Why do we care if we offend people?

[brainstorm]

What is this nonsense I have been trained to believe in? Why do people get offended over anything? What does it even feel like to be offended?

It feels like you would feel as a teaching assistant if someone complained to you about their grade. It feels like any boundary you've set has been crossed without any respect for your reason for setting it as a boundary in the first place.

 

[JaredJames]

I clearly don't understand your position jarednjames, and you seem to be missing my point that, "deliberate", counts for about as much with offending people as motive does with murder.

1. Did you read post #32? That clarifies the difference between deliberately being offensive and unintentionally saying something.

2. Motive is a major factor in murder.

3. 'Deliberate' is also an important factor - it's one of the main reasons we distinguish between murder and manslaughter.

 

[Nicodemus]

1. Did you read post #32? That clarifies the difference between deliberately being offensive and unintentionally saying something.

2. Motive is a major factor in murder.

3. 'Deliberate' is also an important factor - it's one of the main reasons we distinguish between murder and manslaughter.

You keep saying deliberate, but much offense given and taken is NOT deliberate. I don't see where in my posts I've been arguing that. I just said what I thought, you jumped on it, and now you're qualifying the whole argument in a way I never did. When you figure out what you're actually debating, get back to me.

 

[JaredJames]

You keep saying deliberate, but much offense given and taken is NOT deliberate. I don't see where in my posts I've been arguing that.

The topic is why do we care if we offend people. I only care about offending someone if I do it deliberately. If it is unintentional on my part (as per the dog example) then I simply don't care if you are offended by what I say. That's all there is to it, for me. If others care about offending someone, as per the dog example, then that's up to them. But I don't.

I just said what I thought, you jumped on it, and now you're qualifying the whole argument in a way I never did. When you figure out what you're actually debating, get back to me.

Re-read your responses, focus particularly on the response you gave to my initial reply to you (you know, the one you tried to deny saying).

I don't care very much for this back and forth any more, I have given my point, you have given multiple, conflicting points. I'm leaving it there.

 

[Nicodemus]

You're parsing the use of "I", and "we" in the context of group identification? Take the last word, you need it.

 

[Jasongreat]

Imo, offense is almost entirely out of our control at most times, since it is based on ones belief system. Unless we know the person we are talking to, there is no way to avoid offense in all cases. Even if we walk on eggshells and take political correctedness to the extreme, we could always run into someone that gets offended at that. All we can do is be the best we can be, according to our own belief system, and hope that for the majority of interactions that's good enough. That old rhyme about sticks and stones must not be taugh anymore.

 

[Nicodemus]

Imo, offense is almost entirely out of our control at most times, since it is based on ones belief system. Unless we know the person we are talking to, there is no way to avoid offense in all cases. Even if we walk on eggshells and take political correctedness to the extreme, we could always run into someone that gets offended at that. All we can do is be the best we can be, according to our own belief system, and hope that for the majority of interactions that's good enough. That old rhyme about sticks and stones must not be taugh anymore.

Sure, with the hard lesson that our nation's "A-OK" thumb and forefinger combo is obscene in the Arab world, we have to realize that in a world of billions, we constnatly offend. If you genuinely want to have others listen to you, offending them is a very rare way to win them over. If you don't care, then you just don't care about that person, which doesn't have to be a bad thing; no right in this constitution to live free of offense, quite the opposite in fact.

 

[brainstorm]

1. Did you read post #32? That clarifies the difference between deliberately being offensive and unintentionally saying something.

2. Motive is a major factor in murder.

3. 'Deliberate' is also an important factor - it's one of the main reasons we distinguish between murder and manslaughter.

Is it intentional to build up an attitude of hate and/or desiring someone(s) to be dead and then claiming it was unintentional when emotions lost control and someone gets killed in a fight?

I think a similar attitude builds up in people about offending others. E.g. I knew someone who disliked green activism so much that he wanted to tune his engine to a level that dark black smoke would billow out of his tailpipe and just rev his motor to upset people with the pollution. This is maybe an extreme example, but the fact is that it's not that uncommon for backlash sentiments to build up in people where they almost wish for people to be offended, even if they don't intentionally choose to do offensive things to harass them.

Of course, the other side of it is that these people must have themselves become offended by whatever they are backlashing against to end up wanting others to get offended. So, whether intentional, semi-intentional, or unintentional, I think people build up cultures of conflict where the goal isn't so much to have a constructive debate as it is to torture others in some subtle and relatively safe way, e.g. by offending them.

 

[mugaliens]

About the only thing that offends me is something I think offends most people: Being unfairly wronged:

1. Being accused of lying/cheating/stealing when I did not.

2. Being lied to, cheated, or a victim of robbery.

 

[Max™]

I'm not sure why people REALLY care about offending others... but I'm an Aspie, I view most of these social interactions from the outside anyways.

Offensive jokes are often quite hilarious, particularly when you get people to laugh at things that they think they shouldn't find funny.


It annoys me when people who know what I can do/know/understand still doubt me on those subjects, not much really offends me though, besides being tickled.

 

[elfboy]

I'm the type of person who rarely gets offended by anything. I'm also a person who can see "how" someone can be offended over various things.

well...i can change that

 

[oddcitations]

I'm not certain why in general we care if we offend people, but if somebody is a teacher, they can't downright say a student is stupid, or repeaditly correct them(in an apathetic "you're stupid" kind of tone") because that's giving negative feedback. You're supposed to inspire students to whatever subject your teaching, not turn them off the subject. Also, there are positive ways of telling someone they are wrong. Like, in some sort of long drawn out problem - if they only make it halfway through and do their math wrong, you're supposed to tell them that they were close, and then tell them how to do it. It's only normal for them to mess some things up if they're just learning it. People are more inclined to be passionate about your subject if they think they are not totally hopeless at it. And chances are, if they think they are hopeless, they won't even bother try - and for most people, if they try, they'll probably do fine.
I don't know about proffessors, I've heard they pretty much don't care about who you are and you sit there for an hour, then learn the lesson yourself. :\