Making the Most of Meetings with Friends

[rootX]

What exactly you do when you meet friends? Do you talk like whatever comes to your mind?

I would have to meet two friends (separately, I can avoid one but can't really do anything about other one) in coming months and I just don't see any point in it but I am being dragged into it by them.

Some of the last ones were complete disaster. Because I cannot think as good as her so she provided some guidelines:
1) I shouldn't talk about work
2) I shouldn't give lessons about safety or her uneconomical actions
3) I shouldn't make recommendations that can optimize her actions
4) I should not perform any kind of analysis

And, I just cannot think what else I can talk about. I worked hard last time and came up with some things which did not go beyond 5 minutes! I had prepared few questions like her health, work, family, and what she's up to. Fortunately, it's only twice a year!

 

[tribdog]

Can I call him a nerd without getting another demerit? I won't if I can't.
Try this, don't go into the conversation thinking you are better than the other person. That's the only reason you think you have a better way of doing things. Health, work and family and what she's up to should cover about 19 hours worth of conversation anyway. If it doesn't then don't talk, or talk about whatever you are doing, eating, seeing at that moment.
If you have nothing else to talk about then don't stare. Fall down, act hurt and let the paramedics take you away.

 

[WarPhalange]

Ask her about her foreign policy experience and how she would fix the current economic crisis.

 

[TheStatutoryApe]

Make stuff up.
Tell her about your plan to dominate the world.

 

[cristo]

Why are you forcing yourself to meet up with a 'friend'? If you don't enjoy spending time with someone, then why bother?

 

[mcknia07]

Talk about her clothes, if she looks nice that day, or the weather...

Who is forcing you to meet new people?

 

[Astronuc]

What exactly you do when you meet friends? Do you talk like whatever comes to your mind?

I would have to meet two friends (separately, I can avoid one but can't really do anything about other one) in coming months and I just don't see any point in it but I am being dragged into it by them.

How did these people become friends that one would wish to avoid? I enjoy being with friends, and we spend time catching up on what has happened in our lives and in the world.

One could ask the friend what has been happening with him/her since last time, and perhaps inquire about family (e.g. parents, siblings, grandparents), how is the friend doing in school or work, what are the plans for the futures. And then just listen.

Then there are a variety of subjects like food, gardening, books, movies, music/art, politics & world affairs, . . . . Just look at all the topics in General Discussion.

 

[rootX]

Why are you forcing yourself to meet up with a 'friend'? If you don't enjoy spending time with someone, then why bother?

Who is forcing you to meet new people?

I am not meeting new people. They are the only ones who know me personally (all others are just for work - whom I don't see once the work is done), and they neither are in my program (non-engineers which sucks!). I never made them my friends; they both just forced me into it despite all my attempts to avoid them!

I never want to meet them but I can be just over generous when they need help (and they don't have to ask for it). I also over care telling to sleep properly, etc ... I love doing that with others too (even strangers). But either I get odd looks (if I help someone without being asked) or I loss time (which is limited now) or I get into trouble when I am helping someone who would start bugging me for everything else. So, I don't do that. That's the only reason they are still here.

 

[Moonbear]

If you are this uncomfortable meeting up with them, and don't know what to talk about, why are you calling them friends? They don't sound like friends to me, they sound more like random acquaintances you feel compelled to socialize with.

If you don't want to spend time with them, you could just tell them you don't have time or have other things to do. Or, you can just sit there and don't say anything when you meet up, let them do all the talking, and when you're bored, tell them you're bored and going home. They'll get the hint and stop asking you to hang out with them if you have nothing to say.

 

[rootX]

If you are this uncomfortable meeting up with them, and don't know what to talk about, why are you calling them friends?

They came up with that. They both said they are my friends. (I really don't believe into this things though).

If you don't want to spend time with them, you could just tell them you don't have time or have other things to do. Or, you can just sit there and don't say anything when you meet up, let them do all the talking, and when you're bored, tell them you're bored and going home. They'll get the hint and stop asking you to hang out with them if you have nothing to say.

Yep, I always do that! I just never get anything interesting to talk about so I would sit there and then after some minutes tell them I got some work to do and leave.
If they have something interesting like they need my help or just some one to listen to their stories then that's fun, and I love doing that!

 

[Moonbear]

They came up with that. They both said they are my friends. (I really don't believe into this things though).

Then they have a strange definition of friends too. If you don't enjoy their company, and it really sounds like you don't, just turn down their offers. You're not obligated to be friends with anyone who asks if you really have so little in common that you have to stress out about finding topics to talk about when you meet.

 

[WarPhalange]

I've been in the same spot rootx. Someone decides they like me and wants to hang out, but I really don't want to, but I can't turn them down. What it boils down to is your confidence. You don't want to look stupid by turning them down and are afraid to do so, but in the end you'll save yourself a lot of hassle if you do it now, instead of waiting and hoping they figure it out on their own.

 

[rootX]

Try this, don't go into the conversation thinking you are better than the other person. That's the only reason you think you have a better way of doing things.

I am sure you are right! I also realized that and I am working on making sure that I respect others even if their methods of living are inefficient from my perspective.

Then they have a strange definition of friends too. If you don't enjoy their company, and it really sounds like you don't, just turn down their offers. You're not obligated to be friends with anyone who asks if you really have so little in common that you have to stress out about finding topics to talk about when you meet.

I've been in the same spot rootx. Someone decides they like me and wants to hang out, but I really don't want to, but I can't turn them down. What it boils down to is your confidence. You don't want to look stupid by turning them down and are afraid to do so, but in the end you'll save yourself a lot of hassle if you do it now, instead of waiting and hoping they figure it out on their own.

Dealing with people who don't share any interests is a good experience and makes you more mature. And it is hard to find people who are honest, trust worthy and fair. That's why I just try little harder each year to meet with their expectations (and I feel obligated to do so too).
I turn down almost everyone when they directly approach me for any kind of personal relationship and I am still not sure if it is right.

 

[cristo]

I turn down almost everyone when they directly approach me for any kind of personal relationship and I am still not sure if it is right.

No, it's not right for you to be such a recluse at a young age. I would look into seeing someone who can help you professionally.

 

[JasonRox]

Depends on who. One of my good friends, I actually no very little about. We usually talk about life and how to live it, and issues we've had regarding that. We've been friends for 7 years. I have no idea when his birthday is, what he's planning to do with school, who his other good friends are, and basic things like that. Things most people say you should know. But I do know more of his values, approach on life, how he wants to live it and all that jazz. Whenever we do get together, we talk for hours yet none of those things come up actually.

My other friends, it's kept basic like... what's new and things. I personally bring out topics out of the blue. I'm not particularly fond of those who can't reflect on their own life without getting insulted. When they do, I ignore them and I don't talk to them again. Yet, they will seek me all the time because a lot of times I'm seen as a "positive sphere" because I'm generally always having a good time. Yet, when people ask me how I go about to achieve this, they feel like I'm attacking them when really I'm explaining when I do. So in essence, they see that they don't see life like me and then feel insulted because I guess they don't do it that way, and I guess implicitly I'm saying your method sucks. But I never do say that and I only suggest at broadening your views on things and trying them out.

You don't have freedom without being aware that your method of living is a choice you made. In essence, freeing your mind and life is coming to the point of making decisions from scratch, free of social-norms and free of non-constructive emotions.

If someone isn't willing to do that while they have a relationship with me, that relationship will never last.

Note: Like the current one.

 

[Cyrus]

Ask her about her foreign policy experience and how she would fix the current economic crisis.

Bwua-hahahahhahha.....sorry. I didn't realize her name was Lou Dobbs.

 

[Cyrus]

You want to know what I do when people try to talk to me and I don't want to talk to them. I stare them in the face and say 'yeah, hi.' and walk away.

Come on rootx, you need to have grown a spine by this age in life.

 

[Mk]

1) I shouldn't talk about work
2) I shouldn't give lessons about safety or her uneconomical actions
3) I shouldn't make recommendations that can optimize her actions
4) I should not perform any kind of analysis

Sweet rootX! You're a cool guy.

Oh, and 2) and 3) could be compressed into just "I shouldn't make recommendations about safety or efficiency to her."

I turn down almost everyone when they directly approach me for any kind of personal relationship and I am still not sure if it is right.

That's the only way you can tell man. How old are you?