Creative Writing major completely infatuated with a Physics Grad student

[TheStatutoryApe]

I am actually starting to really doubt this whole thing. It’s so difficult gauging his reaction to me.

Consider your former ramblings and compare/contrast with your later description of his demeanor in your presence. ;-)

I do not know this guy so I can not say for sure what is going on in his head. I know that I personally probably look nearly in physical discomfort when I am talking with a woman whom I find incredibly attractive but for what ever reason feel that I can not do anything about it. When I am not paying attention I have even gotten to the point of wringing my hands or digging my nails into my arms (probably sounds pretty bad but since you decided to lay it plain...). I also often have trouble trying to figure out what to talk about. For instance I have a female friend whom I am very attracted to and we get along famously always with something to talk about. In those instances where she has been single though, and seemingly possibly interested in me, I get to points in our conversations where I go absolutely blank. It suddenly seems as though the only options are to tell her that I really would love to date her or just grab her and kiss her and after some mild conversation about a novel we had read its horribly nonsequiter. So I sit there trying to get fantasies about her lips, and rehearsals of how I'll tell her I want her, out my head so I can get the conversation rolling again; an often sisyphean task.

Point being, he may well be experiencing the same propriety induced paralysis that you are. So don't worry and ask him out so we can all read about it k? :-)

 

[Huckleberry]

I am actually starting to really doubt this whole thing. It’s so difficult gauging his reaction to me. Sometimes we talk, and he looks physically uncomfortable, and gets quiet. What if I’m just annoying?? I ramble a lot! He is forced to talk to me because he is obligated to answer questions about the class, but what if he doesn’t actually want to be talking to me?? Sometimes our conversations go well, but like last week, there were noticeably awkward pauses in the conversation, until I fumbled around and fished out a new topic. What if we’ve run out of things to talk about?? What if his silence is just him politely trying to convey that he really doesn’t want to be talking to me? He’s busy, he has so many other things to do with this time. He doesn’t need me pestering him with questions and random talks. I feel like such a creepster for pushing this. I feel like I should take a hint and give this a rest. Like, honestly, what was I even thinking?

You're not crazy. You're infatuated. That's kind of the same thing, but it's normal. It seems your insecurity is centered around your infatuation. If you acted like that around everyone then you would really be insecure. Typically that kind of insecurity results in destructive behaviours like narcissism. Going to the library without your make-up on wouldn't be an option. Those frat boy cat-calls would be given validity for use as ego props. You probably wouldn't even like the guy you are interested in now because of the way other people would judge you with him. When it comes to infatuation everyone is insecure, but you are not more insecure than any normal person. Nice try though.

Sometimes we talk, and he looks physically uncomfortable, and gets quiet.

You give a pessemistic interpretation of this reaction. He may be uncomfortable because he likes you and is dealing with his own emotions. Then he goes home and listens to the same song on single play/repeat about 50 times thinking how foolish and creepy he is to even consider the possibility that you might be interested in him as anything more than a TA. That beautiful, sweet, young woman from school probably acts that way around everyone.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fadtvZCh4ys
People are their own worst critics. Anticipate the moment without substituting expectations for reality. Maybe he is interested and maybe he isn't. If you aren't patient and let it play out; if you make the decision for him without giving him the opportunity to decide for himself, then you will never know what might have been. Try to relax and enjoy the experience for what it is.

 

[rewebster]

Haha. Yeah, that's certainly a problem I encounter on a frequent basis. Like, I know that's what I should do, but actually doing it is another matter. How do you tell yourself not to think about something? I wish I could take a literal 'chill pill'. That would make things easy. :]

As for the rambling thing, I don't even know what happens. I'm not talkative in real life, but if you give me a pen and paper (or the internet) then off I go...

well, you're doing one thing about all of this...


writing--


-if nothing else, the situation that you feel yourself in is often the fodder for creative writing...

I'd say go for the writing (feeling/attitude/indecision/hope/despair/etc.) aspect of it...

(is that what you're presently doing?)

 

[zoobyshoe]

well, you're doing one thing about all of this...


writing--


-if nothing else, the situation that you feel yourself in is often the fodder for creative writing...

I'd say go for the writing (feeling/attitude/indecision/hope/despair/etc.) aspect of it...

(is that what you're presently doing?)

"fictionftw" is actually a 35 year old man practicing how to convincingly write the character of a college girl.

 

[Huckleberry]

"fictionftw" is actually a 35 year old man practicing how to convincingly write the character of a college girl.

Zooby, you promised not to tell anyone!

 

[fictionftw]

I do not know this guy so I can not say for sure what is going on in his head. I know that I personally probably look nearly in physical discomfort when I am talking with a woman whom I find incredibly attractive but for what ever reason feel that I can not do anything about it. When I am not paying attention I have even gotten to the point of wringing my hands or digging my nails into my arms (probably sounds pretty bad but since you decided to lay it plain...). I also often have trouble trying to figure out what to talk about. For instance I have a female friend whom I am very attracted to and we get along famously always with something to talk about. In those instances where she has been single though, and seemingly possibly interested in me, I get to points in our conversations where I go absolutely blank. It suddenly seems as though the only options are to tell her that I really would love to date her or just grab her and kiss her and after some mild conversation about a novel we had read its horribly nonsequiter. So I sit there trying to get fantasies about her lips, and rehearsals of how I'll tell her I want her, out my head so I can get the conversation rolling again; an often sisyphean task.

Aw, *hug*. I'm sorry, that sounds awful. But yeah, I can definitely relate about not being able to concentrate when the other person is talking...it's horrible. I just wanted to let you know that this post made me feel a lot better about being socially paralyzed around this guy. :] Maybe I'm not so crazy after all haha. So what about this girl? Are you still into her? The whole 'we're friends' thing often gets a bad rap, but think about the Taylor Swift (T SWIZZLE!) You Belong With Me song about best friends. :]

 

[fictionftw]

You're not crazy. You're infatuated. That's kind of the same thing, but it's normal. It seems your insecurity is centered around your infatuation. If you acted like that around everyone then you would really be insecure.

Mm true, although I do sometimes act like that around other people, I do have to concede that it's to a much lesser extent.

People are their own worst critics. Anticipate the moment without substituting expectations for reality. Maybe he is interested and maybe he isn't. If you aren't patient and let it play out; if you make the decision for him without giving him the opportunity to decide for himself, then you will never know what might have been. Try to relax and enjoy the experience for what it is.

Thanks! That's def good advice. I'll try and calm myself down and not worry about it. :] That would probably be the best. Actually, I have a ton of work coming up, so maybe I'll throw myself into that, and try and not worry about this guy outside of classes. After all, I have a PHYSICS FINAL (slight panic) to study for! To pass the midterm took an intense amount of exasperated tutoring from my friends, who I need to start badgering again.

 

[fictionftw]

well, you're doing one thing about all of this...


writing--


-if nothing else, the situation that you feel yourself in is often the fodder for creative writing...

I'd say go for the writing (feeling/attitude/indecision/hope/despair/etc.) aspect of it...

(is that what you're presently doing?)

Ahhh. Well, yes. Most of the recent stories that I've written tend to end cynically...let's hope I can finally write one that ends happily ever after? But you are right about the creative fodder aspect - some of my best work has been when I have been in the depths of despair, etc. There is a reason why so many good writers have been depressed alcoholics! ;] I'm not nearly as dramatic when I'm happy; things just sound better when I have something to be upset about.

So if this ends well then: YAY CUTEBOYFRIENDMAN FINALLY.
But if this ends badly: Great, emo writing.

It's a win-win situation.

 

[TheStatutoryApe]

Aw, *hug*. I'm sorry, that sounds awful. But yeah, I can definitely relate about not being able to concentrate when the other person is talking...it's horrible. I just wanted to let you know that this post made me feel a lot better about being socially paralyzed around this guy. :] Maybe I'm not so crazy after all haha. So what about this girl? Are you still into her? The whole 'we're friends' thing often gets a bad rap, but think about the Taylor Swift (T SWIZZLE!) You Belong With Me song about best friends. :]

I am glad you feel better, and thank you. :-)

The situation with my female friend is sort of a long story. I think that she is an amazing woman and that is why I am friends with her. There are several reasons why I do not think her and I should date which are too much to get into but, trust me, they are good reasons. Of course being that she is such an amazing woman when we are both single I often wonder "What the hell? Why shouldn't I?" and I have to remind myself just how horribly disastrous the relationship would likely be.
Right now she is dating another friend of mine. He is an amazing guy and they seem well suited for one another so I am happy for them both.

 

[fictionftw]

The situation with my female friend is sort of a long story. I think that she is an amazing woman and that is why I am friends with her. There are several reasons why I do not think her and I should date which are too much to get into but, trust me, they are good reasons. Of course being that she is such an amazing woman when we are both single I often wonder "What the hell? Why shouldn't I?" and I have to remind myself just how horribly disastrous the relationship would likely be.
Right now she is dating another friend of mine. He is an amazing guy and they seem well suited for one another so I am happy for them both.

Ah - differences in personality? Horoscope compatibility? Jk. :] Actually, yeah I found myself in a very similar situation at the beginning of the school year... I started liking a good friend of mine, but I knew it wouldn't work out because he's VERY religious, and I'm, well, not. It was really difficult to resist, but then I just sort of had to force myself to snap out of it - and now we're back to being just friends. We're cool now, but the amount of restrained sexual tension at one point was ridiculous. I feel ya. :[

Well, it's great that you're happy for them. I'm usually really bad at swallowing down jealousy, so good for you! Just remember: women are real pains to deal with. Just think how lucky you are not having to deal with all the fluctuating hormones and irrational temperament that comes along with having a girlfriend!

 

[Galteeth]

You're a creative writing major right? Why don't you write a story involving some student seducing a physics TA, send it to him, then act totally non-chalant about it, like maybe you didn't even write it, but if you did, so what, etc.

 

[fictionftw]

Hey all, thanks for everybody who gave support/advice!

I just wanted to keep you updated: I asked him out to coffee, but he declined saying he already has a girlfriend.

I'm bummed, especially as I really didn't see it coming. Usually guys who are dating other people bring up their gfs in conversation, especially guys who see that you're flirting. Like, "Oh, yeah my gf likes that movie too"; or "Oh, I like ice skating...so does my girlfriend"; or, "I'm into physics...but my gf isn't." It's a nice warning, generally, and it kinda sucks he didn't try and bring her up before. We definitely talked enough that it should have come up. It makes me feel like an idiot knowing I was flirting really over-the-top and he didn't think he should stop me. Sigh. Boys.

Anyway, it's nice knowing finally that I can move on. Good luck with all of your relationships! Have fantastic summers! :]

 

[lisab]

Hey all, thanks for everybody who gave support/advice!

I just wanted to keep you updated: I asked him out to coffee, but he declined saying he already has a girlfriend.

I'm bummed, especially as I really didn't see it coming. Usually guys who are dating other people bring up their gfs in conversation, especially guys who see that you're flirting. Like, "Oh, yeah my gf likes that movie too"; or "Oh, I like ice skating...so does my girlfriend"; or, "I'm into physics...but my gf isn't." It's a nice warning, generally, and it kinda sucks he didn't try and bring her up before. We definitely talked enough that it should have come up. It makes me feel like an idiot knowing I was flirting really over-the-top and he didn't think he should stop me. Sigh. Boys.

Anyway, it's nice knowing finally that I can move on. Good luck with all of your relationships! Have fantastic summers! :]

Ah dang! You shouldn't feel at all like an idiot - it was his responsibility to slide in the gf reference somewhere along the line. Perhaps he liked the attention you gave him and figured he could have it both ways.

Sorry it didn't work out .

 

[anubis01]

Hey all, thanks for everybody who gave support/advice!

I just wanted to keep you updated: I asked him out to coffee, but he declined saying he already has a girlfriend.

I'm bummed, especially as I really didn't see it coming. Usually guys who are dating other people bring up their gfs in conversation, especially guys who see that you're flirting. Like, "Oh, yeah my gf likes that movie too"; or "Oh, I like ice skating...so does my girlfriend"; or, "I'm into physics...but my gf isn't." It's a nice warning, generally, and it kinda sucks he didn't try and bring her up before. We definitely talked enough that it should have come up. It makes me feel like an idiot knowing I was flirting really over-the-top and he didn't think he should stop me. Sigh. Boys.

Anyway, it's nice knowing finally that I can move on. Good luck with all of your relationships! Have fantastic summers! :]

Well the important thing is that you tried, now at least you can move on to someone else.

 

[magpies]

I say don't give up you can still get his girlfriend to dump him!

 

[TheStatutoryApe]

Awww.. sorry Fic. Boys usually aren't as into the subtle communication as ladies. It perhaps did not cross his mind to make some subtle reference.

 

[Huckleberry]

Hey all, thanks for everybody who gave support/advice!

I just wanted to keep you updated: I asked him out to coffee, but he declined saying he already has a girlfriend.

I'm bummed, especially as I really didn't see it coming. Usually guys who are dating other people bring up their gfs in conversation, especially guys who see that you're flirting. Like, "Oh, yeah my gf likes that movie too"; or "Oh, I like ice skating...so does my girlfriend"; or, "I'm into physics...but my gf isn't." It's a nice warning, generally, and it kinda sucks he didn't try and bring her up before. We definitely talked enough that it should have come up. It makes me feel like an idiot knowing I was flirting really over-the-top and he didn't think he should stop me. Sigh. Boys.

Anyway, it's nice knowing finally that I can move on. Good luck with all of your relationships! Have fantastic summers! :]

Do guys give the girlfriend warning in casual conversation? I don't know many guys who talk about their girlfriends often as an aside in casual conversation. The few who do never shut up about them, every topic returning to the subject of their relationships. It's super annoying.

If someone is flirtatious and I'm not interested then I ignore the behaviour. Doing otherwise can create awkward situations that you may not find yourself in due to gender differences. Women who are interested in a guy sometimes get touchy, meaning they like to make physical contact in an innocuous way. Maybe they are fulfilling some internal fantasy, or hoping to gain an interested response from the man. Either way, it's not an unusual behaviour. The same touches made by a man on a woman are likely to get him in trouble.

It's safer for a man who is not interested to wait until a woman declares her intentions, rather than being presumptuous. Being flirty doesn't always indicate interest, and bringing up a girlfriend in conversation will be unwelcome because she doesn't have his interest, or because she thinks he thinks she is interested. Then she modifies her behaviour, sometimes by avoiding him completely, whether she was originally interested or not. Either way, men lo(o)se the subtlety game every time. That's what happens when both genders don't say exactly what they mean.

 

[Borek]

That's what happens when both genders don't say exactly what they mean.

See the lying thread

 

[Huckleberry]

I already voted in that thread. I said I'm a woman, and I never lie.

 

[uplink]

You should make the 1st move and let the guy know you want to go on a date. Typical guys at advanced levels in physics/math/etc. are usually not aggressive going after chicks. They want to determine beyond a doubt the girl likes them before making a move, so you just let him know and that will settle it. Either he goes on a date with you or he doesn't.

 

[Borek]

You should make the 1st move and let the guy know you want to go on a date. Typical guys at advanced levels in physics/math/etc. are usually not aggressive going after chicks. They want to determine beyond a doubt the girl likes them before making a move, so you just let him know and that will settle it. Either he goes on a date with you or he doesn't.

Ah, the joys of answering an old thread without reading it.

 

[GeorginaS]

Do guys give the girlfriend warning in casual conversation? I don't know many guys who talk about their girlfriends often as an aside in casual conversation. The few who do never shut up about them, every topic returning to the subject of their relationships. It's super annoying.

Um, yeah! Isn't that the internationally recognised signal from guys when they notice a woman is interested in them and/or they're interested in said woman? They mention something to do with "wife" or "girlfriend" pretty quickly to let everyone know where everything is. It's only fair. "Well, my wife's dragging me out to go shopping for new blinds for our daughter's room" let's a woman know exactly what's what without having to step out and make themselves vulnerable.

I rather get a bit of a kick out it when it's evident that a fellow thinks I'm interesting, and they consequently mention a wife/girlfriend several times in quick succession. I don't have to do or be doing a thing. It's almost as if they're reminding themselves. Which is cute. But, if I was even considering asking if they'd like to go for coffee or something, I'm already forewarned what the situation is. Which I appreciate.

 

[Office_Shredder]

So would saying something like "I was planning on going out to dinner on Saturday, but remembered I don't have a girlfriend" be an acceptable alternative for us single men? Or would it have to be something more like "I'm going to be eating dinner alone on Saturday, what are you doing?"

 

[GeorginaS]

So would saying something like "I was planning on going out to dinner on Saturday, but remembered I don't have a girlfriend" be an acceptable alternative for us single men? Or would it have to be something more like "I'm going to be eating dinner alone on Saturday, what are you doing?"

I'm going to assume this was a serious question, even though amusingly stated. (That'd be kind of novel, actually. "I'm eating dinner alone and etc.")

What I mean is, I was under the impression that people telegraph their relationship situation (unless they're a player) in casual conversation if they think there's any personal interaction potential. So, if you're single and are pretty sure a woman you've met is single, and you'd like to create an opening for either/both of you to step into without stepping in other stuff, you'd casually drop into the conversation that you and your girlfriend broke up four months ago.

Not jump into a whole song and dance about what a b***h she was and all of the awful/crazy/stupid stuff she did that drove you insane. Just a passing mention about your current relationship status.

And if you are in a relationship and meet a nice young lady who seems to be interested in you (and even if you're wrong about the signals, it still doesn't hurt to do) you mention something about your girlfriend or wife, again casually, in conversation. That way the woman in question doesn't have to guess or screw up her courage and take a flyer by inviting you out for coffee only to hear, "Oh, thanks, but I have a girlfriend". Alrighty then. Then it's awkward and there was no reason to let her go out on a limb like that. Just a simple, "Yeah, my girlfriend and I saw that movie last weekend. It was great!" Information dropped, situation under control.

This should also happen in the reverse, meaning women should offer than information to men too. Like I said, it's only polite.

 

[Topher925]

I don't believe a single word of this thread...its all lies.

 

[Galteeth]

I don't believe a single word of this thread...its all lies.

I want that on a bumper sticker.

 

[fictionftw]

For the sake of my emotional health, I probably shouldn't be on this thread again, but three cheers for self-destructive behaviors!

bringing up a girlfriend in conversation will be unwelcome because she doesn't have his interest, or because she thinks he thinks she is interested.

However disappointing it would have been to find out that he had a GF early on, I can guarantee that finding out after I asked him out was a ZILLION times worse. Because then I was disappointed, and humiliated. And because it had gone on for so long, I was considerably more than disappointed, actually.

Yeah, GeorginaS, explained the 'Why You Should Drop the Girlfriend Hint' very well. I'm actually a little surprised there was some contention over it. If you are currently in a relationship, and you meet somebody who is flirting with you, it is a common courtesy to mention your relationship status. You don't have to ramble. You don't have to make it awkward. You just drop the hint. It takes about 2 seconds, and saves about 2 months of pining.

Alternatively, you could just make a Facebook profile that publicly displays your relationship status. That takes care of it too.

So would saying something like "I was planning on going out to dinner on Saturday, but remembered I don't have a girlfriend" be an acceptable alternative for us single men?

Ahahaha! That would be funny. But no, you would just keep on flirting. Or keep on allowing the girl to flirt. You're basically single until discovered taken, I guess.

And thanks for all the supportive comments! :]

Btw, Topher, what don't you believe?? :/