Checklist Accomplished: Launching My Daughter Into the World

[Norman]

Congrats lisab- that must feel awesome and a little heartbreaking! I still remember leaving for college and having my parents drop me off. It was simultaneously liberating and scary. I remember looking forward to talking to my parents on the phone and hearing their voices- it was comforting.

Just remember if you send her some food, send a lot. The kids in our dorm that shared their parents home cooking were always well liked!

I just found that I'm not 22. I do believe that, but don't like it.

I have pretty much stopped believing that I age.

I had the same revelation as danger in June when I tore my Achilles. Turns out believing something is quite different from it being true!

You stop aging the year that you first have to start calculating your age.

"How old am I? Uh, let's see. Born in '64... this is '10, so..."

Happened to me at about 44.

That made me chuckle out loud!

 

[fuzzyfelt]

Congratulations lisab, and Molly too!111

 

[Dembadon]

Feed her - check.
Keep her clean - check.
Read to her - check.
Play with her - check.
Teach her how to swim, ride a bike, do a summersault - check.
Explain the wonders of the world - check.
Treat boo-boos with band-aids and kisses - check.
Be very silly with her - check.
Help with homework - check.
Ground her when she's bad - check.
Serve as taxi when needed - check.
Cover the refrigerator with her art and awards - check.
Comfort her when her heart breaks - check.
Encourage her to trust her judgement - check.
Teach her to drive - check.
Marvel at her independence - check.
Indulge her by buying books she wants - check.
Share her joy at getting accepted to her #1 choice college - check.
Take her to her college and leave her there - check.

Now, that wasn't so hard, was it?

Look out world, she's been launched!

Congratulations, lisab! You sound like an exceptional parent, and I've no doubt that your daughter is well prepared to start this next phase of her life.

 

[jackmell]

That list is not enough for me. Don't get me wrong, I love that list, except . . . well, never mind. And I admire parents taking time to learn how to raise healthy children. We know what some of the consequences for not doing that are. Me, I'd just ask her, "girl, you ready to start the next phase of your life?" At that age, I'm pretty sure my daughter would have said, "what phase?" but maybe she's not the average.

But how do you make sure that's she's ready? For me, that list is not enough. That's what I mean.

 

[Dembadon]

That list is not enough for me. Don't get me wrong, I love that list, except . . . well, never mind. And I admire parents taking time to learn how to raise healthy children. We know what some of the consequences for not doing that are. Me, I'd just ask her, "girl, you ready to start the next phase of your life?" At that age, I'm pretty sure my daughter would have said, "what phase?" but maybe she's not the average.

But how do you make sure that's she's ready? For me, that list is not enough. That's what I mean.

I don't think lisab's post is intended to be a comprehensive parenting checklist, jackmell.

 

[DaveC426913]

But how do you make sure that's she's ready? For me, that list is not enough. That's what I mean.

You don't.

The last item on the list really should be:

...and then let them go out and make their own mistakes. You will not always be there as a crutch to "make sure" they're ready.

 

[jackmell]

I don't think lisab's post is intended to be a comprehensive parenting checklist, jackmell.

Hi. I'm sorry I didn't quote you above with that comment I made. You said:

Congratulations, lisab! You sound like an exceptional parent, and I've no doubt that your daughter is well prepared to start this next phase of her life.

Ok, that's what's not enough for me. Not her checklist. That is, her check list is not enough for me to decide that she is an exceptional parent and that her child is well-prepared for the next phase in life. I'm not saying she and her are not, I'm just saying that I need more information about her family to say things are good. And she doesn't care what I think, right, but I'm just implying I guess that it takes a whole bunch more to be a good parent and a whole bunch more to raise a child well that's all.

 

[Evo]

Wait, I thought your daughter's school was only a 1 hour drive? Going to my office is a one hour drive.

Evo Child moved an hour away for school and was back 5 days a week. She was in my place at least 2-3 times a week.

Does your daughter have a car?

 

[Dembadon]

...

Congratulations, lisab! You sound like an exceptional parent, and I've no doubt that your daughter is well prepared to start this next phase of her life.

Ok, that's what's not enough for me. Not her checklist. That is, her check list is not enough for me to decide that she is an exceptional parent and that her child is well-prepared for the next phase in life. I'm not saying she and her are not, I'm just saying that I need more information about her family to say things are good. And she doesn't care what I think, right, but I'm just implying I guess that it takes a whole bunch more to be a good parent and a whole bunch more to raise a child well that's all.

I'm sure we all could come up with thousands of things to put on a list, but I don't think one needs to do that in order to claim that lisab sounds like an exceptional parent. In addition, "The list" isn't the only thing I considered. She's made countless posts, especially in the Academic Guidance and Relationship sections, that confirm my feelings. However unsubstantiated my claim may be, I feel comfortable it would hold up to scrutiny.

 

[lisab]

My mom tells me that the best way to determine if you're a good parent is to observe how your children parent their own children.

Soooo...I hopefully have many years before I experience that!

 

[lisab]

Wait, I thought your daughter's school was only a 1 hour drive? Going to my office is a one hour drive.

Evo Child moved an hour away for school and was back 5 days a week. She was in my place at least 2-3 times a week.

Does your daughter have a car?

Yes, it's only an hour (maybe 1.5 hours) and yes, she has a car. But for the last year she's been like a racehorse waiting to run. I'd be surprised if she comes back even once a week, but I wouldn't mind that at all .

 

[Evo]

Yes, it's only an hour (maybe 1.5 hours) and yes, she has a car. But for the last year she's been like a racehorse waiting to run. I'd be surprised if she comes back even once a week, but I wouldn't mind that at all .

Evo Child had so much freedom growing up that she loved coming home once she started college, it kept her connected with the familiar.

We raised our girls very differently, but they both grew up great, and that's all that matters.

 

[BobG]

When I moved out, I never came back.

Well, I did drive by the house once. Turned out that right after I moved out, my parents moved and didn't leave a forwarding address. Worse yet, they sold anything I left behind at a garage sale right before they moved.

 

[lisab]

When I moved out, I never came back.

Well, I did drive by the house once. Turned out that right after I moved out, my parents moved and didn't leave a forwarding address. Worse yet, they sold anything I left behind at a garage sale right before they moved.

Wow, are you one of my brothers?!?

My parents did the same. Well they did leave a forwarding address, but they moved into a one-bedroom apartment.

But the garage sale...they sold the chest of drawers I used through high school, and the bottom drawer was full of my diaries ! Why didn't they check the dang drawers? Who sells a chest of drawers without checking what's in it?!?

 

[Evo]

Wow, are you one of my brothers?!?

My parents did the same. Well they did leave a forwarding address, but they moved into a one-bedroom apartment.

But the garage sale...they sold the chest of drawers I used through high school, and the bottom drawer was full of my diaries ! Why didn't they check the dang drawers? Who sells a chest of drawers without checking what's in it?!?

I was lucky, my dad died young and my mother didn't move because of bad health.

On the other hand, all of my old writings and drawings disappeared when my older daughter found them and thought that they were so cool that she took them to friend's homes to show them off and lost them all.

 

[lisab]

I was lucky, my dad died young and my mother didn't move because of bad health.

On the other hand, all of my old writings and drawings disappeared when my older daughter found them and thought that they were so cool that she took them to friend's homes to show them off and lost them all.

Dang! I hope there wasn't anything too personal in them.

 

[Evo]

Dang! I hope there wasn't anything too personal in them.

Nah, just all of my writings and art since I was 14 to age 28, nothing important.


<hyperventilates>

I keep telling myself...pretend your house was burned down and you lost everything, happens all of the time.

 

[DaveC426913]

On the other hand, all of my old writings and drawings disappeared when my older daughter found them and thought that they were so cool that she took them to friend's homes to show them off and lost them all.

How do you just lose a pile of writings and drawings?

 

[Evo]

How do you just lose a pile of writings and drawings?

I stupidly had collected everything together into a large cedar chest for preservation.

My daughter - "ooh look at all of this great stuff my mother's done!". I will take this and show it to friends so that they know how cool she is!

 

[GeorginaS]

I stupidly had collected everything together into a large cedar chest for preservation.

How did she get the large cedar chest over to the friend's place? And then how do you lose an entire cedar chest?

Not that it's any of my business and all.

 

[rootX]

I stupidly had collected everything together into a large cedar chest for preservation.

That's why I put everything in an online blog and try to have a copy of them on my local computer.

What kind of writings those were?

 

[Evo]

How did she get the large cedar chest over to the friend's place? And then how do you lose an entire cedar chest?

She didn't move the chest, she removed the contents.

Oh well, I'm hoping to get back into art and starting again.

 

[lisab]

She didn't move the chest, she removed the contents.

Oh well, I'm hoping to get back into art and starting again.

Nice! What medium?

 

[BobG]

How do you just lose a pile of writings and drawings?

They obviously ran out of toilet paper at her friend's house and didn't have the heart to tell Evo the true story.

 

[Evo]

They obviously ran out of toilet paper at her friend's house and didn't have the heart to tell Evo the true story.

<gaaaasp>

---------------------------------------------------------------flatline

 

[DaveC426913]

Sorry, for just a second, I thought that this post:

They obviously ran out of toilet paper at her friend's house...

was actually in response to this one:

Nice! What medium?

 

[jackmell]

My mom tells me that the best way to determine if you're a good parent is to observe how your children parent their own children.

Soooo...I hopefully have many years before I experience that!

Yeah, I don't blame you. She's 18 right? "Do not get married too young ok?" I'd tell mine. I think wait till you're 27 or so.

However isn't it a little unfair to judge a parent's ability to raise children to how well their children parent their children? I can imagine really crummy parents, but children who survived the ordeal and grew in maturity and wisdom and grew into good parents. Likewise, I'm sure it's not unreasonable to expect some parents, who did marvelous jobs raising their children, but the children were not so good at it.

But then what is the best way you think Jack? I'm not sure at this point but I suspect living the life of a good parent, both mom and dad, throughout their child's life, I think is the best way to be a parent.

 

[BobG]

My mom tells me that the best way to determine if you're a good parent is to observe how your children parent their own children.

However isn't it a little unfair to judge a parent's ability to raise children to how well their children parent their children?

Not at all, especially if you're a mother-in-law.

If your son's wife doesn't raise her kids the same way the son's mother did, it's because the son's wife was raised either by ingnorant redneck hillbillies or by uppity upper class snobs. It's not her fault she's a lousy mother - she just needs the expert meddling of the son's mother to help her be a better mother.

Forunately, mother-in-laws don't apply the same criteria to their daughter's husband. Knowing their own daughter, they just feel grateful she was actually able to find someone to put up with her. Or was that just my ex-mother-in-law that felt that way.

 

[Astronuc]

Not at all, especially if you're a mother-in-law.

If your son's wife doesn't raise her kids the same way the son's mother did, it's because the son's wife was raised either by ingnorant redneck hillbillies or by uppity upper class snobs. It's not her fault she's a lousy mother - she just needs the expert meddling of the son's mother to help her be a better mother.

Forunately, mother-in-laws don't apply the same criteria to their daughter's husband. Knowing their own daughter, they just feel grateful she was actually able to find someone to put up with her. Or was that just my ex-mother-in-law that felt that way.

I am grateful to find anyone's daughter who would put up with me.

 

[BobG]

babysit her kids so she can go out and party - check
feed her kids - check
Keep her kids clean - check.
Read to her kids - check.
Play with her kids - check.
Teach her kids how to swim, ride a bike, do a summersault - check.
Explain the wonders of the world to her kids - check.
...

cronxeh forgot the most important item of all:

Teaching her kids how to do that thing where they make an "aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah" sound. Then they place their finger horizontally across their mouth and move it up and down to turn the "aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah" into a "aabwaaabwaaabwaaabwaaabwaaabwaaabwa" sound.

My grandson is making pretty progress with this. First, he would make the "aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah" sound and I'd have to move my finger up and down to add the "aaaaaabwaaabwaaabwaaabwaaabwaaabwaaabwaaabwa". Now he's reached the point where he tries to do it on his own. Except he uses his whole hand instead of just his finger, so the sound's degraded just a little bit.

Still, he has the main idea and just needs practice. I try to inspire him by showing him how I do it. I can do the "William Tell Overture" doing that, whatever it's called.

Which leads me to the one problem I have with this. Terminology isn't terribly important right now, but eventually he's going to learn how to talk and he'll ask me what we're doing.

I don't have a clue! What is that called, anyway?!

 

[rootX]

Teaching whatever might be challenging ...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Y5AlxRruOU

 

[jackmell]

Good, I'd like to see it .

Your thread inspired me to clean it up and post it. Changed the title. Try and not think about that other title when you read it. Kinda' messes it up otherwise. How about askin' Dad to take a look at it also for me please.

http://theoneman.newsvine.com/_news/2010/09/24/5145937-still-greater-agonies

 

[D H]

I just finished a checklist, too:

Take some time off work for a vacation - check (finally).
Leave your son in grad school behind - check.
Receive a one word text message from your son whilst in the middle of nowhere - check.
Message says "accident" - check.
Son drives my car (manual transmission) because his is a wreck - check.
Son ruins clutch on my car - check.

 

[Borek]

Son drives my car (manual transmission) because his is a wreck - check.
Son ruins clutch on my car - check.

Your car is a wreck - check.

 

[BobG]

I just finished a checklist, too:

Receive a one word text message from your son whilst in the middle of nowhere - check.
Message says "accident" - check.
Son drives my car (manual transmission) because his is a wreck - check.
Son ruins clutch on my car - check.

I'm so glad my son can't drive my manual transmission Jeep.

He can't drive any car unless it has a breathalyzer installed.