Mr. Laborman launched IDUMP4U.com

[GeorginaS]

Last fall, Mr. Laborman launched IDUMP4U.com, an e-business through which strangers pay him $10 to break up with their significant others by phone. He posts some of the heart-wrenching, sleazy and just-plain-uncomfortable recordings of the calls on his YouTube channel.

http://www.theglobeandmail.com/life/family-and-relationships/hell-dump-your-lover-for-you-over-the-phone-and-post-it-online/article1490172/"

So the gist here is that you pay this guy $10.00 and he phones up your significant other and tells them that you're no longer a couple. And he records the conversations and posts them on YouTube.

Is this an escape hatch for gutless wonders who don't want to take responsibility for the consequences of their actions? I know several people (sorry, mostly guys) who will simply walk away from relationships, not return phone calls, not return e-mails, not respond to any sort of attempts at communication by someone they've been seeing because they "don't want to hurt the person in question". They think that it's better if the person "would just take a hint" that it would be better for both of them. And it's not. The only person it's better for is the person who doesn't have to witness how they've hurt another person by dumping them, and they don't have to deal with the fall-out such as witnessing tears. The dumper gets to walk away without having to deal with someone else's feelings, and the dumpee wanders around trying to figure out what on Earth happened.

Maybe something like this, then, is preferable for people like that. At least the dumpee gets the straight goods. "Look, he's not your boyfriend any more. He's been seeing someone else." It's out there, on the table, or in this case, on YouTube.

Listening to some of the conversations is heart-wrenching. I only managed to sit through one. I don't want to witness that.

Anyhow, good thing? Bad thing? Abdication of personal responsibility? Further depersonalisation of society? An effective way to help everyone make a clean break as quickly and painlessly as possible? Or some other option?

 

[MotoH]

I find the ones that are on radio talk shows way better. They at least are dumping their S/O for a legitimate reason like cheating.

 

[Evo]

The way he's mumbling "this is being recorded" is very hard to understand unless you are specifically trying to hear it. I think he's going to get sued and lose. It's obvious the people did not hear what he said, he's treading a fine line.

If he wants to call people and dump them, whatever, but his posting their phone call without their consent on the internet is in extremely poor taste.

 

[rootX]

Whether cheaters or not, everyone deserves privacy and respect. Is it legal to put their recorded messages on a public website (without their consent)?

 

[rootX]

(sorry, mostly guys)

WHAT ??

 

[MotoH]

Whether cheaters or not, everyone deserves privacy and respect. Is it legal to put their recorded messages on a public website (without their consent)?

As long as you say that they are on the air, or are being recorded you are completely fine. The person being recorded has the option to hang up at any time. When you do not tell them they are live on the air, or are being recorded, that is where you get into trouble.

 

[Evo]

As long as you say that they are on the air, or are being recorded you are completely fine. The person being recorded has the option to hang up at any time. When you do not tell them they are live on the air, or are being recorded, that is where you get into trouble.

Except some states require consent of all parties on the phone.

Unfortunately in a lot of states only one person needs to consent, and that can be the one taping the call.

 

[Astronuc]

Anyhow, good thing? Bad thing? Abdication of personal responsibility? Further depersonalisation of society? An effective way to help everyone make a clean break as quickly and painlessly as possible? Or some other option?

I think it is a terrible precedent, and accepting it reinforces a bad trend. I do see it as an abdication of personal responsibility, and even a lack of integrity.

If one isn't mature to end a relationship properly (in person) then one is not mature enough to be in a relationship in the first place.

I can't see this as a 'clean' break. Someone (the person getting dumped) gets hurt, while the person doing the dumping this way would seem to have a lack of conscience.

The only option is to look the other person in the eye and tell them that one wants to terminate the relationship.

 

[rootX]

I think it is a terrible precedent, and accepting it reinforces a bad trend. I do see it as an abdication of personal responsibility, and even a lack of integrity.

If one isn't mature to end a relationship properly (in person) then one is not mature enough to be in a relationship in the first place.

Is it more immature to start a relationship with that kind of person?

 

[Evo]

Is it more immature to start a relationship with that kind of person?

You can't always tell a person's true personality until you spend time in a relationship with them. If you haven't seen how they've treated others before you met them, how would you know?

 

[DanP]

Opportunity for business is everywhere :P You can only admire the spirit. It remains to be seen how large it's will be his customer base. The fonder of the place shouldn't be judged more than we judge weapon industry. However, his potential clients are pretty much scum. That doesn't mean they can't grow. Most of males will do at least one mistake in their lifes when it comes to a break-up IMO.

Have you guys seen "Up in the air" ? Firing ppl through contractors, very similar to the present case.

In my country somebody had a similar idea. Yet on the other side of the spectrum. The guy made a small company which composes nice greeting cards for loved ones and friends, for any occasion (weddings, birthdays, baptism ceremony, you got it). I've heard he does decently.

 

[BobG]

The worst things about having your ex bf/gf hire someone to break up with you is that you're stuck with all of their old things sitting around your house. Not only has a stranger let you know your relationship is over, but you still have to call a different stranger (and a strange stranger at that) to come and pick up the ex's stuff.

If you live in a big enough city, there must be a market for just about anything.

In fact, after the break up, you can give on-line dating a try and this company will proof read your profile, correcting all of your spelling and grammatical errors for a small fee. For a larger fee, they'll write a profile so good that your dates will swear you must have written it yourself - which means they'll put all the spelling errors and grammatical errors back in?

 

[GeorginaS]

I actually like the Death bear, assuming you can't bring yourself to toss your ex-related-memorabilia in the garbage.

I listened to one of the IDUMP4U.com recordings on the YouTube that wasn't bad. A guy was attending college away from home. He had a girlfriend each at home and college. They found out about each other, called each other, talked, and, together, had IDUMP4U dump the guy by phone. And told him that they knew. Now, okay. That one seemed just.

 

[BobG]

Hiring someone to dump the guy because he plays Farmville seemed justifiable. What the heck is up with that game, anyway.

And hiring someone to dump the girl that gave up personal hygeine (for Lent, perhaps?), started farting, and developed scurvy. Being around her didn't sound very healthy.

I'm not sure how well that "he doesn't want you to contact him again" part is going to work when he hires someone to call her and dump her, though. He'd better hope Home Depot isn't having a sale on pick axes.

 

[rootX]

I actually like the Death bear, assuming you can't bring yourself to toss your ex-related-memorabilia in the garbage.

I listened to one of the IDUMP4U.com recordings on the YouTube that wasn't bad. A guy was attending college away from home. He had a girlfriend each at home and college. They found out about each other, called each other, talked, and, together, had IDUMP4U dump the guy by phone. And told him that they knew. Now, okay. That one seemed just.

In all cases, not able to deal with problems by oneself and bringing a third person is an indication of immaturity/bad personality IMO.

To some extent getting into relationships with people too quickly without knowing their personality or choosing to stay in a bad relationship is also bad, but I agree that this doesn't work all times.

 

[GeorginaS]

In all cases, not able to deal with problems by oneself and bringing a third person is an indication of immaturity/bad personality IMO.

To some extent getting into relationships with people too quickly without knowing their personality or choosing to stay in a bad relationship is also bad, but I agree that this doesn't work all times.

Oh, absolutely, one shouldn't renege on personal responsibility. You got yourself in, have the dignity to face up to pulling out. In some cases, though, like where the fellow had one girl at home and one away at school, neither of whom was he being honest with, him getting busted hugely is a nice kind of fantasy. (Mindi dumps Stuart [with a twist]) Because sometimes other people's behaviour makes balanced, fair behaviour on your part very, very difficult.

BobG that pick axe picture is funny.

 

[Dembadon]

... Anyhow, good thing? Bad thing? Abdication of personal responsibility? Further depersonalisation of society? An effective way to help everyone make a clean break as quickly and painlessly as possible? Or some other option?

It's a way to avoid confrontation. Although I've seen this happen on both sides, I won't argue with the lean towards the male gender regarding this type of behavior.

I've found that people who do things like this avoid all types of confrontation. If there is a slight chance of confrontation in given situation, they'll avoid it entirely, or take the most agreeable route; the path which causes the least amount of waves.

People are raised differently. I was taught that confrontation can be healthy when conducted in a mature manner (avoid personal attacks). If I see a relationship where a couple isn't arguing, it's a red flag. The problem is that many are raised in an environment where confrontation is considered a negative, and when it comes time for them to deal with any form of confrontation, they lack the skills and experience to know how to handle it or it is seen as something to avoid altogether. They have underdeveloped or undeveloped confrontation muscles. However, having poor confrontation skills does not justify the behavior. They need someone in their life who will tell them that it is not okay to end a relationship in this way.

Unfortunately, this is often a sign of just how one-sided some of the relationships were. It shows a considerable amount of selfishness to leave a person in emotional agony in an effort to avoid having to deal with one's own emotions. It is rude, disrespectful, heartless, and immature.

 

[drankin]

What's really bad is after you break up in a "proper" fashion the person dumped doesn't respect it and continues to harass you. It can get ugly. I had an old girlfriend that somehow thought she was justified to break into my car and go through my stuff to find out who else I was seeing. I guess that's what I get for trying out that relationship in the first place! Ok, that was 20yrs ago.

 

[BobG]

I think this is a more effective way to dump your girlfriend. Quick, clean, and no chance for her to plead for another chance - well, maybe just a really quick, "Wait, don't leave me!".

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3LVqVAW6XCs


Well, clean for you, anyway. She might need a bit of cleaning up afterward.

 

[Huckleberry]

When one person wants to break up and the other doesn't then it's not likely that any explanation will be satisfactory. The explanation needs no validation. It's enough that one person wants to move on. The one being dumped will be hurt whether they are informed or not. Informing them allows them to immediately begin emotionally coping with the seperation.

The person who wishes to end the relationship may not wish to avoid their personal responsibility, and still may be hesitant to inform their partner of their decision. They may be trying to avoid the immature behaviour of their partner, the denial of the notification, the placing of blame, the begging and offerings, and the retributive behaviour. These are all manipulative methods that act as barriers to successful communication in an equal relationship.

Making the dissolution of a private relationship into public entertainment seems to me to be a cowardly, retributive behaviour. It makes pleasure of people's pain. Bradley's 'service' encourages immature behaviour by rewarding it.

 

[physics girl phd]

you still have to call a different stranger (and a strange stranger at that) to come and pick up the ex's stuff.

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/03/07/fashion/07love.html" ... I wanted to see a photo of him! Huzzah!

BobG that pick axe picture is funny.

Rumor has it that this car belonged to my high-school French teacher's ex-husband!