Have You Ever Talked to an Attractive Woman?

[SamirS]

DanP got it right. Hot women get hit on all the time by creepy, or stupid, or insecure, or plain boring guys. You need to be different (hence, memory-worthy) without being creepy.

Also, never give your number - always take hers. It's in our culture that women seldom take the initiative, and it's also very different if she can call you whenever she wants - there is nothing unexpected for her and she knows for sure she got you in her hand and that you are not the guy who takes control. It doesn't matter the least if any of this is actually true. It only matters what people think and feel.

Most guys come up to hot girls and are like "woah I want you and you know it, pleeeeaaaaase take me", albeit not in those words. Don't be that guy. The "you got me slightly interested, now you need to show me that you warrant that"-attitude while showing humor, confidence and that you are interesting yourself works much better.

You know those great salespeople who somehow invoke the feeling in their customers that the potential buyer wants to please the salesguy, even though he is the one who, objectively, needs to convince you? That's not.. entirely unlike!

 

[KingNothing]

Yes. And I usually go into my Borat voice and say "how much?"

 

[mathwonk]

this reminds me of my freshman year in college. there was a "mixer", i.e. a dance you could bring anyone to. I found myself with this smoothly confident guy with oily hair on the sidewalk outside the campus gates and neither of us had a date. He said, we need some girls, no problem there's lots out here. He immediately chatted up two cute if shallow young girls who looked magnetized by him. He handed them off to me, said I should entertain them while he got some more and strolled off. The girls looked disappointedly at me, asked me something like what do you do? and got a smooth answer like: I am a math geek from tennessee, what about you? They said something polite like well we have to go, and instantly disappeared. A few minutes later my new friend came back with about three more sharply dressed girls and asked where the other girls were. I said they had to go, and he said that's ok we have enough, and he went off to the mixer with one or two on each arm. I don't remember whether I actually had the nerve to go to the dance with them, but I probably did and gave up after a short time striking out. Until you get some practice chatting up the other sex, this is what its like for many of us. But everyone can learn. I am actually a married man, and my wife is both brilliant and gorgeous.

 

[turbo]

The key is to be non-threatening and a comfort to be around, even in relatively mild situations. When I managed my high-school's basketball team and kept the stats (I had far too many competing sports to train and compete in BB), I got to ride up front in the bus with the coach and the cheerleaders. A musician friend's younger sister (who was still 2 years older than me) used to glom onto me, take the window seat and lean on me and doze (sometimes drool) all the way home on the long bus trips. When she graduated, her younger sister (1 year older) claimed me for a seat-mate on bus-trips. None of this endeared me to the basketball team ensconced in the back of the bus behind the barrier of duffel-bags and ball-bags.

 

[Tregg Smith]

Hey,

Looking through this forum, it seems that many guys here are asking questions from a relatively lost, helpless perspective. They seem afraid to talk to girls, unsure of how to meet them and without the confidence to think that these women might be attracted to them.

The question: who has ever walked up to an attractive woman and started a conversation from nothing?

Corollary: if you're having girl problems, what's stopping you? Is it anything more than nerves/low self-esteem?

I agree with all that. Believe it or not most women actually want to meet someone but not someone with bad breath, green teeth, fingernails like broken claws and who smells like cigarettes and dirty laundry. Many times the woman who seems cold is just afraid and putting on a front and if you just say hello in a non threatening way she will come around. But don't be too foward. Say a little on one occasion then a little more until she feels confident you are not a perv. Try to appear as a gentleman. See Matt Damon in Hearafter. It is a compliment and assurance that she is desirable for a man to just walk up and start small talk-or even to give her a look. Wouldn't you feel the same? But you have to look decent unless of course she also is a slum dog. I kind of like slum dog bitches. And BTW be tactful in how you talk. If you only work off a beet wagon say you're in agriculture. Don't lie but be a salesman.

 

[wisvuze]

hell no :P I don't have the guts to talk to anybody; I rarely have the courage to open my mouth in ANY context ( I might say something that isn't quite what I wanted to say, or something ). Throwing a pretty girl in the mix just destroys any possibility at all aha

 

[wisvuze]

this reminds me of my freshman year in college. there was a "mixer", i.e. a dance you could bring anyone to. I found myself with this smoothly confident guy with oily hair on the sidewalk outside the campus gates and neither of us had a date. He said, we need some girls, no problem there's lots out here. He immediately chatted up two cute if shallow young girls who looked magnetized by him. He handed them off to me, said I should entertain them while he got some more and strolled off. The girls looked disappointedly at me, asked me something like what do you do? and got a smooth answer like: I am a math geek from tennessee, what about you? They said something polite like well we have to go, and instantly disappeared..

if that were a bit worse, i'd probably refrain from trying anything ever again aha; one of the reasons why I'm really recluse is to avoid situations like that

 

[mathwonk]

well i claim that's how you learn. next time you say something like: " I am a math geek from tennessee, ...but my cousin is django reinhardt!" or bill monroe, or mohammed ali, or richard feynman, ...of course it still doesn't work, but eventually one makes progress.

i.e. he who can sustain a sequence of such failures and not lose heart, and continue to evolve from them, eventually winds up with beautiful intelligent girls on every hand. really, trust me.

 

[mathwonk]

the comments above about who people find it interesting to talk to reminds me of a plane trip i once took, forced to sit near a boring woman and an interesting man. Turns out i found the man interesting because he seemed interested in me and asked me questions to draw me out. When he turned to the woman and began to engage her in conversation, suddenly she also became fascinating, and was not the boring person i had judged her as at all. In fact I was the boring (and judgmental) one, as the woman's story was much more interesting than mine. This man's questions revealed that everyone has an interesting side. The key was just taking an interest and being a good listener.

 

[Dude.]

This man's questions revealed that everyone has an interesting side. The key was just taking an interest and being a good listener.

Yesss! I think this is key to every conversation (regardless of the person's aesthetics, beliefs, faults, or knowledge). You've got to understand that every one of us has had extremely different lives and experiences leading up to this conversation. No 2 paths are the same. It's impossible for 2 brains in this universe to have the same life story (what with the arrow of time and cause and effect and whatnot).

So keep this concept in mind every time you meet somebody new. Find something they can teach you about the world, teach them something they don't know yet, ponder abstract questions together, question human nature, ask them what they do for fun, and definitely only ask about stuff you truly care about (because insincerity is very obvious and disheartening to anybody worth your time). But most importantly, be freakin' excited that you're about to learn something new that only this sack of cells in front of you can teach! That's awesome! =D


A good mentality I've found to go into conversations with is: a child's. Think about it, little kids have nooo inhibition or filters when asking the most interesting and personal questions. We seem to lose this art as we get older. Just don't go toooo personal too quick, because we don't all have the charm of a child's smile. You have to feel out where their emotional boundaries are, based on the depth of their answers and body language. Stay away from too deep of questions unless you have the time to fully comprehend their thoughts or if you can help them with a problem.

"Moderately intimate" at a slow incline of deepness is what psychologists say is "socially acceptable". Don't start out with "what position do you best achieve orgasm in?", start out with like, "what's your name?" and see where it goes from there, based on what peaks interest in you.



Also understand that they might not ask a single thing about you in the whole conversation. That's ok. You've got to realize that all people love talking about themselves, but not all of 'em want to listen (mainly because it takes wayyy more effort). If you're out of questions and they aren't helping you out, the conversation is done. Pick an exit line and move along about your life. They either aren't interested in you, aren't prepared for a new relationship (in the broad sense of the term), or they're satisfied with a shallow understanding of the world, meaning you really don't want to waste time with that simpleton anyways. There are sooo many deeply interesting people out there!

Related Quote:
"The one asking the questions holds reigns of the conversation" - Some guy from the past



A good question I've found for random people:
"What're good questions to ask random people?"

- key thought: ask yourself this! What would you love to be asked by a random person? And what makes you think that another brain out there wouldn't love to be asked this same question? Or hell man, one of those wrinkle blobs might know the answer! =O



ps - Beauty is subjective and relative. Treat everyone like an interesting mother f**ker (because they are), so that when you get to a cute chick, it really doesn't matter at all. They're just another interesting mother f**ker, only now they're pleasant to look at too! =D

 

[Winzer]

To answer the OP's question: not sober.

 

[zoobyshoe]

To answer the OP's question: not sober.

Which question?

 

[Lancelot59]

This is the original post.

Hey,

Looking through this forum, it seems that many guys here are asking questions from a relatively lost, helpless perspective. They seem afraid to talk to girls, unsure of how to meet them and without the confidence to think that these women might be attracted to them.

The question: who has ever walked up to an attractive woman and started a conversation from nothing?

Corollary: if you're having girl problems, what's stopping you? Is it anything more than nerves/low self-esteem?

 

[zoobyshoe]

This is the original post.

I know. But there are two questions. Is he saying he approached a woman when not sober, or that an alcohol problem is what's holding him back?

 

[Lancelot59]

I would assume it would be a sober affair.

 

[bugatti79]

I think its sad that women reject men who approach them because they 'didnt get it right first time regardless of what tactic he uses'...that guy could have been incredible for her but she will never know

 

[zoobyshoe]

I think its sad that women reject men who approach them because they 'didnt get it right first time regardless of what tactic he uses'...that guy could have been incredible for her but she will never know

This is kinda like a comedian saying "Sheez, if you only laughed at my jokes you'd see how incredibly funny they were."

 

[Ivan Seeking]

This is kinda like a comedian saying "Sheez, if you only laughed at my jokes you'd see how incredibly funny they were."

So you are saying that an entire person is represented by a one-liner? First impressions are the entire story?

 

[rootX]

I don't like impressing people so my first impressions are never the best I can offer.

 

[zoobyshoe]

So you are saying that an entire person is represented by a one-liner? First impressions are the entire story?

Nope. Try again.

 

[khemist]

If you don't make a good first impression you have to work to get it there. Might as well start out on the right side...

 

[bugatti79]

If you don't make a good first impression you have to work to get it there. Might as well start out on the right side...

Thats my point...its all about first impressions for the girl...but its all superficial/false at the end of the day.

I guess the human mating game is exactly as that in the animal kingdom ie the male pheasant spreads its feathers to impress the female...


I thought we humans are more advanced than this given we are blessed with a conscience?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Thats my point...its all about first impressions for the girl...but its all superficial/false at the end of the day.

I guess the human mating game is exactly as that in the animal kingdom ie the male pheasant spreads its feathers to impress the female...


I thought we humans are more advanced than this given we are blessed with a conscience?

Here again, you're like a comedian blaming the audience for not laughing at your jokes. A successful comedian knows his audience. If he fails to make them laugh, he knows it's his own shortcoming, not theirs.

If you're going to approach a girl cold, you have to have sized her up first so you can throw something at her that will intrigue her, get her interest. The bald fact you are attracted to her means nothing: girls get that all the time from all quarters. A girl has no incentive to single you out for some kind of special attention from the 50 other guys who showed interest in her that day. A girls life is a non-stop parade of guys showing interest in her directly or indirectly. Along with the constant barrage of casual, opportunistic interest she gets, the average girl has several guys seriously interested in her at any given time, and also one or more insane stalkers.

Knowing how to approach a girl and pique her interest is a skill highly prized by girls, mainly, it seems, because the majority of guys are so bad at it. Having that skill tells them that you have put some effort into understanding girls. In other words, it tells them that you are not the average superficial guy. This is not about feathers in the conventional sense: the display you want to impress them with is a display of psychological/emotional resonance with them.

 

[bugatti79]

Here again, you're like a comedian blaming the audience for not laughing at your jokes. A successful comedian knows his audience. If he fails to make them laugh, he knows it's his own shortcoming, not theirs.

If you're going to approach a girl cold, you have to have sized her up first so you can throw something at her that will intrigue her, get her interest. The bald fact you are attracted to her means nothing: girls get that all the time from all quarters. A girl has no incentive to single you out for some kind of special attention from the 50 other guys who showed interest in her that day. A girls life is a non-stop parade of guys showing interest in her directly or indirectly. Along with the constant barrage of casual, opportunistic interest she gets, the average girl has several guys seriously interested in her at any given time, and also one or more insane stalkers.

Knowing how to approach a girl and pique her interest is a skill highly prized by girls, mainly, it seems, because the majority of guys are so bad at it. Having that skill tells them that you have put some effort into understanding girls. In other words, it tells them that you are not the average superficial guy. This is not about feathers in the conventional sense: the display you want to impress them with is a display of psychological/emotional resonance with them.

That’s an interesting perspective to look at it. However you seem to be implying that the guy who doesn’t have the ‘highly prized skill’ is not worth a second/further chance. How does she know that he doesn’t have other amazing skills that may be far more important/valuable to her life than some charming superficial comments that she will unlikely hear again once he wins her?

I just think women are too analytical in their response to men’s approaches rather than have a more 'positive relaxed give this guy a chance attitude'.

Just my 2 cents

 

[khemist]

That’s an interesting perspective to look at it. However you seem to be implying that the guy who doesn’t have the ‘highly prized skill’ is not worth a second/further chance. How does she know that he doesn’t have other amazing skills that may be far more important/valuable to her life than some charming superficial comments that she will unlikely hear again once he wins her?

I just think women are too analytical in their response to men’s approaches rather than have a more 'positive relaxed give this guy a chance attitude'.

Just my 2 cents

If you had 10 guys a day try to woo you, I would think you would be pretty picky about who you choose.

 

[bugatti79]

If you had 10 guys a day try to woo you, I would think you would be pretty picky about who you choose.

I doubt that is the case my good friend, at least not for every girl. In my country in Ireland, a good looking girl will probly jus go out once a week maybe twice. Highly unlikey she is approached during work week days! :-)

In fact I know girls that are pining for guys to chat them up, yet they will still default on 'youv only one chance mister' etc :-)

Anyhow, I guess its hard to generalise.

 

[zoobyshoe]

I doubt that is the case my good friend, at least not for every girl. In my country in Ireland, a good looking girl will probly jus go out once a week maybe twice. Highly unlikey she is approached during work week days! :-)

In fact I know girls that are pining for guys to chat them up, yet they will still default on 'youv only one chance mister' etc :-)

Anyhow, I guess its hard to generalise.

Ah, I didn't realize you were a foreigner and I have no idea what it's like in Ireland. Here in the US, girls are "chatted up" just about any time they hold still long enough for someone to approach them. Day of the week doesn't matter.

There's no girl in US mainstream culture who would say, or imply, 'you've only one chance mister'. Instead, if you failed to impress, any invitation you extended to meet them again would be declined in a very polite, nice way.

According to my informants the biggest mistake guys make is to outright say they think the girl is attractive and then ask for some kind of date. Girls aren't impressed in the least that a guy thinks they're attractive: they get that all the time. You lose points for making the subject of your attraction to them a topic of conversation. You lose yet more points for implying they should be grateful for the compliment. Push it a little further and you're on their "no more chances for you" list.

The guys they're looking for are the ones who behave such that they (the girls) attracted to them, not the ones who make an issue of how much they are attracted to the girls.

 

[bugatti79]

hmmmm...I see. Another interesting reply. May I ask who your informants are?

Ill keep this in mind. Any chance you being my tutor? eh?

 

[zoobyshoe]

hmmmm...I see. Another interesting reply. May I ask who your informants are?

For the past seven years or so I have had the good fortune of access to a huge number of young ladies in their teens and twenties. I have taken this opportunity to interview them on all matters, trying to figure out what makes girls tick. For some reason I'm not really sure of, I have the effect on them of making them want to spill their guts about anything and everything.

Ill keep this in mind. Any chance you being my tutor? eh?

I do not know anything about non-American girls. No telling what traditional and local things there are that might be going on to alter the picture.

 

[Mépris]

According to my informants the biggest mistake guys make is to outright say they think the girl is attractive and then ask for some kind of date. Girls aren't impressed in the least that a guy thinks they're attractive: they get that all the time. You lose points for making the subject of your attraction to them a topic of conversation. You lose yet more points for implying they should be grateful for the compliment. Push it a little further and you're on their "no more chances for you" list.

The guys they're looking for are the ones who behave such that they (the girls) attracted to them, not the ones who make an issue of how much they are attracted to the girls.

As a general "rule", that is good. Another rule of thumb is "being yourself". I don't think constructing another persona or multiple ones is worth the pain.

As Zoobyshoe has said a few times, girls do get chat up a lot. If they're what most would consider hot, then it is very likely that they know people think so of themselves and another likely outcome for these particular girls is that they can tell when people will say this or that thing to them. Every other Tom, Dick and Harry has, after mustering up his courage, walked up to that girl and told her she's pretty. Then what? Yes, you told her she was pretty, what next? Telling a girl that *you think* she is attractive is not a bad thing, the bad thing here is falling short of words after you say it. If she is what most would consider attractive, it's very likely that others have been there before you and done that. And one thing that most people don't particularly like is being bored. Girls are no different.


There really is no formula to getting somebody to like you. If you really want somebody to like you, you're going to have to figure out how they think and what they like and then change your behaviour accordingly and I wouldn't advise that. There are *LOTS* of women (and men) alive today and if a hundred of them dislike you, what does it matter? There's **** loads more of people and if you find at least one that likes you, every once in a while, I'd say you wouldn't be doing so bad. And people skills is something that comes with practice. One can read all the theory one can put their hands on but actually putting all of that into action is what matters.

One of the things that I really enjoy is having interesting conversations with people, especially with women. I'm not very good at this but I make a conscious effort to try. Maybe one should figure out what they really want from somebody before attempting to get it...
No, really!

Also, girls while being a collective (lol), aren't a unit and they all have their little "quirks", if you will. What works with Natasha might not work very well with Natalia and so forth. One particular Thursday, I was on my way to class in the bus and I didn't have much to do. I had just finished reading through my notes quickly and wasn't in the mood to listen to Richard Ashcroft's voice through my headphones. Then I saw this chick come in. I didn't think she was very pretty but I thought I might talk to her and see what would come out of it. Worse case scenario is she won't say a word or will tell me to bugger off and I am absolutely fine with that.

So, I walked forward and took a seat next to her (had just been vacated) and I said: "Hi, I got to get down in a minute or two and I happen to think you're attractive. Here's my phone, tap in your number. Maybe we'll hang out some time and maybe it'll be fun." She smiled and said that she had a boyfriend. I said: "Yeah...as far as I know, I'm not really into men and I don't see how that concerns me. Maybe we could go back to what I was talking about, yeah?" She repeated that she was with someone and bla bla bla. Boring stuff. I laughed (cause I just found the whole thing funny), said I understood (or something of the kind) and got down at the next stop.

I also saw her on my way back home that day. She smiled at me when she saw me, I did likewise and that was it. She didn't get a sledge hammer from out of her handbag and try to hit me with it. She just smiled. That's all. Maybe I was lucky...

What is there to learn from this? There are women, lots of them. However, a lot of these women are a number of things but interested in you. Some of them are perfectly happy with who they are right now. Some of them are absolutely fine without any kind of boyfriend...hell, some of them are lesbians. Maybe another few are asexual and so on. So yes, the odds are quite high that any given woman won't be interested in you. So, if you get rejected, you don't have to take it personally...unless you're too much of a jerk, in which case, feel free to take it personally. :)

For the record, I said something similar to another girl. I had even less time to talk to her. She was much more attractive, in my opinion at least and she looked a bit more laid back. Then again, these are only assumptions based on her looks and mannerisms that I barely managed to glimpsed. So yeah, here's what happened..

Me: "I will be getting off of this bus in a minute or so. How much would you bet that I manage to get your number before then?"
I don't really remember what she said but I recall it being a fun minute and a half. No, I did not get her number but she asked me for my Facebook ID and that didn't really work out...because, well, I don't have Facebook. I could only muster a half-assed look and said, "Yeah...nah, I don't do Facebook - bye! Nice talking!"

Also, remember: figure out what you want. Why do I want to talk to this girl? Why her and not the other girl? Etc... If you know what you want, you'll be able to have a clearer idea as to how to go about with regards to actually getting it. Maybe you're looking for a random hook up or some kind of "relationship" or maybe you're like me and are trying to make what would have been an otherwise dull bus ride, become an interesting one. :)

P.S: I realize this post ended up being rather long winded. My apologies for this. I do hope it's of use to someone. ;)

Cheers

 

[zoobyshoe]

P.S: I realize this post ended up being rather long winded. My apologies for this. I do hope it's of use to someone. ;)

I found it an enjoyable read.

 

[flyingpig]

Nah, but I have followed her home before.

 

[bugatti79]

P.S: I realize this post ended up being rather long winded. My apologies for this. I do hope it's of use to someone. ;)

Cheers

Enjoyable read for me too...you sound like a player! :-)

 

[Tregg Smith]

"Every other Tom, Dick and Harry has, after mustering up his courage, walked up to that girl and told her she's pretty. Then what? Yes, you told her she was pretty, what next? Telling a girl that *you think* she is attractive is not a bad thing, the bad thing here is falling short of words after you say it." I got this figured out. You just come right out and say "would you like to spend some time with me? Maybe go for a coffee or something?" Once that spark has hit that is you show obvious mutual interest, You need one opening line, maybe you've told her she's just a beautiful woman then the ice is broken and you can ask her to spend some time. This has happened to me several times where a woman is obviously attracted to me so next time...WTF you are likely never to meet again so what is there to loose? Sooner or later you got to get lucky!

 

[nucleargirl]

ok, I don't know if its already been said, but, what to do if you are a girl and see a hot guy?

like today, I saw this guy walking out of this physics or engineering building, and OMG!
like oh my goodness... I was speechless and staring, and he saw me, but kept on walking. I didnt do anything...

I don't know! I will probably never see him again, and I never got to know him! but I also don't want to go up to him and ask him out cos what if he says no? and what if then I see him again and have to work with him in some way (its always a small world) and it becomes really awkward? What to do?