Collection of Science Jokes P2

[BillTre]

 

[etotheipi]

 

[Borg]

I'll never think of my basement the same again.

 

[etotheipi]

evaluate\begin{align*}
d = \int \frac{d^2}{1+d^2} dd
\end{align*}let $\tan d = d$ so then $\sec^2 d dd = dd$ and\begin{align*}
d = \int \frac{\tan^2d}{1+ \tan^2 d} \sec^2{d} dd = \int \tan^2 d dd &= \int \sec^2 ddd - \int dd \\

&= \tan d -d +d \\

&= d- \arctan d + d

\end{align*}where $d$ is an additive constant

 

[Ibix]

evaluate\begin{align*}
d = \int \frac{d^2}{1+d^2} dd
\end{align*}let $\tan d = d$ so then $\sec^2 d dd = dd$ and\begin{align*}
d = \int \frac{\tan^2d}{1+ \tan^2 d} \sec^2{d} dd = \int \tan^2 d dd &= \int \sec^2 ddd - \int dd \\

&= \tan d -d +d \\

&= d- \arctan d + d

\end{align*}where $d$ is an additive constant

Does anybody else have the theme tune to Match of the Day going through their heads now?

Dee dee dee dee dee-dee-dee-dee dee...

 

[Vanadium 50]

Dee dee dee dee dee-dee-dee-dee dee...

Isn't that the theme from Twilight Zone?
Or maybe Jaws?

 

[Ibix]

Isn't that the theme from Twilight Zone?

No, that goes doo-dee-doo-doo, doo-dee-doo-doo.

Or maybe Jaws?

Dun-dun dun-dun dun-dun.

 

[BillTre]

 

[DrClaude]

 

[fresh_42]

View attachment 282842

Nope. @etotheipi calculated, that the cat is alive by around 90%, hence well over 50%.

 

[Keith_McClary]

View attachment 282842

Wayno says:

On Thursday, I made fun of something I dislike by doing that very thing. I find the ubiquitous gags referencing Schrödinger's cat to be self-consciously clever, if not self-congratulatory. And yet, here I am doing one myself. Cartoonists are seldom rational or consistent.

Still, I promise never to tread this turf again.

 

[Bandersnatch]

(where does one put lame science jokes?)

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar.
The first mathematician orders a beer.
The second orders half a beer.
"I don't serve half-beers" the bartender replies.
"Excuse me?" Asks mathematician #2.
"What kind of bar serves half-beers?" The bartender remarks. "That's ridiculous."
"Oh c'mon" says mathematician #1 "do you know how hard it is to collect an infinite number of us? Just play along."
"There are very strict laws on how I can serve drinks. I couldn't serve you half a beer even if I wanted to."
"But that's not a problem" mathematician #3 chimes in "at the end of the joke you serve us a whole number of beers. You see, when you take the sum of a continuously halving function-"
"I know how limits work" interjects the bartender.
"Oh, alright then. I didn't want to assume a bartender would be familiar with such advanced mathematics."
"Are you kidding me?" The bartender replies, "you learn limits in like, 9th grade! What kind of mathematician thinks limits are advanced mathematics?"
"HE'S ON TO US" mathematician #1 screeches.
Simultaneously, every mathematician opens their mouth and out pours a cloud of multicolored mosquitoes. Each mathematician is bellowing insects of a different shade.
The mosquitoes form into a singular, polychromatic swarm. "FOOLS" it booms in unison, "I WILL INFECT EVERY BEING ON THIS PATHETIC PLANET WITH MALARIA."
The bartender stands fearless against the technicolor horde. "But wait" he interrupts, thinking fast, "if you do that, politicians will use the catastrophe as an excuse to implement free healthcare. Think of how much that will hurt the taxpayers!"
The mosquitoes fall silent for a brief moment. "My God, you're right. We didn't think about the economy! Very well, we will not attack this dimension. FOR THE TAXPAYERS!" and with that, they vanish.
A nearby barfly stumbles over to the bartender. "How did you know that that would work?"
"It's simple really" the bartender says. "I saw that the vectors formed a gradient, and therefore must be conservative."

 

[Frisbee]

I guess that joke has already been posted somewhere... Anyway:

Einstein, Pascal and Newton are playing hide and seek... Einstein covers his eyes and begins counting. While Pascal run off and hide, Newton takes out some chalk and marks a square on the ground with a side length of exactly one meter, then sits down inside the square.

When Einstein is finished counting and sees Newton sitting on the ground, he yells, "Ha, I've found you, Newton!". Newton however replies, "You’ve found one Newton per square meter. You’ve found Pascal!"

 

[jack action]

 

[Ibix]

Have to make a careful choice of straw material if your tea is really hot...

 

[davenn]

 

[DaveC426913]

Have to make a careful choice of straw material if your tea is really hot...

The implication here is that either you're a user of straws that melt in hot water, or you like inhaling steam.

 

[BillTre]

 

[BillTre]

 

[Keith_McClary]

View attachment 283241

Full size at:
xkcd

 

[DaveC426913]

 

[Jarvis323]

 

[BillTre]

 

[DrGreg]

If only someone would invent the logarithmic scale!

 

[Tom.G]

If only someone would invent the logarithmic scale!

Uhmm... from the politicians responses, I think they (inadvertently) already did.

 

[BillTre]

 

[Borg]

 

[Ibix]

View attachment 283673

I don't see a problem.
- H. Minkowski.

 

[dextercioby]

 

[dextercioby]

 

[mfb]

Georges Aad is first author of hundreds of publications. Whenever the ATLAS collaboration (~3000 people) publishes something it's Aad et al, excluding the time when Morad Aaboud was a PhD student in ATLAS.

Similarly, CMS papers are Armen Tumasyan et al. because he is the one collaborator from Armenia and CMS sorts by country first. If someone in e.g. Argentina joins they will be first author.

 

[DaveC426913]

And this is why I'm naming all my children Aardvark. You all laughed, but I'll have the last laugh in the end.

 

[mfb]

Aardvark as last name would make someone first author in two of the five largest particle physics collaborations:

ATLAS has Aad
CMS has Armenia
LHCb has Aaij.
ALICE has Acharya
Belle II has Abudinén

 

[Keith_McClary]

Free Range by Bill Whitehead for May 27, 2021​

 

[Keith_McClary]

xkcd

Some of the universe's stars have gone missing. But where did they go?​