Is it okay if your significant other cuddles with someone else?

  • Thread starter KingNothing
  • Start date
In summary, if your boyfriend, girlfriend, husband or wife is banging your friend, it is not definitively wrong or right, but there are many different kinds of relationships, some of which can happily support this kind of exploration, and some which can't. It is up to you to decide if you would like to put your relationship on uncertain grounds.

Is it okay if your significant other cuddles with someone else?

  • Yes

    Votes: 13 22.8%

  • No

    Votes: 44 77.2%
  • Total voters
    57
  • #36
jimmysnyder said:
I voted yes. The first woman I cuddled with was another man's wife.

Wow. If you can clarify, how did that come to be?
 
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  • #37
chaoseverlasting said:
Wow. If you can clarify, how did that come to be?

His mom when he was a newborn! Ba dum psh!
 
  • #38
moose said:
His mom when he was a newborn! Ba dum psh!

Man... I can't believe that went above me.
 
  • #39
cyrusabdollahi said:
Spelling is not my forte. :mad:

Without Firefox I'd sound like a babbling semi coherent fool: no... wait forget I mentioned it! :biggrin:

http://z.about.com/d/politicalhumor/1/0/i/4/simpsons_warpresident.jpg
 
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  • #40
Based on the original question as it is phrased, no, I would not be okay with it. I would assume the desire of the other party to date them would make the cuddling less than innocent, and would not be happy with that situation. So, if your question is really intended to find out how many people here are comfortable with such a scenario (maybe something that came up in an argument you want to settle), then that's my answer, NO.

If, on the other hand, you're asking if you SHOULD be okay with it, none of us can answer for you. If this is more than a "what if" type question, and something that has really happened that you're looking for advice about dealing with, then there's going to need to be a lot more information provided before you can start evaluating it to understand your own feelings on it. How much do you trust your S.O. in a situation like that? Do you think the attraction is one-sided or mutual? What sort of cuddling? How does your S.O. interact with other friends who do not have such an attraction? In other words, if your S.O. cuddles with all their friends and is just a "touchy-feely" sort of person, it may mean nothing, whereas if they usually are hands-off, this would be more of a concern. And, as has been brought up earlier, some people are more comfortable than others with the concept of an open-relationship, so even if it is non-innocent cuddling, reactions and comfort levels with that will vary. We can all answer how we'd react in such a situation, but that doesn't make it right or wrong with respect to how someone else should react.
 
  • #41
KingNothing said:
Say your boyfriend, girlfriend, husband or wife has a friend which is attracted to them and wants to date them. Is it okay with you if they cuddle together?

noooooooooooooooooooooo...its absolutely not okay... i wud go on a mad shootout if this happens to me.:redface::redface::mad::mad:
 
  • #42
jimmysnyder said:
I voted yes. The first woman I cuddled with was another man's wife.

 
  • #43
I just hate the word cuddle. That's something my wife tells me she would rather do when she's not in the mood for sex. You may ask your significant other if they don't mind you "cuddling" with someone else too. Turnabout is fairplay.
 
  • #44
I'm not sure turnabout is fair play. Its an irrational response to your own ill feelings about this behaviour and does nothing to address those feelings at all. it also assumes that your girlfriend will share your response to that behaviour which is not necessarilly true. The only way they will be addressed is if you tell your significant other that you feel uncomfortable about the behaviour and then you can sort it out.
 
  • #45
aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh this is all silly...
if u n ur significant one love each other, nothing of this sort ll happen
 
  • #46
Thats not true either. It depends on how your relationship is defined and as has been mentioned different people expect different things in a relationship. It has already been mentioned, but for example if your girlfriend is the touchy/feely type then that may be perfectly acceptable to her to do that. That does not mean she doesn't love you.

As I've said before the only way to find out what's acceptable to her is to express concern and then define exactly what it is you have together. She may be blissfully unaware that her actions have caused you distress until you say so. You're projecting what you consider ideal behaviour onto a situation that has many variables. Even if two people love each other it does not mean they share the same expectations.
 
  • #47
Kurdt said:
It has already been mentioned, but for example if your girlfriend is the touchy/feely type then that may be perfectly acceptable to her to do that.

Touchy/feely girls don't cuddle with guys. It's exactly what the word describes. They are literally only touchy/feely.

If a girl in any way thinks it's ok to cuddle with another person of the opposite sex, you failed to lay down the law.

I'm open and cool with open relationships. I actually kind of like them better, especially at my age. But I'm also cool with exclusive relationships especially if I have deeper feelings for the girl. At this point, I would discuss the relationship status with the girl and make it clear that it's exclusive. If she in her right mind thought it was cool to cuddle with someone else, she will suffer the consequences. Ciao!
 
  • #48
Man, don't be lazy type what your saying please. :rolleyes:

Cuz its freakin annoyin ta read when you write like dat, nameen man?
 
  • #49
AIM tlk 4 lyfe dood
 
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  • #50
Well like I've said constantly the only way it can be sorted is through talking with her. If she didn't live up to your expectations then that's too bad. I don't think that its a cause for the death of a relationship however. But perhaps I'm alone on that one :-p
 
  • #51
why is it freakin dude?
 
  • #52
Kurdt said:
Well like I've said constantly the only way it can be sorted is through talking with her. If she didn't live up to your expectations then that's too bad. I don't think that its a cause for the death of a relationship however. But perhaps I'm alone on that one :-p

No you are not alone. I agree, if anything it might hint that she is not really happy with the relationship so maybe he could talk to her and find out what is wrong. It depends on a lot of things such as whether its a long term relationship and what not as well.
 
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  • #53
ok will the moderators be kind enough to put a stop to this silly thread
 
  • #54
You guys on PF analyze things way too much sometimes. I suppose it comes with the job. This isn't about my relationship. I'm perfectly happy with my girl and don't see any problems. I'm just asking a question to get a general idea of how many people have which opinion. So far about 95% of the people asked say they are not OK with it. This is not a question about how people should feel, so please don't attack the straw man who asked that question.
 
  • #55
dontdisturbmycircles said:
No you are not alone. I agree, if anything it might hint that she is not really happy with the relationship so maybe he could talk to her and find out what is wrong. It depends on a lot of things such as whether its a long term relationship and what not as well.

If you're a nice guy, sure that's ok. But with me, she's cut.
 
  • #56
Yes as I said before I tend to agree, but it depends on the type of 'cuddling', the stage of the relationship, and the shape of the clouds on that day. :-p

In any case it wouldn't hurt to talk to her before you cut her off though right?
 
  • #57
It really is a shame to confuse biological imperative with romantic conceit.
 
  • #58
dontdisturbmycircles said:
Yes as I said before I tend to agree, but it depends on the type of 'cuddling', the stage of the relationship, and the shape of the clouds on that day. :-p

In any case it wouldn't hurt to talk to her before you cut her off though right?

Cuddling is cuddling. Exclusive relationship is an exclusive relationship.

She would be cut. She would have to make up for it. It's not for me to be "understanding" and "nice" about it. She disrespected me and the relationship.
 
  • #59
Kurdt said:
It really is a shame to confuse biological imperative with romantic conceit.

I understood like every third word you said.
Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost any question.
 
  • #60
I'm not ok if my boyfriend wants to cuddle. But he's ok if I want to cuddle. I choose not to, since it doesn't seem right to me. Though, I do go on "dates" of a sort with my guy friends. I'm always sure that my boyfriend knows in advance, and that the guy I go out with is aware that I'm faithful to my boyfriend.

I can't explain why my boyfriend doesn't mind, since I really don't get it. We've been together for years though, and it works for us.
 
  • #61
JasonRox said:
Touchy/feely girls don't cuddle with guys. It's exactly what the word describes. They are literally only touchy/feely.

If a girl in any way thinks it's ok to cuddle with another person of the opposite sex, you failed to lay down the law.

I think we may have different ideas in mind when we think of the word "cuddle." And, if someone thinks they must "lay down the law" then that is probably why she's cuddling with someone else. :-p
 
  • #62
Moonbear said:
I think we may have different ideas in mind when we think of the word "cuddle." And, if someone thinks they must "lay down the law" then that is probably why she's cuddling with someone else. :-p

Nah, they like me too much. It's important to make it clear that you're exclusive if that is the case. That's pretty much what I'm saying.
 
  • #63
Moonbear said:
I think we may have different ideas in mind when we think of the word "cuddle."
The initial post mentions a pre-existing romantic interest, which - I hope - changes your answer.

Moonbear said:
And, if someone thinks they must "lay down the law" then that is probably why she's cuddling with someone else.
It seems to me it's more about providing some clarification one what appears to be an ambiguity in the relationship's "exclusivity" clause.
 
  • #64
i would say "no, its not ok" because it would bother me if my significant other started cuddling with other people and because iv had friends whom have seen this kind of behavior in their significant others before they found out they were being cheated on

from my experience, this sort of thing is bad for a relationship
 
  • #65
Can i get a list of the guys that said it's ok, and a picture of their significant others?

I need some cuddling.
 
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  • #66
Gale said:
I'm not ok if my boyfriend wants to cuddle. But he's ok if I want to cuddle. I choose not to, since it doesn't seem right to me. Though, I do go on "dates" of a sort with my guy friends. I'm always sure that my boyfriend knows in advance, and that the guy I go out with is aware that I'm faithful to my boyfriend.

I can't explain why my boyfriend doesn't mind, since I really don't get it. We've been together for years though, and it works for us.

Why are you not ok with him cuddling?
 
  • #67
Gale said:
I'm not ok if my boyfriend wants to cuddle. But he's ok if I want to cuddle. I choose not to, since it doesn't seem right to me. Though, I do go on "dates" of a sort with my guy friends. I'm always sure that my boyfriend knows in advance, and that the guy I go out with is aware that I'm faithful to my boyfriend.

I can't explain why my boyfriend doesn't mind, since I really don't get it. We've been together for years though, and it works for us.

not fair :eek::eek:
 
  • #68
DaveC426913 said:
It seems to me it's more about providing some clarification one what appears to be an ambiguity in the relationship's "exclusivity" clause.

haha! Thats some way to put it. Unless you have an open relationship, I don't think its ok. I mean, if you're just out to have fun, then yeah, what the hell, other wise, no way.
 
  • #69
Kurdt said:
It really is a shame to confuse biological imperative with romantic conceit.

HAHAHAHAHAH! This one's better. This is turning out to be one funny thread!
 
  • #70
JasonRox said:
Nah, they like me too much. It's important to make it clear that you're exclusive if that is the case. That's pretty much what I'm saying.

Okay, got it. It was just the way you said it that struck a sour note.

DaveC426913 said:
The initial post mentions a pre-existing romantic interest, which - I hope - changes your answer.

It did, although, from the OP, as far as I could tell, the romantic interest was only described as one way. I took it as a question of whether you'd interpret that scenario as an indication that the interest was reciprocated, or if you'd trust your significant other.

Since we now know this is entirely a hypothetical scenario, and not seeking advice, I fall back to my original answer, which was: No, it would not be okay with me.
 

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