Why People Get Married: Is Marriage Just a License to Sex?

[chound]

Is marriage only a licensce to sex?

 

[derekmohammed]

I would say no.
If you look at marriage in a non-religous sence, you can have sex with reletivly anything at anytime (if you try hard enough), marriage is not supposed to be based on sex. My opinoin is that marriage is when two consenting people decide that they are fit for each other and want to make a deeper commitment to there relationship; not that they just want to have crazy sex.

Just my opinon...

 

[russ_watters]

Legally, marriage is a contract, with a number of economic and legal implications.

 

[loseyourname]

I just thought of an interesting distortion of this question. I believe it is legal to marry someone below the legal age of consent as long as their parents allow it. Is it then legal to have sex with them?

 

[honestrosewater]

I just thought of an interesting distortion of this question. I believe it is legal to marry someone below the legal age of consent as long as their parents allow it. Is it then legal to have sex with them?

In Florida, emanciaption (where a minor is granted "adult" status) comes with getting married:

743.01 Removal of disabilities of married minors.--The disability of nonage of a minor who is married or has been married or subsequently becomes married, including one whose marriage is dissolved, or who is widowed, or widowered, is removed. The minor may assume the management of his or her estate, contract and be contracted with, sue and be sued, and perform all acts that he or she could do if not a minor.

so statutory rape wouldn't apply. Some quick searching found that most states (I didn't count them all- there's 50, y'know!) either grant emancipation with marriage or make an exception in their "age of consent" laws for married minors. And some states allow minors to get married without parental consent if they are pregnant, so...

 

[Kerrie]

the true benefit of marriage is you have the other person being able to receive any benefits from you (should you pass away) or make decisions for you (if you were in a state of inability to make comprehensive decisions). Otherwise, it would be the next of kin who would have this control. When you marry, legally in the U.S.A., you are guaranteeing that person whom you marry that they can make the legal decisions for you.

As for sex, it has nothing to do with marriage.

 

[derekmohammed]

As for sex, it has nothing to do with marriage.[/QUOTE]


I agree COMPLETLY

 

[chound]

well premaital sex is bad and marital sex is okay. Why? After all both are the same

 

[chroot]

well premaital sex is bad and marital sex is okay. Why? After all both are the same

This may or may not be true, depending on your value system. There is no inherent truth in either belief.

- Warren

 

[learningphysics]

the true benefit of marriage is you have the other person being able to receive any benefits from you (should you pass away) or make decisions for you (if you were in a state of inability to make comprehensive decisions). Otherwise, it would be the next of kin who would have this control. When you marry, legally in the U.S.A., you are guaranteeing that person whom you marry that they can make the legal decisions for you.

As for sex, it has nothing to do with marriage.

I wouldn't go this far. If that were really true, then people would get married to anyone... but people get married to those they are sexually attracted to and plan to have sex with... You don't see heterosexual men marrying other heterosexual men... The whole thing has something to do with sex (sexual attraction etc).

 

[Kerrie]

I wouldn't go this far. If that were really true, then people would get married to anyone... but people get married to those they are sexually attracted to and plan to have sex with... You don't see heterosexual men marrying other heterosexual men... The whole thing has something to do with sex (sexual attraction etc).

according to the American society, yes are you aware that other cultures of the world have arranged marriages? no sexual attraction there prior to the marriage.

 

[jammieg]

What if marriage were outlawed and everyone remained legally single? We things be better or worse? What if marriage were required by law and enforced by social pressure, would that be better?

 

[derekmohammed]

Then you could ask the question is marriage nessacry?

 

[Kerrie]

What if marriage were outlawed and everyone remained legally single? We things be better or worse? What if marriage were required by law and enforced by social pressure, would that be better?

i think the definition of marriage shall change over the next generation or two, but the concept of it will remain i am certain.

 

[learningphysics]

according to the American society, yes are you aware that other cultures of the world have arranged marriages? no sexual attraction there prior to the marriage.

That's true, but there's usually sex after the beginning of the marriage.

My question is if sex has nothing to do with marriage, then why don't two heterosexual males ever get married, or two heterosexual females... or in general, two people who will not have sex with each other and have no desire to??

 

[selfAdjoint]

That's true, but there's usually sex after the beginning of the marriage.

My question is if sex has nothing to do with marriage, then why don't two heterosexual males ever get married, or two heterosexual females... or in general, two people who will not have sex with each other and have no desire to??

Have you been living on a desert island?

The marriage of like sexes is illegal (except in Massachusetts).

 

[derekmohammed]

Remeber: Marriage (when not arranged) is making a deeper commitment into an already established relationship. ie. Allowing your spouse to make desicions only you can make (legal matters)

Concerning "learning physics":
People get married without sex on there minds all the time, Think about when you marry someone else from another country so they can be admitted into the country! People do this all the TIME!
(this is a decently poor example but you did not give me much to work with )

Now a question to you guys who think that marriage is about sex:
How would you explain a relationship in which the two consenting people have been having sex for years, and only after a long discussion, the y decide to commit there relationship further and get married. Is it more sex on there minds? I don't think so since they have been having sex the whole time. Then if it is not sex, why are the getting married?

 

[hitssquad]

The marriage of like sexes is illegal

People get married in illegal circumstances, two instances being consanguineous and bigamous unions. Why do heterosexuals of the same sex never, except in prison, similarly enter conjugal unions?

 

[learningphysics]

Have you been living on a desert island?

The marriage of like sexes is illegal (except in Massachusetts).

Yes yes I know that. It seems like my point is being missed over and over.
I'm saying that two people that are not going to have sex, and have no sexual attraction, generally have no desire to get married (unless there is some ulterior motive like getting citizenship etc) ... I don't see women wanting to marry their best friends (neither being gay), or men wanting to marry their best friends (neither being gay).

Why is it that there are no pairs of heterosexual males fighting to get married? Why is there only a "gay" marriage debate, and not a "same sex" marriage debate? Nobody discusses the case of two people of the same sex wanting to marry when neither are gay... Why is this? Preciously because such a situation does not exist... there are no pairs of heterosexual males wanting to get married...

 

[learningphysics]

Now a question to you guys who think that marriage is about sex:
How would you explain a relationship in which the two consenting people have been having sex for years, and only after a long discussion, the y decide to commit there relationship further and get married. Is it more sex on there minds? I don't think so since they have been having sex the whole time. Then if it is not sex, why are the getting married?

Why do they want to get married to the person they are having sex with and not somebody else? Why do people generally wish to marry those that they have sex with?

They wouldn't even be thinking about marriage if there was 0 sex and 0 sexual attraction.

 

[Kerrie]

Yes yes I know that. It seems like my point is being missed over and over.
I'm saying that two people that are not going to have sex, and have no sexual attraction, generally have no desire to get married (unless there is some ulterior motive like getting citizenship etc) ... I don't see women wanting to marry their best friends (neither being gay), or men wanting to marry their best friends (neither being gay).

Why is it that there are no pairs of heterosexual males fighting to get married? Why is there only a "gay" marriage debate, and not a "same sex" marriage debate? Nobody discusses the case of two people of the same sex wanting to marry when neither are gay... Why is this? Preciously because such a situation does not exist... there are no pairs of heterosexual males wanting to get married...

will have to find some statistics to back this up, but from what the "joke" is, sex declines after marriage...

 

[derekmohammed]

Have you ever heard of power of atornery? This is basicly a marrage among two people that does not involve sex. IT has all of the rights that marriage has but has a diffrent name.

 

[loseyourname]

What do you say about men that are castrated getting married? It can be done. Seems to prove, by itself, that sex does not define marriage, nor is the desire or even ability to have sex with your spouse a necessary condition of getting married. Marriage can be about sex, about love, about taxes, or any number of things, but it doesn't have to be about any of them.

You guys will probably think me crazy, but I once married a woman I was at a bar with just for the hell of it. I never had sex with her and we annulled the thing shortly after. We certainly didn't love each other and were not seeking any legal benefits, although I also considered marrying a girl I went to high school with so that we could each receive a better financial aid package in college (didn't, though). I think the only conclusion you can draw about marriage from this is that I don't particularly respect the sanctity of the institution.

 

[selfAdjoint]

So the legal requirements for marriage have some holes in them, and people's motives for getting married are as various as can be. Most people accept this on the principle that just because you can point to dusk doesn't mean there's no day and night.

 

[Kerrie]

I think the only conclusion you can draw about marriage from this is that I don't particularly respect the sanctity of the institution.

who can draw this conclusion again now? what people forget is a happy and long lived marriage requires a consistent effort of forgiveness, compassion, honesty and communication...something many are not able to do as well as willing to do.

 

[the number 42]

As Roger Daltry sang, "Its a legal matter, baby". Marriage gives both parties certain legal rights & obligations to each other & any children they have. These rights not only help in practical ways in times of death, illness etc, but give both a sense of duty, which is important if you are going to make a relationship last. Its hard to see much romance in a contract, though.

 

[loseyourname]

who can draw this conclusion again now? what people forget is a happy and long lived marriage requires a consistent effort of forgiveness, compassion, honesty and communication...something many are not able to do as well as willing to do.

What are you talking about? Who's forgetting this? By mutual consent, two people can enter into a legal contract of any kind and then subsequently terminate that contract for no reason other than that they weren't serious in the first place and were only entering into the contract because they were bored. This can be done with any kind of contract. I'm only showing the author of this thread that marriage is not defined by a desire to have sex with someone, or the desire to do all of the things that you just talked about - effort and compassion and such.

Personally, I don't identify marriage with the legal contract anyway. Marriages can be performed that are not recognized by any legal body and that do not impart any legal benefit to the married parties. Marriage is just a set of vows that two people take pledging to share significant aspects of the rest of their lives together. There may be a genuine desire to fulfill these vows, there may not be. The vows may be fulfilled, they may not be. The couple may get legal benefits from these vows, they may not. The couple may have a desire to engage in sexual activities, they may not. It is the entering into of the vow - that and that alone - that defines marriage.

 

[the number 42]

The couple may get legal benefits from these vows, they may not. The couple may have a desire to engage in sexual activities, they may not. It is the entering into of the vow - that and that alone - that defines marriage.

The Concise Oxford English Dictionary defiines marriage as: "1/ the legal union of a man & a woman in order to live together & often to have children. 2/ an act or ceremony establishing this union".

Whether this definition, or marriage itself, is in keeping with moral or spiritual aspects (or simple fun aspects) of a serious relationship is another matter.

 

[loseyourname]

The Concise Oxford English Dictionary defiines marriage as: "1/ the legal union of a man & a woman in order to live together & often to have children. 2/ an act or ceremony establishing this union".

Whether this definition, or marriage itself, is in keeping with moral or spiritual aspects (or simple fun aspects) of a serious relationship is another matter.

That's one definition, and perhaps that is what most people in civilized nations mean when they use the word. That doesn't change the fact that rudimentary unions that are still considered marriage can be found in certain societies that do not carry any legal ramifications. Even many pre-legal societies had unions that are today translated as "marriage."

 

[Kerrie]

okay, let me post your words again:

I think the only conclusion you can draw about marriage from this is that I don't particularly respect the sanctity of the institution.

you claim that the only conclusion "you" (meaning whom??) can draw from marriage is that you don't respect the sanctity of it...let me ask you, do you live with a woman, and are you committed to her?

then you state that marriage can be terminated, and

two people take pledging to share significant aspects of the rest of their lives together. There may be a genuine desire to fulfill these vows, there may not be. The vows may be fulfilled, they may not be. The couple may get legal benefits from these vows, they may not. The couple may have a desire to engage in sexual activities, they may not

. so by your definition, anyone living together, engaging in sex, etc can be married in the emotional sense?

i guess i am confused...you are defining what you think marriage is:

Personally, I don't identify marriage with the legal contract anyway.

, but you don't respect it. well, there is a certain amount of courage and effort to getting married to someone you love in the long term sense because as one who is legally married, I am taking a certain amount of responsibility for another person. the difference between an "emotional" marriage and a legal marriage is, if my husband needs a decision made for him should he be on life support (as an example), it will be me making those decisions for his well being rather then his parents. if you live with another person and are "emotionally" married to them, your legal right to make decisions for them go to their family. Sure, you may be committed to them soley, but the fact is, when you take that step in legally tying your self to them, that defines how much you are willing to give and do for someone else.

Marriage is scary, I know because I just RE-married. But, in the western society at least, when you do tie the knot, you are willing to involve the legal complications which is what ultimately sets marriage apart from just co-habitating.

 

[loseyourname]

you claim that the only conclusion "you" (meaning whom??) can draw from marriage is that you don't respect the sanctity of it...let me ask you, do you live with a woman, and are you committed to her?

I don't live with anyone, nor am I committed to anyone. I meant that the only conclusion you can draw from my own marriage is that I do not respect the institution. This was in response to the poster who was trying to show that marriage is about nothing but sex by demonstrating through the behavior of married couples that that is what they are after. I was just providing a counterexample. An extreme counterexample, but even so. I don't think marriage is about sex.

then you state that marriage can be terminated, and . so by your definition, anyone living together, engaging in sex, etc can be married in the emotional sense?

I'm not saying there's any such thing as marriage in the emotional sense. Vows are not emotional in nature. Ideally they should be binding, even if not legally so.

well, there is a certain amount of courage and effort to getting married to someone you love in the long term sense because as one who is legally married, I am taking a certain amount of responsibility for another person. the difference between an "emotional" marriage and a legal marriage is, if my husband needs a decision made for him should he be on life support (as an example), it will be me making those decisions for his well being rather then his parents.

Some of the same responsibilities and duties were bestowed upon married couples in pre-legal societies. They just didn't sign anything or get a state license or anything like that. I'm not saying that the simple act of being emotionally committed to someone makes you married. You have to go through a union ceremony of some sort that is binding to some degree. It just doesn't have to be legally recognized, especially in early societies that had no legal bodies to do the recognizing.

if you live with another person and are "emotionally" married to them, your legal right to make decisions for them go to their family. Sure, you may be committed to them soley, but the fact is, when you take that step in legally tying your self to them, that defines how much you are willing to give and do for someone else.

This actually depends. In some states, if you co-habitate for seven years, you are legally married, whether you get the license and take the vows or not. Full responsibilities and full benefits.

Marriage is scary, I know because I just RE-married. But, in the western society at least, when you do tie the knot, you are willing to involve the legal complications which is what ultimately sets marriage apart from just co-habitating.

I know. I was never trying to equate cohabitation with marriage. But responsibility does not have to be legal responsibility, especially in societies that do not have laws. That was all I was talking about.

 

[plus]

Is marriage only a licensce to sex?

Obviously not as you can get it all the time.
Marriage has been downgraded in our society, with most marriages ending in divorce. Both men and women have to go out to work to support themselves in this materialistic world, and the both gain the male personality of the hunter.
Originally marriage was a good meme which produced children.