Are Intelligent, Socially Awkward Males Unsuccessful w/ Women?

[SouthGoingZax]

To the OP and anyone else in the same boat, do NOT be afraid to approach girls because you consider yourself "nerdy." Further, don't label yourself as socially awkward! You probably have sooo many interesting things to talk about, maybe just not in the mainstream. I for one would rather talk about physics, etc. with a guy than listen to some meathead prattle on about football or something equally boring.

I'm a bit older than most folks on here I think (27) but I can tell you that I have ALWAYS had a thing for supposedly "nerdy" guys. In undergrad, my friends would tease me about always "corrupting" these sweet, innocent guys who had never had a girlfriend before. For me, there's something about making a guy with so much brainpower melt. Over a few glasses of wine at a bachelorette party once, some girlfriends and I had a silly discussion about if we had ever "deflowered" a guy before. Embarassingly, I took the cake: of the four guys I've ever slept with, all four were virgins before me and all three were physicists/engineers!

The unfortunate flipside to this is that I have had to deal with having some pretty excruciating crushes on off-limits guys (like professors.)

Anyway, enough about me, my point is TALK TO HER, she might go nuts for guys that are conventionally considered "nerds."

 

[cronxeh]

.. of the four guys I've ever slept with, all four were virgins before me and all three were physicists/engineers!

The unfortunate flipside to this is that I have had to deal with having some pretty excruciating crushes on off-limits guys (like professors.)

It has always fascinated me how women consider themselves to be less sexual than men, yet they sleep around more often. Then they judge us through this lens of self-righteousness and make the guys second guess themselves when they want to approach a girl.

 

[SouthGoingZax]

Oh, be nice, four is not that bad, and besides I was in monogamous relationships with them all.. it wasn't four at ONCE!

 

[cronxeh]

Oh, be nice, four is not that bad, and besides I was in monogamous relationships with them all.. it wasn't four at ONCE!

Oh sweety, 2 is too many, for what its worth.

 

[SouthGoingZax]

*SIGH* I guess I invited that. The whole premarital sex argument is a can of worms that I'm not prepared to open on my study break.

 

[Math Is Hard]

It has always fascinated me how women consider themselves to be less sexual than men...

We do?

 

[cronxeh]

*SIGH* I guess I invited that. The whole premarital sex argument is a can of worms that I'm not prepared to open on my study break.

What has marriage got to do with that? After you had sex once, you've committed biologically to that person whether you like it or not. Something happens, you breakup or whatever and you go on a little spree there and find yourself another mate. Guess what? You are now cheating on your first commitment with the second guy.

If that is not lying to yourself, which I personally find to be the worst kind of lie, then what is? Sure some might argue that I am crazy, its a great idea to hump around and spread the seed, to which I have 2 words for you.. India and China. Or I guess 1 word.. Asia

Hey can you imagine you name your daughter Asia?

We do?

I don't know what women consider themselves, I am not a woman. This opens an opportunity to call me a hypocrite. Go on, let it all out


Although come to think of it, perhaps the more you lie to yourself, the less self respect you have subconsciously, and your own self value starts to go down. Maybe that's why some women date abusive men who treat them like crap and keep falling into that type of relationship

 

[SouthGoingZax]

My my cronxeh, you're awfully warlike considering we just "met" minutes ago. And I suppose YOU have never considered intimacy with more than one person in your life, since it's such a repulsive concept?

 

[anubis01]

speak for yourself cronxeh, personally the world could do with more women like SouthGoingZax. Seriously where are these kinda girls at my university.

 

[cronxeh]

My my cronxeh, you're awfully warlike considering we just "met" minutes ago. And I suppose YOU have never considered intimacy with more than one person in your life, since it's such a repulsive concept?

When I was a boy between 16 and 19 I've done my share of humping. In retrospect, it was a time wasted on useless pursuits and shallow ideations. I would argue that sex is great, greater when with the same person, but then again the more you don't have it the more likely you to take a nihilistic approach to it. Its not a matter of rationalization on my part, but rather a realization that you can adapt to pretty much anything that is not essential.

Thats why there is a little man in a boat

speak for yourself cronxeh, personally the world could do with more women like SouthGoingZax. Seriously where are these kinda girls at my university.

I agree, you nerds need to get proactive

 

[SouthGoingZax]

speak for yourself cronxeh, personally the world could do with more women like SouthGoingZax. Seriously where are these kinda girls at my university.

EVERYWHERE, you just have to look for us. Then again, I went to Hopkins so it may have been a skewed population sample.

Excuse the generalization, I don't know you from Adam, but "guys like you" are afraid of saying the wrong thing or being "awkward."

"Girls like me" on the other hand, are worried about coming off as not intelligent enough or coming on too strong and scaring you off.

 

[anubis01]

EVERYWHERE, you just have to look for us. Then again, I went to Hopkins so it may have been a skewed population sample.

Excuse the generalization, I don't know you from Adam, but "guys like you" are afraid of saying the wrong thing or being "awkward."

"Girls like me" on the other hand, are worried about coming off as not intelligent enough or coming on too strong and scaring you off.

Admittedly, I used to be this way, but I've gotten a lot better at this. I even pursued one lady friend that got away...it didn't work out though but it allowed me to move on to other women. In fact if it weren't for exams and this other lady I met going back to France in the summer I could have landed myself a women, but It was just bad timing.

All well, at least I'm ready to apply what I learned for next year.

 

[creepypasta13]

EVERYWHERE, you just have to look for us. Then again, I went to Hopkins so it may have been a skewed population sample.

Excuse the generalization, I don't know you from Adam, but "guys like you" are afraid of saying the wrong thing or being "awkward."

"Girls like me" on the other hand, are worried about coming off as not intelligent enough or coming on too strong and scaring you off.

EVERYWHERE? My guess is that maybe 1 out of 1000 girls, of average or higher attractiveness, take interest in awkward nerds. You said it yourself that you were the only one out of your friends who takes interest in nerds. Anyways, in my experience, I have seen 'nerds', who had social skills, have success with women. But I've never seen socially awkward nerds have anything close to success.

 

[creepypasta13]

It has always fascinated me how women consider themselves to be less sexual than men, yet they sleep around more often. Then they judge us through this lens of self-righteousness and make the guys second guess themselves when they want to approach a girl.

I completely agree. But in the case of SouthGoingZax, that's a good thing, because she's going for nerds. We need more nerds to have success with women, so then they'll gain more confidence, and thus produce even more good things for society than they already do

 

[GeorginaS]

After you had sex once, you've committed biologically to that person whether you like it or not. Something happens, you breakup or whatever and you go on a little spree there and find yourself another mate. Guess what? You are now cheating on your first commitment with the second guy.

If that is not lying to yourself, which I personally find to be the worst kind of lie, then what is?

Care to back up any of this judgmental nonsense with fact?

 

[rootX]

I completely agree. But in the case of SouthGoingZax, that's a good thing, because she's going for nerds. We need more nerds to have success with women, so then they'll gain more confidence, and thus produce even more good things for society than they already do

.. That reminds me of http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Comfort_women"

 

[lisab]

After you had sex once, you've committed biologically to that person whether you like it or not. Something happens, you breakup or whatever and you go on a little spree there and find yourself another mate. Guess what? You are now cheating on your first commitment with the second guy.

Total BS.

 

[cronxeh]

must've plucked a feminist string

 

[lisab]

must've plucked a feminist string

Or maybe you were simply very wrong .

 

[cronxeh]

i will admit the possibility that i am wrong if you admit the possibility that compulsive sex addiction lowers self esteem

 

[lisab]

i will admit the possibility that i am wrong if you admit the possibility that compulsive sex addiction lowers self esteem

Of course it does, for both men and women. But you're saying that a 27-year-old woman who has had four lovers in her life, all in monogamous relationships, is a compulsive sex addict? That's totally bogus.

 

[SouthGoingZax]

You know, it's funny: I forget which post, but someone mentioned that his interactions with a girl sort of improved his confidence and made him more able to approach another girl later on.

Freshman year of undergrad, there was a guy in my hallway who was cute and brilliant but SO painfully awkward. My roomate and I used to giggle because he'd turn bright red and start fidgeting every time we even said hi to him. One night he was playing Go in the common area and I sat down with him and we started talking. I knew he was doing research with one of the physics profs, and when I asked him about it, he totally came alive and was more articulate than I'd ever seen him. After that, we ended up hanging out, playing chess or Go in one of our rooms a lot, studying together, etc.

I would have loved to have dated him, but I felt like I couldn't have the full responsibility of a relationship at the time, because I was having to study so much. I think he was in the same boat too. So we kept hanging out, ended up kissing and cuddling a few times, but nothing more. We never put a label on it. The funny thing was, as the semester went on, I started noticing that his demeanor changed: he would seek people out more often, was more outspoken in class and in general, and even started going to the gym. I don't know if it was just a product of coming into his own having hit college, but I can't help but think maybe having some female interaction boosted his confidence a bit too.

 

[cronxeh]

bogus based on what? I said 2 is too many, 4 is greater than 2. You see the logic here? She did not have to have sex with any of them or she would've stayed with guy #3 or #4. The fact is, the next guy she has sex with is not going to be her last, hence compulsive sex

 

[SouthGoingZax]

You know, it's funny: I forget which post, but someone mentioned that his interactions with a girl sort of improved his confidence and made him more able to approach another girl later on.

Freshman year of undergrad, there was a guy in my hallway who was cute and brilliant but SO painfully awkward. My roomate and I used to giggle because he'd turn bright red and start fidgeting every time we even said hi to him. One night he was playing Go in the common area and I sat down with him and we started talking. I knew he was doing research with one of the physics profs, and when I asked him about it, he totally came alive and was more articulate than I'd ever seen him. After that, we ended up hanging out, playing chess or Go in one of our rooms a lot, studying together, etc.

I would have loved to have dated him, but I felt like I couldn't have the full responsibility of a relationship at the time, because I was having to study so much. I think he was in the same boat too. So we kept hanging out, ended up kissing and cuddling a few times, but nothing more. We never put a label on it. The funny thing was, as the semester went on, I started noticing that his demeanor changed: he would seek people out more often, was more outspoken in class and in general, and even started going to the gym. I don't know if it was just a product of coming into his own having hit college, but I can't help but think maybe having some female interaction boosted his confidence a bit too.

 

[lisab]

bogus based on what? I said 2 is too many, 4 is greater than 2. You see the logic here? She did not have to have sex with any of them or she would've stayed with guy #3 or #4. The fact is, the next guy she has sex with is not going to be her last, hence compulsive sex

You think 2 is too many over a course of probably 10 years?!? For Mother Teresa, maybe!

Maybe they were all lousy lovers.

 

[SouthGoingZax]

Lousy? No way. Get rid of the pocket protector, and set aside the glasses (so they don't break) and you'd be surprised. Muahahhaaha.

 

[cronxeh]

yeah I am already not surprised

 

[DaveC426913]

croxeh, can you please clarify:

After you had sex once, you've committed biologically to that person whether you like it or not. Something happens, you breakup or whatever and you go on a little spree there and find yourself another mate. Guess what? You are now cheating on your first commitment with the second guy.

1] Is it symmetrical? i.e. does it apply to both men and women?
2] Are you saying that the first act of sex bonds you to that person for life, both biologically and morally? If that's not what you're saying, I'm missing it. If so, can you please back this up?

 

[cronxeh]

croxeh, can you please clarify:

1] Is it symmetrical? i.e. does it apply to both men and women?
2] Are you saying that the first act of sex bonds you to that person for life, both biologically and morally? If that's not what you're saying, I'm missing it. If so, can you please back this up?

1. I think it equally applies to both sexes

2. It doesn't bind you for life, just releases biological incentive to be physiologically bonded to that mate, and creates a psychological desire by positive reinforcement. Vasopressin makes you protective of your mate. Oxytocin promotes bonding by building trust and recognizing the scent of the baby or the mate and favorably responding to it. It is the hormone that makes you 'swoon' and cuddly with someone. During sex both of these hormones are released.

Dopamine spike from being with someone gives you the pleasure but also creates addiction on par with cocaine use. Serotonin spike makes you fantasize about your lover, creates vivid sex depictions in your mind where sex actually takes place. It cures depression and makes you a lovestruck crackhead, literally.

Addiction, dependence, reinforcement, and psychological answer to the life's greatest question of purpose and existence are answered when you are high and in love

 

[Evo]

Addiction, dependence, reinforcement, and psychological answer to the life's greatest question of purpose and existence are answered when you are high and in love

But people fall out of love and no longer have feelings toward that person or even loathe and despise that person.

I don't see a problem with having sex with your current "love", no matter how many relationships. I don't even think love has to be a factor, just two consenting adults. Now that there is very reliable birth control, there is no need to continue with the taboo of pre-marital sex that once had a purpose to prevent unwanted pregnancies.

 

[cronxeh]

But people fall out of love and no longer have feelings toward that person or even loathe and despise that person.

I don't see a problem with having sex with your current "love", no matter how many relationships. I don't even think love has to be a factor, just two consenting adults. Now that there is very reliable birth control, there is no need to continue with the taboo of pre-marital sex that once had a purpose to prevent unwanted pregnancies.

Nothing lasts of course, and you end up drifting apart and splitting. After a while you find someone else and then go through the motions again, so in the end the whole point was about procreation. Ensure attraction, bond, and enough jumba juice to last through the gestation and infancy.

That is why life is pointless, as it insists upon itself.

 

[Math Is Hard]

A person doesn't always bond with a person they have sex with. Sometimes they do, sure. But other times, sex can just be for recreation (a la friends with benefits), and that's the end of it. Still other times, a person might wake up hung over on New Year's morning next to their best friend's creepy brother and actually feel repulsed and start considering gnawing an arm off to escape. But, I digress.

Anyway, I don't see this "biological commitment' from sex idea as a universal truth. Everyone's different.

 

[AUK 1138]

Anyway, I don't see this "biological commitment' from sex idea as a universal truth. Everyone's different.

if you knew what he was saying you'd understand. commitment was a poor word choice, imo. i would have said "sex makes you biologically predisposed to want to have sex with the same person again." which, isn't really anything shocking. and sure, everyone is different, but unless you have some kind of abnormality, your body will secrete hormones when you bone.

 

[cronxeh]

Ever notice how you tend to be attracted to similar looking people, seek out pornographic material of women that look or resemble your ex or someone with similar features? The mind is trying to hang on to it, trying to gather more incentive to rekindle the fantasy and build familiarity with the person and trust.

I think everyone should get a bilaterial sine-wave electroshock treatment after a breakup. Its just the only healthy alternative to suffering.

 

[lisab]

Ever notice how you tend to be attracted to similar looking people, seek out pornographic material of women that look or resemble your ex or someone with similar features? The mind is trying to hang on to it, trying to gather more incentive to rekindle the fantasy and build familiarity with the person and trust.

I think everyone should get a bilaterial sine-wave electroshock treatment after a breakup. Its just the only healthy alternative to suffering.

Wow, cronxeh...you must have gone through a hell of a bad break-up .