What Can I Do to Combat Loneliness in College?

[Senjai]

Thanks rootx, i probably wouldn't be aware of such as i am Canadian. Nonetheless the big-small factors still apply. Regardless of terminology.

 

[Noxide]

Most college students are just high school graduates...

This made me lol.

 

[Jame]

Great post by Sinjay! You have many good points. It's about trying yourself rather than waiting for people to come to you. Unfortunately this is the way most people's social life is built: by the accidental circumstances around them, coworkers, the neighbor, etc. With so many people in the world chances are great that there are people out there you'll get along with fantastically well, so don't just settle with what presents itself at your front porch but go out and seek the kind of people you like to be with!

I think your problem also lies in your dislike for chit-chat. I used to think that it was meaningless and was therefore bored with people in general, until I realized that most people think the same, but they do it anyway for the sake of socializing. As already pointed out it's the chit-chat that eventually leads you to the soul mate of your life.

Also it will take practice to benefit from the company of others if you're used to being by yourself. Let's say you just got the reading list for your course and head out to the library, do you go there yourself or join with a fellow class mate?

To make friends you need to give people something to catch on to. Asking questions, needing assistance, saying something that needs completion and so on. This is what I didn't do for the first part of my life, and hopefully there might be something of help to you in my experiences. Good luck.

 

[Legion81]

The past year I've concentrated a lot on myself. I became a runner, I take excellent care of myself, I learned to cook, and I studied a few things that I've always wanted to.

You could check out meetup.com to find people to run with. They have groups for everything from athletic activities to dinner and movies. That would be a start. You should also find a hobby that you enjoy. Its kind of hard to spend time with people if you don't have something to do. I would recommend activities that are free (or almost free) and get you out of your apartment. This is a good time of year for snowshoeing!

 

[seycyrus]

...
My roommate is my friend of 10+ years and

This was your first mistake. Initial friendships in college are based on required interactions. Go get another roomate. A person you do not know already.

...does is sit in the apartment

So, you live in an apartment with a person you've already known for 10 years...?

Go live in a dorm, or go back to the dorm if you left.. There are dorms that have floors for people with specific lifestyles. Find an honors floor. Regardless, you will meet people.

Many people progress the other way around. Starting out in the dorm and getting an apartment (or moving into the greek housing if applicable), but you need to go the the other route.

Even if you move back out of the dorm in a semester or two. You will have met many people, some that might share common interests. If having an unknown roommate is too much of a risk for you, get a single.

 

[edpell]

It is not clear to me what you want. How do you feel about being alone? If it is not good, than what kind of not alone are you wanting? People with same interests or just people? If same interests than what are your interests and are their others in the local area with the same interests?

 

[edpell]

Here is an alternate theory. Humans 16-26 seek mates. Society discourages people from mating preferring that they be productive workers for the corporation, government, university, etc rather than mate. This leads people to feel alienated, lonely, etc.

 

[Noxide]

Here is an alternate theory. Humans 16-26 seek mates. Society discourages people from mating preferring that they be productive workers for the corporation, government, university, etc rather than mate. This leads people to feel alienated, lonely, etc.

I know a 27 year old seeking a mate. Your theory is bs.

 

[edpell]

I give those as peak years not as absolute limits.

 

[Proton Soup]

I know a 27 year old seeking a mate. Your theory is bs.

i don't think it is. my grandmother married at 17, which was pretty common in the time. by 27, she had several children and not much time for loneliness. but our society does now frown upon that for at least two reasons: education is required to succeed in modern society, and delaying childbirth to less fertile years reduces the problem of overpopulation. seeking a mate at 27 is preferred now, but it's certainly not normal. it's normal to be seeking mates in your most fertile years.

 

[Loren Booda]

I have heard more than once encouragement for people nowadays not to marry until age 30.

 

[edpell]

It is evolution in action. Which combinations of genes will choose to obey the rules work hard and have no kids and which combinations will have lots of kids. The combinations that have lots of kids will be a larger fraction of the gene pool in the future.

In general America seems to work by using the people who are present and when they are unable to reproduce (due to harsh living conditions) import more new people. It is a very effective engine of industry.

 

[rewebster]

I have heard more than once encouragement for people nowadays not to marry until age 30.

I wonder if that's because people, in where ever that country(ies) the suggestion is such, don't on the average socially mature until around age 30 now.

 

[edpell]

don't on the average socially mature until around age 30 now.

"The Sibling Society" by Robert Bly is an interesting book on this topic.

 

[EnumaElish]

I know a 27 year old seeking a mate. Your theory is bs.

Your statement is vacuously implicative.

 

[dr dodge]

What you have to understand is yourself first.
social activities are fun, but doing something your heart is not in is annoying at the least.
search of self can be enlightening or destroying, as can social activity.
learn to be happy alone, doing something you like, and the social will come

you could have my problem, that is after people get to know me, they seem to leave
(usually backing away slowly) so at that point I "recluse back" to doing what I want

(be carefull, my only real college friend became my wife, cutting short my educational career...her's too)

dr

 

[edpell]

I think dr dodges comments are helpful and sincere. I would choose to word part of it differently "search of self can be enlightening or destroying" I would put it less passionately as "search of self is always informative, some of the information you will be happy about and some you will be unhappy about". You will not be destroyed nor will you be enlightened you will be more yourself and your various contradictory parts will be made conscious for you to choose.