Overwhelmed by Choices: Seeking Advice on Staying Engaged with Project

[Steve Frost]

For example, Andrew Wiles worked on Fermat's Last Theorem for several years straight, or take Don Knuth, who has been writing The Art of Computer Programming (TAOCP) for an incredible 60 years. And here I am, constantly drifting from one subject to another, unable to stick with one thing for more than two weeks.

For background, I am not a scientist but a software engineer. I am 23 years old and finished my bachelor's degree in Applied Computer Science a year ago, though I have been programming since I was around 11. Currently, I am unemployed but hold a share in a startup, so I don't really have to worry about paying bills or going to a job for at least a year or two. I have a lot of free time. The problem is that I don't know what to do professionally. In my roughly 13 years of "experience," I have tried many things, including low-level programming (C, Verilog, x86, OS development), computer graphics programming (software rendering, OpenGL, linear algebra), web programming (JS, TS, React, HTML, CSS), mobile programming (Flutter), backend programming (Rust, Python, NodeJS, Deno), and much more.

But I'm not an expert in anything! I know a lot, and I know how to code—my brain, after many years, is wired for it. But coding by itself is not enough. To create useful, non-trivial, brand-new things, you also need domain expertise. And domain expertise is what I lack.

For example, I am interested in programming language design (especially type theory). I have a vision for a language, but having a "vision" in your mind is one thing, and actually making it work is another. There is a lot of work involved, and I lack the prerequisites (like rigorous logic, type theory, computation theory, etc.).

However, I'm not only interested in programming language construction. I think it would be cool to develop my own 2D rendering library that's as fast as Skia and as small as STB libraries. But again, there's a ton of work and prerequisites (like vector graphics, composition, state management, etc.) that I lack.

One might say, "Okay, sit down for 2,000 hours and you'll get somewhere." I don't have a problem staring at a screen for 10 hours a day (I'm already doing that). The problem, as I see it, is:

1. I get distracted by all the shiny things. For example, I might watch a video on YouTube about Quantum Field Theory, and then for two days straight, my YouTube history goes like "Quantum Field Theory Visual Explanation," "What is Spin?", "Quantum Loop Gravity Explained", ..., "What is 'Nothing'?", "Why Is There Anything at All?".

2. I am interested in so many things that I'm paralyzed and can't decide what to pursue. It's like I'm in constant doubt: "If I sit down and work on programming language design, is it the right choice? Should I be working on the 2D rendering library? Or maybe I should create my own game?" I have so many choices that I can't choose anything at all.

3. It may even be that I am not just paralyzed by the need to choose, but that I also don't want to choose because choosing X means giving up Y (since we all have limited time on Earth). And I don't want to give up on anything.

4. It takes a lot of courage to invest so much time into a project when you don't know if it will eventually pay off or if you'll succeed.

5. I also sometimes doubt whether I am even capable of creating something non-trivial and good enough for others to use.

So, I am asking for your advice. Perhaps you have faced something similar in your life, or there are papers, blog posts, or books on this topic that you can recommend. Thank you all for your time and responses.

 

[berkeman]

Welcome to PF.

Currently, I am unemployed but hold a share in a startup, so I don't really have to worry about paying bills or going to a job for at least a year or two.

Shares in a startup do not usually generate any immediate income (cash poor but stock rich). How are you supporting yourself while you are unemployed?

 

[Dale]

I would focus entirely on getting a job. Then your employer can tell you what to work on. And since you are interested in everything then any project they give you will be interesting.

I was pretty similar. I enjoy pretty much every topic. So I went into industry rather than academia and let the paycheck decide which of the many interesting things I actually worked on.

 

[Steve Frost]

I am already getting a part of the revenue, approximately $2,000 to $3,000 per month. It may not be much, but I don't need yachts or planes, so it's more than sufficient for me. We have been working on this business for almost a year. I don't have stock shares; I meant rather a percentage of the revenue—specifically, 10%—which I get in cash basically.

 

[Steve Frost]

I would focus entirely on getting a job. Then your employer can tell you what to work on. And since you are interested in everything then any project they give you will be interesting.

I was pretty similar. I enjoy pretty much every topic. So I went into industry rather than academia and let the paycheck decide which of the many interesting things I actually worked on.

Oh, thanks for your response! I think it’s not for me since I don’t want a nine-to-five job. I really appreciate the freedom that I have now, but with freedom comes responsibility as we can see

 

[Dale]

You really can’t have it both ways. If you don’t want a boss then you have to make the decisions. If you cannot make the decisions then you need a boss.

And by your self-description, you cannot make decisions.

 

[marcusl]

You are experiencing the curse of the idle rich. There is nothing you have to do so you do nothing, or nothing meaningful. Getting a job is a good way to have direction imposed; otherwise, you need to set yourself one single goal and discipline yourself to work towards it a set amount of time every without distraction—treat it like a job, in other words. That work can include studying to master new skills, taking classes and interfacing with others.

 

[Steve Frost]

You really can’t have it both ways. If you don’t want a boss then you have to make the decisions. If you cannot make the decisions then you need a boss.

And by your self-description, you cannot make decisions.

Sure, but having a job is not the only way to solve this problem. The alternative is to learn how to make decisions. After all, if we look at employers, they don't have anyone telling them what to do. These people are entrepreneurs as well as writers, painters, scientists, etc.

You are experiencing the curse of the idle rich. There is nothing you have to do so you do nothing, or nothing meaningful. Getting a job is a good way to have direction imposed; otherwise, you need to set yourself one single goal and discipline yourself to work towards it a set amount of time every without distraction—treat it like a job, in other words. That work can include studying to master new skills, taking classes and interfacing with others.

Yeah, setting a goal is the solution, but as I mentioned earlier, there are so many potential goals I like equally that I can't decide on just one. It's as if I'm in a state of superposition and need to collapse. So, maybe it should either be a leap of faith or a thoughtful analysis of a reasonable subset of possible goals, estimating which are more likely to be "successful," whatever that means.

---

_{By the way, I am currently reading Hamming's "You and Your Research," and it’s somewhat relevant (in case someone stumbles upon this topic and needs advice too).}

 

[Dale]

Sure, but having a job is not the only way to solve this problem. The alternative is to learn how to make decisions. After all, if we look at employers, they don't have anyone telling them what to do. These people are entrepreneurs as well as writers, painters, scientists, etc.

Ah, good point. Since this is the Career forum I immediately was thinking in terms of jobs rather than in terms of personal skills.

I have no idea how to tell you to make decisions. It is natural for me and for many employers, entrepreneurs, artists, and scientists. So I don’t know what differs between you and me that makes such things difficult for you and not for us.

One thing that might be different is this

is it the right choice?

I don’t believe in this question. The question assumes (incorrectly) that there is only one right choice. I don’t believe that is accurate in most scenarios. Is it “a” right choice? is a better question. Anything that makes you productive and happy is a right choice. It doesn’t even matter if something else might have also made you productive and happy.

I don’t know how to help you internalize that. For me, just make a good choice and move on without second guessing the choice. And it is ok for plans and choices to change as new information becomes available. When that happens, it doesn’t mean that earlier choices without that information were not right choices.

 

[Choppy]

is it the right choice?

I don’t believe in this question. The question assumes (incorrectly) that there is only one right choice. I don’t believe that is accurate in most scenarios. Is it “a” right choice? is a better question. Anything that makes you productive and happy is a right choice. It doesn’t even matter if something else might have also made you productive and happy.

I agree with Dale here.

For whatever reason a lot of people have a tendency to look at big life decisions as correct or incorrect, right or wrong. But the reality is that we're all just playing a game that has consequences... not all of which are predictable.

One really good piece of advice I got from a captain I was serving under in my army years was that it's often better to make a decision and then focus your energy on making that decision work out, than it is to agonize over optimizing your choices.

 

[Dale]

it's often better to make a decision and then focus your energy on making that decision work out, than it is to agonize over optimizing your choices.

That is really well said. And also agonizing about whether past decisions were optimal.

Interestingly, my PhD made pretty heavy use of optimization techniques. For a lot of problems there is a fairly wide swathe of solutions that are practically indistinguishable from the optimal one (I.e. differ from the optimal by a smaller amount than we could measure). That seems applicable here.

 

[CrysPhys]

OP, financial considerations aside,

* You should pick a goal that has a concrete result; e.g., "I want to design a new video game.", not "I want to become an expert in quantum gravity."

* You should pick a goal for which you have the basic background to learn the new stuff you need to achieve your goal in a reasonable amount of time; e.g., "I want to design a new video game.", not "I want to become an expert in quantum gravity."

 

[Vanadium 50]

One really good piece of advice I got from a captain I was serving under in my army year

Sounds like he should be a major!

 

[Steve Frost]

One really good piece of advice I got from a captain I was serving under in my army years was that it's often better to make a decision and then focus your energy on making that decision work out, than it is to agonize over optimizing your choices.

Oh, that is well said!

 

[gleem]

It takes a lot of courage to invest so much time into a project when you don't know if it will eventually pay off or if you'll succeed.

We never know if we will succeed but we believe that we can. We believe because there is no evidence that we will not succeed. That belief lets us try so that our life can go on.

It is possible that you will not be able to solve your problem alone. If the above advice does not help you improve your situation, you should seek counseling.

 

[russ_watters]

You are experiencing the curse of the idle rich.

And being 23. OP: when you are 23, this seems like a big problem, but you will almost certainly move past it/get over it. It's hard to see at the time, though.

I'm a mechanical engineer; a very broad field. I wanted to work in aerospace, but by nature a lot of engineering interests me. I found a job in HVAC, which was good enough, and I've done above average. I rarely think about and certainly don't stress over what I hypothetically missed.

Also, I know it's not the main point here, but your financial situation does not sound solid to me at all. That's another symptom of being 23. I'd work on getting on that career path sooner than later.

 

[Steve Frost]

Thank you all for your advises!

 

[ChemAir]

I'm a ChemE. Wound up in HVAC/Metal manufacturing.

Honestly, I like scary stuff. Pyrophoric materials are interesting. Things that catch fire when struck are also interesting. I was a little dissapointed when I went to air.

I like the smell of sulfur dioxide/trioxide.

 

[Vanadium 50]

@russ_watters is right. You need money. If you want to avoid living under a bridge and eating dog food in retirement, you need to start earning and saving now. If not now, when? Future you will thank you.

Fundamentally, people get a job when they know how to do something, and the boss would rather have the work done than keep the salary, and you would rather keep the salary and do the work. So you need to start thinking about what those things are. Simple as that.

Finally, the true level of ability of people who call themselves programmers varies. A lot. I save seen people who say they know plenty of languages, and can't code in any of them. This seldom has a happy ending. Be sure you are not one of those people.

 

[ChemAir]

I didn't mean to distract from the question.
I started in ChemE, now I am HVAC. It's not exactly where I thought I'd be but it pays the bills. Sometimes just being able to pay bills is more important than what you do or want to. How you do it matters and will influence your compensation, but....

Listen to V50's advice.

Also, you may have not found what you are good at yet. Sometimes, it finds you.

 

[CrysPhys]

I'm a ChemE. Wound up in HVAC/Metal manufacturing.

Honestly, I like scary stuff. Pyrophoric materials are interesting. Things that catch fire when struck are also interesting. I was a little dissapointed when I went to air.

I like the smell of sulfur dioxide/trioxide.

If you get tired of your current line of work, you can become a fundamentalist preacher: "Fire and brimstone!", with realistic scenarios.

 

[ChemAir]

If you get tired of your current line of work, you can become a fundamentalist preacher: "Fire and brimstone!", with realistic scenarios.

Perhaps.