I wasted 3 years of my uni life on unproductive and useless things

[shivajikobardan]

https://www.physicsforums.com/threa...y-how-to-deal-with-this.1011135/#post-6586239
I made a post this few days ago but I believe this is different than that post.

How do I get over this? I wasted time trying to make online income, creating blogs. I didn't realize full time degree like engineering needs proper care. Sad thing is I didn't realize this till 4th year.

PS I was doing that as I was suffering from various issues related to mental health that I will not disclose here. My entire college life has been a total waste. Don't get me wrong, the teaching quality of Nepal isn't any better but I was a capable student, who if studied properly could do wonders in engineering. I think and realize it in 4th year 1st semester. what to do.

How do I read those 20+ core subjects that I have missed studying in my life?

The amount of advancement I saw in my studies after I realized this was totally surprising. I went from 0 to hero. All after a simple realisation, that makes me hurt even more..Now you might say if you want to do engineering or not, I really really hate any form of businessmanship profession and any kind of management position. I was always a good student but took it for granted. I now have realized the value of good grades, properly studying in school/college and so much. I regret taking myself for granted.

It pinches me...to see myself develop so much from lots of aspects after I became serious in studies. honestly, I know it's a bit weird...but it is what it is. I am taking professional help as well so that's it.

The more I grow the more I feel regret how I should have done this earlier. It hurts me too much..My main pain is how do I recover by studying those 20+ core subjects and get a job. It will take me 6 years to study the things that I missed in 3 years...But it will be too late...IDK I am really really lost it in life..The more I think about it, the more it hurts.

Now you might say give up engineering and do other things. but it is my ambition to prove myself that is hurting me..I could give up engineering and enter into media career as I am used to it during my uni life...But my heart doesn't accept me doing that. I don't even want to be a manager. The ptsd that I got from my enterpreneurship career will remain forever. Even for marrying boy for my sister, my recommendation to my parents is don't give her to marry to entrepreuenur, businessman or manaager as I believe all these careers are shallow and hollow careers(In Nepal not in USA).

Seeing my friends doing so much progress is no fun as well. I was top 20 students in my college. Now you might say uni is hard and bla bla. But I didn't go to a uni that had students better than we had in our college 11 and 12...If I had gone to top tier uni of my country, it would make sense.

All of my friends from class 11 and 12 are doing great in life, some studying engineering in USA, some studying in top top unis of Nepal, some studying in MBBS...and all of them are clearly doing good. I will be honest, not many of my current uni friends are doing well.. As this uni where I studied is not a great uni. Even if they study, they keep failing exams and their gpa is not very high..But there are 5-10 students out of 50 students who are genuinely getting good gpa despite the bad faculty, nonsense teaching etc..

My only issue at moment is how I recover from studying those 20+ core subjects again in my future?

 

[sysprog]

You might want to ask some advice from faculty members or fellow students, but I think that the biggest thing is successful cultivation of good study habits. With that going for you, just keep it up steadily, and track your progress. If you're working effectively, looking at where you are now compared to where you were 3 months earlier should afford you some encouragement.

 

[Drakkith]

It will take me 6 years to study the things that I missed in 3 years...But it will be too late...IDK I am really really lost it in life..The more I think about it, the more it hurts.

Too late for what? It sounds like you're young, probably in your early 20's if I had to guess. You have nothing but time. The problem is that you judge yourself based on the performance of others. The only reason it matters if you complete your degree in 3 years (or however long your program is) is because that's what is expected of you from yourself and others. There will always be someone smarter than you, who succeeded faster or better than you, who makes more money or has a bigger house than you, who has more influence or popularity than you. Stop comparing yourself to them.

I'll be blunt. You failed. And it sounds like you failed not due to lack of ability, but due to poor choices as a result of inexperience and youth. But you know what? Everyone does this. Some fail in relationships, in jobs, in studies, or anyone of a million other things. You are not unique in this. This is simply your particular failure, and you will make more failures in the future, just like I have and just like everyone else has and will.

And that's okay.

Few things teach better than failure if one is willing to face it head on and learn from it. Most of learning is failing over and over until you succeed. Just think of all the math problems you got wrong at first, or the terrible first drafts of papers and reports you've written. All failures until you learned better, or put in the work to turn failure into success.

I'm a disabled veteran who failed out of college in his thirties. I know about failure. Stop caring about it. It only matters if you let it define yourself.

 

[shivajikobardan]

Too late for what? It sounds like you're young, probably in your early 20's if I had to guess. You have nothing but time. The problem is that you judge yourself based on the performance of others. The only reason it matters if you complete your degree in 3 years (or however long your program is) is because that's what is expected of you from yourself and others. There will always be someone smarter than you, who succeeded faster or better than you, who makes more money or has a bigger house than you, who has more influence or popularity than you. Stop comparing yourself to them.

I'll be blunt. You failed. And it sounds like you failed not due to lack of ability, but due to poor choices as a result of inexperience and youth. But you know what? Everyone does this. Some fail in relationships, in jobs, in studies, or anyone of a million other things. You are not unique in this. This is simply your particular failure, and you will make more failures in the future, just like I have and just like everyone else has and will.

And that's okay.

Few things teach better than failure if one is willing to face it head on and learn from it. Most of learning is failing over and over until you succeed. Just think of all the math problems you got wrong at first, or the terrible first drafts of papers and reports you've written. All failures until you learned better, or put in the work to turn failure into success.

I'm a disabled veteran who failed out of college in his thirties. I know about failure. Stop caring about it. It only matters if you let it define yourself.

I didn't fail. I got pass with less marks which is imo even worse. Although you can redo it, but it takes some money and no parents will allow to do this.

 

[shivajikobardan]

I remember really nothing that I studied in those 3 years I didn't even care to make proper notes to keep for future reference. That is what is really really sad.

 

[Mark44]

I was always a good student but took it for granted.

This is a common reason why students fail in college or university, because of the difference between them and high school. In high school, many students with above-normal intelligence can skate by without much effort, but that's usually not the case at the university level.

I now have realized the value of good grades, properly studying in school/college and so much.

Better late than never.

It will take me 6 years to study the things that I missed in 3 years...

Why is this?

 

[Choppy]

It sounds to me like you need a plan.

First, where do you stand in terms of graduating? I would suggest that one major priority should be getting that degree. Take a serious look at where you're at now. What courses do you need to finish the degree? If you're really struggling with some of the material, re-take the prerequisite courses. Yes, this might take longer than the 4 years or so you planned on, but if you haven't outright failed anything focus on getting the degree.

Second... remediation. Depending on the career trajectory you want one thing you'll find is that some courses are far more important than others. In fact some material may even be obsolete by the time you cash your first real pay cheque. Learning isn't something that happens only in university and then you're done. It's life-long. Figure out where you want to build up your strengths and then...
- take or retake courses
- take a boot camp, short course, workshop or specialization program
- attend conferences
- self-study material online

Third... practice. Engineering is a huge profession with many different dimensions. Beyond education and credentials, many employers are interested in the practical skills that you bring to the table. And those get developed through projects. So get involved with some kind of project that's going to allow you to build up the skill set you want. Join a local maker's group. Volunteer with habitat for humanity or engineers without borders. Start a robotics club.

 

[sophiecentaur]

I didn't fail.

I read this as a statement of denial but, in view of what you have written, you have failed by your own standards and you are admitting it, which is hard to do.

People in this thread have told you and I repeat it, that you are only young and your future is not fixed. You will have picked up a lot of things over the last few years which will help you with any future career development, whether that's in formal education or workplace experience.
Head up and, it seems, you can face the future with optimism because you seem to have seen where you've been going wrong. After a few months of 'nose to the grindstone' things may look very different - and better.

I have a son who was a seriously lazy hound dog when at university and found himself out on his ear. He pulled his socks up and headed in a totally different (non-academic) direction.He suddenly found a form of work which he could put all his efforts into. Twenty years later, he is by far the wealthiest member of our family with a very successful business and enjoying family life and work.

It can be done. Good luck and don't just resent your recent experiences.

 

[shivajikobardan]

I read this as a statement of denial but, in view of what you have written, you have failed by your own standards and you are admitting it, which is hard to do.

People in this thread have told you and I repeat it, that you are only young and your future is not fixed. You will have picked up a lot of things over the last few years which will help you with any future career development, whether that's in formal education or workplace experience.
Head up and, it seems, you can face the future with optimism because you seem to have seen where you've been going wrong. After a few months of 'nose to the grindstone' things may look very different - and better.

I have a son who was a seriously lazy hound dog when at university and found himself out on his ear. He pulled his socks up and headed in a totally different (non-academic) direction.He suddenly found a form of work which he could put all his efforts into. Twenty years later, he is by far the wealthiest member of our family with a very successful business and enjoying family life and work.

It can be done. Good luck and don't just resent your recent experiences.

the thing is that I think I am good enough to earn money online as that is easy I bet anyone is good enough for that, but the problem is I don't appreciate rich persons. Nowadays, I respect and want to be highly knowledgeful person rather than being a rich person. Honestly, my view of life and everything has changed from that one experience where I tried to earn free money through my actions..The lesson hit me hard. My current issue isn't regrets...I had it so badly before 1 year...upto today...It was bad , very bad...I used to watch 10s of videos daily for regret and there was no solution to it. My current issue is how I recover from this? I am discounting a lot of subjects, in 3 years we had 14*3=42 subjects, let's assume only 20 subjects are what I require as core subjects. How do I learn that much and get job? It will take me ages to do so. And what will society think of me. Then I am from Nepal, we have our own issues. Marriage and bla bla. You can't live alone your whole life else society will despise you and I mean you know this is what happens in all of south asia...Man it is really trembling situation. I just wished I was mature enough at that time. I prioritized the wrong things, tit for tat.

Yes although I didn't fail my exams, I have failed my expectations. Even without studying, I would somewhat manage to pass those exams, IDK how.

I can't understand how can someone be so delusional. Greed is always bad...Stay away from it...Lesson learned hard way...I now wonder how good I could be had I focused in studies like I did in my 4th year. PS those SAD in winter, chronic fatigue in winter with cold feet didn't help as well. Overall, a total pathetic time of my life where I wasted the precious years. Now I have to hide my face from society as everyone else is progressing in life. I can't tell you how jealous I get when I see my upto class 12 friends...It is just sad where I remained due to greed.

 

[Drakkith]

Now I have to hide my face from society as everyone else is progressing in life.

Stop caring so much about what society might think of you. You'll be much happier.

Yes although I didn't fail my exams, I have failed my expectations.

So what's the problem here? No one but you cares about your expectations. Do your best to get a job and study on the side if you feel you need to keep studying.

Do you think that a person remembers every little bit about every subject they studied in school? Absolutely not. Even the best engineers and scientists still refer back to their books regularly.

 

[WWGD]

I didn't fail. I got pass with less marks which is imo even worse. Although you can redo it, but it takes some money and no parents will allow to do this.

Can't you get a job and train yourself while working? EDIT: And if you've already been exposed to the material, it will likely seem/be easier the following times around.

 

[sophiecentaur]

Nowadays, I respect and want to be highly knowledgeful person rather than being a rich person.

Everyone has different expectations. I am not suggesting you go for a well paid occupation. I am suggesting you go for something that will make you happy.

I think I am good enough to earn money online as that is easy I bet anyone is good enough for that,

You would have to very robust to cope with the ups and downs of the on-line world. Are you sure you are tough enough to deal with that? The ability to code or play games is not often a guarantee of success. For a start, the whole on-line life is bordering on the illusory for everyone.

Stick to something that doesn't involve flashy, smooth talking people. Working with animals or green projects will not earn much money but man y of the people who do are unbelievably happy.

 

[scompi]

I read through your excessive rambling and complaining, and you really do need to stop feeling sorry for yourself. Focus on yourself and on what you want, not on what you think others expect of you. Your successful peers didn't become successful by worrying about what you or others thought of them.

What exactly is the problem here? Are you worried about not being hired because of your grades? Or worried you won't be hired because you don't remember the material of your core subjects? Or do you want to go on to grad school and worried you won't be admitted?

Please organize your thoughts, then explain clearly your problem and goals.

 

[hutchphd]

I had a good friend in grad school. After graduation he started three companies that went bankrupt through various screwups largely of his own making.
His fourth company was worth $2 billion before he sold it.
At no time did he allow himself the luxury of self-pity. Screwing up is not the problem. Letting it define you is.

 

[shivajikobardan]

I read through your excessive rambling and complaining, and you really do need to stop feeling sorry for yourself. Focus on yourself and on what you want, not on what you think others expect of you. Your successful peers didn't become successful by worrying about what you or others thought of them.

What exactly is the problem here? Are you worried about not being hired because of your grades? Or worried you won't be hired because you don't remember the material of your core subjects? Or do you want to go on to grad school and worried you won't be admitted?

Please organize your thoughts, then explain clearly your problem and goals.

i have few issues basically-:

1) How do I get a job I don't know anything taught in college? How do I study those at least 20 subjects(core subjects of cse) to get a job? it will take double the time it took me to learn it in college and I will be so late.

2) even if i want to go abroad, i won't get a scholarship at all.how do i manage 40000$ at the minimum to go abroad.

 

[Drakkith]

1) How do I get a job I don't know anything taught in college?

If you passed your exams then you obviously know a great deal about what you were taught. Or at least more than you think you know. Remember that you won't be working from memory in a job. You have the full resources of textbooks, field guides, references provided by your employer, and more.

 

[haushofer]

I had a good friend in grad school. After graduation he started three companies that went bankrupt through various screwups largely of his own making.
His fourth company was worth $2 billion before he sold it.
At no time did he allow himself the luxury of self-pity. Screwing up is not the problem. Letting it define you is.

I know a guy who screwed up his marriage, married his own niece afterwards, underestimated the probability of making nuclear weapons via a certain formula about mass and energy, wandered in circles around a certain hole argument, and once denied the existence of gravitational waves.

He ended up quite well, actually.

 

[Vanadium 50]

i won't get a scholarship at all.how do i manage 40000$ at the minimum to go abroad.

Interesting question. Why do you think you are entitled to this $40k, which is presently sitting in someone else's (or multiple people's) pockets?

 

[shivajikobardan]

Interesting question. Why do you think you are entitled to this $40k, which is presently sitting in someone else's (or multiple people's) pockets?

ever heard of things called scholarships? it is sth that students get when they get stellar grades in academics and get good score in GRE and are good in projects.What's you age btw? I want it to know why you got offended. Ididn't say I am entitled to it. I just mentioned the possibility of getting it had I got good grades..never seen someone getting offended in physicsforum like in reddit lol.

 

[StatGuy2000]

Then I am from Nepal, we have our own issues. Marriage and bla bla. You can't live alone your whole life else society will despise you and I mean you know this is what happens in all of south asia...

@shivajikobardan , what you state above is not strictly true. In Nepal (as in India) you have Hindu sadhus, who live alone for their entire lives.

If you happen to be Buddhist (I'm not sure what your ethnic or religious background is), then you have monks who also live a celibate life, often alone or in groups of like-minded individuals in a monastery.

[For those outside of Asia, a sadhu is a religious mendicant who renounce worldly life -- see the following Wikipedia entry:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sadhu]

 

[shivajikobardan]

@shivajikobardan , what you state above is not strictly true. In Nepal (as in India) you have Hindu sadhus, who live alone for their entire lives.

If you happen to be Buddhist (I'm not sure what your ethnic or religious background is), then you have monks who also live a celibate life, often alone or in groups of like-minded individuals in a monastery.

[For those outside of Asia, a sadhu is a religious mendicant who renounce worldly life -- see the following Wikipedia entry:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sadhu]

and do you know how sadhus are thought of? and do you know what people will say when you become sadhu. don't give lectures on things you are unfamiliar with pls.

 

[scompi]

i have few issues basically-:

1) How do I get a job I don't know anything taught in college? How do I study those at least 20 subjects(core subjects of cse) to get a job? it will take double the time it took me to learn it in college and I will be so late.

2) even if i want to go abroad, i won't get a scholarship at all.how do i manage 40000$ at the minimum to go abroad.

1) Don't write yourself off prematurely. Apply for jobs and see what happens. You will learn quickly what gaps there are in your knowledge based on your performance in interviews. If you don't get hired, in most cases it's obvious what went wrong. Otherwise, if they don't tell you, you can ask in what areas you can improve on. Based on that, you can work on those areas. The job search process can be frustrating, so be prepared and be patient.

2) Based on what you've written, this is out of the question. Scholarships, especially abroad, are incredibly difficult to get. Focus on getting a job, earning a decent salary, and perhaps later on you can reassess. There is also the option of finding a job abroad once you've gained a respectable amount of experience.

 

[shivajikobardan]

2) Based on what you've written, this is out of the question. Scholarships, especially abroad, are incredibly difficult to get. Focus on getting a job, earning a decent salary, and perhaps later on you can reassess. There is also the option of finding a job abroad once you've gained a respectable amount of experience.

And that's why I am here regretting stuffs. It might be difficult but had I worked it would be possible. There are my relatives who are earning scholarships+stipend as well to do their masters. I always did better than them in every step of education. Not boasting just telling reality(of past)..It is just sad sad situation where I didn't get the value of what I already had. You realize the value of things once that is gone from you..

Now people everywhere will mock me and enjoy like they are doing even online because everyone is happy that you messed up, they didn't...Even those who messed up and figured it out, won't tell because they want you to spend more time being messed up. I should have been selfish and did my job of studying properly, unfortunately I didn't and violated all my future chances. It won't be even remotely possible to get jobs without learning those 20 subjects. I am talking about engineering jobs. I could do some online jobs as I said before but no matter how many money they make me(pro tip-: generally they don't lol) I won't be satisfied. Knowledge is everything to me from those violent experience.

I despise those people who are businessmen or entrepreneur or managers, they are very just lucky, it is hollow careeer. Elon musk I don't respect as well as he is just ceo.

These big companies say "Oh u didn't need a degree to get a job here".
Meanwhile there job hiring criteria is "4.2 GPA min"(LOL)..

the world is cruel. I am all on my own...My priority will be getting job but that is clearly looking impossible to me. Even if I get a job the amount we earn here in Nepal is in pennies. My max salary will be 40K NPR. It will take me 100 months lol. i.e 10+ years(taking average salary). And till that date education will have been 80K USD.
While my parents could sell their house to do so, but I won't do it as it is unethical and selfish thing to do...And it is bad for them as well. Also too much pressure will be on me.

Honestly, should have just dropped out of college in first semester and studied somewhere else.
The environment of college wasn't that great as well tbh. parents would shout at me everyday about how expensive this college is, this and that and that would hurt me too much...Finlly once mental health issues apperared they stopped doing it, but still time and again they keep doing it, very less frequently so idc.
I messed up big time...Not just few but too much. Had I wasted just a semester or so, I would not have regretted. I did irrepairble damage..

 

[Vanadium 50]

ever heard of things called scholarships?

Boy oh boy, does that makes you sound even more entitled. Sure you want to go down that path?

 

[StatGuy2000]

and do you know how sadhus are thought of? and do you know what people will say when you become sadhu. don't give lectures on things you are unfamiliar with pls.

I live in Toronto, which has a large South Asian community (especially those from India and Sri Lanka), and I've talked about Hinduism with many of my Indian and Sri Lankan friends.

What they have all told me is that sadhus are highly respected. Maybe the situation is different in Nepal? Why don't you enlighten me!

As far as the main theme of this thread, here are my thoughts:

1. Unlike many of the other posters here, I do feel that you did indeed waste your university years by not more diligently putting effort in your studies. And you have no one to blame but yourself.

2. Following up on #1, what is done is done. It is pointless and even more wasteful to wallow in self-pity on what you should have done.

3. It is also a waste of time comparing yourself with other people.

4. You should be thinking of next steps. Such as retaking courses, getting a new degree, joining the Nepalese military, getting apprenticed to a trade, etc. Something that can help land you a job where you can earn a living. Given how desperately poor Nepal is, that might be difficult, but not impossible. Maybe you should consider going to India, like many of your fellow Nepalis?

5. Since you do not seem to want to follow the advice of people here on PF, perhaps you should not bother being online here? Just a thought.

 

[scompi]

And that's why I am here regretting stuffs. It might be difficult but had I worked it would be possible. There are my relatives who are earning scholarships+stipend as well to do their masters. I always did better than them in every step of education. Not boasting just telling reality(of past)..It is just sad sad situation where I didn't get the value of what I already had. You realize the value of things once that is gone from you..Now people everywhere will mock me and enjoy like they are doing even online because everyone is happy that you messed up, they didn't...Even those who messed up and figured it out, won't tell because they want you to spend more time being messed up. I should have been selfish and did my job of studying properly, unfortunately I didn't and violated all my future chances. It won't be even remotely possible to get jobs without learning those 20 subjects. I am talking about engineering jobs. I could do some online jobs as I said before but no matter how many money they make me(pro tip-: generally they don't lol) I won't be satisfied. Knowledge is everything to me from those violent experience.
I despise those people who are businessmen or entrepreneur or managers, they are very just lucky, it is hollow careeer. Elon musk I don't respect as well as he is just ceo.

These big companies say "Oh u didn't need a degree to get a job here".
Meanwhile there job hiring criteria is "4.2 GPA min"(LOL)..

the world is cruel. I am all on my own...My priority will be getting job but that is clearly looking impossible to me. Even if I get a job the amount we earn here in Nepal is in pennies. My max salary will be 40K NPR. It will take me 100 months lol. i.e 10+ years(taking average salary). And till that date education will have been 80K USD.
While my parents could sell their house to do so, but I won't do it as it is unethical and selfish thing to do...And it is bad for them as well. Also too much pressure will be on me.

Honestly, should have just dropped out of college in first semester and studied somewhere else.
The environment of college wasn't that great as well tbh. parents would shout at me everyday about how expensive this college is, this and that and that would hurt me too much...Finlly once mental health issues apperared they stopped doing it, but still time and again they keep doing it, very less frequently so idc.
I messed up big time...Not just few but too much. Had I wasted just a semester or so, I would not have regretted. I did irrepairble damage..

Back to the rambling... Nobody cares about your delusional, misinformed opinion on Elon Musk and other "lucky" businessmen.

Listen. You screwed up. We get it. Now deal with it.

I didn't get good grades either and it took me 3 years to find the job I wanted after graduating. I sucked it up, got a job I didn't want, studied in my free time, saved money, and eventually, after several applications and determination, the opportunity I was waiting for presented itself.

So, I will say it again. Stop feeling sorry for yourself.

 

[scompi]

I live in Toronto

Hi, fellow Torontonian!

 

[StatGuy2000]

Hi, fellow Torontonian!

Hi back to you! It's always nice to meet a fellow Torontonian here on PF! :)

 

[shivajikobardan]

Nobody cares about your delusional, misinformed opinion on Elon Musk and other "lucky" businessmen.

Did I say anyone cared? Weren't you asking (or someone) to join trade school I am explaining how I feel these are shallow careers. Probably your idol is steve jobs and elon musk haha.
Not mine that's it. It is not delusional. It is my perspective, they are all shallow and hollow careers. Where your only skill is to talk with people and generate ideas, even I can do half of that. They just lucky. Anyone can make it when you live in USA lol. Come and do 1% of that in Nepal. lol.

 

[Mondayman]

I never finished my degree and forget most of what I've learned. It was a costly lesson, and I've had to alter my plans. But it's not the end of the world.

I understand your frustration. Sinking into self pity won't solve a thing. You've got to make a plan and execute it. Acknowledge that you didn't do it properly the first time, and find out how to do it better next go around. The people here have offered sound advice.

 

[shivajikobardan]

I never finished my degree and forget most of what I've learned. It was a costly lesson, and I've had to alter my plans. But it's not the end of the world.

I understand your frustration. Sinking into self pity won't solve a thing. You've got to make a plan and execute it. Acknowledge that you didn't do it properly the first time, and find out how to do it better next go around. The people here have offered sound advice.

I am trying to figure out what to do? Wait till I study those 20 core subjects?? Or what to do? Those failures gave me ambitions in education instead so I also want to do higher education like masters and I would be proud if I made phd(which I won't do most likely)..as I value education now...I don't know what plan should I follow? I think I cleared this in my question as well..

 

[scompi]

Probably your idol is steve jobs and elon musk haha.

I'm more of a Woz guy . Not a fan of the whole turtle neck thing.

 

[berkeman]

I am trying to figure out what to do?

I think we have tried our best to give you advice, and this thread is pretty much done now. Please re-read some of the posts in the thread to see if you can summarize some of the best advice for yourself, and then pursue those paths and options. Best of luck.