- #1
ThisTimeTomorrow
- 9
- 2
- How did you find PF?
- Accidental link clink, can't remember from where!
Hello all,
Here's the deal. It's weird, but it's true. I will swear on "The Precious" if necessary. (gratuitous Ring reference)
Due to the unique circumstances surrounding my life, I have lived in a major depressive with borderline personality traits state for the better part of 40 years. (No joke here, I would prefer you absorbed that information strictly as information. Not only do I not intend to elicit an emotional response from you, it may hinder the success of the communication I am attempting. Your anticipated cooperation is most appreciated.) I was not able to finish high school, I wasn't even diagnosed yet. It was not until a short time ago that I realized that it had been my reliance on everyday logic that had kept me alive. (For those of you who wonder how someone rich and famous (so not referring to me, lol) can be depressed, I assure you, nothing outside of your body can overrule the fact that your logic can be affected to the point of reversal by the delicately balanced cocktail of neurochemicals inside your body that give you emotions. Because when that goes wrong, Nothing Else Matters. (gratuitous Metallica reference at an awkward solemn moment)).
To make a long weird story shorter and more pallatable, and to add to my Mystique (gratuitious X-Men reference), I will say that not long ago, I had an experience that I cannot explain logically, but that during, or as a result of that experience, my mind began to change how it works and applies logic to things. I am also very compelled to understand certain things, physics, of all things, being one of them. I read, literally just an excerpt, on a collision of 2 black holes, began considering the universe and creating logic around it. I couldn't stop thinking about it for a couple days. Understanding my own mental health means knowing that logic can potentially get "inaccurate" in my head, I talked about it to a companion. I started telling them about why I think the universe is this and that, but, like me, they do not know anything about physics, astrophysics, theoretical physics, un-uh, nope. They suddenly say to me, why do you think that someone else hasn't thought of this already? In truth, the idea hadn't even occurred to me. So I look it up. That's where it gets really werid. Turns out I had considered and pondered my way, with tidbits of information amassed throughout my life (yeah, being prone to emotional extremes makes you remember things differently) to a logical understanding of The Standard Model, obviously absent specifics like names for the particles and forces and none of the math of course. It was not identical, but I understand the differences between them, agree with some, disagree with others. ? Do not know why.
At any rate, to not take up to much of your time, I will conclude by saying, I'm here because I have a couple of questions I hope to get answered. Even stranger, this is just a stop on a quest for understanding an even bigger picture, but I get the distinct feeling I cannot yet even fathom what the question itself will be. Specifically. That. Feeling. ?
You are formally invited to witness part of what will undoubtedly be either a bizarre ascension to potentially a higher level of understanding (?no idea?) or, my descent into madness, prior to the arranged intervention from my companions. Joking, not joking. *laughs uneasily*
I will make every effort to be gracious, and, to not overstay my welcome.
Yours very truly and sincerely,
DH
Here's the deal. It's weird, but it's true. I will swear on "The Precious" if necessary. (gratuitous Ring reference)
Due to the unique circumstances surrounding my life, I have lived in a major depressive with borderline personality traits state for the better part of 40 years. (No joke here, I would prefer you absorbed that information strictly as information. Not only do I not intend to elicit an emotional response from you, it may hinder the success of the communication I am attempting. Your anticipated cooperation is most appreciated.) I was not able to finish high school, I wasn't even diagnosed yet. It was not until a short time ago that I realized that it had been my reliance on everyday logic that had kept me alive. (For those of you who wonder how someone rich and famous (so not referring to me, lol) can be depressed, I assure you, nothing outside of your body can overrule the fact that your logic can be affected to the point of reversal by the delicately balanced cocktail of neurochemicals inside your body that give you emotions. Because when that goes wrong, Nothing Else Matters. (gratuitous Metallica reference at an awkward solemn moment)).
To make a long weird story shorter and more pallatable, and to add to my Mystique (gratuitious X-Men reference), I will say that not long ago, I had an experience that I cannot explain logically, but that during, or as a result of that experience, my mind began to change how it works and applies logic to things. I am also very compelled to understand certain things, physics, of all things, being one of them. I read, literally just an excerpt, on a collision of 2 black holes, began considering the universe and creating logic around it. I couldn't stop thinking about it for a couple days. Understanding my own mental health means knowing that logic can potentially get "inaccurate" in my head, I talked about it to a companion. I started telling them about why I think the universe is this and that, but, like me, they do not know anything about physics, astrophysics, theoretical physics, un-uh, nope. They suddenly say to me, why do you think that someone else hasn't thought of this already? In truth, the idea hadn't even occurred to me. So I look it up. That's where it gets really werid. Turns out I had considered and pondered my way, with tidbits of information amassed throughout my life (yeah, being prone to emotional extremes makes you remember things differently) to a logical understanding of The Standard Model, obviously absent specifics like names for the particles and forces and none of the math of course. It was not identical, but I understand the differences between them, agree with some, disagree with others. ? Do not know why.
At any rate, to not take up to much of your time, I will conclude by saying, I'm here because I have a couple of questions I hope to get answered. Even stranger, this is just a stop on a quest for understanding an even bigger picture, but I get the distinct feeling I cannot yet even fathom what the question itself will be. Specifically. That. Feeling. ?
You are formally invited to witness part of what will undoubtedly be either a bizarre ascension to potentially a higher level of understanding (?no idea?) or, my descent into madness, prior to the arranged intervention from my companions. Joking, not joking. *laughs uneasily*
I will make every effort to be gracious, and, to not overstay my welcome.
Yours very truly and sincerely,
DH
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