Why Is This Girl Sending Mixed Signals?

In summary, this girl is so confusing! She has multiple interest in her, some which she has no intention of pursuing, and she is very unresponsive to the romantic feelings of those around her. She is also very disrespectful to those who she is interested in. I would suggest that you move on and find someone who is more straightforward with their feelings.
  • #1
Psyguy22
62
0
This girl is so confusing!

This Is kind of a long story.

So right before the school year started, me and this girl talked all the time. I really liked her and she said she liked me. After a few weeks Into the year, I asked her to be my girlfriend. And she said yes! But then she broke up with me the day before homecoming.. we still went homecoming togethet tho. I spent the next week asking her what went wrong, why she broke up with me. She said that the feelings just went away. And that maybe they would come back. So one day we were talking and I tried to get her back, and she flat out said, "I've moved on from us" that kinds ended It. We didn't talk for two weeks. She sent me an apology text and asked if we could hang out again. At the time, I didnt know she already had another boyfriend. When I found out, I was crushed again. But she said that she was going to break up with him soon. And she did and now we are talking all the time again. Except she doesn't want a relationship again for awhile. But we talk like we are a couple. And there Is another guy now that I am pretty sure he likes her. And she doesn't do anything to stop him from flirting. Right In front of me too..
So I'm not sure what to do about this. Can anyone help?
Thanks if uou have advice and a lot of thanks if you actually read all that!
 
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  • #2


She's clearly only interested in you as a friend. I doubt things will work on. Sorry :frown: I think it's best if you moved on and accept the fact that things won't happen (it's not easy, I know, I never really succeeded in doing this).
 
  • #3


I have a number of thoughts on this:

1) She has little respect for you, and has no wish to be in a long term relationship.
2) By coming back to her might make you seem a bit desperate.
3) If she really likes you and wants to be with you, then she will notice your feelings. If she doesn't then it might do some good to distance yourself from her: she likes you - she notices, she doesn't - she won't notice, your going to have to move on.
4) I've been here but under less intense situations. I overcame it by getting another girlfriend and moving on, but I still remained friends with her. If you don't want to forget about her, then perhaps you should talk to her about your feelings. If you talk to her, ask her for a definitive answer, don't accept a maybe.
5) My final piece of advice would be to just leave the relationship stuff and just leave it at friends. You'll still get to be with her and enjoy her company, and this has the advantage of a lack of the pressure of being in a relationship.
 
  • #4


JizzaDaMan said:
1) She has little respect for you

How did you conclude that from his post??
 
  • #5


Politely excuse yourself from her life. Politely. Being involved with her in any way is obviously not healthy for you.
 
  • #6
micromass said:
She's clearly only interested in you as a friend. I doubt things will work on. Sorry :frown: I think it's best if you moved on and accept the fact that things won't happen (it's not easy, I know, I never really succeeded in doing this).
The thing is that she said she would like to be with me, just not now because it would make her look bad (she broke up with him a week ago)
 
  • #7


micromass:

by the way she is keeping him unsure of the situation between them; lots of "maybe"s "for a while"s. Also the "apology text, 'can we hang out again'" i think that kind of thing gives mixed messages, and is harsh. I myself hate being in a situation where i don't know if a girl likes me or not, they lead you on and make you think they like you, and then they're like 'no, where did you get that idea from'
 
  • #8


Do whatever you want. You're young. If it works out for a while, great. If not, oh well, not the end of the world.

She doesn't seem to give much value to her relationships, but what do we know about this stranger.
 
  • #9


I'm with JizzaDaMan, textbook case of string-along.

Either she's afraid of being mean, she wants a tag along, or we're wrong and she's genuinely confused and having trouble. I wouldn't hold my breath is all.
 
  • #10


Psyguy22 said:
The thing is that she said she would like to be with me, just not now because it would make her look bad (she broke up with him a week ago)

OK, in that case, I do have to agree that she has little respect for you. Do like pyth said: remove yourself from her life, politely. I don't think the girl is very good for you and I think that you will be hurt more if you keep seeing her, even as a friend.
 
  • #11
JizzaDaMan said:
1) She has little respect for you, and has no wish to be in a long term relationship.
2) By coming back to her might make you seem a bit desperate.
.
we have actually talked about being long term, and she said she could see us being long term.
And I thought about that, but I really care for her and don't want to lose the connection we had. But by no means am I desperate.
 
  • #12


Psyguy22 said:
we have actually talked about being long term, and she said she could see us being long term.
And I thought about that, but I really care for her and don't want to lose the connection we had. But by no means am I desperate.

But those are just words, maybe just a social lubricant. Judge people by their actions, I think.
 
  • #13
Pythagorean said:
But those are just words, maybe just a social lubricant. Judge people by their actions, I think.
And I try to! We to the movies all the time and talk. We even have really long hugs.. she means apt to me. But maybe your right and she's just saying words.
 
  • #14


Sounds like she just doesn't know what she wants. I'd back off. Don't dump her out of your life, but just.. back off. Significantly. Can't make yourself too available or she'll just dilly-dally. If she thinks you're going to move on, then she'll make her decision one way or another. Either way, things will be clarified.
 
  • #15


I'm sure she appreciates the attention and companionship, but maybe more in a using way than a mutual way, you know? That's just how it seems from the outside, hearing it in text.
 
  • #16


Psyguy22 said:
This Is kind of a long story.
So I'm not sure what to do about this. Can anyone help?

Yes, most likely she is just confused

you really should give her the benefit of the doubt. Just be patient and understanding. It might be very rewarding.
 
  • #17
Andre said:
Yes, most likely she is just confused

you really should give her the benefit of the doubt. Just be patient and understanding. It might be very rewarding.
That's what I'm kinda going for. But how long is to long?
 
  • #18


Psyguy22 said:
That's what I'm kinda going for. But how long is to long?

If the situation is hurting you, then it is already too long. You do not want to be hurt by love for a long time.
 
  • #19
JizzaDaMan said:
micromass:

by the way she is keeping him unsure of the situation between them; lots of "maybe"s "for a while"s. Also the "apology text, 'can we hang out again'" i think that kind of thing gives mixed messages, and is harsh. I myself hate being in a situation where i don't know if a girl likes me or not, they lead you on and make you think they like you, and then they're like 'no, where did you get that idea from'
So what exactly should I do? I told her awhile ago that I would never just "stop" everything with her. She's had that done to.her a lot and I would hate to just be another guy that did that to her
 
  • #20


Psyguy22 said:
That's what I'm kinda going for. But how long is to long?

I guess you're young. Patience for confused people to settle back is measured in several months maybe over a year. Really not a lot on a life time.
 
  • #21


Boys are simpler creatures. Stick to them. (They are cuter as well, IMO)
 
  • #22


Uhh. I'm a dude.. Haha. Thanks for the tip tho!:p
 
  • #23


Psyguy22 said:
Uhh. I'm a dude.. Haha. Thanks for the tip tho!:p

I'm also a--dude. I'm just being of the rational dudish 1-2% For the rest of you dudes: you deserve whatever problems you have with those strangenesses you moan about, and I have no compassion with you (it's just your own fault). I'm merely stating the obvious :smile:
 
  • #24


arildno said:
I'm also a--dude. I'm just being of the rational dudish 1-2% For the rest of you dudes: you deserve whatever problems you have with those strangenesses you moan about, and I have no compassion with you (it's just your own fault). I'm merely stating the obvious :smile:

Or if you want to be completely problem-free: don't have any relationships :biggrin:
 
  • #25


I have thought about! Never followed through though.. easier said then done right?
 
  • #26


Psyguy22 said:
I have thought about! Never followed through though.. easier said then done right?

Don't get upset. You're a good guy, really, you can do it. Just a little patience.
 
  • #27


micromass said:
Or if you want to be completely problem-free: don't have any relationships :biggrin:
Yes. Boys are mean, they as well. In an uncomplicated, STUPID and blunt manner. Rude, too. :frown:
 
  • #28


Talk to her. Tell her how you feel. Tell her that she is confusing you, but you understand and accept it and don't hold it against her. Realize that it is pretty much guaranteed that feelings will confuse people, and will do so often. It's ok if she is confused, it is often very difficult to sort out what you really want from what you think you really want. Sometimes you have to bite the bullet and be unhappy in the short term to make sure you are happy in the long term. Time and experience makes it easier to sort things out and be able to resist certain emotions that you know won't lead anywhere. (Or at least time and experience CAN make it easier)

Also, what do YOU want to do? Do you want to wait on her? Do you think it's healthy for you to be confused all the time about this? That's the key here I think. It isn't JUST about her, it's also about you. You may have told her you wouldn't break things off, but if SHE cares about YOU then she should be willing to accept it if that's what you decide. Relationships are not one way streets, she must be willing to give as well as take.
 
  • #29


"Talk to her. Tell her how you feel. Tell her that she is confusing you, but you understand and accept it and don't hold it against her. Realize that it is pretty much guaranteed that feelings will confuse people, and will do so often. It's ok if she is confused, it is often very difficult to sort out what you really want from what you think you really want."

What complicating nonsense.
Just call her a disgusting piece of obfuscating crap, not worth wasting your time on.
 
  • #30


arildno said:
What complicating nonsense.
Just call her a disgusting piece of obfuscating crap, not worth wasting your time on.

People are complicated.
 
  • #31


I'm trying drakkith, we've talked about it before, but it never goes anywhere. I'll try to talk to her tonight and finally make a decision on what I should do.
And arildno, I would appreciate it if you could find something positive to say.
 
  • #32


Proton!
 
  • #33


Pythagorean said:
Proton!


:smile:
 
  • #34


Psyguy22, it seems like nearly everything about this relationship is on *her* terms. Are you OK with that? It doesn't sound fair to me.
 
  • #35


lisab said:
Psyguy22, it seems like nearly everything about this relationship is on *her* terms. Are you OK with that? It doesn't sound fair to me.

Women aren't fair.
 

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