Have You Ever Talked to an Attractive Woman?

[zoobyshoe]

ok, I don't know if its already been said, but, what to do if you are a girl and see a hot guy?

like today, I saw this guy walking out of this physics or engineering building, and OMG!
like oh my goodness... I was speechless and staring, and he saw me, but kept on walking. I didnt do anything...

I don't know! I will probably never see him again, and I never got to know him! but I also don't want to go up to him and ask him out cos what if he says no? and what if then I see him again and have to work with him in some way (its always a small world) and it becomes really awkward? What to do?

A couple girls have told me that when they think a guy is really hot they become tongue tied and quiet. That's natural, I suppose, but they also seem to expect guys to understand why they are quiet. Most guys, I think, will assume you dislike them intensely if you clam up around them.

So, your best bet is to talk to them and demonstrate interest in them.

 

[Tregg Smith]

reply to nuc girl's last -What's wrong with just being honest. Just go up to him and start with the small talk. I think we are all trained to think it's terribly wrong to meet someone other than in an "approved way"- that's why we get nervous, but if you just went up to him and very calmly said "hi How you doin? Give him time to reply. Stay calm. Say maybe "I was goin over to get a coffee want to come along? It's on me." There is nothing wrong with this! Be your own person. You can then always back off if you suspect he is a serial killer or other perv. And you missed your chance the other day. Not a big deal I guess.

 

[Tregg Smith]

I've discovered a new technique for getting dates. Shushi. There's a hot check out girl who I've seen looking at me several times. So in her line the other day I asked her if she's tried the shushi they sell. Turned into a good conversation on her past experiences with it and how she doesn't like it so now I feel we know each other somewhat. Next I'll just grab some shushi and ask her if she'll have one with me. I can say do you have a break soon or How about after work? I used the same approach with a woman I know and she said she would have some but didn't really like it. That's the thing I think. A lot of people don't like shushi but don't mind trying it. Anyway it's a good conversation starter.

 

[zoobyshoe]

I've discovered a new technique for getting dates. Shushi. There's a hot check out girl who I've seen looking at me several times. So in her line the other day I asked her if she's tried the shushi they sell. Turned into a good conversation on her past experiences with it and how she doesn't like it so now I feel we know each other somewhat. Next I'll just grab some shushi and ask her if she'll have one with me. I can say do you have a break soon or How about after work? I used the same approach with a woman I know and she said she would have some but didn't really like it. That's the thing I think. A lot of people don't like shushi but don't mind trying it. Anyway it's a good conversation starter.

There's nothing wrong with inviting someone to have sushi, per se, but I'd be very careful about possibly annoying the check out girl, or anyone whose job requires them to be nice to you or recommend a product. Your perception that now you feel you know her because she conversed about a product they sell could be way off.

The reason I say this is that I a friend of mine here ended up having to quit a checkout job after a customer started stalking her. Apparently, he misinterpreted her job-required friendliness as romantic interest.

Check out girls, salespeople, and baristas are required to be attentive and nice to people, and you shouldn't read too much into that.

 

[Tregg Smith]

There's nothing wrong with inviting someone to have sushi, per se, but I'd be very careful about possibly annoying the check out girl, or anyone whose job requires them to be nice to you or recommend a product. Your perception that now you feel you know her because she conversed about a product they sell could be way off.

The reason I say this is that I a friend of mine here ended up having to quit a checkout job after a customer started stalking her. Apparently, he misinterpreted her job-required friendliness as romantic interest.

Check out girls, salespeople, and baristas are required to be attentive and nice to people, and you shouldn't read too much into that.


Thanks for the warning-it always helps but I've seen this one looking at me several times and we have spoken briefly a few times. She once came right up beside me as I was walking thru the store in a way that said "I like you". I was slow on the pickup-didn't say anything to her and she gave me the cold shoulder for a long time. I hope it's repaired now. Maybe I should have said it that way in the beginning. The sushi gave me a chance to make amends.

 

[Mépris]

...

It doesn't have to be sushi. It can be anything, ranging from her shoes, the annoying boys band playing (if she happens to like 'em, even better! give her a hard time for it!) or the weather.

For the record, I'm no player. I'm just a guy who has a bit of an obsession with spider-man, house m.d and silly integrals. ;)

If you want to see a player, watch Californication. Hank Moody knows how to please a woman. Or himself...

 

[Winzer]

I did this about a week ago to this really attractive redhead.
I randomly walked up to her and start talking. The conversation
actually went well, contrary to past experiences.
So I walk out of the bar, then I say "screw it" walk back in and ask
her for her number. She agreed!...And it's not fake!
I have to admit it was a real confidence booster.

 

[Tregg Smith]

That's cool. I was working security at a Penny's and a sales girl said a guy just handed her his phone number as he left. Don't know unless you try.

 

[Winzer]

Yah...This is definitely something I have had mixed success with.
But at at least I have gotten better at holding a conversation.
I have gotten straight out rejected before. But I actually prefer this
to being given a fake number. Like with most things in life, this is
something that needs to be practiced to get better at. But you have
to be prepared for rejection.

 

[Newai]

Okay, so I guess unattractive women are out.

*eyes shift left*

*eyes shift right*

 

[Tregg Smith]

I have learned that women or men often put up a front of aloofness or other negative presence and if you just say something to them you will see that front disappear and a friendly self will emerge. And if not at least you tried to make the person's life a little better. Your intentions are everything. Sex would always be great but if you can only gain a new friendship well that's still good too. Speaking of personalities I just came across this quote: "There's no art to find the mind's construction in the face"- Shakespeare's Macbeth

 

[KrisOhn]

I haven't read the entire thread at all, but frick I wish I had the balls to do this. I was climbing the other day and a couple of girls came to climb too, one of them kept looking and smiling at me. I was talking about a specific route, how fun the last move is, next thing I know, she's doing that route. I don't know, maybe I'm making stuff up, but that has been the closest I've ever gotten to asking for someones number while sober. Kind of wish I had done it, but I know if I saw her again I probably wouldn't be able to.

 

[TheStatutoryApe]

I haven't read the entire thread at all, but frick I wish I had the balls to do this. I was climbing the other day and a couple of girls came to climb too, one of them kept looking and smiling at me. I was talking about a specific route, how fun the last move is, next thing I know, she's doing that route. I don't know, maybe I'm making stuff up, but that has been the closest I've ever gotten to asking for someones number while sober. Kind of wish I had done it, but I know if I saw her again I probably wouldn't be able to.

I'm not sure about this but I was considering the logistics of approaching women cold. In part I was considering the relative success of a regular at one of the bars I go to. He is 50, overweight, not very good looking, and even somewhat annoying. But he approaches women at the bar constantly. They usually talk with him and sometimes even give him their phone numbers. One of the interesting things I have noticed is that he tends to mostly approach groups of women. Thinking back I believe that the majority of when I have successfully struck up conversations with at bars were women that were with friends. While my acquaintance is likely just playing a numbers game I think that the real advantage is that a woman is likely to be more comfortable if she has a friend with her. If she is concerned about what sort of creep a man approaching her is or what sort threat he may pose to her then she may feel cornered or vulnerable if she is alone and so more likely to brush someone off or act cold and aloof.

Any way, if you want to try approaching women cold I suggest trying to approach them in groups. I might try it myself but I am not much of a flirt these days.

 

[bpatrick]

Every woman I ever dated I approached completely out of nowhere.

From about the time I was 17 or so I was consistently getting anywhere between 2-3 numbers a week. Most of the time I wouldn't call just due to having a busy schedule or not really having hit it off with the woman.

I don't really mean to paint myself as a "Casanova" or anything, I actually was extremely conservative with the whole relationship thing because from the time I went away to college, I was already looking for "the one" rather than just trying to hook up or date.

For me, being a professional musician really helped out with the ease of meeting women and easily obtaining dates if I wanted. I say this mainly because it made so many things easier when approaching women ... for example: throughout college I worked at a dinner theater Thursday, Friday, and Saturday nights playing in the pit orchestra. The dress code was white bow tie tuxedo. At least for me, being at gigs where I'm wearing a tailored suit or tuxedo gave me a bit more confidence because I knew I looked good, especially when the venue didn't necessarily mean the audience needed formal attire ... aka I was better dressed than 90% of the guys in the room if I decided to stroll out and mingle during intermissions. The shows themselves gave at least a good opening line for small talk. I'd simply be able to ask, "how are you enjoying the show this evening?" and who knows where that would go. Sometimes we'd end up striking up a convo about the city, about the show, about television, about music, museums, etc... and half of the time, when the curtain dropped at the end and applause died down, there would be the woman I hit it off with coming up to the stage and looking down into the pit, waiting for me to come up the stairs, just for her to give me her number before she left with her party or whatever.

Sometimes I'd go out with two of my fellow musicians after a performance (still in tuxedo) and just have some appetizers at a local bar. Brian was in a relationship the entire time I was an undergrad (when I knew him) and Brendan was a little too timid to be much of a wingman, but eh, he still got a kick out of how I'd have no hesitation to walk up to a stunning woman at the bar and strike up a conversation. I often abstained from buying them drinks, it's too cliche really. I'd say a good 80% of the time they were completely uninteresting and I'd leave on my own and rejoin my friends, but there were times I started to hit it off.

Going up to a group of women is a little different, especially if you're not used to doing it. I developed a few "tricks" that I used over the years. One thing I'd recommend is getting good at performing a magic trick. When I say good, I mean really good ... like you're a professional illusionist with just that one trick. It really breaks the ice and often impresses the whole group of them because it's unique and jeeze, when is the last time a guy had the balls to go up to any group that any of the women have ever been in and perform a magic trick? If they ask for more, just be modest and say that you don't want to wow them too much, or something like that. The next thing I'd recommend is to start isolating the group into the "target girl" and one of her friends and just start with casual smalltalk like where they're from, how long they've known each other, stuff they do for fun, is it somebody's birthday, etc... and then eventually just use some body language to really hit home that you're into the one you're going for.

Best case, you'll have successfully gotten a date with your girl and have managed to pull it off with her group of friends right there, which will probably score some bonus points, just because they'll remember you and tease her later that night with stuff like "so are you going to go out with THAT GUY" or whatever. And worst case is that the one you fancied, or even none of them turned out to be that cool, you didn't get a vibe from any of them, got no number, and had to bow out to get back to your friends after an awkward minute or two of talking after doing the magic trick.

That's at least some of my experiences while I was doing the whole go out and meet women / dating thing. I'm currently engaged and have been in this relationship for a few years, so there's not much randomly approaching women anymore. Sometimes Debra and I will go to college parties (she's a college senior) and I'll just start talking to random people though. Like just last week for Halloween we went to a party where I knew hardly anybody, but if you're willing to just put yourself out there (and have done it enough to get past the nerves bit), you'll end up winning a few games of beer pong and practically giving a seminar to half of the entire party on Doctor Who to educate the kids who don't know what your costume is.

If there was anything I had to say for people who want to start getting up the "balls" to approach women they find attractive, it's this: practice makes perfect. Just like the best way to get over stage fright as a musician is to just keep playing for people and bigger and bigger audiences ... eventually it's no big deal to be giving solo recitals or playing the opening trumpet call of Mahler 5 for a packed 5,000 seat concert hall. Worst case you're going to strike out, and that'll happen a lot just because, to be honest, you're not going to hit it off with everybody anyway, so you don't know the girl from Eve, what's to say she's even your type personality wise ... exactly, so just go for it and whatever, eventually you'll figure out the right balance of tact and directness to get results.

 

[Nano-Passion]

I used to do it a loot! Then I got a girlfriend of which I stayed with for a year. Since then I haven't got the same confidence back for some really weird reason. But its all just mind over matter.

Now I'm much more preoccupied with my study. And I'm not the best of stealing a girl's heart after the initial conversation because frankly I'm not too keen in all the socialization that needs to be done. Its a waste of my time at the moment, after my ex I'm kind of like.. "meh whatever" mentality.

I've had a couple girls approaching me, but that's rare.. point is don't wait for someone to approach you! Guys are supposed to be the ones doing it (because girls won't!).

Oh.. and for the love of god don't approach a girl until you make good eye contact! If you see her looking at you a few times then approach her! If you see her staring at you constantly then say something( exact opposite of what I do =[ )! Your chances are much higher if you look out for who might be interested in you and you might not lose as much confidence by getting rejected a lot.

 

[Tregg Smith]

I've really backed off at lusting after women at least overtly. I got this new job where there are a LOT of women (and men). I noticed several of the women even youger ones checking me out but I'm careful not to go far with any talk. I look in the mirror and depending on the lighting I sometimes think "Jesus! that's absolutely horrible." It's easy to get thought of as a shallow philanderer or the like and I'd rather be known now as someone with an admirable personality. I would love to be friends with these women. If you can just wait out the infatuation thing without blowing it. Then let it bloom into friendship.

 

[netgypsy]

From the ladies - a couple of suggestions -

make friends with a very confidant good looking guy who knows how to chat up anyone. He'll have leftovers who will probably like you better anyway.

DON'T talk about your work or hobby unless they are obviously really into them. There's no greater turnoff than to listen to a guy talk about his favorite game or the car he's rebuilding for hours.

Make her laugh. Watch they guys who make the girls laugh and see how they do it. It's really not hard.

And forget about failure. You will fail many times but when you win it'll all be worth the trouble. it really helps if you like and understand women. Again finding a friend with several sisters is a good thing.

 

[Tregg Smith]

I can add this. Over the years I've worked with guys who have terrible breath,nose hair like artist brushes, teeth the color of bananas and nails that just get worn down never trimmed. They're not aware of any problem it's just they way they've always been. Once I saw this guy walk out of a store with his woman and two feet out the door he spat out a big glob of phlegm right where people had to walk. I felt sorry for her. If you're just some horny dude who likes to flirt then do what you will but if you're looking to make a better impression then look at how you look talk and smell.

 

[netgypsy]

Amen to that
Most guys know that from age 13 but there are some who think their woman should love them the way they are. NOT going to happen. YUKKK Like the girl that looked cute until she raised her arm. NEITHER gender should accept less than impeccable grooming from a wannabe "friend" unless you meet at a marathon or bicycle race. And then you hit the showers immediately. Bad grooming screams "I don't care a thing about offending you." Don't walk, RUN the other way fast.

 

[cbetanco]

Amen to that
YUKKK Like the girl that looked cute until she raised her arm.

HAHAHA, OMG, I know what you mean. I was on the bus once, and I saw one of the most beautiful girls I had ever seen. Honestly, she was gorgeous. She looked like a hippy, but that didn't matter (I went to school in Santa Cruz, every other person is a hippy). When we both got off the bus at the bottom of the university, I couldn't stop looking at her. AND THEN, she went to go get her bike from the front of the bus, and raised her arms and... well, she had more hair under her arms than on my head (I am pretty shaggy) and all the sudden, I was completely turned off. This girl went from one of the most beautiful creatures on Earth to completely repulsive to me. It really bothered me on the walk home that day. And every time I think of it, I just think it was such a shame. I wouldn't mind if a girl smelled a little, but hairy armpits/legs are a complete turnoff for me. I would have talked to her, except after seeing her massively hairy hippy armpits, I just couldn't even bring myself to look at her anymore. Maybe I'm shallow, but its just how I felt (and still feel)

 

[netgypsy]

-The first thing they teach you when you take a job in another country is to be very careful not to violate the rules, spoken and unspoken in that country and even if she was European it was surely obvious to her that if you want to keep your armpits hairy you'd better wear long sleeves in the US or get used to disgusted looks. A friend's husband is a cyclist and he shaved pretty much all over and she found it soooo attractive. I always wondered what she thought about the day after though? Head to toe razor burn?

 

[lisab]

Evo posted this years ago...it burned a place in my memory...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iT89qfDx3yM

 

[cbetanco]

that burns my eyes. I wish I could undo seeing that.

 

[Evo]

Heheh, I *love* that commercial.

I remember in France, I was on the train and in my comparment was a beautiful woman, wearing a skirt, then I looked at her legs, she was wearing hose and the thick long hair on her legs was all matted underneath them. But that was acceptable, I know french men that are turned on by leg and armpit hair on women. There have even been members here that have posted that they are turned on by the smell of armpit sweat in hair, they don't want their women to shave or wear deodorant.

 

[Astronuc]

Heheh, I *love* that commercial.

I remember in France, I was on the train and in my comparment was a beautiful woman, wearing a skirt, then I looked at her legs, she was wearing hose and the thick long hair on her legs was all matted underneath them. But that was acceptable, I know french men that are turned on by leg and armpit hair on women. There have even been members here that have posted that they are turned on by the smell of armpit sweat in hair, they don't want their women to shave or wear deodorant.

And the problem is ?

Being half wolf, my nose is very sensitive, and deoderants and perfumes are very irritating to my olfactory system. I much prefer natural scents.

 

[netgypsy]

GAG

Deodorant doesn't have to be scented. According to Dr. Oz it works by simply stopping the scented armpit odorous material from being emitted in the first place. I have most unpleasant memories of a colleague who attempted to cover his BO by using large quantities of cologne. The least I heard he was on the run in Africa. Perhaps that's far enough away so it's safe to breathe through my nose again.

 

[Nano-Passion]

And the problem is ?

Being half wolf, my nose is very sensitive, and deoderants and perfumes are very irritating to my olfactory system. I much prefer natural scents.

lmao

 

[turbo]

I have to agree with Astro. Strong chemical fragrances can throw me into a tail-spin. I'd much rather deal with body odor, etc. A very pretty young lady in college was the daughter of a diplomat stationed in Switzerland, and she didn't shave or cover up smells with fragrances. I was smitten by her. Natural smells can be aphrodisiacs, IMO.

 

[Nano-Passion]

I have to agree with Astro. Strong chemical fragrances can throw me into a tail-spin. I'd much rather deal with body odor, etc. A very pretty young lady in college was the daughter of a diplomat stationed in Switzerland, and she didn't shave or cover up smells with fragrances. I was smitten by her. Natural smells can be aphrodisiacs, IMO.

Well yes, there are odors naturally secreted by the body that is intended to attract the opposite sex. If you mask it up too much then it is disgusting. Colognes and perfumes try to emulate these sexually-attractive odors.

Then again, that doesn't mean that heavy body odor is attractive. There is a certain balance to things. If you smell like fish and salt then I won't talk to you.

 

[BobG]

Hey,

Looking through this forum, it seems that many guys here are asking questions from a relatively lost, helpless perspective. They seem afraid to talk to girls, unsure of how to meet them and without the confidence to think that these women might be attracted to them.

The question: who has ever walked up to an attractive woman and started a conversation from nothing?

Corollary: if you're having girl problems, what's stopping you? Is it anything more than nerves/low self-esteem?

It took a while, but I finally came up with some reasons this is a bad idea.

Caution: Don Hertzfeldt is a very disturbing animator. This probably is as close to appropriate as he gets, and close to appropriate is an apt description. Viewer caution advised.



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BaLRpFdZ2V4

 

[widereader]

Many men lose the chance of gaining an opportunity of meeting wonderful women because of a wrong thinking. Women are used to be approached at not the other way around. Grab your chance of meeting these great women if you have the chance.

 

[queenstudy]

Coming from a girl - confidence is an asset! It depends on where you are, though. If I'm in a hurry, I get annoyed. If I'm at the gym... I'm there to work out, don't hit on me. Back when I was in college, a lot of guys would sit next to me in class & start talking to me. It was a good way to start conversation and also gave us a common ground we shared already. I've been come up to in bars - don't do that, it makes you look sleazy, most guys in bars are there to meet a girl for the night. On the street? It can be incredibly flattering or incredibly creepy depending on what you say or factors that may have nothing to do with you!

nice reply girl

 

[checkitagain]

"Dancing With The Stars" winner J.R. (whose face and body had/has severe
burns while on a mission in the U.S. military), is seen as "beautiful" and/or
"sexy" by may women who follow him, because he showed great confidence
(but not arrogance) in his dancing on that show. Also, his dancing ability
was relatively strong along with that confidence.