How to deal with annoying co-workers in a friendly manner

[Huckleberry]

IMO, that doesn't jive with this:

It's hard to imagine that happening inadvertantly. He's not simply hoping to make small talk or be friendly; he seems to have a conscious personal agenda to prove something about himself.

Does an addict inadvertantly find himself buying his next hit? He knows he is doing it. It doesn't mean he can stop. The guy probably does have something to prove and doesn't have the social skills to deal with it. He has some ache he needs to soothe. So he annoys the heck out of his coworkers who hate him for it.

edit- it's the exact opposite of inadvertant. It consumes his thought. He focuses on it relentlessly.

 

[Pattonias]

Does an addict inadvertently find himself buying his next hit? He knows he is doing it. It doesn't mean he can stop. The guy probably does have something to prove and doesn't have the social skills to deal with it. He has some ache he needs to soothe. So he annoys the heck out of his coworkers who hate him for it.

It can be dangerous making assumptions about the motivation of the people you find annoying. Many people manage to float along blissfully unaware of the way they are viewed by peers. I'm not saying that this should be tolerated, but you shouldn't talk to the guy like he is trying to force this knowledge on you.

If you treat everyone with respect you can usually build up enough of a relationship with each other that he will be able to accept well intended criticism.

If you discover that he is an unbearable, anti-social individual due to his intent at belittling those around him, then it is time to take the steps appropriate for your position at your job.

I remember thinking "I can't wait to get out of High school so I don't have to put up with all this drama."
Then I joined the US Army...
I enrolled in College...
I work as an intern...
Drama and Politics are a part of the human experience.

 

[Huckleberry]

It can be dangerous making assumptions about the motivation of the people you find annoying. Many people manage to float along blissfully unaware of the way they are viewed by peers. I'm not saying that this should be tolerated, but you shouldn't talk to the guy like he is trying to force this knowledge on you.

If you treat everyone with respect you can usually build up enough of a relationship with each other that he will be able to accept well intended criticism.

If you discover that he is an unbearable, anti-social individual due to his intent at belittling those around him, then it is time to take the steps appropriate for your position at your job.

It can be dangerous to not make assumptions also. Being friendly can be dangerous. Ignoring a problem can be dangerous too.

Treating people with respect is fine. There is a difference between being friendly and being polite. The OP doesn't want to be friendly. He just wants this guy off his back without being rude about it. He wants to be polite. That is in the OP's interest. It gives no consideration to the interests or needs of the annoying guy. I think a rude friend would be beneficial to him. He needs someone to let him know when to shut up and unclench. This guy needs the acceptance (respect) of his peers as much as anyone else.

 

[DaveC426913]

Does an addict inadvertantly find himself buying his next hit? He knows he is doing it. It doesn't mean he can stop. The guy probably does have something to prove and doesn't have the social skills to deal with it. He has some ache he needs to soothe. So he annoys the heck out of his coworkers who hate him for it.

edit- it's the exact opposite of inadvertant. It consumes his thought. He focuses on it relentlessly.

This thread-tangent is a direct descendant of your comment:

The guy is probably only semi-conscious of the effect his habit has on others, like someone who bites their fingernails might be.

It seems contradictory to me to suggest that he is both semi-conscious of what he is doing and at the same time fully-consumed by it.

I get that a drug addict can indulge his habit without requiring anyone else's involvement in it. This is why he can "inadvertantly" have an effect on others.

But that is very different from this guy whose habit is to "have an effect on others" (make them think he's brilliant). It can't be inadvertant.

 

[Huckleberry]

This thread-tangent is a direct descendant of your comment:


It seems contradictory to me to suggest that he is both semi-conscious of what he is doing and at the same time fully-consumed by it.

I get that a drug addict can indulge his habit without requiring anyone else's involvement in it. This is why he can "inadvertantly" have an effect on others.

But that is very different from this guy whose habit is to "have an effect on others" (make them think he's brilliant). It can't be inadvertant.

People can be fully consumed by behaviours that they don't understand. He probably is aware that he is trying to make people think he's brilliant. He can observe his own behaviour the same as anyone else. I doubt he has any idea why he does it. I doubt he could stop doing it on his own. He needs friends and the respect of his peers more than he knows, but he doesn't have the social tools to manage that.

Involvement has nothing to do with volition.

 

[Pattonias]

It can be dangerous to not make assumptions also. Being friendly can be dangerous. Ignoring a problem can be dangerous too.

Treating people with respect is fine. There is a difference between being friendly and being polite. The OP doesn't want to be friendly. He just wants this guy off his back without being rude about it. He wants to be polite. That is in the OP's interest. It gives no consideration to the interests or needs of the annoying guy. I think a rude friend would be beneficial to him. He needs someone to let him know when to shut up and unclench. This guy needs the acceptance (respect) of his peers as much as anyone else.

I think that if someone has problems being friendly with coworkers then they may have some issues of their own that need to be handled. I'm not suggesting that they invite this guy or any other person over for dinner, but developing professional relationships is something that helps a workplace to be more productive.

If you are rude as opposed to polite, what have you accomplished? The guy wasn't trying to start a fight, but now you have anger in your workplace. It is really hard to actually work somewhere where you are concerned with the politics that you have to start playing once you start a argument.

If you develope mutual respect you can make more suggestions without hurting each others feelings/egos. What good does it do any of you if your rude friend takes a verbal shot at the guy. If you can't find a real adult way around the problem then perhaps the guy who talks to much isn't the one with the real work stopping issue. You don't have to be nice and like the guy. Just be nice so you can get your work done.

If this guy is truly trying to be a nuisance then you should handle it with your HR counselor. If they see that he is talking to much it should show in his productivity. If this guy is your boss you will either have to put up with it or find another job because the ladder climbing method will most likely end with you on the losing end.

 

[Huckleberry]

It would seem to me that nobody really respects this guy. They just pretend to. The animosity already exists. The environment is already unprofessional. He needs to either be cut loose and become someone elses problem or he needs some friends that will tell him to shut up yet not reject him. He doesn't need fake respect.

There's no need to necessarily be rude, but that is probably what it will take. Being polite won't correct the situation. It's dismissive. He needs someone to be firm with him, but he also needs a more productive outlet for his compulsion. That's what being rude can accomplish. He'll see an opportunity for friendship and realize that the only way to take advantage of it will be to change his behaviour. He'll be forced to confront himself. External pressure will only be effective as long as it is applied. It won't remedy the cause of the behaviour. People can be trained in the same way as other animals.