Unprepared for Internship, Utterly Embarrassed

[Jammin_James]

So I go to this rather pitiful school that maybe graduates 10 students at most from its EE program. It's probably the only Eng school I could graduate from considering I'm far from the brightest or most motivated person either. My horrible education is my own fault really, everyone's education is in their own hands. The only reason I mention it is because the other interns are from legit Eng schools and it's intimidating.

I've always been kind of a screwup but now that character flaw is shining its brightest only three days in. I was tasked to code something in Matlab dealing with DSP (my worst class ever) and supposedly it was supposed to be a simple task. My handicap with DSP was bad enough but the fact I've only used Matlab a few times, and that was with classmates' help, made the situation worse. I might have been able to do it had I had internet access to look at examples to look over, but I was left with the contents and the search function in Matlab. They weren't enough, and I failed my first simple task.

I'm really have second thoughts about this major. I'm going to be a senior next year, but all I've really learned how to do is reverse engineer problem sets and practice to pass tests. I could almost never answer problems on my own even after the times I read the chapters and took notes. I've always needed examples... if it weren't for that I wouldn't be where I am. I don't have any idea how to remedy this problem, I really think it's something innate, not trained. Some people just have the IQs.

I'm seriously considering just saving myself the embarrassment and asking to excuse myself from the internship. I seriously doubt I've set the tone for a great summer. I don't know if I should.

And please don't assume that I'm blowing this out of proportion. I'm not making this up. Everyone knows a kid like me... the one that astonishes people with their stupidity and asks questions about a subject he should know about. I don't know. I think I might just take up a technician job. I still plan on getting my BS, it's free due to my circumstances.

Anyways, to sum up:

-Sucking at new job.
-Should I quit?
-If I wimp out and don't, what can I do to fix it?

I appreciate harsh criticism and realistic responses. Don't hold back.

 

[micromass]

I'm not the type to give harsh responses (rest assured, there will soon be harsh posts here), but I always try to be honest.

Firstly, you don't strike me as stupid. In fact, realizing that something is not for you, is quite smart. Or realizing that you don't have the knowledge you should have, is smart. So I don't think you're stupid.

You do seem like somebody who likes to take the easy way out. "I don't get something? Somebody else will solve it for me", "My first day as an intern was bad? Let's quit."
Studying engineering and science demands a lot of self-sacrifice, and if you're not willing to put that is, then you will have less knowledge than you ought to have.

You realize this now, you realize that you've probably wasted your years and know nothing of EE. Now there are two options: quit the internship, that's actually ok, if you don't want to put the effort in, then quit. But you can also start working hard and make sure you'll never be embarassed again. Start studying those books again. Work very hard. Your internship won't be fun, I assure you, but you can take this as an opportunity to learn.

Maybe what I'm proposing (working very hard to make it after all) is impossible, I don't know. But you could at least try and see if things improve...

I hope I wasn't too harsh, because I really don't want to be. And I wish you all the luck in the future!

 

[Jokerhelper]

No offense, but quitting after 3 days would say a lot more about yourself than your DSP knowledge and MATLAB skills will ever do. Plus, if you didn't suck at the start of your first internship, then you probably should be doing something more advanced in the first place.

 

[Pyrrhus]

Why didn't you ask for help? you could have asked the other people at work. Remember, you should not be competing against them, but rather cooperating with them. Also, build some confidence...

 

[berkeman]

Why didn't you ask for help? you could have asked the other people at work. Remember, you should not be competing against them, but rather cooperating with them. Also, build some confidence...

I agree. But it's important that it is clear to others that you are working hard to improve your skills and want to be able to be a good contributor to the team.

If they perceive that you are just "asking them to do your homework for you", then they will most likely not be willing to do much for you. But if you do as much as you can, and ask specific questions when you get stuck, it's likely that they will not mind helping you.

Sort of like our Homework Help forums here on the PF (a lot like them actually)... You are expected to do your research first, and try to do your best on the problems, before asking for help here. As long as you post your work so far, many people are willing to provide the hint or find the error that is holding you up.

And much like where I work as an EE. Heck, we ask each other for help or advice all the time, but we do our best on the issues first, do some research using multiple information sources (Intranet, Internet, books, simulators, etc.), and then when we have to ask somebody for help, it's obvious to them that we've done our homework and won't be wasting their time.

 

[General_Sax]

I 2nd trying to learn (ask for help) from your co-workers.

 

[Jammin_James]

Thanks for the help. I don't think you were harsh at all micromass, thanks!

I'm just really worried about the future and it affects my motivation BIG TIME. It just seems that what I've don so far doesn't help me synthesize my knowledge to produce results. I get really discouraged when I get to the end of the chapter and feel lost on the questions. I read along a chapter and see how things work and sometimes find things interesting, sometimes I see the theory and their little tricks and think, "Hey that's neat" which is quickly followed by "I would never think of that..." I am lazy, don't get me wrong, but my studies are thwarted much more by lack of results and disappointment in myself.

Basically though, the whole inability to synthesis knowledge is my biggest fear, which is what is causing me to doubt my likelihood to become an engineer. Is there a remedy for it?

Thanks to everyone that responded so quickly!

Edit: Also, I did ask questions but I don't know if they were useful, and I didn't understand the answer too well.

 

[jbunniii]

You shouldn't expect to know everything you'll need to do your job. Any engineer who can say that about their job isn't being challenged enough.

What you should expect is to be able to quickly identify and fill the gaps in your knowledge as they reveal themselves. You can do that at work using many kinds of resources: asking co-workers questions, reading books or web sites or help pages, and for that matter, posting specific questions on forums like this one.

Also, just because it's work and not school doesn't mean you can't give yourself homework assignments to work on after hours. If your Matlab skills are weak, then strengthen them. Download a free copy of Octave and get started. If your DSP skills are rusty, then crack open your books at night and refresh your memory.

There's nothing shameful about learning on the job. Quite the contrary. Start worrying if you ever STOP learning.

 

[rootX]

Come home and put MATLAB or whatever you need on your computer, try to make it work when you have internet. If you need more time in understanding material, just spend more time on it.

When they interviewed you, they tested if you will be good or not. If they did not ask some DSP code during the interview they likely are not expecting you to implement the whole thing without any help/internet.

(Personally, I go to a good college and one thing I am pretty sure is that 98% of the people wouldn't be able to implement DSP algorithms or anything even remember them. Everyone forgets if they don't use. So, as you progress through internship/job you keep on facing new problems and solution to each enhances your understanding.

I didn't know much of programming when I started my first internship. I was so embarrassed that I thought of telling my employer that he shouldn't pay me for one month or so but in the end he gave me a good bonus.)

 

[rootX]

You realize this now, you realize that you've probably wasted your years and know nothing of EE. Now there are two options: quit the internship, that's actually ok, if you don't want to put the effort in, then quit. But you can also start working hard and make sure you'll never be embarassed again. Start studying those books again. Work very hard. Your internship won't be fun, I assure you, but you can take this as an opportunity to learn.

I disagree. There is nothing like "never be embarrassed again".

I think best way to learn things is by mistakes

 

[AlephZero]

It seems like you have just learned a very big lession, and it came as a shock: in the "real world", if it says EE after your name, people expect to be able to do what EE's do. All the stuff about a pitiful school and lack of motivation is just random noise.

There seems to be a very big problem with your idea of quitting after 3 days, and that is that you don't have any "plan B". OK, you are probably never going to be the best EE in the USA, or even in your state. But so what - there are plenty of "average" engineers who are make a good living. In fact, in a big company, a group consisting entirely of "geniuses" can easily turn into a disaster, because nobody wants to do the grunt work.

Sensible companies don't really expect interns to contribute a huge amount, especially when you factor in the cost of supervising them, checking their work, etc. I would forget about the embarrassment thing, and figure how much you can learn from the rest of the internship. The answer will probably be quite a lot.

If you really are out of your depth, don't try to cover it up only by asking the other interns for help. Go to whoever is supervising/managing you, tell him/her you have a problem, and take a constructive attitude to finding a solution. If DSP and Matlab are not your bag, maybe there is something else on offer.

 

[Jammin_James]

Okay, so I'm a little more calm now. I've been wondering how reasonable a task he gave me now. He said it was easy so... eh. He gave me a book for a grad course, according to the book's preface, told me the chapter the spectrograph section was in and gave me the task. I did ask what I would consider somewhat intelligent questions this morning, to let him know I get some of the material. I managed to make some code that successfully plots a sine wave in a spectrogram, but that's all it can do at the moment.

He has answered my questions as well as he could after I was struggling, it's just that he considers it easy, which makes me somewhat worried (or very worried).

Basically he wanted me to recreate the spectrogram function like this (keep in mind I can't get on their interwebs):

http://www.eumus.edu.uy/eme/cursos/dsp/material/libros_html/mdft/Spectrogram_Computation.html

At first I thought he wanted something like this (which I managed to do):

http://www.eumus.edu.uy/eme/cursos/dsp/material/libros_html/mdft/Spectrogram_Speech.html#code:spspecgm

But then he corrected me and told me to do it like the previous method.

He's a great guy, and very helpful, but I think he just doesn't realize that I'm average/inexperienced in matlab. DSP might not be a huge problem, I seem to be able to understand what he's talking about and predict what he's going to say most of the time when discussing general concepts/methods.

Could anyone here imagine doing the first linked code if the had not been formally trained in MATLAB after their third year as an EE undergrad?

Edit: And thanks guys, sorry for the flustered posts last night. You guys managed to calm me down enough so I could study and get ready for this morning.

 

[QuantumP7]

This is your boss giving you these tasks, right? If so, he probably already has a degree, and maybe an advanced engineering degree. If that's the case, then he probably thinks that the task is easy because he's had more education/experience than you. So, I wouldn't be worried at all. With the same amount of education/experience/practice, you will probably feel that the task is easy, too.

 

[hadsed]

Since you don't know MATLAB, I'd assume you don't know how to program in general. I'd say that it doesn't look very easy for a beginner at all.

And my professor constantly talks to me about advanced topics as if I've done my Ph.D and he's just reminding me of something very simple. I don't think he remembers that I've only just finished my first year... this is how it typically happens. They've been doing it for so long that they don't realize how it must look to someone who's never seen it before.