- #1
n0_3sc
- 243
- 1
Here's the short version:
Live in New Zealand, been offered an excellent PhD position in the UK. Family won't allow me to leave. I don't want to throw away this opportunity.
Long version:
My biggest ambition was to get a PhD (physics) from a good university. After 5 years of hard work I've finally earned it. I live at home with my parents and one brother. My dad is 65 and just manages to keep his business going to support us. I worked jobs a fair bit these last few years to help out and made a decent contribution. My mum has a critical lung sickness and she hasn't got long to live (few years maybe less). My brother is in 2nd year uni never worked and is on a career path that isn't looking promising. After going through many university interview processes, spending money on applications, and looking towards a big dream I finally make a decision to accept a position, and only now does my dad (in particular) make it firmly clear that he's unhappy if I leave to the UK because:
"It's too Far".
"Too expensive for me to come back".
"Hard for him to support the family".
"Can't manage the business without the work I do".
"Afraid if I leave, I may never come back".
The stresses they have are high as it is, and he's afraid if I leave the stress on my mum could be the last thing she feels...
They are extremely attached to me but the problem is I can't live my life without going and being independent. They want me to do my PhD here but I really don't like the options/topics and I'm losing out on a whole other life.
How do I deal with this...![Frown :frown: :frown:](data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7)
Live in New Zealand, been offered an excellent PhD position in the UK. Family won't allow me to leave. I don't want to throw away this opportunity.
Long version:
My biggest ambition was to get a PhD (physics) from a good university. After 5 years of hard work I've finally earned it. I live at home with my parents and one brother. My dad is 65 and just manages to keep his business going to support us. I worked jobs a fair bit these last few years to help out and made a decent contribution. My mum has a critical lung sickness and she hasn't got long to live (few years maybe less). My brother is in 2nd year uni never worked and is on a career path that isn't looking promising. After going through many university interview processes, spending money on applications, and looking towards a big dream I finally make a decision to accept a position, and only now does my dad (in particular) make it firmly clear that he's unhappy if I leave to the UK because:
"It's too Far".
"Too expensive for me to come back".
"Hard for him to support the family".
"Can't manage the business without the work I do".
"Afraid if I leave, I may never come back".
The stresses they have are high as it is, and he's afraid if I leave the stress on my mum could be the last thing she feels...
They are extremely attached to me but the problem is I can't live my life without going and being independent. They want me to do my PhD here but I really don't like the options/topics and I'm losing out on a whole other life.
How do I deal with this...