Approaching a Gorgeous Intelligent Girl in High School

[zoobyshoe]

Lmao, I think you're missing the core of my point, my friend :P that part I won't know for at least a little while, haha...

Sheez, Jorge! First I underestimated you, then I overestimated you. You're just determined to be a moving target.

 

[cronxeh]

Lmao, I think you're missing the core of my point, my friend :P that part I won't know for at least a little while, haha...

What kind of an aspiring theoretical physicist are you there.. As the saying goes, chemical engineers do it in fluidized beds.. You ought to apply theory to practice and get on the thermodynamics of friction on boundary layers, if you catch my drift

 

[GeorginaS]

And GeorginaS: I don't care for your opinion.

Too bad. You might have learned something.

 

[GeorginaS]

Guys get crushed. That's how the game works. Better to get crushed for the first time sooner rather than later.

You know what, Russ? You might be surprised to know how often girls get crushed too. I'd guess and say it's probably pretty even.

 

[Moonbear]

You know what, Russ? You might be surprised to know how often girls get crushed too. I'd guess and say it's probably pretty even.

I think Russ knows that, and was just referring to guys because he's a guy and the OP is a guy and that was what the conversation was about.

 

[turbo]

I think Russ knows that, and was just referring to guys because he's a guy and the OP is a guy and that was what the conversation was about.

Guys crush themselves after the fact, too, when they realize how stupid they were when ignoring ladies (older or younger) that were sending out strong and clear signals.

 

[turbo]

I had an older lady who didn't tell me until after she was married that she had wanted me. She was a cheerleader and a great dancer who paid a lot of attention to me - why would I think I could not get her? Mental block. A couple of my friends' sisters would hang on me and I'd be nice, but not follow through because they were "too young". Guess what? They were both real "lookers" by the time I got well into college and were already spoken for. Sweet ladies with intelligence and poise.

A few years difference in age seems to mean a lot in HS. It means nothing later!

 

[GeorginaS]

I think Russ knows that, and was just referring to guys because he's a guy and the OP is a guy and that was what the conversation was about.

Well, likely he does know that, and I only said that because I've known a few men who seem to believe that women have all of the power in love relationships.

My apologies to Russ.

 

[turbo]

Well, likely he does know that, and I only said that because I've known a few men who seem to believe that women have all of the power in love relationships.

My apologies to Russ.

At least in the 1960s (codger disclaimer!) the women did not have the "power" if they were much younger than than the men. And (in my limited experience) they did not have the "power" over much younger guys unless they got pretty explicit. In my case, I'd hug up my cheerleader buddy every time she grabbed me for a dance, but she would let me go back to the younger crowd each time. If she ever told me that she'd live with her folks and wait for me to graduate, I probably would have tried to graduate ahead of time.

 

[zoobyshoe]

Guys crush themselves after the fact, too, when they realize how stupid they were when ignoring ladies (older or younger) that were sending out strong and clear signals.

Actually, the majority of girls have no idea what constitutes a "strong and clear signal".

Back in the day a girl I knew casually whom I was chatting with over coffee suddenly announced: "I'm spending the night at your place tonight."

THAT is a strong and clear signal.

 

[turbo]

Actually, the majority of girls have no idea what constitutes a "strong and clear signal".

Back in the day a girl I knew casually whom I was chatting with over coffee suddenly announced: "I'm spending the night at your place tonight."

THAT is a strong and clear signal.

That would have been a welcome sign!

 

[zoobyshoe]

That would have been a welcome sign!

Point is: a "strong and clear signal" is explicit. Girls often actually put out a lot of incredibly ambiguous suggestions that they, for some absurd reason, suppose are "strong and clear", and then blame the guys as dull witted if they don't demonstrate the desired reaction.

Another tale from back in the day: girl takes my arm and whispers in my ear, "I want to make love!"

THAT is a strong and clear signal.

 

[rfstanton]

Hello everyone, I'm a high school sophomore, and have a small dilemna..i've become very distracted by this gorgeous girl, who appears to be quite intelligent (and happens to be a junior), and have never spoken a word to her in my life. Just wondering how i should tone down my nerd-iness (i sit with a table of nerds and rejects), because she is constantly surrounded by her friends, and don't know how she'd react to someone from a completely different realm approaching her and initiating some sort of conversation..

Also, I've spoken with a friend of hers, who happens to be a nerdy-yet-accepted member of her peers, so i think that may be a window to approaching her?

Any thoughts?

1. It's your life, don't give up your dreams.
2. You don't ask, you don't get.
3. The first time she abuses you, get it straight or bail.
4. Take it slow. You will change, she will change.
5. Hell, if you think she's that good, go for it!

 

[theJorge551]

Point is: a "strong and clear signal" is explicit.

Another tale from back in the day: girl takes my arm and whispers in my ear, "I want to make love!"

Lmfao, I now have a goal...
But more seriously, I have noticed several subtle (by absolutely NO means "strong and clear") signs from her, though it does take a very trained eye to decipher it. I'll have to keep reading into those signs, lol

 

[turbo]

A year is nothing Jorge. Be yourself.

 

[theJorge551]

A year is nothing Jorge. Be yourself.

Yep, got that ;) thanks

 

[GeorginaS]

At least in the 1960s (codger disclaimer!) the women did not have the "power" if they were much younger than than the men. And (in my limited experience) they did not have the "power" over much younger guys unless they got pretty explicit. In my case, I'd hug up my cheerleader buddy every time she grabbed me for a dance, but she would let me go back to the younger crowd each time. If she ever told me that she'd live with her folks and wait for me to graduate, I probably would have tried to graduate ahead of time.

Hrm, okay, I think I wasn't clear enough when I said I've been told by some men that they perceive women have all the power in love relationships. (Even back in the "old days".) What they expressed to me was the belief that women held/hold all of the emotional power thereby it perpetually being the guy who gets squashed.

As for unclear signals, sorry, but that's not the sole purview of women.

 

[Pinu7]

Lmfao, I now have a goal...
But more seriously, I have noticed several subtle (by absolutely NO means "strong and clear") signs from her, though it does take a very trained eye to decipher it. I'll have to keep reading into those signs, lol

Don't decipher, ask her out!

 

[GeorginaS]

Don't decipher, ask her out!

Read the whole thread!

 

[theJorge551]

Don't decipher, ask her out!

Lol, I know, deciphering is in the meantime. I'm not going to ask her out online (exclusively in person, IMO), so I have a little while to think before I see her again on Tuesday :P

 

[zoobyshoe]

Lmfao, I now have a goal...
But more seriously, I have noticed several subtle (by absolutely NO means "strong and clear") signs from her, though it does take a very trained eye to decipher it. I'll have to keep reading into those signs, lol

If a girl gives a "strong and clear signal", as per my examples, it's an incredibly refreshing experience.

I think it's possible to quickly get bogged down in trying to decipher a girl's signals, though, such that things go nowhere. Most girls are relatively passive. It's better to "lead", to actively direct things to deeper and deeper involvement, even in the absence of a clear feel for how she'll react.

 

[theJorge551]

If a girl gives a "strong and clear signal", as per my examples, it's an incredibly refreshing experience.

I think it's possible to quickly get bogged down in trying to decipher a girl's signals, though, such that things go nowhere. Most girls are relatively passive. It's better to "lead", to actively direct things to deeper and deeper involvement, even in the absence of a clear feel for how she'll react.

Thanks zooby, excellent piece of advice. I won't try to look deeper than I have to, given the subtle signals I already know of, but I do agree with you, in the fact that she might respond with better effect to more initiative on my part. She seems extremely interesting, and I think she'll open up more as I try to make our now beginning friendship progress (anyone up for a conservation of momentum reference?).

 

[DaveC426913]

If a girl gives a "strong and clear signal", as per my examples, it's an incredibly refreshing experience.

There is a reason people don't send strong and clear signals.

Forgive this analogy:

Imagine being in an antique market. You spot a gorgeous piece of Art Glass. You send a clear and unambiguous signal ("Wow! I want that!") to the vendor.

How much leverage do you have on negotiating? What are your chances now that you will now come out of the bargain with the best arrangement you can get?

Roll back. Spot the Art Glass again. This time, show some serious interest but don't look like a push-over. Now what kind of leverage do you have?

 

[zoobyshoe]

There is a reason people don't send strong and clear signals.

Forgive this analogy:

Imagine being in an antique market. You spot a gorgeous piece of Art Glass. You send a clear and unambiguous signal ("Wow! I want that!") to the vendor.

How much leverage do you have on negotiating? What are your chances now that you will now come out of the bargain with the best arrangement you can get?

Roll back. Spot the Art Glass again. This time, show some serious interest but don't look like a push-over. Now what kind of leverage do you have?

I'm not talking about hookers, Dave.

 

[DaveC426913]

I'm not talking about hookers, Dave.

Neither am I. The analogy si not about money; it is about negotiating power in a relationship.

Whatever the girls wants out of the relationship (unless it is exactly the same as what he wants), she does not do herself a favour by tipping her entire hand up front.

 

[DaveC426913]

I'm not talking about hookers, Dave.

Neither am I. The analogy is not about money; it is about negotiating power in a relationship. Any relationship.

Whatever the girl wants out of the relationship (unless it is exactly the same as what he wants), she does not do herself a favour by tipping her entire hand up front.

 

[russ_watters]

Guys crush themselves after the fact, too, when they realize how stupid they were when ignoring ladies (older or younger) that were sending out strong and clear signals.

Yeah, that one really kills me.

 

[russ_watters]

Well, likely he does know that, and I only said that because I've known a few men who seem to believe that women have all of the power in love relationships.

My apologies to Russ.

It's ok, but in any case while I know women get crushed too, the way they get crushed is a little different and, yes, I knew the OP was a guy.

 

[GeorginaS]

It's ok, but in any case while I know women get crushed too, the way they get crushed is a little different and, yes, I knew the OP was a guy.

I'm interested to hear how you think it's different.

 

[Matterwave]

Lol, I know, deciphering is in the meantime. I'm not going to ask her out online (exclusively in person, IMO), so I have a little while to think before I see her again on Tuesday :P

Yea, don't ask girls out online...that's a bad road to take...>_>

 

[Math Is Hard]

It's ok, but in any case while I know women get crushed too, the way they get crushed is a little different and, yes, I knew the OP was a guy.

I'm interested to hear how you think it's different.

I'm interested to hear that, too. Does "the way they get crushed" refer to the way the rejection is delivered, or how comparatively rotten you think they feel afterward?

 

[GeorginaS]

If a girl gives a "strong and clear signal", as per my examples, it's an incredibly refreshing experience.

You reside amongst the exceptions.

There is a reason people don't send strong and clear signals.

Forgive this analogy:

Your analogy is apt, but I disagree with your analysis and break-down of it.

There remains, to this day, the horrid double-standard in what's acceptable in terms of male and female sexual/partnering/mating behaviour. I thought it was (actually it was wishful thinking) a thing of the past, but nope, it's alive and well.

I disagree, Dave, that it's about power in a relationship or leveraging for what you want and more about perception. So your antique shopping analogy works well, because if you see a lovely antique that someone is willing to give to you, you're likely to value it less than if it came to you at some cost, no matter what form that takes.

I work with a number of single young people, and participate in gaming forums populated by younger people, and they still hold, what I consider, really old fashioned ideas about guys not valuing women who will have sex with them too readily. Males still value "the chase" and consider it a measure (I don't have to explain this old, worn, tired idea, do I?) of a woman and her self esteem and value of her own self-image if she "gives it up" too easily/soon/readily. And! Young women believe the same things too. Really, the sexual revolution that we thought would bring us the freedom for women to say, "Hey, I want to, too!" hasn't wrought what we thought it might or hoped it would.

Young women, certainly, are more sure of themselves in a whole bunch of other areas of their lives, they're smart, educated, ambitious, and don't in the least think they can't compete easily with males. But the whole mating dance thing? And young women not wanting to be perceived as "cheap and easy" because young men will perceive them that way, has not changed.

So I wouldn't say it's so much about power or negotiating to get what you want (although getting what one wants is what everyone's discussing, here) but, on a young woman's part, trying to be a whole person who makes her own decisions while still being saddled with antiquated ideas about decorum. Dignity is another thing, and should be maintained for everyone involved. I agree with Zooby in that there's no loss of dignity in saying, "This is what I want" but the rest of the world isn't quite ready to let women have that yet.

 

[cronxeh]

If a woman is intelligent and gives it up easily, she is not considered to be a slut. The guy is considered to be lucky. The opposite is true, if a woman is a total bimbo and she gives it up easily, well you will get yourself tested for STDs and remind yourself to quit drinking. It is obvious why guys value intelligent+gorgeous+available women to be superior to stupid+gorgeous+available or intelligent+gorgeous+taken or intelligent+ugly+available. Simple gene propagation on subconscious level.

 

[zoobyshoe]

Neither am I. The analogy si not about money; it is about negotiating power in a relationship.

Whatever the girls wants out of the relationship (unless it is exactly the same as what he wants), she does not do herself a favour by tipping her entire hand up front.

No, you don't get it. These girls aren't "tipping their hand".

Another tale from back in the day: I'm walking with a bunch of kids in the woods at night. The girl I sort of paired up with; talking to her more than the others, is walking right in front of me and we're the last two in line. She turns around, stops me while the others walk into the distance, then, to my surprise, pulls me down onto the ground on top of her.

I have more such tales. In all cases the girl has just taken over. She's already the one in the power seat.

 

[theJorge551]

I have more such tales. In all cases the girl has just taken over. She's already the one in the power seat.

As much as I agree with the fact that at times, the girl in a relationship takes this role, this time I'm pretty sure that it won't apply, based on what I know so far about her. I appreciate your input though.