The cost-benefit ratio of American life

[SOS2008]

In follow-up to concerns about the rising cost at the gas pumps:

WASHINGTON, DC—A report released Monday by the Federal Consumer Quality-Of-Life Control Board indicates that the cost of living now outstrips life's benefits for many Americans.

To arrive at their conclusions, study directors first identified the average yearly costs and benefits of life. Tangible benefits such as median income ($43,000) were weighed against such tangible costs as home-ownership ($18,000). Next, scientists assigned a financial value to intangibles such as finding inner peace ($15,000), establishing emotional closeness with family members ($3,000), and brief moments of joy ($5 each). Taken together, the study results indicate that "it is unwise to go on living."

Experts nationwide have corroborated the report's findings.

"The average citizen's lousy, smelly, uncomfortable daily-transportation costs rose 2.1 percent in January," Derek Capeletti of Wells Fargo Capital Management said. "Clothing costs were up 2.3 percent, reflecting an increased need for the pleated khakis, sensible sweater-sets, and solid ties we have to wear to our awful ****ing jobs. And grocery expenses were up almost 4 percent, reflecting the difficulty that light-beer, microwave-burrito, and rotisserie-chicken makers have faced in meeting the needs of a depressed economy and citizenry."

Capeletti added: "The benefits of living remained stable or decreased. Especially—surprise, surprise—in our love lives."

According to the study, high-risk, short-term, interest-based investments in the lives of others cost thousands of dollars a year and rarely yield benefits, financial or otherwise. Although conservative, long-term partnerships do provide limited returns, the study indicates that they tie up capital and limit options.

Child-rearing, a course taken by many people who choose to live, is actually contributing to the problem. Despite life's depreciating value, Alvi did not recommend that shareholders divest themselves of their holdings.

I knew it -- I have even divested myself of my plants!

 

[2CentsWorth]

With the rising cost of living, I too have been finding ways to make ends meet. For example, I don't have a pet--I just go to the pet store for the afternoon, I pick fruit off other people's trees, and I leave trash out for the landscapers to clean up so I can save on garbage bags. I would appreciate more ideas from PF members on other ways to balance the ratio?

(Just kidding about the trash )

 

[Smurf]

Take a dump in the street instead of flushing. Saves on water. Did it all the time back in College

 

[SOS2008]

Take a dump in the street instead of flushing. Saves on water. Did it all the time back in College

Do I dare ask what you use for paper? Maybe you find large leaves off other people's trees?

Another way to save money is to ask for a sample of everything at the grocery store, ice cream shop, etc. until you are nice and full.

 

[Math Is Hard]

I gave up my monthly salon wax. Now I have to do it myself with a roll of duct tape from the Home Depot store.

 

[2CentsWorth]

Take a dump in the street instead of flushing. Saves on water. Did it all the time back in College

And I thought peeing in other people's pool was bad!

 

[SOS2008]

I gave up my monthly salon wax. Now I have to do it myself with a roll of duct tape from the Home Depot store.

What a great idea--and far more inventive than turning underwear inside out to save on laundry. I've taken to letting the neighbor's dog give me a good licking to save on taking showers.

 

[Danger]

I gave up my monthly salon wax. Now I have to do it myself with a roll of duct tape from the Home Depot store.

Harold Green still needs a wife...

 

[franznietzsche]

Take a dump in the street instead of flushing. Saves on water. Did it all the time back in College

I would have actually believed you (only because its you) if i didn't know you were still in high school.

 

[Smurf]

Damn, I've been caught.

 

[SOS2008]

Harold Green still needs a wife...

I knew you'd show up as soon as someone mentioned duct tape...or a dog...? Or did you wear your costume out already?

 

[Danger]

I knew you'd show up as soon as someone mentioned duct tape...or a dog...? Or did you wear your costume out already?

Naw... I learned that lesson years ago. This one's Kevlar.