. Anthropology sounded cool too but picking it because of a video game character (Korekiyo <33) would be kinda silly.

 

[DaveC426913]

No, I want to help people so that I feel like the good I've done outweighs the bad. It's like wanting to make a positive impact on the world or something.

OK. That's what I thought.

So why are you questioning your motives as being selfish? There's a difference between self-interest and selfish.

Being selfish is putting your own desires first at the expense of others.

There's nothing wrong with something that meets your desires that also helps other people.

Generally, it is wise to go into a field that you are interested in and gives you a feeling of satisfaction. No one in their right mind would urge you to go into a field that you disliked.

 

[Rive]

What does the pink button part mean? But, yeah, I wanna do it.

That 'make myself' part hinted a possibility that you wish to use psychology as a tool for self-adjustment/repair. That's not working, no such magic wand/pink button.

What can make you feel accomplished, having fun and good company and so on - that's what does the trick, be it psychology or anything else.

 

[BillTre]

So why are you questioning your motives as being selfish? There's a difference between self-interest and selfish.

Being selfish is putting your own desires first at the expense of others.

Good point, and to elaborate upon it, there are both extreme and intermediate possible positions between being self serving enough to sustain oneself (biologically and socially). There can always be made some argument, logical sounding at each step (at least to some people) that can be used to weasel an argument to some weird conclusion. These things should be examined from a reality friendly point of view.

Some minimal amount of self-care is required for your persistence.
This could be seen as allowing the positive things you do have a larger social benefit. Alternatively, you could die and those positive effects would be lost, like the Christmas movie, "It's a Wonderful Life".

That defines the minimal levels of self support required. Maybe like some acetic monk.
Depending on what you think of with respect to:

• self-development/improvement (like education/experience),
• ability to direct additional resources to a problem (power),
• reproduction (make more like you),
• other stuff

Too much self care is harder to define because of the pervasive weasle-iness of the arguments made (by paid spokes people) in favor of these excesses.

Somewhere in that cloud of those variables (bulleted points) would be your personal balancing point, with respect to acceptable levels of self-care vs, social good. This would probably be different for other people.
Alternatively, you might oscillate between two or more different states (spend different in different seasons) or
change over time in response to results from your previous experiences.

Its very complex and will probably change over time.

Pick a path and see how it works out.

 

[Averagesupernova]

No, I want to help people so that I feel like the good I've done outweighs the bad.

Do you care to define 'bad' in your situation? You may have made poor choices in the past but no amount of do-gooding can magically nullify that. That is the first thing you need to accept.

 

[BWV]

I need to know if I would be viewed as a bad person. I don't want anyone to dislike me.

It’s none of your business what other people think of you

 

[jbriggs444]

If the goal is to make the world a happier place on average, the most effective place to focus your efforts is on making yourself happy. You are part of the average. The easiest part to affect.

If you can do that much without hurting other people (on average), anything more is gravy.

Personally, I can put the blinders on, think small and take pride in a job well done, satisfied customers/clients and the respect of my co-workers. Like many others, I have worked for an employer that could be regarded either positively or negatively.