What falling in love feels like to you

[anubis01]

that was my biggest fear from the beginning that you spend all this time working on a friendship and you get nothing out of it in the end and you just wasted your time.

Thats a rather unhealthy way of viewing relationships. Friendships are about enjoying the company of someone you like, not an investment.

I plan on giving it a month or two for her to cool down then I'll call her and as the convo goes on I'll let her know I'm sorry. But if she calls that's even better I'll also apologize aswell. but I think after what I did she's pretty much done with me. Even if she accepts the apology any feelings / interest she ever had has died. I could be wrong but that's how I see it. I never asked her out though. I told myself from the first time I met her, anything that will happen between us will happen on its own and I won't force the issue. I've also never been friends this long with a girl that I like before. Most girls I tell 'em how I feel and we take it from there.

No offence but after that long of a time your apology would be rather hallow as any positive feelings she had for you would have diminished by then. When people have wronged me in the past I've been much more receptive if they apologized in a recent time frame, after 1-2 months It would just be to late and their apology lost any meaning it would have had.

You have probably already shot your chance with this woman, but you shouldn't be apologizing because you want to "get back with her". You made a mistake, and treated her badly, you should own up to that and whatever happens afterwards, you'll at least know you did the right thing.

It'd also be a better idea to just write her an email instead, as it would at least give her time to "evaluate" instead of being put on the spot with a phone call. Hope everything goes well with your lady friend.

 

[nucleargirl]

dude that's what screwed me from the beginning. I got caught up in that "game" nonsense that people like to compare relationships to. I was too caught up in trying to be this bad guy and have her being the one that calls me and such but now I see in trying to do that I might have possibly screwed up something nice. I'm done with that route. I'm not doing that game stuff and "women like jerks" and you got to be a bad boy anymore. Sure I won't be the perfect guy and I'll have my lacking areas but I won't take my relationship with someone as a game.

"This girl needs to be played and laid" wow you're nice.

Good on you edin! This is more like it! relationships are not games! they should be taken seriously because people's feelings are at stake and you could really hurt someone! - like screw them up by playing with their feelings... then they'll end up... not so nice and unable to love! and no-one wants that on their conscience!
Dont be a bad guy - I mean come on, would you want a serious relationship with a bad girl? no, one night maybe, but not as a wife. so the same the other way round! Some girls might find it exciting and just want to try it, but I think most women do not want to seriously go out with jerks.
Dont worry - no body is perfect. Its good that you learned from your mistakes, so the future will only be better!

 

[nucleargirl]

Hold on.. How many women do you meet and talk to daily? How many numbers do you get a week?

Quality not quantity dude! one true love is worth a million phone numbers!

 

[FrancisZ]

I guess it is at least partly my own fault, but I think this thread has seriously digressed somehow. Generally, phone-call-mind-game-revenge is not a positive indicator of authentic feelings of affection toward one another.

Loyalty, on the other hand, is definitely a sign.

 

[cronxeh]

Experience is a brutal teacher. Francis with his one lover. Nuclear is infatuated with some guy who is probably cheating on her right now. Fun times.

 

[nucleargirl]

wow. I'd really be bothered by that though. I don't know why. But I'd feel like she's not really that into me. why doesn't stuff like that get to ya?? 'cause when you switch the tables women always make a big deal about men not remembering stuff like anniversary's and birthdays

dude, you won't believe how forgetful girls can be! Like I'm really forgetful - I just don't remember! I blame it on a lack of sleep during my younger years! Also some girls are like goldfish about the good things you do for them, and like elephants aboout the bad things you've done! So, I guess if you fall in love with a girl like this, you have to be understanding and forgive her if she doesn't remember - the things probably meant a lot to her, she just can't help it!

 

[nucleargirl]

Experience is a brutal teacher.

yeah, it sucks when people hurt you huh! Best thing to do is to not do the same to others I think. But the up side is that the brain is amazing! and people CAN change themselves! you might have been hurt, but you can become a better person from it!

 

[FrancisZ]

Experience is a brutal teacher. Francis with his one lover. Nuclear is infatuated with some guy who is probably cheating on her right now. Fun times.

True. But you can't let it corrupt you.

 

[cronxeh]

Nobody is saying you have to treat women bad. Just don't let them walk all over you. Its only fair to have a straightforward framework for courtship that is actually based on psychology. Women ARE different than men and have different priorities and desires than guys.

And hey.. Quality over quantity? Who are you to judge these people?? All women i meet and talk to are amazing and have very respectable lives. Treat everyone with respect and you shall receive respect.

 

[FrancisZ]

Nobody is saying you have to treat women bad. Just don't let them walk all over you. Its only fair to have a straightforward framework for courtship that is actually based on psychology. Women ARE different than men and have different priorities and desires than guys.

Well, anyway, I wish you wouldn't knock the notion of writing (you're doing it even now). It doesn't matter what her friends think (unless she can't think for herself); it only matters what the both of you think.

 

[cronxeh]

Well, anyway, I wish you wouldn't knock the notion of writing (you're doing it even now). It doesn't matter what her friends think (unless she can't think for herself); it only matters what the both of you think.

Like i said. She knows. There is no going back now. She hates me and i hate her. Its the cadence of reality

 

[nucleargirl]

Experience is a brutal teacher. Francis with his one lover. Nuclear is infatuated with some guy who is probably cheating on her right now. Fun times.

Whoa! you know, this comment doesn't sound one bit like something a macho confident man would say! thanks for worrying about me tho :) I appreciate your care and attention.

 

[nucleargirl]

And hey.. Quality over quantity? Who are you to judge these people?? All women i meet and talk to are amazing and have very respectable lives. Treat everyone with respect and you shall receive respect.

ok, good for you! I'm just saying, in my own humble opinion, I'd rather find one true love than to have a million phone numbers!

 

[cronxeh]

Whoa! you know, this comment doesn't sound one bit like something a macho confident man would say! thanks for worrying about me tho :) I appreciate your care and attention.

I want to be in love all the time! just the feeling I guess, not the responsibilities!
It feels like happiness, and its more physical than mental... like your heart hurts! and you cry all the time from the pain! lol!

That is infatuation and not intellectual love. Its really hard for me to type this on my phone, look up the difference in this thread

 

[nucleargirl]

That is infatuation and not intellectual love. Its really hard for me to type this on my phone, look up the difference in this thread

wow! finally something bordering on nice! well, its good to get a professional opinion on these things - who knew! I could have been having angina the whole time!

 

[cronxeh]

wow! finally something bordering on nice! well, its good to get a professional opinion on these things - who knew! I could have been having angina the whole time!

Ive been nice this whole time, you were just noticing how awesome i am. Dont worry this too shall pass.

 

[nucleargirl]

Ive been nice this whole time, you were just noticing how awesome i am. Dont worry this too shall pass.

ah I see! we must have very different definitions of nice and awesome in our minds :)

 

[cronxeh]

ah I see! we must have very different definitions of nice and awesome in our minds :)

Oh now you are a flirt, too? I thought you had a boyfriend

 

[FrancisZ]

Like i said. She knows. There is no going back now. She hates me and i hate her. Its the cadence of reality

Ahh...I don't like to see things end like that.

I had this huge fight with a coworker (of 5 years) over friggin M&M's once--or so I initially thought! She was hypoglycemic, and always had to keep a little sugar on hand; so I innocently went to give her some candy one day, and she totally bit my head off for it. Later, I realized that it was much more than that. In fact, she was actually deeply offended by a comment that I didn't even realize I made a day earlier (at least not in the context she took it). I told her to let me alone, while I was moping around from the new of so many of my other friends leaving (talk about cadence misinterpretation).

Anyway, I finally had it up-to-here with her (*motions to just above the head*), and I really let her have it over her otherwise seemingly abusive demeanor. I've never yelled at coworker before or since. It was pretty bad. So we didn't speak for a long time, and then she moved away to another state (she also had to go).

Thereafter, from time-to-time, I would recall the chuckles we had; and I'd feel badly that the friendship ended the way it did. You work with someone for 5 years, and they almost become like an extension of your family even. So, one day I finally decided to write her a letter explaining my view. I desperately wanted her to at least acknowledge her own portion of wrongdoing in our argument; but she wasn't satisfied with my own apology and rejected the letter. I must have really hurt her.

But I tried again a year later, on her birthday (which I never forget: January 14th, 1970); only this time, I decided simply to apologize for my own part in our verbal battle. And you know what happened then? She actually wrote back and apologized for herself.

We don't see each really, on account of we now live in different parts of the United States; but we still mended the relationship. And I dare say that I'm proud of that.

Moral of the story: whatever doesn't kill your friendship will only make it stronger---provided you can admit culpability.

 

[nucleargirl]

Oh now you are a flirt, too? I thought you had a boyfriend

ok ok, as much as I have loved our exchanges cronxeh, I really do think there are more people with much more interesting things to say than us! and we are so far on a tangent that we can't even see the curve of this thread anymore! so before things get any more personal, let's just leave it there.

 

[cronxeh]

ok ok, as much as I have loved our exchanges cronxeh, I really do think there are more people with much more interesting things to say than us! and we are so far on a tangent that we can't even see the curve of this thread anymore! so before things get any more personal, let's just leave it there.

Ok I am not going to embarass you over the blatant subconscious leakage of words like us, we, see curves and lets. So ill just say wow, that was too easy

 

[nucleargirl]

Ok I am not going to embarass you over the blatant subconscious leakage of words like us, we, see curves and lets. So ill just say wow, that was too easy

yup yup :) you win! yeah! who knew! I had a major crush on you! damn... must be that bad-boy charm of yours!

 

[cronxeh]

yup yup :) you win!

Naturally.

 

[FrancisZ]

Francis with his one lover. Nuclear is infatuated with some guy who is probably cheating on her right now. Fun times.

As far as I am concerned, she was my soul mate; I did not need or desire anyone else.

 

[FrancisZ]

You know what? It's time for "The Continental"...

[PLAIN]http://gizmodo.com/assets/resources/2008/02/continental.jpg Really, it's a good practice never to act this sort of guy, I think.

 

[Edin_Dzeko]

Thats a rather unhealthy way of viewing relationships. Friendships are about enjoying the company of someone you like, not an investment.



No offence but after that long of a time your apology would be rather hallow as any positive feelings she had for you would have diminished by then. When people have wronged me in the past I've been much more receptive if they apologized in a recent time frame, after 1-2 months It would just be to late and their apology lost any meaning it would have had.

You have probably already shot your chance with this woman, but you shouldn't be apologizing because you want to "get back with her". You made a mistake, and treated her badly, you should own up to that and whatever happens afterwards, you'll at least know you did the right thing.

It'd also be a better idea to just write her an email instead, as it would at least give her time to "evaluate" instead of being put on the spot with a phone call. Hope everything goes well with your lady friend.

that would be really weird though. A random email out of nowhere apologizing for something that happened like last month would be best if I let it go and just every now and then say hi / hey and just drop some messages. When we finally get a chance to have a proper chat I'll just bring it up like "man, the things I've been through recently..." "remember when I got real nasty with you the other time on the phone?" and just explain from there.

 

[Evo]

As far as I am concerned, she was my soul mate; I did not need or desire anyone else.

You show a great amount of maturity and emotional stability Francis.

 

[cronxeh]

You show a great amount of maturity and emotional stability Francis.

Woah now. I can agree with not need or desire anyone else, but to conclude that a woman 25 years older than him was his soulmate.. that seems a little rash. Maturity implies and relies on the wisdom of experience. One is not experience. I've had a similar feeling for one, but history proved me wrong

 

[Evo]

Dude, I feel the same exact way! It's why all of a sudden I'm active on this site especially in the Relationships section. I feel really hurt and rejected. I wish I could forget as well and move on with my life but it's really hard (emotionally) at the moment. Story simply:

we've been friends for almost 4 years now. Just recently, I was going through some tough stuff and I got real nasty with her over the phone and she got offended (I can tell) and we didn't speak for nearly nearly a month or two. then just last week Sunday we chat on Yahoo I asked why she hasn't been calling she said she doesn't want to (ouch!) :( I kinda had that coming since I was nasty to her. I took that really harshly and felt rejected I deleted her pics, e-mails and number 'cause I thought this is it. And then I left the chat without saying good bye. We haven't spoken since. But I think what hurts the most is having it end this way. Not finding out how she felt, where things could have gone and the thought of her and another guy's what kills me the most All the time spent on the phone, reading and writing e-mails, sending pics and it all ends like this, it really kills. I also feel like it's my fault and the guilt is just too unbearable.

From what you've written, it what you did originally didn't kill your relationship, this probably put the nail in the coffin. While it's never too late to apologize, it can be too late to repair things.

 

[Edin_Dzeko]

Woah now. I can agree with not need or desire anyone else, but to conclude that a woman 25 years older than him was his soulmate.. that seems a little rash. Maturity implies and relies on the wisdom of experience. One is not experience. I've had a similar feeling for one, but history proved me wrong

So like how do you see women? Do you have any respect for women at all?? do you value relationships?? It seems you're so set on this "be a jerk" attitude

 

[Edin_Dzeko]

From what you've written, it what you did originally didn't kill your relationship, this probably put the nail in the coffin. While it's never too late to apologize, it can be too late to repair things.

miracle?? but when it comes to the subject of "love" you can never tell. But anyway I'll keep you guys up to date on the situation

 

[Chronos]

The only woman who ever annoyed me forgot to lock the door when she left. I ran into her again a year later. She was annoyed I did not hate her.

 

[cronxeh]

I should think i am fortunate enough to not have ended up with this girl. Can you imagine being with an egotistical psycho who has a mini nervous breakdown everyday and thinks of herself as morally superior to most other people? I am lucky it ended

 

[FrancisZ]

I should think i am fortunate enough to not have ended up with this girl. Can you imagine being with an egotistical psycho who has a mini nervous breakdown everyday and thinks of herself as morally superior to most other people? I am lucky it ended

She must have had some quality that made her a good person in your eyes, to begin with. Perhaps you were meant to teach each other something.

 

[Edin_Dzeko]

She must have had some quality that made her a good person in your eyes, to begin with. Perhaps you were meant to teach each other something.

there's no reaching through to cron. Guy has let "the game" get to his head
he liked her, she turned him down and it's only natural that he now holds that view of her. Like a guy going out with a girl and it doesn't work and he hates her or starts to hold a bad view of her. ex, "she's a b***"