Is it okay if your significant other cuddles with someone else?

[KingNothing]

Say your boyfriend, girlfriend, husband or wife has a friend which is attracted to them and wants to date them. Is it okay with you if they cuddle together?

 

[moose]

Umm, are you joking? This is even bad for the friend.

 

[Schrodinger's Dog]

If you're a swinger then yes, but most people aren't so I'm going to go with no

Odd question, are you thinking of a free relationship yourself maybe? Ie if you let your other half do it, then what's sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander... Just guessing

 

[Cyrus]

Excuse me, as I have to laugh at this:


AHAHHAHAHAHAhahah......ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Let me rephrase your question more correctly, do you mind if your boyfriend, girlfriend, husband or wife is banging your friend.

 

[chroot]

This isn't definitively wrong or right, cyrus. There are in fact many different kinds of relationships, some of which can happily support this kind of exploration, and some which can't. Like all human behaviors, there's a spectrum.

If it makes you uncomfortable, then you need to say so, and you need to have your demands met. On the other hand, if you enjoy it, then don't worry yourself about it.

- Warren

 

[JohnDuck]

If I was trying to have a monogamous relationship, that would be a serious problem.

 

[Lisa!]

hmmm... somehow I think if one's partner wants to date someone else it usually means s/he's not happy enough with his/her partner right now!

 

[moe darklight]

I voted yes before I read the attracted part. if there's a sexual attraction, then OBVIOUSLY N - O: NAY. ... and you should probably work on the relationship... but if they're just friends then why not. ... what kind of cuddling are we talking about? ... if someone had a bad day or something and needs a long hug, then why not.

I guess there's a lot of grey area.

 

[Danger]

I vote 'yes'. We don't own each other.

 

[BoredNL]

lol, this is a funny question.

Are you asking whether society should be this way or if in your particular situation you should allow it? If it's about you and your situation, then a lot more details would be needed, and even then what is "right" and "wrong" is very subjective.

There really aren't many studies out there that explore this sort of problem. Perhaps a lot of theories not based on studies though. You will take a gamble no matter what you do and will probably not have a very clear understanding of what you're getting yourself into. You can look at some intimacy psychological studies and some perhaps find some sociological studies about people's viewpoints on this sort of thing though, which may help.

If you do go into this, like I said, it would be a risk. But then again, the traditional serial monogamy relationship model is a gamble as well. There are a lot of unspoken "rules" about certain types of relationships and there is a complex web of interactions between us as people. Understanding that web would be a good start in determining if you'd like to change the rules of your relationship to a nonstandard model (or a 'weird' one). If the goal is to be fair and happy, then I suggest you think about the rights you have to tell your significant other what they can do and what feelings they might cause in you and whether they are responsible and have to answer for those. You'd also want to think about how it would make you feel and how it would change the dynamics of your relationship, complexifying it in a society that has instilled upon you certain inhibitions, which are reinforced by judgements on you, your spouse, and the other person. You'd also have to be open to losing your spouse, should they decide to be with the other person rather than you, cutting things off because of pressure to only be with one person by society or the situation. "Cuddling" might lead to more, it might not. My thoughts are that it would.

Now, if this is a personal problem of yours, I would think that if the person who wants to cuddle with your significant other, and your significant other had the guts to ask if they could.. I'm guessing there is a spark between them.

Ok, well, I have a date in a bit. Good luck if this is a personal problem of yours. Matters of the heart are never as simplistic as they seem.

-Phil

P.S. Most of the people you date will not become your wife. I'm not saying to sabotage relationships, but some experimentation may be worth the trouble (or maybe it won't). It's up to you to decide if you'd want to put your relationship on uncertain grounds.

 

[ice109]

I vote 'yes'. We don't own each other.

quoted for the truth

 

[Schrodinger's Dog]

I vote 'yes'. We don't own each other.

Quoted for a silver star.

The Silver Star is the fourth highest military decoration that can be awarded to a member of any branch of the United States Armed Forces. It is also the third highest award given for valor (in the face of the enemy).

Or at the very least the purple heart.

The Purple Heart is a United States military decoration awarded in the name of the President to those who have been wounded or killed while serving

 

[Cyrus]

This isn't definitively wrong or right, cyrus. There are in fact many different kinds of relationships, some of which can happily support this kind of exploration, and some which can't. Like all human behaviors, there's a spectrum.

If it makes you uncomfortable, then you need to say so, and you need to have your demands met. On the other hand, if you enjoy it, then don't worry yourself about it.

- Warren

Its the fact that the friend wants to date your significant other that makes it very, very, iffy.

 

[Smurf]

I voted yes before I read the attracted part. if there's a sexual attraction, then OBVIOUSLY N - O: NAY. ... and you should probably work on the relationship... but if they're just friends then why not. ... what kind of cuddling are we talking about? ... if someone had a bad day or something and needs a long hug, then why not.

I guess there's a lot of grey area.

Same here, voted yes then read the post. I agree with you completely ^^^

 

[Smurf]

Its the fact that the friend wants to date your significant other that makes it very, very, iffy.

Well, there's only a couple things that could be going on, for example:

Assumptions: Exclusive Relationship (otherwise it's meaningless, if you can sleep with other people, cuddling isn't a problem.)

Either, 1. your partner doesn't know the other person is attracted to them, and thinks their just friends.
Or, 2. your partner does know and is also attracted to them, in which case you should feel threatened.
Or, 3. your partner does know and is just teasing them cruelly. (In which case, you should destroy them for being a horrible person.)

Each scenario is it's own topic, really.

 

[Cyrus]

The question asked, is it ok with you? I said no, its not ok with me. If a guy were attracted to my girl and was cuddling with her, its because he wants to get in her pants. You would have to be pretty naive to think otherwise. But then again, if you are letting your girl cuddle with another guy you know likes her, you already are pretty naive.

I voted a big ole hell no.

 

[chroot]

There really isn't enough information in the original post to make any kind of statement about whether this particular situation is okay or not in general. There isn't even enough information for me to say whether or not it'd be okay to me. It might take a two-hour long conversation for a couple to really come to a satisfying conclusion about it. As a result, it's sort of meaningless to ask us what we think.

For the majority of couples, the answer is clearly no; but, for some percentage of couples, it would be fine.

- Warren

 

[Cyrus]

I mean, if she's getting some on the side w/o telling you, that's one thing. If she's all over other guys infront of your face, pardon my french but you're basically her *****. "Hey look at me, I am all over your best friend and you don't even have the balls to stand up to me!"

 

[Smurf]

Nieve isn't a word. You're thinking Naive.

 

[Cyrus]

how naive of me! I tried to spell check using google and it spat that back at me, dooough.

 

[Smurf]

I mean, if she's getting some on the side w/o telling you, that's one thing. If she's all over other guys infront of your face, pardon my french but your basically her *****. "Hey look at me, I am all over your best friend and you don't even have the balls to stand up to me!"

Hah. That happened to me once. Girl I was seeing started making out with a guy in front of me, like a couple feet in front. We'd only been seeing each other a couple weeks, but still, I was like "Goodbye *****"

 

[Cyrus]

Thats messed up.

 

[JasonRox]

Hah. That happened to me once. Girl I was seeing started making out with a guy in front of me, like a couple feet in front. We'd only been seeing each other a couple weeks, but still, I was like "Goodbye *****"

Um... I think she already expressed goodbye to you.

That would definitely suck though.

 

[JasonRox]

...its because he wants to get in her pants.

That's the mission of all of us guys whether we're cuddling or not.

 

[Cyrus]

That's the mission of all of us guys whether we're cuddling or not.

Amen brother.

 

[KingNothing]

I'm asking each individual person for their opinion, regarding the relationships they have had, and how they feel. Personally, I do have a problem with it; it's not that I am trying to control my girlfriend, but everyone has their own limits as to what he or she considers acceptable behavior.

 

[Kurdt]

Well tell her dude. 99.9999999% of relationships fail because of inadequate communication.

 

[dontdisturbmycircles]

Well tell her dude. 99.9999999% of relationships fail because of inadequate communication.

I agree. If you are not comfortable with it, tell her.

 

[dontdisturbmycircles]

how naive of me! I tried to spell check using google and it spat that back at me, dooough.

, use firefox, it has a built in automatic spell checker

 

[JasonRox]

I agree. If you are not comfortable with it, tell her.

I would have kicked her out of the door already. If a girl is dumb enough to think that's fine, it's a dumb girl I don't want to be seen with.

 

[Cyrus]

, use firefox, it has a built in automatic spell checker

Spelling is not my forte.

 

[dontdisturbmycircles]

I would have kicked her out of the door already. If a girl is dumb enough to think that's fine, it's a dumb girl I don't want to be seen with.

Yes, personally I would too. But that doesn't mean it's the correct decision in his situation.

 

[chaoseverlasting]

Excuse me, as I have to laugh at this:


AHAHHAHAHAHAhahah......ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Let me rephrase your question more correctly, do you mind if your boyfriend, girlfriend, husband or wife is banging your friend.

I actually happen to agree with you.

 

[chaoseverlasting]

I'm asking each individual person for their opinion, regarding the relationships they have had, and how they feel. Personally, I do have a problem with it; it's not that I am trying to control my girlfriend, but everyone has their own limits as to what he or she considers acceptable behavior.

Acceptable behaviour? You're getting taken on a ride. You let that happen, and you're the biggest fool on this planet. Its not about control, its black or white. Either you're together (which means a certain amount of loyalty is due) or you're not (and then this kind of behaviour is acceptable).

 

[Jimmy Snyder]

I voted yes. The first woman I cuddled with was another man's wife.