Creative Writing major completely infatuated with a Physics Grad student

[zoobyshoe]

Ah, I see where you were going with that. Hmmmmmm. But I don't know if I'd really follow that myself - I could be narcissistic or blatantly delusional or something.

:]

I dunno, I consider myself reasonably attractive, but I mainly just get told that by my friends who like to say supportive things like "Dang girl, looking hot!", "Ow ow cutie!", etc etc. I do get told I'm attractive by boys...drunken boys...drunken frat boys looking to hook up...so I feel like everybody who I've received input from is either super biased or otherwise ulterior-ly motivated.

Also, I think I have good days, and I think I have bad days. And sometimes I wear my hair in a ponytail, and sometimes it's down, and sometimes I put my contacts in, or sometimes I'm lazy and wear glasses, and sometimes I dress up to go out, and sometimes I'm in the library without any kind of makeup. So it honestly just depends.

All of which reminds me of the other thing that tipped me off: you are attractive enough to have the luxury of eschewing the attentive, but shallow, frat boys in favor of someone whose personality you actually like. Also, you said to Evo he's not the physical type you're usually attracted to. i.e. physically you can usually do a lot better. All these little tell-tails lead to an unquestioned assumption by me that you were attractive. I didn't realize it till TMFKAN64 just asserted it without explanation.

 

[Char. Limit]

You know what the weirdest part of reading the first post was? The description of the TA sounds exactly like an older version of me... down to the number of T-Shirts worn a day, the paleness, everything.

In addition, I'm going to sign up as a tutor when I enter college next year...

If any of the girls at Washington State are like you, fictionftw, college will be fun. Finally, someone to date who I know is attracted to me! (Not you in particular, but someone like you. I'm not a stalker.)

 

[zoobyshoe]

You know what the weirdest part of reading the first post was? The description of the TA sounds exactly like an older version of me... down to the number of T-Shirts worn a day, the paleness, everything.

In addition, I'm going to sign up as a tutor when I enter college next year...

If any of the girls at Washington State are like you, fictionftw, college will be fun. Finally, someone to date who I know is attracted to me! (Not you in particular, but someone like you. I'm not a stalker.)

You're in luck! She just mailed me a pic:

[URL]http://www.28th-infantry-division.us/store/ugly%20girl%200.bmp[/URL]

All yours, Char. Limit!

 

[Char. Limit]

You're in luck! She just mailed me a pic:

[URL]http://www.28th-infantry-division.us/store/ugly%20girl%200.bmp[/URL]

All yours, Char. Limit!

You know, you'd do better cropping the bottom strip. If you're going to do that, at least make it more believeable by taking away the company logo! AAAAARRRRGGGGHHHH!

Sorry, but if it's not perfectly executed, I become the Hulk. You understand, right??

 

[zoobyshoe]

Sorry, but if it's not perfectly executed, I become the Hulk. You understand, right??

Uh oh. Creative writing majors all over the world have just put a slash through your name.

 

[kof9595995]

You know, these joyous posts really cheer me up for the day.

 

[fictionftw]

Hm, as for the attractiveness logic, I guess I understand where you guys are going with it, but I don't know if it's all that accurate because 1) I think I'm pretty insecure, so I don't quite know how the opposite was conveyed in my original post, 2) Just because you like attractive people, doesn't mean they like you back; so just because he's not my usual 'type' that I go for, doesn't necessarily mean that I'm dating attractive people. Maybe I like cute guys but never end up with any of them bc I'm unattractive? Who knows?

But here, if the TA and I end up going out, I'll post a picture of us so you can gauge how attractive/unattractive we are for yourself. Fingers crossed!

Lol, these posts are ridiculous. :D OMyGosHhH!11! How did you find my picture?!

As a side note, someone here told me to check out the Big Bang Theory, and after being pestered by my other friend, I finally just caved in and watched an episode...SO hilarious. 13 episodes later, I absolutely love this show.

But, what I can't figure out is why is Penny so attractive? She's really bland. And annoying! And depthless. Her only defining characteristics are that she works at the Cheesecake Factory and has a VAGINA. Seriously, where's the appeal? Can somebody explain?

 

[Borek]

Her only defining characteristics are that she works at the Cheesecake Factory and has a VAGINA.

I don't know the show, but I think you put too much weight to her work place. I told you earlier that psychology of a male is a simple one.

 

[fictionftw]

I don't know the show, but I think you put too much weight to her work place. I told you earlier that psychology of a male is a simple one.

Yeah, that was sort of my point. :/

 

[rewebster]

I can't tell so far if you're waiting for him to make a move. Him being into physics may put him into the 'I know physics, but I don't know women' area.

Ask him out for coffee when he looks less stressed than usual.

 

[rootX]

But, what I can't figure out is why is Penny so attractive? She's really bland. And annoying! And depthless. Her only defining characteristics are that she works at the Cheesecake Factory and has a VAGINA. Seriously, where's the appeal? Can somebody explain?

Penny is not attractive?

She doesn't have anything wrong with her face and her face is so clear and she dresses nicely and doesn't have bad glasses ..

 

[fictionftw]

Penny is not attractive?

She doesn't have anything wrong with her face and her face is so clear and she dresses nicely and doesn't have bad glasses ..

No, lol, not what I meant. Penny is really cute/pretty physically, I guess I just mean her personality-appeal. I'm only part way into the first season, so maybe this gets explained more later, but I have a hard time seeing why Leonard still continues to like her. Yes, she's pretty, but what else does she have going for her?

She's nice I suppose...but I feel like her character hasn't been given any other defining attribute than "Description: waitress, isn't geeky".

 

[fictionftw]

I can't tell so far if you're waiting for him to make a move. Him being into physics may put him into the 'I know physics, but I don't know women' area.

Ask him out for coffee when he looks less stressed than usual.

No, I'm waiting for me to be able to make a move. I'm pretty sure it's against faculty policy for TAs to date the students currently in their classes, so I plan on emailing him for coffee after the quarter is over. I'd rather not email but there's really no other way to get in contact with him over the summer. :[

 

[rewebster]

No, I'm waiting for me to be able to make a move. I'm pretty sure it's against faculty policy for TAs to date the students currently in their classes, so I plan on emailing him for coffee after the quarter is over. I'd rather not email but there's really no other way to get in contact with him over the summer. :[

well, that's the only limitation/obstruction, it sounds like, and you don't know if it is the policy. Find out---maybe from a teacher or a TA in another area, or call an administrative office ---what's the big deal IN FINDING out-for SURE

if you wait until summer, I'd guess you'd just give up now, and not think about it any more

 

[lisab]

well, that's the only limitation/obstruction, it sounds like, and you don't know if it is the policy. Find out---maybe from a teacher or a TA in another area, or call an administrative office ---what's the big deal IN FINDING out-for SURE

if you wait until summer, I'd guess you'd just give up now, and not think about it any more

And if you figure out a way to do that, please let us know.

 

[rewebster]

And if you figure out a way to do that, please let us know.

by finding someone else?

 

[TheStatutoryApe]

Hm, as for the attractiveness logic, I guess I understand where you guys are going with it, but I don't know if it's all that accurate because 1) I think I'm pretty insecure, so I don't quite know how the opposite was conveyed in my original post, 2) Just because you like attractive people, doesn't mean they like you back; so just because he's not my usual 'type' that I go for, doesn't necessarily mean that I'm dating attractive people. Maybe I like cute guys but never end up with any of them bc I'm unattractive? Who knows?

I doubt anyone is really all that secure. If your read most of the threads about people who have crushes and are considering asking the person out though you will find that they almost invariably contain reasons why the poster thinks that the person will or will not be attracted to them which they are fretting over. Your post only seems to place a concern on a practical issue of compatibility.

Of course it is also possible that you are such a good writer that you have fully integrated the writers prohibition against weak assertion into your everyday writing. ;-)

 

[Kajahtava]

I'm pretty sure it's against faculty policy for TAs to date the students currently in their classes.

These kind of rules always puzzled me, is there some testable definition of 'to date'?

I mean, what if you don't make it official and announce it but still kiss, is that allowed?

Or can't they kiss their students?

What if he's just mildly in love with you and pulls favourites regardless of any intimacy there or not?

Thoughtcrime? He cannot have certain feelings?

 

[rewebster]

I knew a couple of teachers in college 'dating' students---and one married a student

 

[TheStatutoryApe]

These kind of rules always puzzled me, is there some testable definition of 'to date'?

I mean, what if you don't make it official and announce it but still kiss, is that allowed?

Or can't they kiss their students?

What if he's just mildly in love with you and pulls favourites regardless of any intimacy there or not?

Thoughtcrime? He cannot have certain feelings?

Policy is generally against "fraternization" which is still vague. It is generally interpreted to mean having any sort of relationship with the student other than a professional one. Still vague. I guess it is supposed to be vague. The purpose, technically, is to reduce the likelihood of conflicts of interest. A person could still give better grades to "cuter" students and poorer grades to "annoying" students but there is not much control over that. It is far easier to control whether or not a person will feel pressured to give different grades based on an existing relationship with the student.

 

[Kajahtava]

Policy is generally against "fraternization" which is still vague. It is generally interpreted to mean having any sort of relationship with the student other than a professional one. Still vague. I guess it is supposed to be vague.

The only rules not vague in universities are the ones you learn in your textbooks eh?

But to be honest, I never got this at all, a lot of these rules seem to assume some well-defined notion of a 'relationship', a thing itself I always found vague, especially 'breakups' or 'trying to win some one over', but surely the reason I don't get this is because I'm too enlightened for your archaic social customs, I reject your view on romance and substitute my own.

The purpose, technically, is to reduce the likelihood of conflicts of interest. A person could still give better grades to "cuter" students and poorer grades to "annoying" students but there is not much control over that. It is far easier to control whether or not a person will feel pressured to give different grades based on an existing relationship with the student.

Quite likely, a lot of rules are not there to be enforced, rather they are there only for a scaring measure or to 'not give passive support to some practice'.

 

[TheStatutoryApe]

Quite likely, a lot of rules are not there to be enforced, rather they are there only for a scaring measure or to 'not give passive support to some practice'.

In my job we have a rule against "fraternization". I have directly observed the sort of issues that arise when this is ignored. I had to go and assist one of my coworkers because he allowed a situation to get completely out of hand. Each side of the issue believed that due to their friendship the other would not go against them even though they were at cross purposes. My coworker got upset and started yelling and cussing and further breaching rules of professional propriety.

 

[Kajahtava]

In my job we have a rule against "fraternization". I have directly observed the sort of issues that arise when this is ignored. I had to go and assist one of my coworkers because he allowed a situation to get completely out of hand. Each side of the issue believed that due to their friendship the other would not go against them even though they were at cross purposes. My coworker got upset and started yelling and cussing and further breaching rules of professional propriety.

But how do you prohibit 'fraternization', this means you cannot drink a beer together after work, or what?

Also, you've been prudent to observe the 'Kai' in lieu of 'Kaj' I see, excellent work.

 

[TheStatutoryApe]

But how do you prohibit 'fraternization', this means you cannot drink a beer together after work, or what?

It depends on the situation. When I worked as a "Public Safety" officer at a college I could likely have gone to have a beer with a staff coworker even though they were technically under my supervision as far as campus rules and such go. They would have been held to the same standards of professional conduct as I was. The students would not have been though and we were strictly prohibited from any nonprofessional activity with a student in or out of the workplace. Not to say that no one ever got away with it.
The TA/student relationship is a bit different though since they are both students and it would be hard to strictly forbid any and all nonprofessional interaction. I'm not sure exactly how that works out.

Also, you've been prudent to observe the 'Kai' in lieu of 'Kaj' I see, excellent work.

It reminds me of Kai from LEXX. Not sure if you ever watched that show or would really appreciate the comparison.

 

[zoobyshoe]

Hm, as for the attractiveness logic, I guess I understand where you guys are going with it, but I don't know if it's all that accurate because 1) I think I'm pretty insecure, so I don't quite know how the opposite was conveyed in my original post,

You are assessing yourself as "insecure" now because the degree of your security has become a topic. When it wasn't the focus you demonstrated no natural worries about it, which made an unconscious impression on me.

Yet another thing that gave me the automatic impression you're attractive is the list of what might be called 'rules of dress' you gave Turbo. It's my experience that women who make and observe such guidelines do so because they have something worth packaging well. The converse is also true: that which is packaged well is automatically more attractive.

Of course, "attractive" is a pretty ambiguous word. Asserting you're attractive based on clues in what you've written is no more specific than asserting I'm sure you're not "unattractive". It's calling heads or tails. I'm mostly intrigued by the unconscious train of thought that made me so sure it was one and not the other. The logic is good, but nothing's 100% airtight. There are anomolies.

 

[BobG]

It depends on the situation. When I worked as a "Public Safety" officer at a college I could likely have gone to have a beer with a staff coworker even though they were technically under my supervision as far as campus rules and such go. They would have been held to the same standards of professional conduct as I was. The students would not have been though and we were strictly prohibited from any nonprofessional activity with a student in or out of the workplace. Not to say that no one ever got away with it.

What would have happened if one of the Public Safety Officers decided to enroll as a part time student at the college?

The Air Force used to have the same problem enforcing fraternization policies. Officers and enlisted shouldn't be getting involved in romantic relationships, yet enlisted that completed their college degree could become officers. Being married to another enlisted member didn't disqualify a person from converting from enlisted to officer, even though that would automatically create a fraternization situation.

None the less, it was preferred that one of the couple get out of the service (usually the enlisted member, since it would be silly to convert from enlisted to officer, only to get out). Still, neither were ever forced out, especially if the enlisted member already had over 10 years and wanted to stay in at least long enough to get their retirement. The Air Force just dealt with it by making sure they were never assigned in the same unit.

 

[Huckleberry]

Ah, I see where you were going with that. Hmmmmmm. But I don't know if I'd really follow that myself - I could be narcissistic or blatantly delusional or something.

:]

I dunno, I consider myself reasonably attractive, but I mainly just get told that by my friends who like to say supportive things like "Dang girl, looking hot!", "Ow ow cutie!", etc etc. I do get told I'm attractive by boys...drunken boys...drunken frat boys looking to hook up...so I feel like everybody who I've received input from is either super biased or otherwise ulterior-ly motivated.

Also, I think I have good days, and I think I have bad days. And sometimes I wear my hair in a ponytail, and sometimes it's down, and sometimes I put my contacts in, or sometimes I'm lazy and wear glasses, and sometimes I dress up to go out, and sometimes I'm in the library without any kind of makeup. So it honestly just depends.

This video is about you, isn't it?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lmDTSQtK20c
You care about your appearance, but you are neither narcissistic nor delusional, and what you think of as insecurity is genuine modesty. Even the way you deflect compliments as either biased or surreptitious tells me you are accustomed to hearing them.

Appearance and personality aren't completely seperate. I don't doubt that you are reasonably attractive, but it is your personality that has people here speculating about it. Some people have a way about them that draws others at a glance. Good luck with your guy.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IkVWyfkhpl0

 

[zoobyshoe]

Hm, yes Huck, there's something about the way she writes...

Something

Something in the way she writes,
Attracts me like no other lover.
Something in the way she narrates.
I don't want to leave her now,
She's a page turner and how.

Somewhere in her verbs she knows,
That I don't need no other lover.
Something in her prose that shows me.
I don't want to leave her now,
She's a page turner and how.

Something in the way she types,
And all I have to do is think of her.
Something in the things she pens me.
I don't want to leave her now.
She's a page turner and how.

Zooby-McCartney

 

[lisab]

Hm, yes Huck, there's something about the way she writes...

Something

Something in the way she writes,
Attracts me like no other lover.
Something in the way she narrates.
I don't want to leave her now,
She's a page turner and how.

Somewhere in her verbs she knows,
That I don't need no other lover.
Something in her prose that shows me.
I don't want to leave her now,
She's a page turner and how.

Something in the way she types,
And all I have to do is think of her.
Something in the things she pens me.
I don't want to leave her now.
She's a page turner and how.

Zooby-McCartney

Fantastic, Zooby .

 

[zoobyshoe]

Fantastic, Zooby .

Thanks!

 

[fictionftw]

So...hmmm.

Okay, it's really difficult to go back and forth about attractiveness and personal insecurities over the interwebs, mainly because you haven't met me in real life and so the opinions that you form are based on sections of my writing, that well, I don't believe give you the whole picture. But, as drawing conclusions based on textual analysis is what I study how to do on a daily basis, then needless to say, I'm quite amused by all of this and similarly intrigued as to how you came about your views. But to clarify:

To quote a French saying I heard years ago, "If you are ugly before you're 14, that's God's fault. If you're ugly after, it's yours." I think that everybody can make themselves reasonable and presentable by knowing how to (someone said) 'package' themselves, and I will say, that when I'm looking my best, and I've gotten enough sleep, and I'm happy and laughing, and ready to have fun - then I am cute.

Now, cute can mean any number of things. And some guys do that whole scale business (1-10) and cute is probably 5+ to 7; you are above average, but not Megan Fox 10. Cute is also influenced by how well you know a person and like that person. For example, I don't think the TA is all that physically attractive. He's not unattractive, but I was talking to one of my good friends who took the class last year, and I blurted out, "...I HAVE A CONFESSION."
Her: Have you started to like that Justin Bieber song I gave you?
Me: What? No it's worse...do you remember Physics with Prof [blank]?
Her: (shudder)
Me: Do you remember the TA for it?
Her: Umm...oh wait, yeah, [blank]?
Me: Yeah him. (trying to gauge her opinion before relating the real news) So I sat there in class yesterday and tried to figure out if he's cute or not.
Her: Ummm...I could see it, but not what I would go for. Why?
Me: I...thinkhe'sreallycute and I'm kinda slightlyintohim.
Her: (in between unrestrained laughter) Why?!
Me: I DON'T KNOW.

For some inexplicable reason, I think he's adorable. For that same reason, when my friends tell me they think I look cute, it could very well be because they like me as a person.

Anyway, that was a long tangent, and not really my point. I don't think I brought up how attractive I may or may not be, because I didn't think that was my biggest issue. It’s interesting how some have assumed that I am a secure person, but I can assure you that’s far from the case, and that’s not out of false modesty.

It occurs to me to ‘show, not tell’. For example.

Snapshot of Brain, in class, Dialogue to self: You are such a creepster. He's years older than you. Would this even work at all? Are you trying way too hard? Should you just forget about this whole thing? Do you like him just because he's into physics? You did kiss that one mechanical engineer at that party last week. And don’t forget the aerospace engineer I met, and stalked on Facebook for two weeks after. Is that a pattern? Omigod I’m such a stalker. Is it because dad’s an engineer? Do I have daddy issues?! Am I a complete loser? Does this guy even notice you? Oh, he just pushed his glasses up, that’s so cute. Granted, you go to his Office hours, but then he’s forced to talk to you. He’s being paid to be accessible to students. Oh my God, you are forcing it. There’s no way he’d like you. This is just one of those stupid crush things you always get yourself in to. And do you recall how those always turn out?? Shut up. Guys are so stressful. You need to just relax, if it happens, it happens. Although that way of thinking has kept you single for 2 years now…Shut up. Well, just try and relax. Take a deep breath. Okay, one more. Good? Nope, I’m still nervous. I’m going to end up childless and alone, aren’t I? Probably, with lots of cats. Oh wait, no, you’re allergic to cats. Remember: you don’t need a guy to make you happy. Did you get that crap out of Cosmo? Possibly. Just make your life a lot easier and don’t think about him. It will be summer soon, and you can go to the pool, and drink margaritas, and not do something really stupid like ask your TA out. Sigh. But I want him. And you wanted a pony when you were 6, but you didn’t get that either. So stop thinking, and go back to taking notes.

Of course, after that small descent into insanity, I try and chat to my TA after class and end up stammering and losing my train of thought and acting like a nervous, stupid wreck. On a daily basis.

Anyway, I do have an IMMENSE amount of emotional/personal insecurity, and I am sure we would not like to sit here and explore the complexity of my inner psych. I just thought it was kind of funny how it was generally agreed that I’m a secure person; maybe I’m secure about my looks, but as you can see, there are plenty of other insecurities that I do have, which are in my opinion, much worse.

But this makes me think about why I even posted on here in the first place, and it was basically because I needed to vent, and because I wanted some other, outside input. I couldn’t be like, “Omigod you guys, so do you think I’m pretty enough for him??” Without pictures, you guys can’t really comment on that.

Anyway…

I am actually starting to really doubt this whole thing. It’s so difficult gauging his reaction to me. Sometimes we talk, and he looks physically uncomfortable, and gets quiet. What if I’m just annoying?? I ramble a lot! He is forced to talk to me because he is obligated to answer questions about the class, but what if he doesn’t actually want to be talking to me?? Sometimes our conversations go well, but like last week, there were noticeably awkward pauses in the conversation, until I fumbled around and fished out a new topic. What if we’ve run out of things to talk about?? What if his silence is just him politely trying to convey that he really doesn’t want to be talking to me? He’s busy, he has so many other things to do with this time. He doesn’t need me pestering him with questions and random talks. I feel like such a creepster for pushing this. I feel like I should take a hint and give this a rest. Like, honestly, what was I even thinking?

Btw, I LOVE FLIGHT OF THE CONCHORDS. 'Business Time' is epic. "Girl, tonight we're going to make love. You know how I know? It's Wednesday." I could quote that entire thing.

Also, the rewritten lyrics are fantastic. :D That would be amazing, to be romantically appreciated for my writing. :]

 

[cristo]

I ramble a lot!

Really? I hadn't noticed!

Anyway, my advice is that you need to chill out a bit and get out of your head. Ok, so you're a girl, so that's probably impossible, but think about it this way. You can't possibly have a relationship with this guy while he's your TA: if you do, you're either going to be kicked out of the class, or he's going to be fired (most likely the latter). Just focus on your studies when you're in his class, try to be polite, have a conversation with him when the chance presents itself, and then ask him out at the end of the year. After all, it's nearly summer now anyway, isn't it?

 

[fictionftw]

Anyway, my advice is that you need to chill out a bit and get out of your head. Ok, so you're a girl, so that's probably impossible...

Haha. Yeah, that's certainly a problem I encounter on a frequent basis. Like, I know that's what I should do, but actually doing it is another matter. How do you tell yourself not to think about something? I wish I could take a literal 'chill pill'. That would make things easy. :]

As for the rambling thing, I don't even know what happens. I'm not talkative in real life, but if you give me a pen and paper (or the internet) then off I go...

 

[Borek]

I don't know about chill pill, but if you take a long, cold shower, it should work.

 

[zoobyshoe]

Worries, worries, worries!

I feel another song is in order:

[This day and age we're living in
Gives cause for apprehension
With speed and new invention
And things like fourth dimension.

Yet we get a trifle weary
With Mr. Einstein's theory.
So we must get down to Earth at times
Relax relieve the tension

And no matter what the progress
Or what may yet be proved
The simple facts of life are such
They cannot be removed.]

You must remember this
A kiss is just a kiss, a sigh is just a sigh.
The fundamental things apply
As time goes by.

And when two lovers woo
They still say, "I love you."
On that you can rely
No matter what the future brings
As time goes by.

Moonlight and love songs
Never out of date.
Hearts full of passion
Jealousy and hate.
Woman needs man
And man must have his mate
That no one can deny.

It's still the same old story
A fight for love and glory
A case of do or die.
The world will always welcome lovers
As time goes by.

Oh yes, the world will always welcome lovers
As time goes by.