- #1
lonton
- 19
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[you don't know who I am, except my username 'lonton', which is why I am not afraid to share with you all about my family's private problem. This is a public information forums where we come to share our experience as well as to seek answers for our homework, right ?].
You might already know that public recognition of gay males/females in our society is basically just at its beginning stage in current social development. Not only in my present country do people disgust homosexuals, I suppose even in the US many still discrimate and keep distances from gay people from time to time. My father is old now and his time in schools 30-40 years ago was really hard for him to be truly "him". The higher social ranks he obtained, the more emotional contradictions he had to suppressed inside. He married, had children, not 1 but 4. When I was a 5 year old baby sitting on his laps, I saw him cry. He looked far but I am sure he saw nothing. I am now 25 years old, and worked for a Mcdonald store 11 kms away from home. On a cool Sunny day, I asked my boss for a day off, I rode my bicycle around a milky cow farm far from home and I saw my father was kissing a young man of my age in the bush near the farm gate. He was completely nude. That scene was like a thunder bolt that seemed to turn me dumb and deaf, I couldn't speak up a word. I jumped on my bicycle riding fast on the road that I also didn't know where it would led me to. I just rode faster and faster. They both didn't see me. But true I was so really shocked. I realize also that his stay with my mother, having children and socializing with other men in companies was just an excuse to keep his miserable soul as pure as what he was born to have.
He is now already ~57-58 years old, my mother sure knows nothing about his contradictory feelings he has to deal with everyday. Even when she could recognize her husband's sadness sometimes, her comforts and sexual affairs as a special kind of treatments would never be able to release the pain he has been suffering for years. Many people would be in a complete agreement that I should keep what I saw as a secret, just like an unspoken suffering he has had thus far. Some will say it is a lie my father is telling my mother but I suppose it is a little contentment a gay male like my father has the right to have...
You might already know that public recognition of gay males/females in our society is basically just at its beginning stage in current social development. Not only in my present country do people disgust homosexuals, I suppose even in the US many still discrimate and keep distances from gay people from time to time. My father is old now and his time in schools 30-40 years ago was really hard for him to be truly "him". The higher social ranks he obtained, the more emotional contradictions he had to suppressed inside. He married, had children, not 1 but 4. When I was a 5 year old baby sitting on his laps, I saw him cry. He looked far but I am sure he saw nothing. I am now 25 years old, and worked for a Mcdonald store 11 kms away from home. On a cool Sunny day, I asked my boss for a day off, I rode my bicycle around a milky cow farm far from home and I saw my father was kissing a young man of my age in the bush near the farm gate. He was completely nude. That scene was like a thunder bolt that seemed to turn me dumb and deaf, I couldn't speak up a word. I jumped on my bicycle riding fast on the road that I also didn't know where it would led me to. I just rode faster and faster. They both didn't see me. But true I was so really shocked. I realize also that his stay with my mother, having children and socializing with other men in companies was just an excuse to keep his miserable soul as pure as what he was born to have.
He is now already ~57-58 years old, my mother sure knows nothing about his contradictory feelings he has to deal with everyday. Even when she could recognize her husband's sadness sometimes, her comforts and sexual affairs as a special kind of treatments would never be able to release the pain he has been suffering for years. Many people would be in a complete agreement that I should keep what I saw as a secret, just like an unspoken suffering he has had thus far. Some will say it is a lie my father is telling my mother but I suppose it is a little contentment a gay male like my father has the right to have...