What Essential Items Should I Consider When Moving Out for the First Time?

[turbo]

Okay, I totally missed that. Sorry.
And, being a Yank, you can't handle my beer. Stick to that fish piss that they sell in the other 50 provinces.

Watch what you say about Yanks and beer. I made my own for many years. Drink one 16 oz bottle before supper and you won't remember what you had for supper. Drink two and you won't remember if you even had supper. If I can't get to the Oak Pond Brewery for some jugs of micro-brewed ales, I'll take German/Dutch imports, though sometime I drink that watery Molsen Golden when I'm on a "light beer" kick.

 

[turbo]

Jason, get a spray bottle and a big bottle of rubbing alcohol. Mix the alcohol 50:50 with tap water in the sprayer. It's great for cleaning windows and mirrors, countertops, and other surfaces. It works great and it's way cheaper than commercially-available cleaners and it disinfects (kind of a nice feature since you don't know the personal habits of the previous tenant). This stuff is great around the bathroom, too, and it won't poison you with nasty fumes like some cleaners. If you don't have cleaning rags/cloths, you might need to buy a couple of big rolls of paper towels for your initial cleaning of the apartment. Hint - clean the apartment BEFORE you move in - it's a whole lot faster and easier that way.

 

[JasonRox]

Thanks for all the advice guys. I'm really noticing on the tiny things I need as I'm thinking about it.

Right now, I'm working out the finances. So far, from what I read and heard is that my parents need to pay child support. My dad is already paying child support while my mom is not. She thinks she is, but really she isn't. It's complicated. I'll have to talk to a legal aid advisor and see what the facts are. If I get child support, then I certainly have way more than enough to live. If not, I'll make just enough to live. Say $700 a month for rent and expenses plus $200 a month for groceries. And I'll make about $1000 cash a month. That's if I get no child support. It's really tight, and I might have to get another job, but it's worth it.

My current situation. My mom moved out. So technically I'm living on my own. I do my own laundry, dishes, cooking, and grocery shopping and all that. But the problem is that my mom charges us $300 rent (those in the house), but I'm paying with my dad's child support of way more than that. But my mom's child support is... I don't know where it is because I never see it, so really it's in my rent. So, technically I'm paying way more than that in rent. She doesn't know I know this, which really bothers me because she wastes money on a lot of stuff. Anyways, the rest of the money from my dad's child support pays for groceries and a bit more.

So, if I moved out, I would technically be paying less in rent according to the numbers. But honestly, I wouldn't need all the money. I just want to move out. Whatever is left after say rent and some groceries, I'll split it up and give it back. I just want out for the following reasons...

I'll will have much less stress. Sure I'll get the stress of I don't have this or that, or I need to pay this or that, but that's SSSSSSOOOOOOO much better than stress about people whining about nothing and complaining about nothing. Everything has to be done their way or no way. I like to do dishes and let them sit out to dry. That's just me.

Now, my sister is pregnant and is expected in like 4-5 weeks! So, like they already said I have to do more work around the house and stuff. And babysit and whatever. That's not right at all. I'll help out, but I'm not obligated to. I don't have to babysit just because my sister wants to go out. That's just ridiculous.

It's really insane in my house. I need pppppppeeeeeeaaaaaaaacccccccceeeeee and quiet.

If you cared to read until now, what do you think?

 

[Moonbear]

Can't you find a place for less than $700 in rent? That's a lot. Especially if, given your expected food budget (guys sure do eat a lot, don't they?), you're only leaving $100 leftover for incidental expenses, utilities, etc.

If all the places really are that expensive, then you might want to find a roommate to share expenses. Or, as you suggested, get a second job. Afterall, if your place is fairly sparse on stuff anyway, what much else will you have to do with your time?

Given what you've described of your family situation, personally, I'd pass on accepting child support (How does that work out anyway? Aren't you over 18? And if you're moving into your own place, why should either of your parents support you anymore?). Afterall, if your parents are still giving you money, they still have a good deal of control in dictating what you do and how you use it.

I can definitely understand getting out when they are expecting you to help out with your sister's child. That's not your problem or responsibility, and any babysitting you do should be out of your own free will and desire to do so, not to let your sister have a life...that was her choice to have a child, so hers to live with as well. And, it's wise of you to see this and not get sucked in. I had a friend from high school whose parents put her in a similar situation when her older sister got pregnant. Instead of going to college, which she really wanted to do, she was basically forced to be a live-in nanny so her sister could have a life, while she had none. I never could understand how parents could be so lopsided in their expectations from their two children, but wished she would have just left like you plan to so she could live her own life and not her sister's. And, yeah, living with a baby when you don't want to live with a baby isn't much fun either.

Oh, yeah, and Georgina's suggestion about a can opener is a good one. That had me laughing, because I did the same thing when I first moved into dorms...got some canned food for the room, was all set to eat, and then realized I didn't have a can opener. Fortunately, in dorms you can borrow someone else's until you get your own, or else I'd probably have been attacking the can with a screwdriver or something.

 

[JasonRox]

Can't you find a place for less than $700 in rent? That's a lot. Especially if, given your expected food budget (guys sure do eat a lot, don't they?), you're only leaving $100 leftover for incidental expenses, utilities, etc.

That's included all the in the rent.

The most expensive place I'm looking at is $586 and the cheapest is $475. I included the extra $100+ as expenses. No internet or cable.

 

[JasonRox]

Moonbear you gave all great advice.

The reason I'm not skipping out on child support is because I'm still in school full-time. According to the divorce agreement, they have to pay. My dad said he's willing to continue paying if I move out. He was hoping my sister would move out. She makes a good deal of money, like a lot! Our whole family wonders where all the money goes. Anyways, I'm moving out instead. My brother plans on following suit in September. I can't live with him either. He gets miserable really quick... really quick. And eats my stuff with asking sometimes... a lot of stuff like a whole pan of pizza sometimes.

Of course, I can still skip out on the child support. But if I can get some of it, why not? I can't do two jobs during school. I have one year left why delay it even more. Why **** myself up the ass because my sister is getting a kid? I talked to other parents about my situation (best friends parents and girlfriends parents) where I can explain the situation, and they seem to also agree that I should get some support. I didn't put myself in this mess. Either way, I'm moving out with child support or not. If I don't get it, I will opt out for the cheaper places for sure.

Note: I've been in the middle of a tug-o-war of money between my parents for a long time. Of course, you can say I will still be in a tug-o-war, but atleast I won't hear about it. Hang up the phone or shut the door. Bye, bye.

 

[JasonRox]

One more thing...

My sister and brother also whine a lot on how I should get kicked out or move out. My mom threaten to kick me out. It's ridiculous. Why hasn't it happened? Because I'm a big pool of money. I get kicked out and they lose a lot of money.

So, I'm just going to move out myself. Believe it or not, I was in such fear of where I could be going for the last like 4-5 months. I already had plans with my girlfriends mom and best friend in the case that I get kicked out, so that I had a place to live. I also even fear that the second I say I'm moving out that they will kick me out that instant and not let me take my stuff. Believe or not, before I tell them, I will have packed boxes already at a friends house.

If I can get child support, I get it. I'm entitled to it. It says it's for the child and not for the parent. And all parents that the child is not dependent on must pay, so that means if I move out, they must pay.

It's hell and don't know this. I just realized awhile ago about how much stress this puts on me. I want out... FAST! If it wasn't for finals right now, I'd be out. But, I have to do school first. And it's affecting school! Dammit!

 

[Hurkyl]

Save some of the boxes you use for moving, because a sheet thrown over them will make them into a useful end table or coffee table in a pinch.

In a pinch? The box my monitor came in has been my nightstand for four years, and I still can't imagine a "real" nightstand doing the job any better.

 

[JasonRox]

I just realized something no one else said!

A nail cutter!

 

[Moonbear]

I just realized something no one else said!

A nail cutter!

Nah, you don't need that...you can just bite your nails. Well, that gets kind of difficult and gross if your toenails need trimming though. Do you have scissors or a sharp knife?

 

[turbo]

Nah, you don't need that...you can just bite your nails. Well, that gets kind of difficult and gross if your toenails need trimming though. Do you have scissors or a sharp knife?

Jason, Moonie will personally trim your toenails with her teeth. It's part of the PF sisterhood outreach program. Be nice and wash your feet first and don't wear your stinky sneakers that day. PS, you might want to have a few pieces of high-cocao dark chocolate ready, because the sisters get cranky when they go into choco-withdrawal. Don't be rude to Moonie or MIH will stalk you with very large fish - frozen fish if your offense is blatant.

 

[JasonRox]

Man, biting nails or someone else's nails!

I used to bite my own as a kid because some cool kids did. I'm happy not to have that habit anymore.

 

[turbo]

Man, biting nails or someone else's nails!

I used to bite my own as a kid because some cool kids did. I'm happy not to have that habit anymore.

Let me get this straight - you chewed off your own toenails because some "cool" kids did? Some of my childhood in the '50s-'60s was strained and dysfunctional at times, but I never got anywhere near that weirdness.

 

[rhuthwaite]

haha that can't be good for you! ewww disgusting... How did they end up as a cool kid?! cool kids played kissing catches, and did pretty ordinary things, biting your toe nails is just foul! hmmm...

 

[Cyrus]

Man, get away from your family. Thats one screwed up bunch you got there...

Also, your well past 18. I don't think your parents have to pay you a dime, legally.

 

[JasonRox]

Also, your well past 18. I don't think your parents have to pay you a dime, legally.

It's on paper that they have to.

Child support must be paid as long as the child is a dependant. Usually, a dependant child is one who is under the age of 18. In some instances, child support may continue past the age of 18 if the child is not financially self-supporting, due to illness, disability or because he/she is going to school full-time.

http://www.owjn.org/issues/child/qa.htm

And the divorce papers say that they have to pay until I get a degree/diploma or turn 25. Whichever comes first.

It's legally binding. My dad once attempted to not pay and the credit bureau got involved. He had a fine awaiting him as well as his property would be seized if he tried to continue not paying. So, it's pretty hardcore.

 

[JasonRox]

I just found a case online from the Supreme Court of Canada where two kids moved out and the parents were still obligated to pay. The kids even got retroactive pay because the father stopped paying when they moved out!

 

[Cyrus]

Screw your parents over, yippie!...

 

[JasonRox]

Screw your parents over, yippie!...

Not really. I already talked to my dad about moving out. He said he will help me out and continue paying for support and for school. (He just started paying for school.) He will probably get me the truck to move too!

Although if my mom doesn't pay, he doesn't want to pay. But believe it or not, he wants to pay just so my mom has to pay.

They got themselves in this mess. Not me. So, since I'm in the middle of a mess, I'm going to get out of it and since they put me in the mess, they will help me get out.

 

[Moonbear]

Canada seems very generous. I've heard of some divorce agreements including stipulations for the kid's college tuition, but never child support if they weren't living at one of the parents' homes.

To me, once I moved out of my parents' home, they no longer paid for anything for me. Not that they wouldn't have bailed me out if I really wound up in a bind (i.e., they did pay for the new brakes on the car, and then helped me learn how to install them myself, because I guess they figured they had put too much effort into raising me to let me kill myself driving around without brakes), but it wasn't something I ever counted on. Of course, I never counted on them paying college tuition either, but I think most parents do choose to help with that if they can, so I can understand at least part of the tuition payments being included in a divorce agreement.

Besides, most people just hit a point where they are ready to be independent. When I moved out, and my parents were all upset that I was "leaving the nest," my step-sister pointed out that surely they'd prefer a daughter who was ready to be independent over one who keeps reappearing on the doorstep looking for a place to sleep or needing to get bailed out of one mess or another.

 

[JasonRox]

Canada seems very generous. I've heard of some divorce agreements including stipulations for the kid's college tuition, but never child support if they weren't living at one of the parents' homes.

To me, once I moved out of my parents' home, they no longer paid for anything for me. Not that they wouldn't have bailed me out if I really wound up in a bind (i.e., they did pay for the new brakes on the car, and then helped me learn how to install them myself, because I guess they figured they had put too much effort into raising me to let me kill myself driving around without brakes), but it wasn't something I ever counted on. Of course, I never counted on them paying college tuition either, but I think most parents do choose to help with that if they can, so I can understand at least part of the tuition payments being included in a divorce agreement.

Besides, most people just hit a point where they are ready to be independent. When I moved out, and my parents were all upset that I was "leaving the nest," my step-sister pointed out that surely they'd prefer a daughter who was ready to be independent over one who keeps reappearing on the doorstep looking for a place to sleep or needing to get bailed out of one mess or another.

Usually it's the parents that want to be generous, like my friends parents. They chose to pay for school and what not.

For my parents, the court decide on all the numbers. It only passed like 6 months ago, and it took like 6-7 years to get to an agreement. I suffered a lot during that time, which was freaking bull****. They spent more money on lawyers than they did for my schooling would have been if they just paid it to begin with!

Also, I want to be independent, but it's just not practical right now. My sister could have moved out and everything would be fine. She's making mad money. She should have atleast $25,000 in the bank, yet she has like $-10,000 in the bank. That's messed up. When she found she was getting a kid, guess what she did? Bought a LCD TV with a very expensive mount. WTF?

Oh, it gets worse. For the baby shower, I bought my sister some nice things. So, I thought I got it covered. But apparently, she wanted some leather chair and my mom acted as an agent saying I would pay half! Which is like $90! I never agreed to do this. I didn't know about the chair or about having to pay half until a week after it was bought! That's messed up. That's like my weekly paycheck at one of the small jobs I do!

 

[Moonbear]

Yep, definitely getting why you're chomping at the bit to move out. Zenmaster and I were talking not too long ago about our parents, and where shocked to learn they are very much alike...while we were surviving on Ramen noodles in grad school, they were feeding the dogs steak. Well, my parents fed the dog hamburger, not steak, but I was shocked when I was asked to dog-sit one weekend and they showed me all the burgers in the freezer and my mouth was watering envisioning some nice, juicy, rare burgers for dinner, and then they finished the sentence explaining that I should cook those for the dog!

Just remember, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Some day, hopefully all will go well and you'll make a great parent remembering these experiences and vowing not to ever do that to your own kid(s).

 

[JasonRox]

Just remember, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Some day, hopefully all will go well and you'll make a great parent remembering these experiences and vowing not to ever do that to your own kid(s).

Yeah, that's the plan.

You want to know what's really crazy. I have a hearing disability, so when I was a kid my parents got a tax break of $10,000. It would have been nice if they put it up for school for us 3 kids. I never saw it.

My life hasn't been all that bad, but it's quite sad that a lot that I have learned came outside of the house or all that I have learned is outside the house. My friends are amazed that I'm completely different from my family. They consider me very lucky that I came around in good shape.

 

[Smurf]

Just remember, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

If that were true everyone with a difficult childhood would be a strong person.

 

[BobG]

To me, once I moved out of my parents' home, they no longer paid for anything for me. Not that they wouldn't have bailed me out if I really wound up in a bind (i.e., they did pay for the new brakes on the car, and then helped me learn how to install them myself, because I guess they figured they had put too much effort into raising me to let me kill myself driving around without brakes), but it wasn't something I ever counted on. Of course, I never counted on them paying college tuition either, but I think most parents do choose to help with that if they can, so I can understand at least part of the tuition payments being included in a divorce agreement.

Same here. Except even though they weren't technically supporting me any more, my dad usually gave me anywhere from 1 to 3 hundred dollars every time I visited (I lived out of town after moving out). He kept that up for a long time, well into my 30's. After a while, I kind of found it a little embarrassing, even though I all I ever did was thank him and keep it.

I can't help but keep up the tradition whenever my daughter comes to visit.

 

[Moonbear]

If that were true everyone with a difficult childhood would be a strong person.

Nope, a lot succumb to it. Jason seems to have his wits together about it and sees the problems, and is breaking loose from them. But, it's also about attitude. If you look at things that have gone wrong in your life and sulk about it and just resent everyone for it, it gets you nowhere, but if you take every setback as a learning experience, and figure out how you can improve things so it doesn't happen again, or so you don't make the same mistakes others have made, then you are going to be a stronger person for it.

 

[JasonRox]

I agree.

I see many people with tough childhood and they still follow the same foot steps... sometime they run through those foot steps!

 

[JasonRox]

Oh boy!

I really need to move!

It's killing me..........

I did a little tease thing for my girlfriend on Facebook and they jumped right on and was like... that's bad blah blah blah blah... leave me the **** alone. Drama every damn ****ing day.

 

[Moonbear]

I think you need to spend a lot of time at the library studying for finals until you can move out.

 

[JasonRox]

I think you need to spend a lot of time at the library studying for finals until you can move out.

I just never leave my room.

I tried the library thing before. I tried staying at school from 10am to like 8pm everyday, but I just couldn't do it. Food at school is digusting and expensive, and eating out of a lunch box out of for lunch and diner is not satisfying.

 

[JasonRox]

Ok, some of the apartments I looked at are already gone. And the others came out more expensive than advertised.

So far, I have two possible ones at...

$475 plus utilities and $625 all bills paid.

The best location is the second one. I haven't checked them out yet, but I hope to on Friday. I have a scheduled visit for the second one, but not the first yet.

It's really hard to set this up because I can only call when no one is home. I can't have them call back because my mom would kill me if I planned on moving out. I have exams.

Annoying as hell. Sister should have moved out. Who doesn't move out when making $60, 000 a year. That's messed up.

 

[JasonRox]

Ok, so I never got to move out. Money was just too tight.

Now, I just avoid being home when possible.

The problems getting even bigger now. The baby just cries like crazy now. I can't study in this house worth ****. My mom moved back in! She doesn't even have a room yet so she sleeps on the couch. So many people in the house.

Anyways, I talked to a Legal Advice Representative and he helped me out a bit. I'll have to go talk to a lawyer about it some more though. It sounds really bad, but I'm getting really screwed out of this.

Like I said, I never seen a dime for years when my dad was paying insane amounts of child support. That was the first mistake the representative (who is a real lawyer and not getting paid). They didn't pay for my schooling at all before either. Again, they make a combined income of $150,000. Anyways, I asked him that I just want support when I move out for my last year. I don't want to prolong the year to another because of crap going on in the house or what not. I went through hell to get here and my parents making loads of money just watched me go through hell and kept saying they had no money yet they went on trips, bought new cars, new furniture, new motorcycle, so quite honestly I'm sick of this ****. Like I said, and the lawyer agreed, that I'm only asking for minimal support to help me finish my last year. Although I've been screwed up the ass for like 4 years, that's all I want and I want out.

My dad said he's willing to help out for sure. He doesn't seem concern at all. He's willing to put more than enough on his part although I told him I'm only asking for half.

I haven't talked to my mom about it yet. I want to talk to another lawyer to make sure my position is safe and she has to help support.

I know lots of you are like... go out on your own and stuff. But you know what, I did full-time schooling and full-time work for too long when the whole time they had more than enough to help me out... atleast just a little and they chosen not too. I'm done in one year and I'll probably never see them again. (Yes, it's that bad.)

Anyways, the lawyer said my options if they choose not to support is to sue them. Sounds crazy to sue your own family, but again, I'm asking for less than what I'm suppose to be getting right now! So, if they choose to cause all hell and like "kick" me out of the family or whatever because all I want to do is move out in a student housing for my last year for peace and quiet (live with serious students), then I'll ask for all that I can get and not give them any space or pity... because I'm going nuts over this crap. It's not healthy at all to stay here any longer. (The total amount way more than enough because of the 4 previous years of refusing or lieing about helping at all, which is in the thousands and thousands of dollars.) The cost to sue is zero because I'm a student.

Note: The baby is cute and everything, but I don't want the responsibility of a baby crying when I'm trying to study. Nevermind the dog that isn't even trained that barks all day and pees in the house. Or the cat that pees everywhere.

 

[Maxwell]

Have you considered living with a few roommates? I live in a house with three other guys, and the rent is very, very cheap. You can get by with about $350 a month total (the winter may be a tad bit more expensive if you are careless with heat).

How are you going to afford a lawyer to sue your family? I wouldn't even bother. Just hit them up for the max amount of money they will spare, and put up the rest on your own.

 

[JasonRox]

Have you considered living with a few roommates? I live in a house with three other guys, and the rent is very, very cheap. You can get by with about $350 a month total (the winter may be a tad bit more expensive if you are careless with heat).

How are you going to afford a lawyer to sue your family? I wouldn't even bother. Just hit them up for the max amount of money they will spare, and put up the rest on your own.

The cost is free like I said.

 

[Maxwell]

The cost is free like I said.

Oh, I see, for some reason I thought you said the consultation with the lawyer is free.