Is It Acceptable to Avoid Social Interaction Entirely?

[MathJakob]

Hopefully by now a few of you may have seen me stumbling around the forums and I just wanted to get some opinons from people. I'm basically a social recluse and I avoid social interaction at all costs, even to the point where I'll wait for my house mate to go back up to his room before I go down to make a sandwich.

I can't stand the social awkwardness of being in the presence of someone and not having anything to talk about. I very much enjoy being on my own and I never ever feel lonely. If you're wondering why I act like this then it's probably because I actually have Aspergers. That aside I wanted to ask people here if it's ok to live life the way I do? I understand there may be benefits from having a social life but the stress and effort it takes to make friends is not worth the pay off in my opinion.

Does anyone here think this is a wrong way to live?

 

[Mentallic]

Well, I do, but then again I don't have Aspergers so I don't have the right to judge. Have you tried finding people to develop a friendship with that have similar social anxieties as you or are sympathetic with your condition?

 

[MathJakob]

Well the problem is I don't know anybody who is interested in physics, cosmology or math and although I have little experience with these subjects, I talk about them all the time online, I watch videos and try to read books. I love the subjects. I guess it would be nice to have a few people who I could sit down and have a conversation with but once I start feeling trapped and claustrophobic I'd ask them to leave and people take that as me being rude.

It's so much easier to talk online and forums and as you can talk back and fourth with people about your favorite subejcts without having to worry about the problems that come with face to face discussion. People often tell me that I need to make friends but I like being by myself. Can I live a successful life without friends?

 

[Ryan_m_b]

If that's what makes you happy then I don't see anything wrong with it. So long as you are actually happy and not trying to convince yourself you are.

 

[MathJakob]

If that's what makes you happy then I don't see anything wrong with it. So long as you are actually happy and not trying to convince yourself you are.

I've been without a single friend sinse I was 12, I know I'm happiest when I'm alone. It's when I'm around others that I feel on edge, anxious and trapped.

 

[hilbert2]

I have Aspergers too, and I have only one friend I could see in my free time (he's a guy I've known for over 10 years, we represented Finland in the International Chemistry Olympiad when we were 19). My other "friends" are just guys from work. I've never had a girlfriend, even though I'm already 31 years old. Sometimes when I've been drinking too much alcohol, I might go to a pub and try to "socialize", which sometimes leads to me doing stupid things like buying sex from prostitutes or even getting in fights.

Don't you have an Aspergers support group in your area? You could meet other autism spectrum people in there.

 

[jduster]

Hopefully by now a few of you may have seen me stumbling around the forums and I just wanted to get some opinons from people. I'm basically a social recluse and I avoid social interaction at all costs, even to the point where I'll wait for my house mate to go back up to his room before I go down to make a sandwich.

I can't stand the social awkwardness of being in the presence of someone and not having anything to talk about. I very much enjoy being on my own and I never ever feel lonely. If you're wondering why I act like this then it's probably because I actually have Aspergers. That aside I wanted to ask people here if it's ok to live life the way I do? I understand there may be benefits from having a social life but the stress and effort it takes to make friends is not worth the pay off in my opinion.

Does anyone here think this is a wrong way to live?

I have Aspergers as well and I totally understand where you are coming from.

IMO, the easy way out is not the best solution in the long run. I've been rejected, outcasted, bullied, defriended, been given weird looks, gone through lots of friendships, gotten in nasty arguments and so on. In the end, each of these painful experiences taught me a lesson so that now I can talk to people freely. And now I have flexibility. Some days I might just want to come home from work and stay home alone playing video games the whole day, but whenever I need to, I can make friends and find people to talk to.

So yeah, you can isolate yourself if you want. You won't experience any pain, but you won't learn much either. And in 5 years from now, you'll say to yourself that you're still in the same position you were years ago and you could have improved but you didn't.

It's your choice.

 

[jmeps]

Wrong way to live? No such thing. Don't know where I picked this up or where it came from, people are overrated. Sometime, you tolerate people just to be nice. but if you have something to say, consider the "audience" and say it. If you have nothing to say, say nothing. Usually works for me. Good luck and have fun with it.

 

[krash661]

" Is it ok to be a social recluse? "

i am,
i live a secluded life, I'm a very private person
but i also supposidly have social anxiety disorder.

also, refer to my signature :)

 

[KC_Smallz]

Hopefully by now a few of you may have seen me stumbling around the forums and I just wanted to get some opinons from people. I'm basically a social recluse and I avoid social interaction at all costs, even to the point where I'll wait for my house mate to go back up to his room before I go down to make a sandwich.

I can't stand the social awkwardness of being in the presence of someone and not having anything to talk about. I very much enjoy being on my own and I never ever feel lonely. If you're wondering why I act like this then it's probably because I actually have Aspergers. That aside I wanted to ask people here if it's ok to live life the way I do? I understand there may be benefits from having a social life but the stress and effort it takes to make friends is not worth the pay off in my opinion.

Does anyone here think this is a wrong way to live?

I can't really relate to part of your problem because
1.) I don't have aspergers
2.) I don't have an issue making friends

But, I will say that, you should do what makes you happy (so long as it is not detrimental to yourself or others). You only get one life, and it is your time to spend.

On the other hand I can relate to your problem of no one being interested in the same type of things as you, and never having a girlfriend. Both of these things really get to me.

To end this sort of jumbled mess of thoughts, I will say that I do you are currently living your life in a "bad" way.

 

[KC_Smallz]

My apologies it was someone else who mentioned not having a girlfriend.

 

[KC_Smallz]

That was supposed to be I do NOT think that you are currently living your life in a bad way.

 

[Enigman]

Really don't think so (I am one myself partly ); But being a recluse usually will invite antagonism and ridicule. Note: the popularity of big bang theory (The T.V. show) is sufficient to prove my point (the protragonist exhibits all symptoms of aspergers; in my oppinion that show should be sued and banned- aspergians have enough problems as it is and don't need T.V. shows capitalizing on it) . But then forcing yourself to mingle will probably cause undue emotional distress. I am not an aspergian so I can't give any great advice; only this do not avoid people but don't chase after them too. When people talk to you and you have no idea how to respond in my experience smilling really shuts them up after a while.
When they say something which hurts just take a cold scientific view of a carbon based biological machine wasting their energy in creating waves in the atmosphere to get a release of chemicals which make them feel better about themselves.(I was joking by the way, but the method sometimes works a miracle...)
Regards
I wish you strength (luck to me is an obsolete concept .)

 

[WannabeNewton]

It's just a TV show man, calm down. No need to get overly sensitive over an innocent TV show.

Jakob, just do whatever makes you happy (as long as it doesn't end you up on Law and Order )

 

[Enigman]

It's just a TV show man, calm down. No need to get overly sensitive over an innocent TV show.

Jakob, just do whatever makes you happy (as long as it doesn't end you up on Law and Order )

Just a T.V. show which is popular among everyone even teens, who then see it is not only acceptable to ridicule and insult someone who doesn't fit in but even as cool. And I am not getting sensitive but innocent things like this may have wide ranging effects. Innocent things like cartoon posters and short stories were used by the nazi to ridicule the jews... (O.K. that was a bit extreme:sly: ) What is innocent fun for one may be emotionally scaring to another...Just saying.
And Jacob I think you will really like the novel Fountainhead by Ayn Rand if you like reading.

 

[micromass]

Just a T.V. show which is popular among everyone even teens, who then see it is not only acceptable to ridicule and insult someone who doesn't fit in but even as cool. And I am not getting sensitive but innocent things like this may have wide ranging effects. Innocent things like cartoon posters and short stories were used by the nazi to ridicule the jews... (O.K. that was a bit extreme:sly: ) What is innocent fun for one may be emotionally scaring to another...Just saying.
And Jacob I think you will really like the novel Fountainhead by Ayn Rand if you like reading.

OK, the big bang theory is just a TV show. You can't compare it with a systematic annihalation of an entire race and religion during the 1930's and 1940's.

Second, teenagers always found it cool to ridicule and insult people who are different. This was so before the big bang theory and it is so after it. Saying that a TV show causes it is the same as saying that video games cause violence and war. It doesn't.

 

[Evo]

Really don't think so (I am one myself partly ); But being a recluse usually will invite antagonism and ridicule. Note: the popularity of big bang theory (The T.V. show) is sufficient to prove my point (the protragonist exhibits all symptoms of aspergers; in my oppinion that show should be sued and banned- aspergians have enough problems as it is and don't need T.V. shows capitalizing on it) . But then forcing yourself to mingle will probably cause undue emotional distress. I am not an aspergian so I can't give any great advice; only this do not avoid people but don't chase after them too. When people talk to you and you have no idea how to respond in my experience smilling really shuts them up after a while.
When they say something which hurts just take a cold scientific view of a carbon based biological machine wasting their energy in creating waves in the atmosphere to get a release of chemicals which make them feel better about themselves.(I was joking by the way, but the method sometimes works a miracle...)
Regards
I wish you strength (luck to me is an obsolete concept .)

You don't understand people with asperger's, so you really shouldn't reply. I know several personally and they are much happier not having to deal with social garbage.

It is absolutely fine to not socialize. People with aspergers have a real problem socializing and if they don't want to do it, they shouldn't.

 

[WannabeNewton]

I don't know what kind of teens you're hanging around with but if they act like jerks to recluses, the impetus isn't The Big Bang Theory I can tell you that.

Anyways, I'm sticking to my original statement: Jakob if you don't feel at all comfortable socializing then don't force yourself into it because it can be dangerously nerve wrecking, speaking from experience. I have extreme social anxiety just like you (although I don't have Aspergers) and while it bothers me, what bothers me even more is actually socializing so yeah if you aren't ready to move out of that sphere then don't force yourself into it.

 

[Enigman]

Wrong way to live? No such thing. Don't know where I picked this up or where it came from, people are overrated. Sometime, you tolerate people just to be nice. but if you have something to say, consider the "audience" and say it. If you have nothing to say, say nothing. Usually works for me. Good luck and have fun with it.

That is really good advice...in my oppinion.

 

[zoobyshoe]

Note: the popularity of big bang theory (The T.V. show) is sufficient to prove my point (the protragonist exhibits all symptoms of aspergers; in my oppinion that show should be sued and banned- aspergians have enough problems as it is and don't need T.V. shows capitalizing on it) .

No. Sheldon doesn't exhibit Asperger's. He is a thing unto himself. Unlike Aspies, he can make significant eye contact, and he also has a sardonic sense of humor that demonstrates an understanding of social interactions most Aspies don't have. His conversation has pretty good give and take: he allows others proper room to respond, and can adapt when the subject is changed. He's otherwise a very strange and peculiar character, but it's not due to Asperger's.

It's also not part and parcel of Asperger's to be a recluse. I've met several Aspies in coffeehouses where they go specifically looking for social interaction, and a fair percentage of Aspies end up in bars. I think the ones who become recluses have an additional problem, some anxiety disorder or social phobia tacked onto the Asperger's. It is very frequently "co-morbid" as the psychiatric term goes, with other problems: OCD, OCPD, Tourettes, seizures, bipolar disorder, anxiety disorders, ADD, ADHD.

 

[reenmachine]

I've turned into somewhat of a recluse slowly but surely between 14-26 years old.I'm not a total recluse though , I socialize once in a while but I clearly spend most of my time completely alone.

I don't think it's a good way for me to be profoundly happy , but it's a way to get through life while being myself.

The scary thing in all of this is ageing.I'm sure I will not think the same way at 45 years old , and then at 70 years old...What happens if I lived like a complete recluse until I'm 70 years old , and then I start to regret? Start to lose my edge , start to lose my health? Who is there to take care of me , emotionnally at least? I probably don't have children.Are my parents still alive? My whole world as I knew it coming to an end? So scary to think about.

 

[Enigman]

No. Sheldon doesn't exhibit Asperger's. He is a thing unto himself. Unlike Aspies, he can make significant eye contact, and he also has a sardonic sense of humor that demonstrates an understanding of social interactions most Aspies don't have. His conversation has pretty good give and take: he allows others proper room to respond, and can adapt when the subject is changed. He's otherwise a very strange and peculiar character, but it's not due to Asperger's.

It's also not part and parcel of Asperger's to be a recluse. I've met several Aspies in coffeehouses where they go specifically looking for social interaction, and a fair percentage of Aspies end up in bars. I think the ones who become recluses have an additional problem, some anxiety disorder or social phobia tacked onto the Asperger's. It is very frequently "co-morbid" as the psychiatric term goes, with other problems: OCD, OCPD, Tourettes, seizures, bipolar disorder, anxiety disorders, ADD, ADHD.

Sheldon doesn't have aspergers? Then he really must have been sent by the aliens as an experiment to see if they can integrate with the human lifeforms... (Jakob , for reference that was a joke too and appologies for veering of the post)
But you would have to admit if Sheldon didn't show atleast a semblance of normalcy (w.r.t. the non aspergian crowd) the show wouldn't be as entertaining as it is.
Also as far as my limited knowledge goes humour and aspergers is not mutually exclusive; though I have seen Sheldon saying anything that he ever meant to be funny and not comment proudly that that was a joke or sarcasm as if he had achieved a great feat...

 

[Enigman]

OK, the big bang theory is just a TV show. You can't compare it with a systematic annihalation of an entire race and religion during the 1930's and 1940's.
... Saying that a TV show causes it is the same as saying that video games cause violence and war. It doesn't.

I was just pointing out that innocent things can have very huge consequences. No, I agree teens don't need a reason to ridicule people but they also don't need a show that approves of it. I don't know if video games cause violence (actually the sugestions seem infantile) but would you disagree that things like onscreen smoking promotes the same in those who see it as cool?

Evo- did you read my post? I too hate being in social company and social garbage as you put it. But is running away in plain sight really the answer. Its like running away after a dog sees you - its bound to chase you- best avoid meeting the dog or walk calmly infront of it. And I perfectly agree with you even though you really don't seem to agree with me.

WannabeNewton- all teens I hang out with (when I am in the mood) are perfectly alright and great guys and gals and you really shouldn't insult them. The people I was talking about do not move in my circles, but you just have to google cyber bullying to get plenty of examples

 

[MathJakob]

I don't know what kind of teens you're hanging around with but if they act like jerks to recluses, the impetus isn't The Big Bang Theory I can tell you that.

Anyways, I'm sticking to my original statement: Jakob if you don't feel at all comfortable socializing then don't force yourself into it because it can be dangerously nerve wrecking, speaking from experience. I have extreme social anxiety just like you (although I don't have Aspergers) and while it bothers me, what bothers me even more is actually socializing so yeah if you aren't ready to move out of that sphere then don't force yourself into it.

Thanks for your advice :) I was never bullied or made fun of at school, all the other students just left me alone to do my own thing although I was referred to a couple of times as "the weird loner kid". Forums are great because I can talk to like minded people and the things I enjoy, learn new stuff and all the while I don't have to put up with the typical gossip/chit chat.

Thanks again

 

[Crake2]

I don't know what kind of teens you're hanging around with but if they act like jerks to recluses, the impetus isn't The Big Bang Theory I can tell you that.

Anyways, I'm sticking to my original statement: Jakob if you don't feel at all comfortable socializing then don't force yourself into it because it can be dangerously nerve wrecking, speaking from experience. I have extreme social anxiety just like you (although I don't have Aspergers) and while it bothers me, what bothers me even more is actually socializing so yeah if you aren't ready to move out of that sphere then don't force yourself into it.

Are you seeing a psychologist or psychiatrist? What does your doctor have to say about it?

That may be, obviously, private information, and as such, you are in no obligation to answer.

 

[StrayCatalyst]

If the way you live makes you happy, and you aren't getting in trouble for it, it's okay. I know many people with some degree of Aspberger's, and a few who are further along the autism spectrum - some are recluses, others have small circles of friends.

If you're looking for a semi-social group where you can discuss math, physics, and the like, check if there's a chapter of Mensa in your area. Not all chapters are the same, but the vast majority of them are a good place for bright people to meet, without being judged for their social skills.

 

[1MileCrash]

It's not how I live, but I don't think it is wrong nor would I judge you negatively for it.

 

[jduster]

Just a T.V. show which is popular among everyone even teens, who then see it is not only acceptable to ridicule and insult someone who doesn't fit in but even as cool. And I am not getting sensitive but innocent things like this may have wide ranging effects. Innocent things like cartoon posters and short stories were used by the nazi to ridicule the jews... (O.K. that was a bit extreme:sly: ) What is innocent fun for one may be emotionally scaring to another...Just saying.
And Jacob I think you will really like the novel Fountainhead by Ayn Rand if you like reading.

And overreaction award of the year goes to. I'm an Aspie and I'm not offended by the Big Bang Theory. And people I know who aren't Aspies have told me that they like Sheldon and yeah, he's a rather positive portrayal.

Also, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Godwin's_law

 

[Enigman]

And overreaction award of the year goes to. I'm an Aspie and I'm not offended by the Big Bang Theory. And people I know who aren't Aspies have told me that they like Sheldon and yeah, he's a rather positive portrayal.

Also, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Godwin's_law

Yessss! Finally after all these years and emense hardwork I finally nailed this award
(Sheldon proudly points this out to be sarcasm...)
On a more serious note I am more concerned the narrow mindness that this might promote.
I had a friend (brilliant in chess:D ; messed up neuro motor controls:( ) a few years junior to me in school who had to face a lot of social stigma hence my soreness about the topic. Wonder where he is now...?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Sheldon doesn't have aspergers?

Correct.

Then he really must have been sent by the aliens as an experiment to see if they can integrate with the human lifeforms... (Jakob , for reference that was a joke too and appologies for veering of the post)

Sheldon is very weird, but weird does not equal Asperger's. People with Asperger's have a specific range of traits. Sheldon's weirdness is from outside that range. I don't believe anyone quite like Sheldon actually exists in Nature. He's the 'designed-by-committee' artificial creation of some TV writers and an actor. He is a geek, to be sure, but geek also does not equal Asperger's.

But you would have to admit if Sheldon didn't show atleast a semblance of normalcy (w.r.t. the non aspergian crowd) the show wouldn't be as entertaining as it is.

The trouble with your argument here is that Sheldon is not more normal than someone with Asperger's, he's an order of magnitude weirder than anyone I've ever met with Asperger's.

Also as far as my limited knowledge goes humour and aspergers is not mutually exclusive; though I have seen Sheldon saying anything that he ever meant to be funny and not comment proudly that that was a joke or sarcasm as if he had achieved a great feat...

A lot of Aspies have a very active sense of humor. Sheldon, however, throw out little "asides", little commentary joke lines that demonstrate he has a much more sophisticated insight into human nature than you'd expect from someone with Asperger's. It's not the fact he's joking, it's the nature of the humor. It's too socially sophisticated.

 

[Chronos]

I hate asparagus. Seriously, you probably fear social criticism. The world is full of people who get their jollies by making fun of others to compensate for their own insecurity. Me, I fear telemarketers.

 

[HayleySarg]

We're constantly being told how to live our lives. How we should dress, what we should eat, where we should go, what kind of house we should buy, when and who we should marry, what we should study, etc.

The smart ones ignore this constant bombardment of social advice. What's so different about being less than sociable? We're told we have to be social, that it's the norm, but really, it doesn't matter as long as it doesn't impact you from getting what you want out of life. And what we want out of life is incredibly individualized.

I'm sorry people are being terrible to you, it seems though that it's the way of things. Humans picking on other humans about things that don't really matter.

 

[turbo]

I am a social recluse, but not out of choice. My physical reactions to fragrance chemicals make it nearly impossible to be near others, unless there is a steady breeze and I can stay upwind. People who don't know me might find that strange, but people who do know me and have a clue understand. I don't dislike people, but I certainly dislike being incapacitated with migraines, breathing problems, and arthritis in my knees and feet for days after exposure. I live in the woods. I wish we'd had the money to buy a much larger plot and put our house in the middle of it. Dryer-vents cripple me.

 

[Mk]

Hopefully by now a few of you may have seen me stumbling around the forums and I just wanted to get some opinons from people. I'm basically a social recluse and I avoid social interaction at all costs, even to the point where I'll wait for my house mate to go back up to his room before I go down to make a sandwich.

I can't stand the social awkwardness of being in the presence of someone and not having anything to talk about. I very much enjoy being on my own and I never ever feel lonely. If you're wondering why I act like this then it's probably because I actually have Aspergers. That aside I wanted to ask people here if it's ok to live life the way I do? I understand there may be benefits from having a social life but the stress and effort it takes to make friends is not worth the pay off in my opinion.

Does anyone here think this is a wrong way to live?

Just because other people have difficulty relating with you, it doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you. Using the random mass of people you happen to be geographically born into is a horrible standard of wrong or right ways to live.

It is your responsibility though, to learn how to not piss other people off because you don't understand them and the things that bother them. We are here to share this sudden gift of life, not accidentally ruin it all the time. Try as hard as you can to share your unique gift, and accept and understand the unique skills and abilities of other people around you. This, essentially, is the relatedness which you seek.

If other people do not accept and understand you very easily, so be it. What's more important is that YOU accept and understand who you are. After this happens, a flood of opportunities open up. You will be more able see that we all come from different circumstances, and with that diversity of form comes incredible potential for creativity, loneliness, and love.

 

[lendav_rott]

I don't have Asperger's, so I'm out of my element really. Wrong or right are just words. Personally, I would find it irritating that it can be so bleeding difficult to talk to someone, you say something, trying to get the conversation going, but it just won't happen - then again I can understand if someone seeks solitude.
My last bit was edited, so I figured a more polite way to express it:
Remember Newton's 3rd Law - If you won't cross them, they won't cross you.