Or: How to Annoy People with Nerdy Comments

[mbrmbrg]

It's my new goal in life!
As in when Older Brother walks into kitchen and asks, "Why is the towel on the floor?" and Obnoxious Little Sister deadpans, "Because it has less energy on the floor than on the hook."

Anyone have good ones to share?

 

[tiny-tim]

"It's hot in here, isn't it?"

"That would be the heat!" ​

 

[Chi Meson]

"It's hot in here, isn't it?"

"That would be the heat!" ​

"That would be the average non-rotational molecular kinetic energy!"

 

[Andre]

However, non calor, sed umor est qui nobis incommodat

 

[mgb_phys]

Never ask a philosopher "why are you here?"

 

[humanino]

"This backpack is so heavy !"
"Indeed unfortunately, at our scales masses add up !"

It is a genuine quote from a teacher I had at the university

 

[tiny-tim]

"I'm a psychiatrist"

"Of course you are!

… and how long have you been a psychiatrist?" ​

 

[Cyrus]

Just start every sentence with HEEEEEHHHH HEEEEEHH HEEEEEEEEH and then suck in your spit before you ramble and 10x the normal talking pace.


Its not a hee sound like he said. Its a sharp HeeeeaaaaaH. Hard to explain, but uber nerdy.

 

[Holocene]

I've found it's often enough to simply use a "big" word.

Just last week: Emanating

Keep in mind the definition of a "big" word might be relative to the intellect of the people in your presence.

 

[mbrmbrg]

"Hey! That's so cool! Why do you think pancakes always come out almost perfectly round?"
"Well, space is isotropic."

 

[Cyrus]

"Hey! That's so cool! Why do you think pancakes always come out almost perfectly round?"
"Well, space is isotropic."

...thats dumb.

 

[mbrmbrg]

...thats dumb.

that's the point! people make normal comments/observations, and PhysicsNerd gets to respond with an obnoxious scientific comment/observation!

 

[Cyrus]

that's the point! people make normal comments/observations, and PhysicsNerd gets to respond with an obnoxious scientific comment/observation!

...why?

 

[g33kski11z]

Its the point of this thread...

 

[NoTime]

Its the point of this thread...

 

[turbo]

I had a friend in college who was fairly "big-boned". We'd be playing a little pick-up basketball, and when he'd make a successful drive to the basket, he'd sometimes turn to one of our jock buddies and say something like "Not bad for an endomorph, eh?"

 

[Indeed]

An astronomer is walking in a field at night gazing at the stars when he unwittingly falls into a well and cries for help. A man passing by notices his cries for help, and the man asks the astronomer how he got down there. The astronomer replies he was so focused on the sky that he forgot all about the earth. After hearing this, the man replies 'you deserve to be down there!'

 

[tiny-tim]

Now, seriously, that couldn't have happened … the law (in England, anyway) is that any shaft that's not safe is boarded up, with a notice saying "Out of order!" … except if the shaft is a well, in which case the notice says "Well out of order!"

 

[turbo]

My "big-boned" friend from college would take notice if a girl with a shapely butt with nice legs in tight pants walked by our table in the eating hall and say (real low) things like "Ooh! So symmetrically bifurcated!" He was a hoot!

He reminded me of WC Fields, who used to spice up scripts with stuff like "Just one little osculation?" when asking Mae West for a kiss.

 

[_Mayday_]

Dis fread is well hektic!

 

[LydiaAC]

Anyone have good ones to share?

I use to call big cockroaches Periplaneta Americana and all my family know what I am talking about and even think it is funny. Of course, I am cautious of saying such a thing to people who is not in the joke.
However, ten years ago, one of such bugs jumped on me and I shouted to my then new boyfriend in a girlish voice and said

Please, kill that Periplaneta!

LydiaAC

 

[tim_lou]

Haha, I love this thread... as I tend to do this very often in my life.. it's funny when
1. people don't understand what you are talking about
2. people understand and start laughing..
though more often than not, the statement isn't really that funny.

Imagine this,

I'm eating some granola bar and my friend comes by and ask, what you eating?

I say:
granola over 2pi

 

[Hurkyl]

I think among the reactions I get to my jokes, my favorite is when exactly one person in a group starts cracking up, while most of the rest is befuddled. (If I can score a delayed reaction, even better)

 

[Gokul43201]

(If I can score a delayed reaction, even better)

I'm eating some granola bar and my friend comes by and ask, what you eating?

I say:
granola over 2pi

That one took me at least 5-6 seconds before it hit home.

 

[TheStatutoryApe]

Back when "Its all good" used to be a popular phrase my friend and I used to say "Its omnibenevolent".

Once while in the car with a friend we drove past a stolie billboard that said "Do you think Lenin was buried in a communist plot?" and I laughed my *** off but my friend thought it was dumb.

I can't really think of any at the moment but I often say silly things that no one gets but me. :-/

Oh and for cheesy science geek humour you really need to hear this...
http://www.uky.edu/~holler/CHE107/media/first_second_law.mp3
That's a direct link to an mp3 by the way.

 

[Redbelly98]

I haven't tried this, but you could tell people they're not supposed to masticate in a public restroom.

 

[lonton]

I like to hear more to break into that too

 

[Ivan Seeking]

That one took me at least 5-6 seconds before it hit home.

duh, it took me at least ten seconds.

Tsu claims that when I say something will take five minutes, it takes more like fifteen or twenty minutes. I finally discovered the definitive answer: Obviously I just move a lot faster than she does.

 

[gabbagabbahey]

duh, it took me at least ten seconds.

Tsu claims that when I say something will take five minutes, it takes more like fifteen or twenty minutes. I finally discovered the definitive answer: Obviously I just move a lot faster than she does.

Relative to what?

 

[Ivan Seeking]

Relative to what?

The window frame.

 

[Phrak]

Relative to what?

To whom. Her brother through marriage.

 

[Math Jeans]

"Do you think that I should cut the pie into squares?"

"Why would you do that? If two pie are squared, then you get two circles anyway."

 

[Georgepowell]

That one took me at least 5-6 seconds before it hit home.

I still don't get it

 

[Jonathan Scott]

I still don't get it

What's h over 2 pi called? Apply same principle.

 

[Tobias Funke]

I actually saw a guy wearing one of those "I wish I were your derivative so I could lie tangent to your curves" shirts. I wished that some woman near him would say "Yeah...sorry, but I'm the snowflake curve".