Women are crazy. Interpret this text exchange for me, please

[victor.raum]

If that's how you talk to you girlfriend then I'm not surprised you've gone through 20 of them already...

EDIT:
I was typing up a real response, but then I saw Nano-Passion's above mine, and it was essentially identical. So I won't bother adding my clone of his post, I'll just say that I whole heartedly second his analysis.

 

[netgypsy]

WOW! Poor girl. You can only win in a relationship when you can walk away at any time. She knows the handwriting is on the wall, just hates to think a good thing has ended. Well it has.

For the ladies present, chasing is hardwired into the male of the species. You can't change things that are hardwired. You can only direct them and the advice of the great grandmothers to their daughters to "play hard to get" was right on the money. In the best relationships the male chases his mate their entire life and they both enjoy it immensely. She disrespected herself by inviting him for breakfast rather than just bringing a doggie bag with her to maybe share eggs and biscuits or something. Neither party in a relationship should EVER put themselves in a position where the other can reject them and cause hurt feelings. You have to be well enough in tune with each other to totally avoid that sort of thing.

Time for the young lady to move on and gain some self respect in the process. She's not a servant or a cook, she's a girlfriend and her boyfriend ought to be the one who asks her what she's going to do about breakfast and to discuss the possible options. And forget the movie - she shouldn't be asking him to go to that either. Again she's disrespecting herself because she knows he doesn't want to go to it.

A little story - a female family member had recently starting dating someone she liked quite well. He told her he was going to "March Madness" basketball tournament out of town for the weekend. She already had another date lined up for that weekend. He canceled and he told her he wasn't going so she canceled the other date and went out with him. And she would have gone out with a different guy if he had gone out of town. They've been married forever and he's still chasing her and they do have fun. Too many women lack self respect but I see it in men also. When it's over, it's over. Get on with your life. If you don't respect yourself, don't expect others to respect you.

So no she's not crazy, she's sad.

 

[Evo]

WOW! Poor girl. You can only win in a relationship when you can walk away at any time. She knows the handwriting is on the wall, just hates to think a good thing has ended. Well it has.

For the ladies present, chasing is hardwired into the male of the species. You can't change things that are hardwired. You can only direct them and the advice of the great grandmothers to their daughters to "play hard to get" was right on the money. In the best relationships the male chases his mate their entire life and they both enjoy it immensely. She disrespected herself by inviting him for breakfast rather than just bringing a doggie bag with her to maybe share eggs and biscuits or something. Neither party in a relationship should EVER put themselves in a position where the other can reject them and cause hurt feelings. You have to be well enough in tune with each other to totally avoid that sort of thing.

Time for the young lady to move on and gain some self respect in the process. She's not a servant or a cook, she's a girlfriend and her boyfriend ought to be the one who asks her what she's going to do about breakfast and to discuss the possible options. And forget the movie - she shouldn't be asking him to go to that either. Again she's disrespecting herself because she knows he doesn't want to go to it.

Wow, this is like reading "dating advice from the 19th Century, from a man".

 

[Drakkith]

WOW! Poor girl. You can only win in a relationship when you can walk away at any time. She knows the handwriting is on the wall, just hates to think a good thing has ended. Well it has.

Your entire post is just sad. None of it even considers the fact that everyone is differently wired and raised and have different wants, needs, feelings, etc. Furthermore, being able to "walk away at any time" is exactly OPPOSITE of the end goal in dating. Being in a committed relationship. It's like suggesting that you just do "warm ups" for football practice and then jump right into the big game when the season starts. You're going to have no idea what to do and have missed the entire pre-season time to practice and get ready.

 

[netgypsy]

No, some of that was from one of our female family members and we range in age from 14 up to 70. But the only thing that has changed in the world of male female relationships is that females are now empowered to survive on their own. Unfortunately too many of them don't know it. And I don't think great grandma would have told the girl to dump the guy but she would tell her that if she wanted to keep him she'd better get some self respect pretty fast. We also don't just have a physicist in the family, we have a biologist and horse and dog trainers and I sure wish I had known all that great information before I wasted my time trying to get my kids to do things they just weren't hard wired to be able to do like "sit still" ! HAHAHA

And people think nerds know nothing about love - HAH - there is some seriously great advice in this thread if anyone bothers to read it and take it. NERDS RULE

 

[netgypsy]

Your entire post is just sad. None of it even considers the fact that everyone is differently wired and raised and have different wants, needs, feelings, etc. Furthermore, being able to "walk away at any time" is exactly OPPOSITE of the end goal in dating. Being in a committed relationship. It's like suggesting that you just do "warm ups" for football practice and then jump right into the big game when the season starts. You're going to have no idea what to do and have missed the entire pre-season time to practice and get ready.

There's hard wired and there's "soft wired". Hard wired characteristics, you can only direct, not change. Soft wired can be changed. In any relationship, the two partners must follow certain rules for the relationship to work successfully. That's a fact. Some of the rules are the same in all cases. Others will be different. But if either partner does not value and respect the other with equal intensity, the relationship will fail. In this situation there is no equality. The woman is putting herself in a situation where she is going to be hurt and the man understands this perfectly but is just not committed to her to the same degree she is committed to him. She needs to lose him. He has no empathy, no kindness toward her, and no desire to develop them. Every guy on here knows exactly what he should have said IF he cared what she thought and they have expressed this most eloquently. But he doesn't care enough about her to make the effort. It's that simple.

Now regarding practice, of course we have to try different relationships to find the one we care enough about to want to make permanent. But the moment a man or woman knows in their gut that the relationship is not right is the moment they need to walk away. Do you really want to marry someone who drives you crazy, that you don't respect, that doesn't raise your blood pressure when you look a them no matter how long you've been together? Don't settle for less because you're just too lazy to look further. Now that would be sad.

 

[Drakkith]

Every guy on here knows exactly what he should have said IF he cared what she thought and they have expressed this most eloquently. But he doesn't care enough about her to make the effort. It's that simple.

Except that it is NOT always that simple. If it were, there would be far fewer issues in relationships.

Now regarding practice, of course we have to try different relationships to find the one we care enough about to want to make permanent. But the moment a man or woman knows in their gut that the relationship is not right is the moment they need to walk away.

Yes, but up until that point they are still in a relationship. It isn't black and white, there is no line that is suddenly crossed, it is a gradual realization that takes varying amounts of time depending on the relationship. And during that period of time before they realize it's time to break it off people have issues just like the one in this thread.

 

[netgypsy]

it is actually very simple when you're outside looking into the relationship of two other people but when you're inside a relationship that has failed it's extremely painful and the pain has been scientifically determined to be PHYSICAL pain, so you don't think rationally or behave rationally and that is what causes the difficulty in walking away when you need to. There will always be little problems in any relationship when one or the other or both are tired or stressed. Apologies will be given and it won't happen again. But obvious unkind and uncaring behavior by one or both of the parties means serious trouble. And yes there really is a line that is crossed and you'll know it if you ever have it happen to you. The proverbial straw that makes one realize that this relationship is not working. (Consider having an affair with your best friend vs just a little flirting)

Can they ever be fixed? Occasionally there's an outside problem that precipitates the breakdown but it really depends on how much equity is already in the relationship and how much each will lose if it ends both emotionally and in their life in general.

Being in a good loving relationship isn't hard. The rules are very simple. We just sometimes make it hard because we bring baggage into a relationship, we globalize on problems, we blame when there is no blame and many times we will deliberately sabotage the relationship for reasons we aren't even aware of. Pretty dumb but quite common. We seem in general to have moved more to serial monogamy than life time monogamy. And truly sometimes people really do grow apart by evolving in different directions so they are no longer compatible.

But finding and hanging onto that "right person" is so worth the effort.

 

[Drakkith]

And yes there really is a line that is crossed and you'll know it if you ever have it happen to you. The proverbial straw that makes one realize that this relationship is not working. (Consider having an affair with your best friend vs just a little flirting)

Of course certain things can throw the relation ship "over the line", but generally it isn't like this. One of the reasons people cheat is that no one realized (or were willing to realize) that the relationship wasn't that well off already and had probably already crossed over the line.

 

[netgypsy]

Looking back on a failed relationship I bet most people can point to a single incident that, as you said, made them realize that it was over. Here's a couple from friends - a couple was discussing marriage and the guy said the marriage vows should be "Love, Honor and Obey" for the woman. DING DING DING end of that one. Another one - guy tells girl - NO WIFE OF MINE WILL EVER WORK DING DING DING end of that one too. Guy asked girl out to a nice restaurant and concert after. She brings her girlfriend with her. DING DING DING Girl comes to guys house to watch a movie. She grabs his cat and dog and throws them outside. DING DING DING.

 

[sstefan1]

Women, huh? Can't live with them, can't successfully refute their hypotheses.

 

[KingNothing]

I'm normally the driver, trip planner, and chief engineer on the "women are crazy" train, but I think the way you rejected her offer was rude. Then when you said "you can still eat breakfast" it showed how little you understood about the situation.

I think if you had said "Sorry babe, I could really use some extra rest, perhaps we can do breakfast another time?" things would have gone better.

 

[jduster]

You were the one who behaved wrong in this situation, and you damaged yourself pretty badly here.

You should have just said "Sorry, I can't go. Maybe some other time". That's it. You didn't have to rationalize why going out to breakfast was a bad idea.

 

[Nano-Passion]

Women, huh? Can't live with them, can't successfully refute their hypotheses.

Lmao ^, quote from the Big Bang Theory.

 

[Skyler0114]

Jack, my longterm advice is just stop eating breakfast all together. It makes it a lot easier when dealing with situations like this, and it is healthier to eat less frequently in a day. Good for morning awareness, weight loss, hormonal health, detoxifying the body, and on top of that people won't ask me to wake up early to eat breakfast because I don't eat until afternoon. Just be careful with the timing, since she may think it's a reaction to her and get furthered annoyed with you.

The trick is to make less opportunities for them to get mad at you. Like here maybe something like, "Maybe we should leave extra room to enjoy the food at the fair". Also you done goofed with that last line. While I think she's not being direct and that's a big problem, you might need to be a bit more direct as well, and if she's not understanding then that's her problem and not hers. Also tell her that you would like her to be direct about things because you are trying to be direct, and she's not effectively communicating with you. So, in short either she becomes more direct or you become more indirect.

 

[Jack21222]

By the way, can I get this thread shut down? It's ancient history by now.

 

[Skyler0114]

By the way, can I get this thread shut down? It's ancient history by now.

just realized i was necroposting
are you and that girl still together and did she get any less...like that