- #1
dpatnd
- 64
- 20
Let me begin by stating the obvious: I do not mean lying about anything that can be factually checked, like grades, honors, or experiences.
I am currently a junior majoring in physics, and my immediate post-graduation plans are to attend graduate school in physics. On paper, I seem to be on track to being a halfway-decent candidate: 3.97 cumulative GPA, 4.0 major GPA, and four semesters of undergraduate research. I am also currently applying for summer REU programs, and it was writing essays for these applications which made me realize something: I do not really have any justification for participating in these programs, let alone attending graduate school. It came as quite a shock when I saw just how commonplace was the basic question “why?” or some variation of it, such as “what are your career goals?” Whether it be for REU programs or graduate programs, I see everywhere prompts which demand I state why I want to do what I intend to do and even, on occasion, what I plan to do many years from now.
To put it simply, I have no answer to these questions. Why do I want to attend graduate school? Because it is what I decided I will do. There is not a deeper reason. You could also ask me why I work hard to get good grades. It is not because I have some far-off goal that necessitates good grades; I get good grades because that is what I decided must happen. To be perfectly honest, this mode of thinking in terms of reasons for doing something is rather foreign to me. I have never thought in this way. Then again, I am also autistic.
There is, of course, the associated question pertaining to future career plans. This, too, is somewhat foreign. I have never been one to think in terms of anything beyond the immediate present. In fact, one thing I have learned about myself over the past few years is that I cannot. I spent a good year and a half of my undergraduate career “thinking” about what I might like to do in the future. The result was that my brain would just enter an infinite loop that stopped me from being able to function in the present, not to mention feeling terribly anxious all the time. Thus, I stopped. If you asked me right now “what I want to do,” my answer would be that I want to get my physics problem set done and to get started on my philosophy reading. Anything beyond these due dates is not under my consideration.
And so, we arrive at the dilemma. What am I to do about my statements of purpose when the time comes to apply? As I see it, I have nothing really to write beyond “I am interested in X, you have several faculty members doing research in X, and Professor Y’s research seems particularly interesting.” Thinking back to my undergraduate applications, the truth is that I did lie when it came to similar questions. I felt sick doing so and would prefer to never do it again. However, as I see it, I may be left with no choice but to once again invent reasons for X and career plans in Y.
I am currently a junior majoring in physics, and my immediate post-graduation plans are to attend graduate school in physics. On paper, I seem to be on track to being a halfway-decent candidate: 3.97 cumulative GPA, 4.0 major GPA, and four semesters of undergraduate research. I am also currently applying for summer REU programs, and it was writing essays for these applications which made me realize something: I do not really have any justification for participating in these programs, let alone attending graduate school. It came as quite a shock when I saw just how commonplace was the basic question “why?” or some variation of it, such as “what are your career goals?” Whether it be for REU programs or graduate programs, I see everywhere prompts which demand I state why I want to do what I intend to do and even, on occasion, what I plan to do many years from now.
To put it simply, I have no answer to these questions. Why do I want to attend graduate school? Because it is what I decided I will do. There is not a deeper reason. You could also ask me why I work hard to get good grades. It is not because I have some far-off goal that necessitates good grades; I get good grades because that is what I decided must happen. To be perfectly honest, this mode of thinking in terms of reasons for doing something is rather foreign to me. I have never thought in this way. Then again, I am also autistic.
There is, of course, the associated question pertaining to future career plans. This, too, is somewhat foreign. I have never been one to think in terms of anything beyond the immediate present. In fact, one thing I have learned about myself over the past few years is that I cannot. I spent a good year and a half of my undergraduate career “thinking” about what I might like to do in the future. The result was that my brain would just enter an infinite loop that stopped me from being able to function in the present, not to mention feeling terribly anxious all the time. Thus, I stopped. If you asked me right now “what I want to do,” my answer would be that I want to get my physics problem set done and to get started on my philosophy reading. Anything beyond these due dates is not under my consideration.
And so, we arrive at the dilemma. What am I to do about my statements of purpose when the time comes to apply? As I see it, I have nothing really to write beyond “I am interested in X, you have several faculty members doing research in X, and Professor Y’s research seems particularly interesting.” Thinking back to my undergraduate applications, the truth is that I did lie when it came to similar questions. I felt sick doing so and would prefer to never do it again. However, as I see it, I may be left with no choice but to once again invent reasons for X and career plans in Y.