Universities, boyfriends and lies

[Jenn_ucsb]

Geez, honey, you're 18, go find someone in your age bracket (try and keep 'em under 25) that respects you and treats you well. I think your idea about seeking a psychologist is a good one. They would be a great resource for you to be able to talk about this relationship, because it sounds exploitive and manipulative.

 

[Polly]

Hi Thallium,

I don't really know what to say here, except perhaps from what you have written, the man you love is able to put a spin on everything and brainwash you. He is able to do so because 1. he is much older and more experienced, intelligent and articulate than you are and 2. you are swayed (if not blinded) by your desperate love for him. I am not trying to divorce you from him, because I know nobody can, you will have to think for yourself and come to your own decision.

Seeing a psychiatrist is a good idea, so is keeping your distance from him so that you can think for yourself. Still your thought and ask yourself, if you could start your life all over again before you met him, would you date a guy like him?

All of us on the forum are nice people and can offer you both men's and women's perspectives, you are amongst friends.

 

[Tsu]

i agree with evo

I do, too.

 

[Artman]

Yes, he appears to be very aggressive. Fights, jail sentences, custody, fines,
ex-member of the Ku Klux Klan, and before he "received" that letter, I joked about not wanting to be with him if he was not well-educated and had completed his degree in engineering. Perhaps he took this seriously. I am happy with him as he is, and he seemed to understand that, but... I am still anxious. There are also other reasons for me being unsure: He and I share different opinion on Jews. He believes they are the Children of Satan(this is getting very personal), I DON'T. No people are the childran of Satan. We do not share the same views. He does not complain to me about my views, but he does not know this particular opinion of mine.

Well, I get so upset when teling about this. Please, no comments on my views relating to God and Jews, no criticism: I am asking for advice, not derision.

All of these bad signals are part of my displeasefulness with our relationship. Should I break up with him? I am closing in on that thought. I deserve something better than such a hostile and hateful man. I cannot stand it, but at the same time I love him. But I am not convinced that I have ever been in love with him.

Suddenly this turned into an enormously personal matter, but I have to air my grievance! Forgive me if I insult anyone!

This guy comes with a lot of ugly baggage. Do you really want to associate with him for the rest of your life? You said he is aggressive, and is a fighter has he ever hit you? Do you think he has this potential? Why isn't he with the mother of his child (you mentioned custody)? What was the jailtime for? Does he pay child support? Has he skipped out on this responsibility (is that what the fine was for)?

If you love each other, none of this matters. You can work through the problems. You said you love him, but does he love you?

 

[Thallium]

No, I do not wish to associate with such a man for the rest of my life. If I could rewind tme, I would definitely date someone different. Another thing is that I know another man who I also have feelings for. He is safe, clean and SO nice! And INTELLIGENT too! He is 25 but I am completely fine with that. I like men at that age and it is not so sad to think about... Compared to this other ex-Ku-Klux-Klan man who is 19 years older than me. Think about it, when I am 40, he is 60! Gosh, what am I thinking.

But beg your pardon, Polly! "Much more intelligent than you are"? Oh, thanks a lot! I am sure you did not mean to put it that way, though.. Well, he is intelligent and more experienced, but I do not believe in the experience-concept. If you know yourself, you have experience enough. And I know myself.

And you guys know what? This other guy that I am so fond of.. He makes me feel comfortable. The KKK-man does not. He just frightens me.

I would never believe that the Jews are the children of Satan. No one is. That hostile view of his makes me depressed because I do not have such prejudgements against others. I love Jews! They deserve far more respect than what they have received to this date. That is another discussion..

I have changed my mind. I deserve something better and I see the possibility of him manipulating me. I am not in love with him. Perhaps it was only desire though I am not the shallow type. And I do not need to go to a psychologist. I have sorted this out by myself.

And what a relief! Thank you all for your respons! It means very much to me and you made me think of certain crucial things that never crossed my mind. Thank you again! It will hurt a bit, but I will get over it. There is someone else waiting for me. Someone much better.

 

[Thallium]

This guy comes with a lot of ugly baggage. Do you really want to associate with him for the rest of your life? You said he is aggressive, and is a fighter has he ever hit you? Do you think he has this potential? Why isn't he with the mother of his child (you mentioned custody)? What was the jailtime for? Does he pay child support? Has he skipped out on this responsibility (is that what the fine was for)?

If you love each other, none of this matters. You can work through the problems. You said you love him, but does he love you?

No. He has never hit me, does not pay child support, he has no children, he was fined for having bought a care that was stolen and fined several times for fighting. I do not think he has the potential to hit me. He adores me, he says, and he would never hit a woman. Klansmen have great respect for their women so I believe in that. But as you see in my previous post, I have made ut my mind. I can fish something better from the ponds of the world! :)

 

[Artman]

No, I do not wish to associate with such a man for the rest of my life. If I could rewind tme, I would definitely date someone different. Another thing is that I know another man who I also have feelings for. He is safe, clean and SO nice! And INTELLIGENT too! He is 25 but I am completely fine with that. I like men at that age and it is not so sad to think about... Compared to this other ex-Ku-Klux-Klan man who is 19 years older than me. Think about it, when I am 40, he is 60! Gosh, what am I thinking.

But beg your pardon, Polly! "Much more intelligent than you are"? Oh, thanks a lot! I am sure you did not mean to put it that way, though.. Well, he is intelligent and more experienced, but I do not believe in the experience-concept. If you know yourself, you have experience enough. And I know myself.

And you guys know what? This other guy that I am so fond of.. He makes me feel comfortable. The KKK-man does not. He just frightens me.

I would never believe that the Jews are the children of Satan. No one is. That hostile view of his makes me depressed because I do not have such prejudgements against others. I love Jews! They deserve far more respect than what they have received to this date. That is another discussion..

I have changed my mind. I deserve something better and I see the possibility of him manipulating me. I am not in love with him. Perhaps it was only desire though I am not the shallow type. And I do not need to go to a psychologist. I have sorted this out by myself.

And what a relief! Thank you all for your respons! It means very much to me and you made me think of certain crucial things that never crossed my mind. Thank you again! It will hurt a bit, but I will get over it. There is someone else waiting for me. Someone much better.

Wise choice.

 

[jimmy p]

how much is a ticket to Norway? if you are single i better get packing!

 

[Thallium]

Jimmy?? Wow, that is a compliment. I am single again now, yes. But... do you like me, Jimmy? :)

 

[jimmy p]

If there were a blushing smiley then I would use about a million. I dunno. You seem cool, bout my age, and besides all girls from your part of the world are hot.

 

[Jenn_ucsb]

Aww, this is so cute...

 

[jimmy p]

oh PUH-LEASE!

 

[dduardo]

jimmy p, I think you've been watching too much Full House.

 

[jimmy p]

like, duh! ... actually, what is full house?? we don't get it over here in Blighty

 

[dduardo]

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0092359/

 

[Thallium]

That was sweet Jimmy. But if ALL girls from my part of the world are hot, then you would be looking at everyone else too...? Right? I would prefer a MAN who only glared at me.. :)

 

[jimmy p]

:( i don't know any other girls from your part of the world... I am a man anyway.. I'm 19. why do you prefer people glaring at you?? throwback from the Viking period?? *pillaging a village near you* Oh well. Better stick to slaying British people and sacking towns locally.

 

[jimmy p]

I can't believe I have been "e-turned down". I'm not sure if this is the most humiliating experience of my life. nah, that has to be the time I attempted to jump 8 chairs but hit the first one and crashed spectacularily into a bench. And then got shouted at while I was lying in a painful, crumpled heap. Gotta love school.

 

[Thallium]

Anyways, I know of someone better... ;)

 

[ShawnD]

I attempted to jump 8 chairs but hit the first one and crashed spectacularily into a bench. And then got shouted at while I was lying in a painful, crumpled heap. Gotta love school.

So you're THAT guy.

 

[mooberrymarz]

He's an ex member of the KKK... wow. that is some scary stuff. I'm glad u realize that u deserve someone better.! Ure a star thallium. just one question, did he have one of those weird bed sheet things they wear over their heads... just wondering.

 

[Thallium]

He probably has yes. He has even maintained contact with some of the members there. I think those hoods were pretty sexy.. But black skimasks are far more sexy!

 

[jimmy p]

Anyways, I know of someone better... ;)

I'm insulted. Ah well. If anyone needs me I'll be jumping chairs again.

 

[chroot]

I think those hoods were pretty sexy.. But black skimasks are far more sexy!

We're going to find you dead in the bottom of a ravine one day.

- Warren

 

[ShawnD]

We're going to find you dead in the bottom of a ravine one day.

Jeez guy, you are such a downer.

 

[Math Is Hard]

He probably has yes. He has even maintained contact with some of the members there. I think those hoods were pretty sexy.. But black skimasks are far more sexy!

ummm.. you do understand that the KKK has a history of killing people who are outside of the caucasian race or not in line with the Klan's goals, right?
Why would you find that sexy? Are you attracted to violent men?

Anyway, I don't know why you would tie yourself down with any kind of a boyfriend right now. You have a lot of goals to accomplish and that's going to take a lot of work. If you get tied up with a guy, that's time away from your studies. If you get tied up with a loser guy, he's going to drag you down and waste your time. I am not saying you shouldn't be dating, but a big heavy committed relationship is really going to slow you down in finishing your education. You have said in the past that your educational goals are very important to you.

 

[ShawnD]

Are you attracted to violent men?

All women are attracted to violent men.
You know that bad boy image girls like? Yeah well those guys are all violent.

 

[Evo]

All women are attracted to violent men.
You know that bad boy image girls like? Yeah well those guys are all violent.

Uhm , no. Only brain dead air heads are attracted to those types. I have NEVER been attracted to a violent or "bad boy" type. I don't think any woman worth getting to know likes those types.

 

[The_Professional]

Let me rephrase what ShawnD said. Women with low self-esteem are attracted to violent, possessive, controlling men. Because they initially misconstrue such behavior as positive masculine traits.

 

[Evo]

Let me rephrase what ShawnD said. Women with low self-esteem are attracted to violent, possessive, controlling men. Because they initially misconstrue such behavior as positive masculine traits.

That I would agree with.

 

[Thallium]

I am NOT attracted to violent men. When I referred to skimasks, I meant for instance the IRA. They are nationalists, fighting for their country. That is sexy. Not thieves who hide behind skimasks when they atack banks and old ladies..

No, I like kind men and the one I have fallen for now happens to be that. I would not like a possessive man who gave me orders and slapped me if I did not obey him. I like MEN! - not beasts...

 

[jimmy p]

The IRA arent nationalists. They are terrorists. The IRA killed my (when i was 4) best friend's dad. Just because he was a British soldier. They shot him on his front door step. In Germany. Now tell me that is fighting for a good cause when you are killing soldiers in a completely different country.

These guys are animals fighting for a stupid cause. If Northern Ireland wants to remain British the Repulicans should let them instead of terrorising them. THAT is not sexy. The Republic is not part of the UK but Northern Ireland is. The Repulicans don't like it so started bombing the place and terrorising the citys. Notice how they got real quiet when the "war on terror" was announced. Not a peep from the IRA nowadays. If they were so keen on fighting for their cause then they would have carried on.

I'm sorry but the first paragraph is personal to myself and my family. That guy was a good family friend.

 

[Thallium]

I am sorry too, but that does not change my point of view. The BRITISH people in Ireland want to remain a part of Great Britain. That land belongs to the IRISH.

Call the IRA whatever you want. The word terrorist is always associated with something bad to most people - not me. What needs to be done, needs to be done. They are nationalists as well.

Not a peep from the IRA nowadays no, because most of the factions have declared ceasefire. But two of them have not and are still active.

 

[mooberrymarz]

I guess jimmy has a valid reason for calling them terrorists, same as with u.. they could be considered as nationalists. that's why I love freedom of expression..... As a South African, I can relate to their (IRA) struggle for liberation, its admirable, however the loss of innocent life should never be justified wotever the cause. I firmly believe that! Nelson mandela brought our country to freedom without firing a bullet, and I think we can all learn from him. the thing about freedom is that in most cases it is certainly never free.. and sometimes some people are willing to pay high prices for it at someone elses cost. its a sad thing really.

 

[jimmy p]

Actually the are a terrorist organisation. Anyone who deliberately kills civilians is a terrorist. The British people in Ireland are the people from Northern Ireland. The republicans in NI are the ones that cause the hassle. The land of Scotland belongs to the Scottish, the land of England belongs to the English and likewise with Wales... what is your point?

If I decided that I didnt want to be part of the UK anymore and wanted an independent England, and started killing random civilians and bombing buildings am I a terrorist or a nationalist?? They are EXTREMISTS but not religious extremists. The rest of the RoI are happy to live as an independent country, it is just the extremists that think all of Ireland should be Irish.