- #1
Sisyphus
- 62
- 0
Right now, along with many other high school students in North America (and the rest of the world, I guess), I am faced with the dilemma of what I’m going to do after high school, and subsequently, the rest of my life. I know that with my limited knowledge of the world outside of high school, any decision that I come to right now will most certainly change in the next few years, but nonetheless, I feel as if I need to formulate some kind of plan, no matter how tentative.
Not continuing my education is really out of the question for me; it’s what my friends and family expect of me, and more importantly, what I expect of myself. I’ll be first to admit that I have very few skills outside of academics, and am looking forward to going to university to study quite a bit. But with that excitement, there’s also quite a bit of anxiety as my own aspirations, my parents’ expectations, and reality collide. Coming from a middleclass family, I have been bombarded from childhood with expectations from my parents, both of whom also come from middleclass backgrounds and with university educations. For as long as I can remember, as is the case with a lot of parents, mine would lecture me of the value of a ‘professional occupation’; how one’s salary determines his worth and happiness. It goes without saying that nothing would please them more than me telling them that I’m off to study to be a doctor or a lawyer.
But the matter of fact is, as of right now, I have very little interest in going into the medical field (and even less in studying law). To be honest, I am naturally dispositioned to dislike people (even my friends candidly call me arrogant sometimes), and to be frank, don’t want to deal with people for a living. Of course, this might have to do with the limited exposure I’ve had to medicine or people in general, or all of this might even be a product of an innate desire of mine to rebel against my parents, and might change over time. As of right now though, the only subjects I truly enjoy learning about in school are mathematics and largely the physical sciences. Looking over some of the degrees offered at the universities around here (I am from Canada), the only areas of study that truly appeal to me are in pure maths and theoretical physics.
Now, in an ideal world, my parents would support me no matter what I want to do, but the truth is, they are hell-bent on me studying something where there is a lot of money, and since I will be largely dependant on them financially, I feel pangs of guilt when thinking about going into physics, mathematics, or what-have-yous that are not related to medicine. I really have nothing against my parents, as we all know that money is what makes the world go ‘round and drive people do to whatever it is that they do. To further complicate matters, I am not even entirely sure on my abilities in succeeding in the physical sciences, my interest in them notwithstanding. Although I do very well in the maths and sciences (hell, I’d even venture to say that they’re the only things that I’m good at), and am a pretty good student overall, I know for a fact that I do not excel in any of these subjects; that I am a mere speck when compared to countless other students who are also going to be registering for university. On top of that, I know that even if I do succeed in my studies, scientists are grossly underpaid. Don’t get me wrong, I understand that science isn’t a field that you go into hoping to cash in and retire by the time you’re 40, and have absolutely no desire to, but I can’t help feeling guilty when all my parents ever bring up when I talk about university with them is how much money I’ll be making once I’m done my studies. A big fear of mine at the moment is the possibility of me finishing a science degree with a mediocre grade and being at a complete loss of what I’m going to do with my life after wasting my parents’ money.
Sorry about the length of the post (I really mean it); I know that most people don’t bother reading posts this long, but if you happen to have skimmed it, please leave some words. I guess at the very least, writing all of this out has had to have some therapeutic value for me.
Not continuing my education is really out of the question for me; it’s what my friends and family expect of me, and more importantly, what I expect of myself. I’ll be first to admit that I have very few skills outside of academics, and am looking forward to going to university to study quite a bit. But with that excitement, there’s also quite a bit of anxiety as my own aspirations, my parents’ expectations, and reality collide. Coming from a middleclass family, I have been bombarded from childhood with expectations from my parents, both of whom also come from middleclass backgrounds and with university educations. For as long as I can remember, as is the case with a lot of parents, mine would lecture me of the value of a ‘professional occupation’; how one’s salary determines his worth and happiness. It goes without saying that nothing would please them more than me telling them that I’m off to study to be a doctor or a lawyer.
But the matter of fact is, as of right now, I have very little interest in going into the medical field (and even less in studying law). To be honest, I am naturally dispositioned to dislike people (even my friends candidly call me arrogant sometimes), and to be frank, don’t want to deal with people for a living. Of course, this might have to do with the limited exposure I’ve had to medicine or people in general, or all of this might even be a product of an innate desire of mine to rebel against my parents, and might change over time. As of right now though, the only subjects I truly enjoy learning about in school are mathematics and largely the physical sciences. Looking over some of the degrees offered at the universities around here (I am from Canada), the only areas of study that truly appeal to me are in pure maths and theoretical physics.
Now, in an ideal world, my parents would support me no matter what I want to do, but the truth is, they are hell-bent on me studying something where there is a lot of money, and since I will be largely dependant on them financially, I feel pangs of guilt when thinking about going into physics, mathematics, or what-have-yous that are not related to medicine. I really have nothing against my parents, as we all know that money is what makes the world go ‘round and drive people do to whatever it is that they do. To further complicate matters, I am not even entirely sure on my abilities in succeeding in the physical sciences, my interest in them notwithstanding. Although I do very well in the maths and sciences (hell, I’d even venture to say that they’re the only things that I’m good at), and am a pretty good student overall, I know for a fact that I do not excel in any of these subjects; that I am a mere speck when compared to countless other students who are also going to be registering for university. On top of that, I know that even if I do succeed in my studies, scientists are grossly underpaid. Don’t get me wrong, I understand that science isn’t a field that you go into hoping to cash in and retire by the time you’re 40, and have absolutely no desire to, but I can’t help feeling guilty when all my parents ever bring up when I talk about university with them is how much money I’ll be making once I’m done my studies. A big fear of mine at the moment is the possibility of me finishing a science degree with a mediocre grade and being at a complete loss of what I’m going to do with my life after wasting my parents’ money.
Sorry about the length of the post (I really mean it); I know that most people don’t bother reading posts this long, but if you happen to have skimmed it, please leave some words. I guess at the very least, writing all of this out has had to have some therapeutic value for me.