What Should I Do About My Friend's Father and Mother Situation?

[lonton]

My friend's father has a cuty private secretary. She is a widow with a son. He slept with her after a few times they met on business. (My friend told me)
Needless to explore, my friend's family is obviously not happy.
His secretary looks like a Chinese because she has small eyes, small lips, and her topnotches are just so eyecatching. Whenever she appears, she likes to have some fringes over her forehead to make herself womanly charming. She graduated from gym university and used to win 3 gold medals in Winter Olympics during her years in college. She used to work as a gym teacher until she met the father.
He is now deeply passionately in love with her. He comes to her house 3-5 nights a week.
Today he and my friend got a fight, He repeatedly implied that my friend should call him and her father and mother.

What would your idea be about this if you were my friend?

 

[lonton]

Now he and the second wife are sleeping in house, they locked him from the dining table, really horribly rude acts, not mentioning that he self-decided to give him 0$. This morning, everyone around is shocked!

 

[brewnog]

I like the sound of eye-catching top notches! Does that mean what I think it means?


Anyway, is your friend's father married to the secretary?

 

[BobG]

1) Is there some particular reason the friend's father shouldn't be allowed to have a life? I think your friend is going to eventually have to accept this.

2) It's insensitive for the father to think accepting a major change in family life should be something that can just be turned on like a switch. He should be a little more understanding that this will take a little time. Things like having your friend call her mother might be a little premature (in fact, sometimes that never happens).

I think both are going to have to give a little.

 

[physics girl phd]

I don't have my stepchildren call me mom or mother... although the older of the two does on occasion. The routine is that they call me by my first name. I got involved with their dad after their parents were divorced (and separated for quite some time). Their mom is still alive (living in a different state... the kids live with us), and they call HER "mom."

You haven't mentioned a few things critical factors: how old your friend is, when his father's "discretions" started (did they start while his fathre was married to his mother, so he is resentful of this?), if his primary residence is still a shared house with the father and she moved in, and if his father is married to the woman... all these things make a difference if you're trying to somehow judge morality (which certainly has gray areas).

With regards to $, I think it's crazy to ever EXPECT money from your parents past a certain age... especially without details about how that money is made and stored (wealth can be stored in means that are hard to get at, and I often wonder how my mother manages to make property tax payments and repairs on her house, since her money is primary in the house and stock options from my father's time as an engineer, and her stock dividends have been decreasing in value). What $ you receive you should be thankful for. VERY thankful.

What you should be doing is not trying to put yourself (or us) in your friends shoes. What you need to do is offer support. Give your friend a safe haven at dinner or even some overnights. Try to schedule fun things with your friend... times when he doesn't have to think about the situation.

One of my best friends mom's cheated on her dad with an 18-yr-old (when my friend was in middle school, her older sister was in high school, and her older brothers were graduated). Her mom eventually married the guy and moved out to So.Cal., where they had two kids (who my friend calls her sisters). Now that the sisters have graduated high school, the mom divorced the new guy and moved back to the old town. Yeah, there's still a little anger... but she's mostly over it and rather pleased to know that families can come in all forms. Mostly, though, we didn't talk about these things. We were poor, and spent our time going out to clubs to dance (she knew DJ's and could get us in for free), and went to thrift stores picking up great dresses for going out. Then we hung around, eat lots of hippie food (she was vegetarian), and drank beer while we watched the sunset at one of our apartments (with of course, a cat or two hanging about). I was her friend.. not her counselor.

Maybe your friend should seek professional counseling (colleges often have some available free of charge if your friend is a student.. and high schools have counseling too.). That might help him resolve his feelings. I don't know how professional counseling goes (I've never had any) but it might be worth a shot.

 

[ank_gl]

it really depends on the person's view of family, that may vary very radically.

for me, it is really sick. i can go as far as killing someone if it happens to me.

 

[Danger]

His secretary looks like a Chinese because she has small eyes, small lips, and her topnotches are just so eyecatching.
He repeatedly implied that my friend should call him and her father and mother
What would your idea be about this if you were my friend?

I would be thinking of incest.

 

[lonton]

1) Is there some particular reason the friend's father shouldn't be allowed to have a life? I think your friend is going to eventually have to accept this.

It's not a life, it is two lives

2) It's insensitive for the father to think accepting a major change in family life should be something that can just be turned on like a switch. He should be a little more understanding that this will take a little time. Things like having your friend call her mother might be a little premature (in fact, sometimes that never happens).

I think both are going to have to give a little.

The father and the likes just try to sound lovely as before to smooth the family. Everyone knows it already. It's like gopal, coolpal, and it is complex, but so easy to move around the world without even a passport! This is not as easy as a switch, isn't it ?