What Will Happen If I Live a Lonely Life?

[ideasrule]

I was in the same situation as the OP for a loooong time (and to some extent, to this day). Trust me, you don't know what you're missing. I'm still nearly friendless and very lonely, but having even one close friend is a huge improvement over my previous life of walking around the school at recess and watching other people having a good time.

Now, I don't know what it's like to go to parties or watch movies with friends on a regular basis, because I've gone to a total of 2 parties and 0 movies (with friends, that is). Once I tried being less shy, however, I realized that these social activities are probably much more fun than I thought. Give them a try!

BTW, why don't you like movies? Is it because nobody has invited you to watch one with them? If so, watch some yourself. You might find that many movies are much more interesting than science articles.

 

[SBC]

Well that does make it tougher for you, since reading social signals is more difficult for those with Asperger's. But perhaps there are ways to learn these skills. Does your school have a counselor who could give guidance on where to find help?

Also I wouldn't totally discount online friends.

Almost all my Indian schools don't have any counselors ... School is business for the owners of the school .. they will never care.

if you want proof ask any Indian student.

 

[lisab]

Almost all my Indian schools don't have any counselors ... School is business for the owners of the school .. they will never care.

if you want proof ask any Indian student.

Oh I believe you.

Ideasrule has a good suggestion, to reach out to people rather than expect them to come to you. Perhaps you can take a little time to watch a movie with them? You may not really enjoy it, but it would give something other than physics to discus with your classmates. This could be a step towards making a friend.

 

[SBC]

I was in the same situation as the OP for a loooong time (and to some extent, to this day). Trust me, you don't know what you're missing. I'm still nearly friendless and very lonely, but having even one close friend is a huge improvement over my previous life of walking around the school at recess and watching other people having a good time.

Now, I don't know what it's like to go to parties or watch movies with friends on a regular basis, because I've gone to a total of 2 parties and 0 movies (with friends, that is). Once I tried being less shy, however, I realized that these social activities are probably much more fun than I thought. Give them a try!

BTW, why don't you like movies? Is it because nobody has invited you to watch one with them? If so, watch some yourself. You might find that many movies are much more interesting than science articles.

Science articles are more interesting than Movies...
spiderman I watched .. it's cool but I love science articles than that..

 

[SBC]

Oh I believe you.

Ideasrule has a good suggestion, to reach out to people rather than expect them to come to you. Perhaps you can take a little time to watch a movie with them? You may not really enjoy it, but it would give something other than physics to discus with your classmates. This could be a step towards making a friend.

I have decided and dedicated my life for physics and math .

I will be celibate, if I will not get suitable girls (who I like)

I will be for physics and physics is m only friends

nature and science are my best freinds.

watching movies ??

I always think it would wast my time...
I think that " why should I think about movie stuff?"

 

[humanino]

I spent quite some time without an friend but books. I also had crazy party times in my life. I value more the time I spent learning. At that time I did not question, it was a choice. Why did you start this thread SBC ?

 

[Math Is Hard]

science does not require emotions?

I think the idea is that careers in technical, mathematical, and scientific disciplines are well-suited for people who focus obsessively on the complexities and minutiae of an area of interest. That seems to be a common trait in people with Asperger's. There also seems to be a preference for jobs that don't require a lot of social interaction. A programmer can often work reclusively, but social interaction would be unavoidable in a job like sales or PR.

There's a good (but a little dated) article from Wired Magazine that addresses this here:
http://www.wired.com/wired/archive/9.12/aspergers_pr.html

except:

It's a familiar joke in the industry that many of the hardcore programmers in IT strongholds like Intel, Adobe, and Silicon Graphics - coming to work early, leaving late, sucking down Big Gulps in their cubicles while they code for hours - are residing somewhere in Asperger's domain. Kathryn Stewart, director of the Orion Academy, a high school for high-functioning kids in Moraga, California, calls Asperger's syndrome "the engineers' disorder." Bill Gates is regularly diagnosed in the press: His single-minded focus on technical minutiae, rocking motions, and flat tone of voice are all suggestive of an adult with some trace of the disorder. Dov's father told me that his friends in the Valley say many of their coworkers "could be diagnosed with ODD - they're odd." In Microserfs, novelist Douglas Coupland observes, "I think all tech people are slightly autistic."

Though no one has tried to convince the Valley's best and brightest to sign up for batteries of tests, the culture of the area has subtly evolved to meet the social needs of adults in high-functioning regions of the spectrum. In the geek warrens of engineering and R&D, social graces are beside the point. You can be as off-the-wall as you want to be, but if your code is bulletproof, no one's going to point out that you've been wearing the same shirt for two weeks. Autistic people have a hard time multitasking - particularly when one of the channels is face-to-face communication. Replacing the hubbub of the traditional office with a screen and an email address inserts a controllable interface between a programmer and the chaos of everyday life. Flattened workplace hierarchies are more comfortable for those who find it hard to read social cues. A WYSIWYG world, where respect and rewards are based strictly on merit, is an Asperger's dream.

Obviously, this kind of accommodation is not unique to the Valley. The halls of academe have long been a forgiving environment for absentminded professors. Temple Grandin - the inspiring and accomplished autistic woman profiled in Oliver Sacks' An Anthropologist on Mars - calls NASA the largest sheltered workshop in the world.

A recurring theme in case histories of autism, going all the way back to Kanner's and Asperger's original monographs, is an attraction to highly organized systems and complex machines. There's even a perennial cast of hackers: early adopters with a subversive streak. In 1944, Asperger wrote of a boy "chemist [who] uses all his money for experiments which often horrify his family and even steals to fund them." Another boy proved a mathematical error in Isaac Newton's calculations while he was still a freshman in college. A third escaped neighborhood bullies by taking lessons from an old watchmaker. And a fourth, wrote Asperger, "came to be preoccupied with fantastic inventions, such as spaceships and the like." Here he added, "one observes how remote from reality autistic interests really are" - a comment he qualified years later, when spaceships were no longer remote or fantastic, by joking that the inventors of spaceships might themselves be autistic.

 

[SBC]

I spent quite some time without an friend but books. I also had crazy party times in my life. I value more the time I spent learning. At that time I did not question, it was a choice. Why did you start this thread SBC ?

i thought I would get friends ..

but it's online ..
and NO nerd girl LOL

 

[humanino]

i thought I would get friends ..

but it's online ..
and NO nerd girl LOL

My girl is getting her PhD in same field I got one a few years ago. Although it's hard to keep work outside home, at least we understand what each other do.

If you want friends, you must be open to the possibility that just as you can bring them, they can bring you to things you do not understand yet. Everybody's experience is invaluable.

 

[rootX]

It's a familiar joke in the industry that many of the hardcore programmers in IT strongholds like Intel, Adobe, and Silicon Graphics - coming to work early, leaving late, sucking down Big Gulps in their cubicles while they code for hours - are residing somewhere in Asperger's domain. Kathryn Stewart, director of the Orion Academy, a high school for high-functioning kids in Moraga, California, calls Asperger's syndrome "the engineers' disorder." Bill Gates is regularly diagnosed in the press: His single-minded focus on technical minutiae, rocking motions, and flat tone of voice are all suggestive of an adult with some trace of the disorder. Dov's father told me that his friends in the Valley say many of their coworkers "could be diagnosed with ODD - they're odd." In Microserfs, novelist Douglas Coupland observes, "I think all tech people are slightly autistic."

Though no one has tried to convince the Valley's best and brightest to sign up for batteries of tests, the culture of the area has subtly evolved to meet the social needs of adults in high-functioning regions of the spectrum. In the geek warrens of engineering and R&D, social graces are beside the point. You can be as off-the-wall as you want to be, but if your code is bulletproof, no one's going to point out that you've been wearing the same shirt for two weeks. Autistic people have a hard time multitasking - particularly when one of the channels is face-to-face communication. Replacing the hubbub of the traditional office with a screen and an email address inserts a controllable interface between a programmer and the chaos of everyday life. Flattened workplace hierarchies are more comfortable for those who find it hard to read social cues. A WYSIWYG world, where respect and rewards are based strictly on merit, is an Asperger's dream.

That is so me who is working on Christmas too

But, I have been forcing myself into many uncomfortable situations (tasks that involve getting resources from difficult people etc) and along with working for a big company.

My problem is that I can read the emotions very well but not instantly.

Other day I was telling a classmate who wants to go home for Christmas as early as possible so that he can spend time with his family that he is so lucky to have a family that he loves.

 

[Sorry!]

I think the idea is that careers in technical, mathematical, and scientific disciplines are well-suited for people who focus obsessively on the complexities and minutiae of an area of interest. That seems to be a common trait in people with Asperger's. There also seems to be a preference for jobs that don't require a lot of social interaction. A programmer can often work reclusively, but social interaction would be unavoidable in a job like sales or PR.

There's a good (but a little dated) article from Wired Magazine that addresses this here:
http://www.wired.com/wired/archive/9.12/aspergers_pr.html

except:

Well, that article certain shed some light on the topic It was pretty enlightening too, thanks MIH

 

[Astronuc]

I hear the term aspergers and autism come up a lot on these forums... is it something that a lot of people with interest in science has?

It appears that some very successful mathematicians and scientists probably has Asperger's syndrome or were high functioning autisitic. Paul Dirac very likely had Aspergers. The thought is that Asperger's affects the way the brain processes and systematizes information, which is very helpful in mathematics and analysis or problem solving. Such ability apparently comes at the price of social awareness and the ability to enjoy trivialities like movies.

I've been diagnosed as having Aspergers, but over the years I've compensated. As a child, I had friends, but I also felt comfortable alone. In high school, I spent more time in libraries reading books on matters in physics. My interests in physics were not shared with any friends. On the other hand, I enjoyed play sports like football with friends.

I enjoy the company of friends, but I also enjoy being alone, and in fact I often prefer to be alone.

 

[SBC]

It appears that some very successful mathematicians and scientists probably has Asperger's syndrome or were high functioning autisitic. Paul Dirac very likely had Aspergers. The thought is that Asperger's affects the way the brain processes and systematizes information, which is very helpful in mathematics and analysis or problem solving. Such ability apparently comes at the price of social awareness and the ability to enjoy trivialities like movies.

I've been diagnosed as having Aspergers, but over the years I've compensated. As a child, I had friends, but I also felt comfortable alone. In high school, I spent more time in libraries reading books on matters in physics. My interests in physics were not shared with any friends. On the other hand, I enjoyed play sports like football with friends.

I enjoy the company of friends, but I also enjoy being alone, and in fact I often prefer to be alone.

WOW you are just like me..
How did you get friends !??

 

[SBC]

What you guys say makes me miss a friend of mine. I hope to see him somewhere tomorrow

Good luck !

 

[obing]

BTW, why don't you like movies? Is it because nobody has invited you to watch one with them? If so, watch some yourself. You might find that many movies are much more interesting than science articles.[/QUOTE]




one movie i recommend is ultimate speed by william bertozzi :)

give it a try dude it speak for itself ha ha

 

[WiFO215]

Almost all my Indian schools don't have any counselors ... School is business for the owners of the school .. they will never care.

if you want proof ask any Indian student.

Hello Kiran,

Studying in the Indian system myself I'd agree with you on most of your posts above about the Indian education system, but I disagree that none here share your interests. I assure you that there are others like you in this country, namely myself, and I know others who share these interests with me who certainly do enjoy talking about math over a cup of coffee and cake. Let me ask, since you seem to be so focussed, where are you studying? What subject? I am taking a guess based on your accent that you are from the South.

 

[obing]

indian education system is on average between that students are too focused for IIT/JEE

not for pure science , in
india they give more importance to engg. and medical and that's bitter truth


all for $$$$$$$$

 

[Astronuc]

WOW you are just like me..
How did you get friends !??

I just talked to people and listened. Many male friends were playmates, i.e., we'd play sports together. My closest friends had mutual interests in math and science. I also had girl friends during my years in elementary school, and those relationships were more or less light-hearted romances, or otherwise innocent affections.

My best friend in 1-3 grade was an academic competitor. He usually bested me in lessons, but then I bested him in sports.

 

[SBC]

Hello Kiran,

Studying in the Indian system myself I'd agree with you on most of your posts above about the Indian education system, but I disagree that none here share your interests. I assure you that there are others like you in this country, namely myself, and I know others who share these interests with me who certainly do enjoy talking about math over a cup of coffee and cake. Let me ask, since you seem to be so focussed, where are you studying? What subject? I am taking a guess based on your accent that you are from the South.

COme to my college and see for the proof..
most of the youth got ruined with stupid cricket and movies !
I am from AP. Hyderabad.

 

[SBC]

indian education system is on average between that students are too focused for IIT/JEE

not for pure science , in
india they give more importance to engg. and medical and that's bitter truth


all for $$$$$$$$

YUP I agree ..
AIEEE
IIT
all Engineering stuff !
NO value for B.SC people.

 

[LydiaAC]

Hello Kiran:
I have had friends in some point of my life but I always feel a hole in my heart because I do not feel they understand me as I would like.
At forty one, I have come to think that maybe life does not work in that way, maybe to be completely understood is not something about you should counting on.
But there are moments when someone understand you, partially, but he or she does and is marvelous.
It so marvelous that you can lose control of yourself and immerse in the pleasure, ruining some other parts of your life, that only in the aftermath you learn they are important.
To have the same interests is good for making friends but that is not enough. Friendship is a miracle and when happen, if happen, enjoy it because it could not be forever.
It is true that some cultures are not specially good for certain individuals. You can feel a big change in your vision of yourself only by moving to other country or even to other school or other circle.
You could have Asperger, but maybe you only have Kiran-syndrome, a unique combination of traits only yours, that make problems unique to you and no one, being a physics fan or not could come to understand.
However, it is a fact that for making friends you should do a little more open that you are in this moment, since it is impossible that someone in the world think and love exactly the same things as you. However, the extent in which you open is something that only you can decide.
Nothing is free in this life and if you want a friend you should pay. Not money, but something more valuable, maybe to allow yourself to think, maybe only one moment, that science could be not the coolest thing in the universe, so you can enter inside other mind.
If you do not want to do so, it is OK, but then you cannot expect that other one is willing to enter your mind.
It is your human right to proceed as you prefer but you need to keep in mind that you cannot have everything you want. You cannot eat the cake and have the cake at the same time: is like in physics, if energy is dissipated, is not stored.

 

[SBC]

Hello Kiran:
I have had friends in some point of my life but I always feel a hole in my heart because I do not feel they understand me as I would like.
At forty one, I have come to think that maybe life does not work in that way, maybe to be completely understood is not something about you should counting on.
But there are moments when someone understand you, partially, but he or she does and is marvelous.
It so marvelous that you can lose control of yourself and immerse in the pleasure, ruining some other parts of your life, that only in the aftermath you learn they are important.
To have the same interests is good for making friends but that is not enough. Friendship is a miracle and when happen, if happen, enjoy it because it could not be forever.
It is true that some cultures are not specially good for certain individuals. You can feel a big change in your vision of yourself only by moving to other country or even to other school or other circle.
You could have Asperger, but maybe you only have Kiran-syndrome, a unique combination of traits only yours, that make problems unique to you and no one, being a physics fan or not could come to understand.
However, it is a fact that for making friends you should do a little more open that you are in this moment, since it is impossible that someone in the world think and love exactly the same things as you. However, the extent in which you open is something that only you can decide.
Nothing is free in this life and if you want a friend you should pay. Not money, but something more valuable, maybe to allow yourself to think, maybe only one moment, that science could be not the coolest thing in the universe, so you can enter inside other mind.
If you do not want to do so, it is OK, but then you cannot expect that other one is willing to enter your mind.
It is your human right to proceed as you prefer but you need to keep in mind that you cannot have everything you want. You cannot eat the cake and have the cake at the same time: is like in physics, if energy is dissipated, is not stored.

What is kiran syndrome?

 

[LydiaAC]

Hello Kiran:
It is a metaphor, it is the fact that you are you.
Lydia

 

[SBC]

Hello Kiran:
It is a metaphor, it is the fact that you are you.
Lydia

I am sorry ..
you misunderstood me.

I am not the person that you are thinking about.

 

[ideasrule]

I'm curious, SBC. Since you have Asperger's, does this description sound familiar?

"I don't know how to read body language. When I speak to somebody, I don't know when to smile, how much to smile, where to look, or how to maintain eye contact. I don't know whether what I say interests people, offends them, or does anything else."

If so, how do you deal with it, and do you deal with it well?

 

[SBC]

I'm curious, SBC. Since you have Asperger's, does this description sound familiar?

"I don't know how to read body language. When I speak to somebody,

I will forget about body language, while speaking to some one. but some times when I am alone. I can read hell lot.

I don't know when to smile, how much to smile, where to look, or how to maintain eye contact. I don't know whether what I say interests people, offends them, or does anything else."

Yes, I really don't know when to smile.where to look and eye contact. I don't like much of eye contact.

dealing with it is very difficult esp. eye contact and while talking to others I can't concentrate much.it always feels like I am better when I am lonely.
I am not good at dealing such kind of things.

 

[mcknia07]

If it's true. than who ?

I forget what their names are on PF, lol, I talk to them outside of here now

There are a few, that I talk to almost everyday, for, well going on 2 years or so now. These people are awesome!

 

[tmyer2107]

I never attended parties ... never Pub or club and none.

Never going out or joining a club or any type of social events is probably one of the reasons you don't have any friends. How are you going to make friends if you don't give yourself opportunities to meet them?

dude or sir,
you did not understand main thing here.
In my country they don't give much importance to science.
they give importance to money,enjoyments.
it's not like UK or USA universities who like their fields.

it's really only few out of all my country population would be NERD in Physics.

I find this very hard to believe. If you look hard enough you will definitely be able to find people with similar interest as you that go to your school. Does your school have any science clubs?

i am also suffering from asparagus syndrome.
I don't have good relationships with people.

but, still I speak to all...

Having asperger's syndrome will definitely make it more difficult for you to meet people but it doesn't prevet you from making friends. One of my friends has aspergers and our initial relationship wasn't that strong because of his shyness and his inability to communicate efficiently but eventually we became friends.

I think you need to stop saying that you don't need or want friends because it is obvious that you do want friends or you never would have made this thread. Don't say that there is no one around you with similar interests because that's probably not true either. You just need to look harder and be willing to put yourself out there. And just because someone doesn't have the same interests as you doesn't mean they can't be your best friend. A lot of my close friends have no interest in science or engineering at all.

You say that science and nature are your only interests in life. You should try to find something else that interests you as well, it would help you relate to more people. You could also try the following. The next time you sit down next to someone in class, outside of class, wherever, start a conversation with them and ask them about their interests. Initially, none of their interests may strike you as intriguing but you should give them a chance. It seems to me like you don't accept new ideas or try new things very easily. For example, if you have never gone mountain biking and they say, "I really like to go mountain biking" you could say, "That sounds interesting, I've never done it. Where do you usually go and can you rent bikes from somewhere close by? I wouldn't mine giving it a shot one of these days." The next thing you know you might be going mountain biking with this person and they could become a close friend. You might find that you hate mountain biking and could laugh about it with this person later.

That is just one example of an everyday situation where you could find a new friend. But don't seem too desperate, be confident in yourself.

 

[Evo]

I have friends with rather severe aspergers and unfortunately I forget that they suffer from it and that they don't always know how to respond to everyday situations.

I left my cell phone at work once and was angry about it and my friend with aspergers finally told me that he did not know how to respond. I keep forgetting that they can't always process emotions and are easily overwhelmed.

One of them could not make eye contact and we had to let him scope out places we were going first so he knew his escape routes incase he got overwhelmed. Needless to say, going out was a major, rare event.

 

[SBC]

Never going out or joining a club or any type of social events is probably one of the reasons you don't have any friends. How are you going to make friends if you don't give yourself opportunities to meet them?

I find this very hard to believe. If you look hard enough you will definitely be able to find people with similar interest as you that go to your school. Does your school have any science clubs?

PEOPLE with similar interest ?
LOL
you are very funny ...

I told you that the place where I live ... people don't give any value for science.
sometimes my own country.

it's waste. you can find very few in my whole country.other people who act as nerds.
they just seek for money and pride of P.HD only few work for science.

trust me ! or ask any true Indian nerds. they will tell you the conditions in my country.

Having asperger's syndrome will definitely make it more difficult for you to meet people but it doesn't prevet you from making friends. One of my friends has aspergers and our initial relationship wasn't that strong because of his shyness and his inability to communicate efficiently but eventually we became friends.

not the syndrome, but the way people respond to you. IF you are too noble or polite in your words. the reply from bad guys will be bad and ugly words.

almost all characters or people use UGLY language.

some people who are not nerds even those people's behavior would be ugly and uncivilized habits.

just come to my country and see How students are ruining their life.
ONLY few you can find as true persons for science.

I think you need to stop saying that you don't need or want friends because it is obvious that you do want friends or you never would have made this thread. Don't say that there is no one around you with similar interests because that's probably not true either. You just need to look harder and be willing to put yourself out there. And just because someone doesn't have the same interests as you doesn't mean they can't be your best friend. A lot of my close friends have no interest in science or engineering at all.

I am even ready to make friendship with uneducated person. but he /she should have some manners and follow some morels.

You say that science and nature are your only interests in life. You should try to find something else that interests you as well, it would help you relate to more people. You could also try the following. The next time you sit down next to someone in class, outside of class, wherever, start a conversation with them and ask them about their interests. Initially, none of their interests may strike you as intriguing but you should give them a chance. It seems to me like you don't accept new ideas or try new things very easily. For example, if you have never gone mountain biking and they say, "I really like to go mountain biking" you could say, "That sounds interesting, I've never done it. Where do you usually go and can you rent bikes from somewhere close by? I wouldn't mine giving it a shot one of these days." The next thing you know you might be going mountain biking with this person and they could become a close friend. You might find that you hate mountain biking and could laugh about it with this person later.

I love traveling. but even in journeys .. people use ugly words that I can't resist.

I love ANIME. I love 3d max , I love drawing.
I love paintings. I love video editing and VFX.

I can find such people.but they don't follow morels.

That is just one example of an everyday situation where you could find a new friend. But don't seem too desperate, be confident in yourself.

may be but ... I don't care finding for friends.
let people pass through out my life.may be one day I might get a friend.


I love to make friendship with those .. who are honest !
who have self respect...
who is noble...
who loves his or her own work ..


it would be a MONK.

you might not understand me. but just come and see HOw students are ruining their life.

 

[SBC]

I have friends with rather severe aspergers and unfortunately I forget that they suffer from it and that they don't always know how to respond to everyday situations.

I left my cell phone at work once and was angry about it and my friend with aspergers finally told me that he did not know how to respond. I keep forgetting that they can't always process emotions and are easily overwhelmed.

One of them could not make eye contact and we had to let him scope out places we were going first so he knew his escape routes incase he got overwhelmed. Needless to say, going out was a major, rare event.

some boys have problem in speaking to girls, that could be the reason.

 

[Evo]

some boys have problem in speaking to girls, that could be the reason.

No, they have asperger's as well as other anxiety problems. Or possibly the two are connected. Sadly, I get so used to them that I forget how much they are struggling.

 

[tmyer2107]

let people pass through out my life.may be one day I might get a friend.

I've offered all the advice I could give, I'm sure you will meet someone you can consider a true friend someday. My last bit of advice is just to keep an open mind and don't be too quick to dismiss someone because you think they don't have good morals or if they use a bad word. Try to get to know them first.

 

[SBC]

I've offered all the advice I could give, I'm sure you will meet someone you can consider a true friend someday. My last bit of advice is just to keep an open mind and don't be too quick to dismiss someone because you think they don't have good morals or if they use a bad word. Try to get to know them first.

thank you !

 

[PhanthomJay]

I've never had a friend again since the ones I had when I was 12...Gee whiz, has anyone?? Stay close to family, for in the end, that's all you got.