Is Verbal Harassment Acceptable in the Tutoring Industry?

[spaghetti3451]

I have been tutoring two year 9 kids (a brother and a sister) at their house 6 days a week for two hours for the last nine months. Now, I felt that the pay was too low compared to the hours I spend there. So, I wanted to take up jobs elsewhere. I didn't want to tell them that the pay was the issue, because their father was not a decent person and would somehow make me stay at his place and tutor his kids. So, I told them that I had family issues and wanted to leave within ten days.

I discussed this issue with the guy and told him that my problem was family-related (implying that I did not want to discuss my problem with them). The guy was not satisfied because apparently to them I was a gem of a tutor (in terms of tutoring ability), and he said I couldn't leave because his kids would be hurt, that they have exams coming up in four or five months, that he considers me to be a part of the family, that he wants to speak to my father about the issue, that I couldn't leave my tutoring assignment and leave alone, etc. etc. He wanted to know about my problems and I tried my best to close off the matter with a resounding no. I couldn't actually say a 'resounding no' because that's not how I normally deal with the parents of tutees, but I told him that if I start to negotiate with him in a professional way, and by professional, I meant like a proper businessman doing the deal and no emotional baggage in the way, then I could say a lot of things he wouldn't like.

And then he started to verbally harass me. (I can't write down the actual words because of physicsforums' policy on slangs.) He went on to say he could make my life a living hell, that he could monitor every second of my life (This guy was a colonal in the army), that he could finish me once and for all. And then he said he'll speak with me tomorrow.

How much madder can someone get?

 

[jedishrfu]

Don't be bullied! Record your conversations with him for use later, document your past conversations.

He's not mad at you, he's trying to intimidate you. He apparently always gets his way and being a colonel has empowered him greatly.

It's past telling him its the pay issue. So stick to your grounds its a personal / family issue. It really is now.

Here's an article I found of parents bullying teachers. They have other people that they can go to but it seems you have only your family.

http://articles.chicagotribune.com/...-20100621_1_dear-teacher-bullying-parent-acts

Lastly, don't use any computer in their house to login into your email, PF or any other website. He may have it monitored.

 

[Evo]

Unfortunately things are handled differently in different countries. Here in the US, you could report him to the authorities if he tried to carry through any of his threats or coerce you into working.

Are there authorities there that protect people?

I would give him written notice that you'll be gone in 2 weeks, no explanation is necessary. I assume this is not legally contracted work, which seems to be common in some countries where the employee is commited, and they also can't be fired. That's another thing uncommon in the US that I was shocked to find is the norm in many European countries. It seems medieval to me.

If the situation is such that you are too afraid to quit, become a really bad tutor.

 

[spaghetti3451]

Unfortunately things are handled differently in different countries. Here in the US, you could report him to the authorities if he tried to carry through any of his threats or coerce you into working.

Are there authorities there that protect people?

I would give him written notice that you'll be gone in 2 weeks, no explanation is necessary. I assume this is not legally contracted work, which seems to be common in some countries where the employee is commited, and they also can't be fired. That's another thing uncommon in the US that I was shocked to find is the norm in many European countries. It seems medieval to me.

If the situation is such that you are too afraid to quit, become a really bad tutor.

Where I come from, there is no law and order. Police can be bribed at all levels of the infrastructure. Money equals power here in my country. You can bribe your way into anything and everyone in the country knows it. In fact, in a recent survey of worldwide importance, my country was ranked at the top for being the most corrupted country on the planet for a consecutive three times. In our country, we often joke that just as Brazil, we won the world cup three time, but not in football, in corruption.

I definitely feel like hiring a local gang and pay them to beat him up and break his legs for life, so that he can only live on his pension and repent all day. But that's only a fantasy, which I get automatically engaged in since I want revenge for what he's done to me emotionally.

As you point out, no explanation is necessary, but given the nature of part-time tutoring jobs in this country ( if you talk a lot with kids during the lessons, get to know them, etc), that you emotionally feel connected (although, you tell yourself all the time that this is a temporary job and he and I will not know each other after a couple years), so some part of you wants give an explanation for why you want to leave.

I guess I should have walked on a fine line right from the start. I should have been neither an excellent tutor nor a bad tutor. Now, they feel I am so good that they can't let me go.

 

[jedishrfu]

and then there's the sufi story of the caged bird:

A man kept a bird in a beautiful cage. He was going to visit the bird's homeland and asked, "do you want me to bring you anything?" The bird replied, "If you see any of my relatives, please tell them that I live with you in a beautiful cage." While traveling, the man saw a bird like his own. "I was asked to tell you that one of your birds lives with me in a beautiful cage," he said. The bird fell on its back, legs in the air. It looked dead. "How sad," the man thought. Back home, he told his bird what had happened. Immediately, his bird fell on its back, legs in the air. "The news must have killed him." The man put the bird's body on the open window sill. At once, the bird flew off, crying, "I knew my relatives would find a way to help me free myself."

 

[Evo]

I'm really sad about the situation and that the man is a bad person that can cause you trouble, I was afraid that might be the case.

Can you work out a compromise where you tutor them only a few hours a week?

 

[jedishrfu]

well here's the latest top ten countries:

http://www.businessinsider.com/the-10-most-corrupt-countries-in-the-world-2011-12?op=1

 

[jedishrfu]

Remember don't use the family's computer to access any of your personal accounts and remember to document and record all conversations.

I'm not sure if Evo's suggestion of becoming a bad tutor will work especially if the kids are smart perhaps you could find a better tutor for them.

 

[Evo]

well here's the latest top ten countries:

http://www.businessinsider.com/the-10-most-corrupt-countries-in-the-world-2011-12?op=1

That's more government & big business corruption. I think fail means more along the lines of % of the total population being corrupt, in some coutries it's the way of life, or so it would seem.

 

[spaghetti3451]

I'm not sure if Evo's suggestion of becoming a bad tutor will work especially if the kids are smart perhaps you could find a better tutor for them.

I guess the point is to not show up regularly and to tutor them in such a way that the kids don't understand the concepts very well. This will have the effect of them starting to feel that I am not good enough and eventually they will ask to leave the tuition.

And anyway, I'm not going into tutor his kids. It's good to care about money, but it's also important to maintain a sense of dignity. I was not scolded by the prime minister. I was verbally abused by a small-time service holder. He's not some big industrialist who can manipulate people with money. He's just a rogue who thinks his words mean something. I don't care if he hasn't paid my month's salary. It's to do with respect. He can't just treat like this.

 

[spaghetti3451]

That's more government & big business corruption. I think fail means more along the lines of % of the total population being corrupt, in some coutries it's the way of life, or so it would seem.

That's right! One of the main causes of heavy traffic jams in the central points of the city where I live is that the traffic police would not let the vehicles cross the street unless they get paid for their tea and lunch. Many times, I have seen people stare while the traffic police was haggling with the driver for payment. In most cases though, the drivers just pay without question.

 

[jedishrfu]

I guess the point is to not show up regularly and to tutor them in such a way that the kids don't understand the concepts very well. This will have the effect of them starting to feel that I am not good enough and eventually they will ask to leave the tuition.

Okay but consider finding a better tutor. It becomes a win-win situation if you succeed. If you get the kids on your side then it might work.

 

[spaghetti3451]

Okay but consider finding a better tutor. It becomes a win-win situation if you succeed. If you get the kids on your side then it might work.

Why should I find a tutor for them? Am I getting paid for that? And given all that he's done to me emotionally, he should call me and apologise for everything.

 

[jedishrfu]

Why should I find a tutor for them? Am I getting paid for that? And given all that he's done to me emotionally, he should call me and apologise for everything.

You're young. You must begin to think outside of the box. You won't get an apology, he's doing what he thinks is in the best interests of his kids. You would do whatever it takes for your kids although I'm sure without the bullying.

Do the math. You want out so you find someone to take your place. You're free and the new tutor now has a paying job. The father doesn't have to be a part of the equation.

 

[ilhan8]

he says in another post he is from an indian subcontinental country.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Indian_subcontinent

 

[ilhan8]

candidates: india, bangladesh, pakistan, sri lanka, nepal, etc.

 

[spaghetti3451]

I'm really sad about the situation and that the man is a bad person that can cause you trouble, I was afraid that might be the case.

Can you work out a compromise where you tutor them only a few hours a week?

Well, as happens with wealthy people or those who like to live like wealthy people, they always want more, and the more you give them, the more they want. There is no recognition of the hard work you put in. And a lot of times, they might treat you condescendingly and feel that they did no such thing.

Now, they caught me on a fine line because they know I'm on a gap year. So, I know that if I want to lessen my hours, he would tell me that I am free a lot of hours, so why shouldn't I come? It's as if I need them. Financially. Would you believe it? What right does he have to ask me this question? But that's what he would have done, because, as you rightly pointed out, he is a bad person. In fact, I think he was drunk as hell when he abused me.

 

[ilhan8]

my guess is Bangladesh.
an indian subcontinental country with corruption.

 

[jedishrfu]

my guess is Bangladesh.
an indian subcontinental country with corruption.

It doesn't really matter what country unless he tells us. The issue is how to get out of a bad situation without making it a worse situation.

 

[spaghetti3451]

my guess is Bangladesh.
an indian subcontinental country with corruption.

It IS Bangladesh. I sometimes rue the fact that I was born in this dustbin.

 

[jedishrfu]

you said you're in a gap year, what does that mean exactly? is this the time you take a journey or do independent study? Perhaps you can take a trip to a distant relative to get out of this situation.

 

[spaghetti3451]

you said you're in a gap year, what does that mean exactly? is this the time you take a journey or do independent study? Perhaps you can take a trip to a distant relative to get out of this situation.

A gap year, as in, taking leave from your university because of medical or financial or personal reasons, with the intention of resuming you studies at the uni after the year has passed.

I don't think I'm in such a dire situation. I once had a mother threatening me that if I don't tutor her kid, she would call my tutoring agency and report me. Of course, she couldn't. It was just a fake threat. Because that agency did not deal with such issues. lol

This is a far more serious case, though. Because you can kill a person in this country and dump him on the street or, to make it more vivid, cut you into a hundred pieces and put them into a sack and dump the sack in the bin. No one would ever know. The police wouldn't care. They have far more important things to attend to, like who can bribe them with enough money so they can keep buying new apartments and mansions and luxury cars and whatnot.

 

[jedishrfu]

how did you make out?